Hey Yall!
Sorry it took so long.
Thank you all for your excellant reviews. This chapter is one that will cause the rating on this story to change at some point lol. But enjoy. It's not too bad.
Yet.
Disclaimer: I don't own.
Love Me Do
Penny was coming up the stairs, her feet sore from waiting tables all afternoon and most of the evening. Her keys jingled lightly in her hand as she moved, her ears perked to hear anything coming from their apartment. But it was nothing but silence that greeted her from the top of the stairs, not even the sound of Battlestar, or Star Trek from their DVD player wafted from under the door. Sighing softly she unlocked the door and wandered into her darkened living room.
She couldn't help but wonder if it would just be better to keep things quiet, to pretend that nothing had happened, that things for her hadn't changed. Leonard knew and perhaps she should just keep it that way. In a very ungraceful manner she threw herself onto the couch, blowing her bangs out of her eyes and closing them. She leaned her head back against the armrest of the couch; a pillow propped up under her neck, and threw an arm over her face. All day she'd done nothing but worry about his reaction, worry about how he'd be when he came in that day, if he even did. She'd been so scared that he would change his routine because of her, that he'd avoid her out of fear. The same things she was terrified that she'd end up doing to him.
She knew that he would be difficult with it. But what she hadn't predicted was her sudden urge to run, to flee. She was nervous about the entire thing too because Sheldon was a lot different than Leonard. Leonard's judgment of her intelligence hadn't been harsh or mean, but stung just the same. Sheldon wasn't as conscious, wasn't as considerate only because he didn't understand how to be. He was brazen and honest, sometimes too honest. She knew that he sometimes hated having to explain things that seemed so simple to him. She hated it too. She hated being less intelligent than him, never measuring up.
But the thing that terrified her most was how strong and potent it all was. Now that she realized her own feelings the need to have his approval, the need to argue with him over everything, to get her way, it all made sense. She'd been in love with him, and had wanted him to like her, to see only her. Whether that required her fighting him to be his equal she did. His approval was so necessary to her that she allowed his ridiculous rules and routines to rule her life, changing her own systems. Now, without realizing it most of the time, she thought about how Sheldon might handle an issue before she did. She memorized his orders, his requirements, everything necessary to make Sheldon approve of her.
She had never changed herself so completely for someone before. Perhaps some could see it as assimilation into their world, but Penny knew it was not their world she wanted into, it was only his. She hadn't strived so hard for Howard's Raj's or even Leonard's approval. She'd only pushed Sheldon's buttons, angering him, driving him wild; all in order to get him to see her, to notice her since flaunting herself in front of him didn't seem to work. And now she was so completely lost in him that she was sure that if he rejected her it would be the most painful experience of her life.
The fear to run resurfaced as she thought about it.
"I just want him to love me." She whispered to herself as she dozed, visions of Sheldon floating behind her eyes.
Things felt so completely sudden, but they hadn't been. Of course they hadn't been, nothing was sudden with Sheldon. Change wasn't his specialty, wasn't something he enjoyed or willingly partook in. And since meeting him that was something she'd come to understand and almost adopt in her own life. That's why she knew it wasn't rushed, wasn't like the love she'd felt for Kurt. There were things that she hated about Sheldon, that at the same time she loved. Things were blurred with him, where as with Kurt they'd been so clear. She hated when Kurt would throw his dirty socks back into the sock drawer to wear again, claiming they weren't smelly. She'd loved the smell of his cologne. She hated when Sheldon said something crazy and scientific, just to correct her, yet, at the same time she admired his brilliance and sometimes envied him for it, especially when he smiled that childlike smile he always got when he was happy with himself. Time had been in charge of this romance, progressing things slowly and secretively, so as not to spook either of them. Even time knew how to handle Sheldon.
Penny dreamed again of Sheldon, her mind pulling her into a world where time hadn't taken forever. Things were faced paced and ever changing in this dream. Their state of dress, of undress, of connection and disconnection, constantly in motion faster and faster until it was over and began again. In this dream Sheldon didn't mind the changes, but embraced it with open arms, much the way his lanky limbs slithered around her waist. As if typing up another paper on black holes, Sheldon's fingers moved up and down her spine, spreading shivers through her entire body. Things would change again when his body was atop her own, his warmth and weight pressing against the bare flesh of her thighs, her stomach, her chest. And again it would shift, and his lips would be whispering things in her ear, his teeth nibbling on her earlobe as per her instructions. She liked this world very much.
In the back of her head however, she knew it wasn't real, and that only seemed to make the situation that much more finite. That much more expendable. She would lick her lips, and he would slip his hands under her back to lift her. Her bare foot would slip up the back of his bare leg, toes pointed in pleasure. He bit her shoulder as she arched her back. And with a rap on the door as he uttered her name, it was all over.
"Penny."
