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Sorry guys for the format I had it double spaced in my document but it kinda smushed it all together on ff... I suggest making the screen smaller (you know the little two box button thingy?) it is much easier reading it that way. I'm also really sorry about the dialogue if you highlight sections that you are reading with you cursor it helps a bit...
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Chapter One: Nightmares
No one ever told you what part of battle would give you nightmares. You always assume it's the ghosts that are going to haunt you. People you killed and people you couldn't save. But it isn't as simple as that. When you hear of great battles won and lost, you think of the leaders that lead them. The generals, the captains, and the ideas that started it all; but really they are just a sideline when you are about to die. Sometimes I wake up screaming, wondering if I'll ever win that battle or if I will keep reliving it every night of my life.
Two hours into it and the fighting was unorganized and frenzied. Everywhere you looked there were Death Eaters, and not a single Order member to be seen. Running by the dead you barely had time to notice lost friends and dying loved ones. Screams saturated the air, leaving nothing else to be heard.
Hermione knew her luck was too good, she wasn't injured and she hadn't had a duel. She felt something bad coming her way; reserving her fate to itself and no other. The longer she fought with no conflict, the more panicked she became. No longer was the field drawn up into Voldemort's side and Dumbledore's but now a mishmash of fights between groups. Hermione discovered herself in a pocket of Death Eaters surrounding her menacingly. In a flash of movement, the circle was broken by another fight. Sprinting towards Hermione was Professor Snape, who was running from another group of Death Eaters. When he reached her he whirled around, standing with his back to her back. Hermione knew that now there were even more to fight, but she felt as if it didn't matter. She had an ally and that meant she wasn't alone. Without hesitation or delay she fired off a series of hexes while Snape did the same. Dodging and weaving they fought off the mob killing many and injuring quite a few, Hermione and Professor Snape broke free.
For the rest of the battle they fought together. Learning how the other fought, they adjusting their own fighting patterns to suit the other. Too many times to count, they saved each other's lives. At the end of the battle, they made their way back to base. With the moon shining behind them and the stench of death surrounding them, they journeyed, stepping over dead bodies strewn about in their path. Sore and desperate for rest, Hermione and Snape walked side by side in silence, deep in thought. After a while Hermione stopped. Snape turned around and waited for her, watching her watching him.
"Are you tired?" he asked, his voice the sole sound in the field
"No" Hermione said "I only wanted to say…before we got back…thank you. I would have died if you hadn't come"
Snape walked closer to her, looking down into her eyes he said
"I would never let you die."
After a silence filled with many meanings (for both parties) Hermione spoke again
"Do you really think it's over?"
"Nothing is ever truly 'over'… But we can only hope that Voldemort fell"
She nodded and looked into the sky, wondering if it would be red over this field in days to come. She wondered if there would be any physical marker as to what took place here. Amid her musings Hermione realized if she didn't start walking again she would fall asleep where she stood. She stepped forward once, then again, then again, Professor Snape, in turn, shortening his strides to keep with her. Several times she slipped in her journey and he picked her up. Near one in the morning they reached the Order's base. People were laughing and dancing, rejoicing in the Order's victory. Hermione and Snape walked into Dumbledore's tent.
That night Voldemort had been defeated. And Harry was the one who did it. Hermione didn't feel relieved or overjoyed, she was just tired. As she left the tent she looked back. Already Dumbledore and Professor Snape were immersed in conversation. This made her heart hurt, why she didn't quite know. As she lay awake that night unable to sleep despite her weariness, she cried. She had no 'romantic feelings' for him, her breath didn't catch when she thought of him yet she felt as if they had been closer than imaginable. It made her want to scream, the knowledge that they would never be any thing other than acquaintances again.
In another tent a man lied awake wondering why he cared about a woman's thoughts towards him.
A Few Months Later
Hermione was ignoring the Order's meeting entirely. And everyone knew it. