Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns everything.

Dudley awoke to find himself in a small room full of beds and curtain linings. Still blinking the sleep away from his eyes, he sat up, to see a woman dressed in all white barging into the room and bustle around the room, as if looking for something. Sighing, he started to lie down again, but not before the woman ran over, took him by the scruff of his hospital pajamas and forced an ice down his back.

"AAAAAOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!" Dudley howled long and hard.

"Don't worry, dear," the nurse replied. "This is only the preliminary procedure. More is a-coming, Hun."

Dudley's eyes popped out like a jack-box; he made a small noise, and then fainted. His head hung limply on the pillow. 'Wow, I never knew he could take this harsh,' thought the nurse, shrugging. 'I was only kidding him; who would've thought that he could faint from an ice cube? I really should stop playing these jokes..one day, oh I don't know, they could result in tragic accidents!' And with that she walked off to treat her next unlucky patient.

Suddenly Minister Fudge barged in, took one look at Dudley's pitiful form, and screamed painfully. "Nurse! Doctor!" he yelled. "What- what happened to him? How can he ever attend the meeting in that pig-like shape?" A nurse, frightened by the Minister of Magic's hysterical screaming, came in. She took one look at Dudley and glanced curiously at the Minister.

"Are you the patient's Father, Mr.?" She asks politely, not knowing the consequences she will forever suffer.

Fudge looked at her, slowly, steam began to come out of his ear. His blood boiled and screamed, "MY SON?! MY SON?! THAT PIG OF A LIKE ... LIKE... THING IS MY SON! YOU NEED GLASS LADY!"

The nurse jumped 5 feet in the air, ran out screaming, "Call the Ministry of Magic! Somebody has apparently broken into the Room 54! Help!" Shortly afterwards several wizards and witches apparated into Room 54. "Why, Minister Fudge, did you see the criminal who broke in?" Fudge, apparently confused, said, "But I was here all along! Who could have possibly wanted to break in with that pathetic creature in here?" He nodded towards Dudley. The Department of Defense was taken aback. Their spokesperson spoke up. "Mr. Fudge, I presume that you are mistaken? This-" he nodded toward Dudley "-boy. is our hero. He defeated You-Know-Who, remember? And that.. is his normal form."

"HE WHAT?! Bullocks!" Fudge fumed, "nonsense, totally unacceptable!"

"Why, here it is," one of the D.O.D pupils reached into his robe pocket, and handed a newspaper to Fudge. Fudge snatched the newspaper from the pupil. He scanned the articles. Then in big block letters, he found.

Boy Defeats You-Know-Who one to one!

We might have a second Harry Potter, maybe even greater than Harry Potter. For 15-year-old boy, Dudley F. Dursley, battled You-Know-Who. However, You- Know-Who has dissapperated before the Ministry could further investigate this phenomenon. You-Know-Who is still alive...

Fudge attempted to rip the newspaper, but decided not to when he saw the swarm of witnesses and Ministry workers in front of him. He forced a not- very-convincing smile on his face, and said politely, "Yes, you are right. I seem to have been very mistaken a minute ago- I will talk to the boy alone as soon as he wakens."

Soon Fudge was left alone- with the fat lump in front of him. He sighed, and sat down, wondering just HOW he could break the news to the boy, and if he even COULD to such a disgraceful creature. Suddenly, he looked up to see the once-hysterical nurse return, now very calm.

She smiled sweetly, hiding her hands behind her pudgy waist. Then...

"DIE FIEND!" she shouted loudly, bringing out what seemed like an iron broom behind her. "I WILL NOT LET YOU SPOIL MY HOSPITAL'S NAME! YOU FIENDISH THING! DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE! AHHHHHHHHH!" She swung the iron broom like a club at Fudge. He was terrified, as you might have guessed.

"Homicide iron broomer! SHE'S KILLING ME! HELP ME, HELP! AHHHHHHHHHHH! YOU THING OF DEVIL, GET OFF, GET YOUR FILTHY CLUB OF A BROOM OFF ME! OR YOU WILL FACE THE CONCEQUENCES!" Fudge spat back. "I AM THE MINISTER OF MAGIC, CAN'T YOU SEE?" he thundered again.

"FILTHY INTRUDER! I'LL GRIND YOU WITH MY BARE HANDS AND EYES CLO- "The nurse stopped motion in mid-air, finally deciphering the Minister's last words to her. Her club of a broom hanging from her hands, a weird expression on her face. She looked at Fudge, coughed and laughed nervously at his grim face. "Minister, why, I didn't know you were coming..." She fainted on the spot.

A/N- THANKS SO MUCH TO DIANA- SHE WROTE A LOT IN THIS CHAPTER! OH, and R~E~V~I~E~W!