Her eyelids fluttered open, and she was curled on her couch, in reality, longing to return to that fast paced dreamland where things were, as she wanted them, the way it wasn't likely they could ever be here. He was waiting patiently, and she was tempted to ignore him, to close her eyes and entice her mind to concoct another version of her idea of a perfect ever-changing world. But the idea that perhaps things had already changed kept her from doing so. It was likely that Leonard's persuasion had already been unleashed, and whatever results it wrought were in motion. Change was so swift that at times you didn't know it'd happened at all.
"Come in Sheldon." She said, just loud enough for him to hear.
She was straightening herself as he entered, his eyes darting around the room instead of looking at her. She couldn't decide if that was a good sign or not. It wasn't unusual for Sheldon to avoid eye contact, to look over one's shoulder or at the floor instead of into their eyes, but at the same time it could be taken to mean that Sheldon was either nervous or scared something she'd hoped he wouldn't be if he came to her that night. He crossed the room, approaching the green chair that sat tidy and usable, the way she always kept it, for him.
"I need to speak with you Penny, it's about…" he stopped.
She knew what he was having trouble defining, for she'd been having trouble figuring it out as well. What were they, truly? They'd not, entered into a relationship, as she knew he'd put it, but there was obviously more to their friendship. It was completely obvious now; as he sat in his chair his long elegant fingers rhythmically tapping is knees, that Leonard had revealed her secret. Sheldon was unsure of himself, something that rarely if ever occurred. He was always so confident, because that was the only other way he knew how to be, his intelligence left no room for self-doubt.
"Us. I know Sheldon." She finished for him, giving a soft reassuring smile.
He only blinked and looked at his feet.
"I suppose it isn't wrong to infer that there is now a change in our relationship paradigm, since as I've been told certain feelings have developed."
"I know how I feel Sheldon, and I'm guessing you know too because Leonard told you."
"I deduced as much on my own, but couldn't be entirely sure. Your attempts at warding off my inquisition were quite successful, for a time. Raj however-"
"Raj?" she asked.
"Yes. I proposed the situation to him, and he offered his opinion, which was very much the same as my theories. And of course Leonard confirmed it." Sheldon paused a moment mustering the courage to look at her. "I'm here merely to ask you one simple question."
"And that is?" she asked with bated breath.
"What do I do with this information Penny? What do we do?"
There were plenty of answers she could have given him. She could have told him to just forget what Leonard told him, that she would forget her own feelings. She could ask him what he wanted to do. But then a conversation she'd had with him some time ago echoed in her mind, a conversation where Sheldon had inquired Penny's willingness to initiate sexual situations. She only remembered small snippets of the conversation because at the time she'd been far to overwhelmed with Age of Conan. But she did remember her answer.
Her dream was fresh in her mind; replaying like a dirty movie you couldn't seem to turn your head away from. A blush crept onto her cheeks, tinting them a sharp pink and she jumped to her feet to hide it from him. She made her way around the sofa, walking into the kitchen, keeping her face turned away from him as he sat waiting patiently for his answer. She could feel his eyes watching her as she moved through her apartment.
"Penny, is something wrong?" he asked. "Has my question upset you?"
"No Sheldon."
She heard his soft footfalls behind her and glanced over her shoulder to see him standing beside her kitchen island, watching her with one hand flat on the countertop. Looking at those long pale fingers she recalled with a shiver what she'd dreamed they could do to her. She turned away again, trying to think of anything that might push the dream out of her mind. But he was saying her name again, posed as a question in reality, but sounding so much different to her as her dream pushed past her defenses. What happened next could only be deemed the product of an overactive mind.
He'd moved to stand behind her, obviously concerned for her sudden uneasiness, and as he nervously reached out to comfort her with a pat to the back the words 'there, there' on the tip of his tongue, Penny turned and moved in. Her hands touched his shoulders, his eyes widening at her sudden invasion of his space. Feathery touches slipped up his neck until each of her red-hot palms were planted firmly on his cheeks and pulling. Her eyes were clamped tight at the first initial sensation of his quivering lips on hers.
At first he wriggled in her grasp, but as her kiss slowed, growing less crushing and more passionate he stilled. Awkwardly he stood there, hands lingering in the air, bent in half to accommodate the height difference, a gap between their bodies large enough to duck through. The kiss lasted a moment more before she ended it, pulling away to breath, but still not letting go of his face.
"Penny…" he started, his eyes darting back and forth between her own, their faces still only inches apart.
'Magnificent.' She thought, replaying the experience in her head as his long fingers were suddenly wrapping about her wrist.
He guided her hands down, away from her face, his fingers hot against her tingling flesh. Every particle in her felt alive at his touch, and she longed to feel it on a grander scale. She took a step forward, and in reaction he took one back. This continued a few feet until his back was against the counter, sufficiently cornering him. Now with a hand on either side of his body she pressed her body against him and rose to her tiptoes pressing her lips to his. Once again he wasn't ready, and didn't respond to her lips movements against his own, at first.
