Characters: Mayuri and Nemu K., with hints of KenMayu :D
Disclaimer: I wish I owned Bleach, but I don't… waaah.
Author's Note: I was in the mood to make a birthday fic for the two of them, then I realized, at 11 o'clock in the evening, it was March 30 tomorrow! It was quite the coincidence. And if you're the rare few that favor crack or bizarre pairings like KenpachiMayuri, then I welcome you!
Today was a typical day in Seireitei. Except that it was the birthday of a certain Captain and Lieutenant of the infamous twelfth division. All the division members new of this, but preferred to give their gifts the day after, Mayuri-taichou always seemed to overwork himself when it was his birthday.
But, Nemu thinks, that today will be different. After receiving an odd gift from the eleventh division lieutenant a day before, it was quite amazing for the pink haired wonder to pass all the security systems of the twelfth, Nemu decided to give it to her father, there were two after all. She knew he would be happy with his gift; it was pink and violet, Mayuri's favorite colors. And so, quietly walking to the lab with a spring in her step opened the door to the laboratory.
Mayuri Kurotsuchi hated birthdays, well, not really hated. He just didn't like the parties and the noise that came with the celebration of one's birth. He would prefer to sit in the corner of his lab reading a good Chemistry book (Boring? Never such a thing, Chemistry would never be boring!) or sticking scalpels and needles into whatever unlucky being came upon his path. So now, he was happily, if not sadistically, grinning as he skillfully tore open the skin of his experiment, the screeching of the thing music to his ears. He was blissfully slicing the muscles when a tap on his shoulder surprised him and his arm twitched instinctively. His paint covered face formed into a frown as he realized that he had hit a nerve with the scalpel, blood now squirting into a beautiful red fountain, the red liquid staining his white coat.
Nemu gave an exasperated sigh, no matter how much Mayuri insulted others for being so immature and idiotic; he was often showing signs of a stubborn child, especially when he was irate. Gripping the object in her hand tightly, she encircled the surgical table and stopped when she was directly in front of her father.
"Nemu, stop being stupid and get out of m-" whatever insult he can throw at the girl was stopped short when he caught a glimpse of something pink and violet. Don't look up. Don't look up. He repeated in his mind, shit, the bleeding won't stop. If this keeps up I'll have to start all over again with another- he fumbled his scalpel in his hand as he tried to stop the bleeding. This is an easy task that I could do while sleeping, damn that blasted girl. He finally looked up to get rid of his lieutenant when he saw what was in her hand.
"It's a berry lollipop. Mayuri-sama."
Golden eyes stared from his leaning position, the blasted thing directly in front of him. Blood still squirting from the popped vein and into his coat, Mayuri eyed, no, not eyed, glared at the pink abomination staring him in the face as if it were a living object.
The younger Kurotsuchi, and evidently the more mature one, rolled her eyes at her father's antics. Despite how 'mature' or intelligent he may be, he was very much prone to child like tendencies when being baited.
"Mayuri-sama, its lollipop."
"I can see that, idiot."
"Then may I ask as to why you are giving it your death glare?"
"It's an abomination. It needs to die."
"It's not scientifically beneficial you moron. Get that putrid out of my face immediately."
Leaning back into his original height, the painted Captain clamped his free and relatively bloodier hand over the spurting blood, his other hand holding the scalpel and pointing it at the lollipop.
"Zaraki-taichou is not scientifically beneficial Mayuri-sama, but you seem to stare at him a lot."
"W-What? That disgusting, repulsive, sickening brute? How dare you!" Moving his arm so that the scalpel was now an inch away from Nemu's nose, he sputtered angrily, certain parts of his face showing hints of pink.
"Do you want the lollipop or not, Mayuri-sama?" Simply tilting her head to the side as if not hearing her father's reply, she smiled sweetly, and knowing it always annoyed him whenever she did it.
"No. It's disgusting, repulsive, and-"
"Is that a yes?"
"Of course it is you imbecile." His bloody hand now leaving the bloody excuse for a living thing, he snatched the lollipop from her hands and quickly placed half of it in his mouth. The lollipop was roughly the size of his fist, and was spattered with the blood from his hand; all in all, seeing it all bloody and dangling from his mouth was enough to drive any sane person away.
"Happy Birthday, Mayuri-sama." Suddenly appearing beside him, she placed a quick peck on his painted cheeks before disappearing, the sounds of the door closing hitting the scientist's ear.
Snorting to himself after the door closed, he gave the lollipop another lick, the bittersweet taste of the blood and candy ticking his tongue. He looked back down at his apparently dying experiment and instead of continuing what he was doing earlier, played with the torn flesh, giving a tiny chuckle when the thing twitched.
"Happy Birthday to you as well my sweet and idiotic Nemu."
Happy Birthday to Kurotsuchi Mayuri and Nemu! :D
Hope ya' like.