His hands hovered over her; she could feel them just over her shoulders. As she teased at his mouth with her tongue, she guided his hands to her waist, explaining without words what she wanted, needed from him. He responded rather well in what she must have guessed a rather stressful situation for him, and promptly joined his other task less hand behind her back.
Tentatively his lips began to mimic the motions of her own, until he was kissing her with as much passion and fervent desire as her. Sheldon's instincts were beginning to take over as he took control of the situation. She wasn't surprised by it either. Sheldon's personality knew nothing of being submissive, no matter how much he declared himself a Beta Male. Things constantly had to be his way, his ego unable to handle it any other way. He was aggressive and domineering in every other aspect of his life, why not this one too.
She knew he was taking control when she felt his body pushing back against her own as his mouth opened and he slipped his tongue in to hers. Their tongues battled fiercely for control of the kiss, as his hands gripped at her hips and steered her backwards, until she collided with the island. The more aggressive he grew, so did she, their constant battling continuing into this new aspect of their relationship. Her hands slipped behind her head, pulling him closer, as the other pulled at the waist of his pants.
Sheldon was panting as he broke away from her lips to plant kisses along her jaw line. Penny was gasping as his teeth nipped at the tender flesh of her neck, his tongue flicking out to tease the irritated and sensitive skin. His touch, the feel of his lips caressing her skin sent tingles up her spine and sent the urge to pull him closer through her. They were tangled up in one another as Sheldon changed his course again, guiding Penny backwards to the couch, their lips locked and battling once more.
Change had come swiftly again, fast paced as ever, and Penny found herself lost in it all. She felt drunk from the sensations his seemingly expert touch created within her. The familiar tingle in her nether regions escalated as she fell back onto the couch, Sheldon kneeling over her. He didn't resemble himself at all as she stared up at him before he lowered his mouth to hers once more. His eyes were glazed and the most vivid blue she'd ever seen, desire overtaking whatever operating system he usually ran in that computer like brain of his. His hands were everywhere at once, stroking the soft curve of her side where her shirt rode up, or tangling themselves in her blond hair.
She slipped her hand under his shirts, reveling in the feel of his bare skin against hers. It was like lightning, slithering through her veins, every single molecule in her reacted. She was hyper aware of his body, his skin on hers, his lips sucking, his teeth biting, his tongue licking the supple flesh just above her breast where her shirt dipped. And in the heat of the moment, she whispered something she'd not meant to say so soon.
Of course he already knew, but they were supposed to dance around the fact until he was comfortable. He was supposed to say the words first, whether referencing her own feelings or voicing his own, but she'd destroyed the unspoken agreement in the moment of passion they were sharing. Her heart was racing, her mind overloaded with sensations, unable to process her reactions properly. It'd slipped out.
"Sheldon, I love you."
He'd stiffened, pulling away from her as if her skin was too hot to touch. His lips were swollen and red as he jerked upright, his knees between her legs, straightening his shirts that she'd pulled up for better access at his skin. The look that had been in his eyes, the look of desire for her, was gone, replaced with a wide-eyed fearful gaze. He backed away, rising to stand by the arm of the couch, suddenly quivering.
"Sheldon?" Penny asked, sitting up.
Her heart sank at the look of desperation he gave her, of fear. She knew that look; she knew what he was thinking. He was going to run. She reached out to him, but he took a step away from her, glancing at the door.
"I'm sorry Penny."
"Wait Sheldon, please!"
"I'm sorry."
"But why Sheldon, what's wrong?"
"Penny, I can't enter into a relationship with you, I can't."
"Why because of your work? Love me too! Sheldon, you know I love you. And I won't try to change you, to make you stop loving your work or your schedules. Just please love me too!"
Sheldon was retreating. Walking slowly backwards as Penny rose to her feet, the tears welling in her eyes. She was disheveled, her hair wild from his fingers twisting and stroking it. Her shirt was rumpled, the yellow sweater vest she usually wore abandoned and tossed across the room. There were irritated red splotches on her neck from his teeth and lips, and now her face was growing red, her eyes watery and greener than they'd ever been before. She reached out for him, pleading even as his hands gripped her door handle, twisting frantically.
She hadn't moved from her place before the couch, even as the door swung open, his hand still on the handle. She could see the door across the hall open, but didn't register the three nerds filing out laughing as Leonard jingled the keys in his hand. Sheldon hadn't noticed as they stopped behind him, gazes suddenly confused and worried, glancing between Penny's tearful face and Sheldon's quavering form in the doorway of her apartment.
"I'm sorry."
And he left, closing the door behind him. The click was resounding in her mind, as were the words that preceded it. Silence stretched for what seemed like hours as she choked back her sobs, still staring, willing the door to open and for him to enter once again. But when he didn't, when a full minute passed without his return, Penny sank slowly to the floor, and sobbed into her hands.
Awww! Poor Penny! Review and find out what happens.
Starry.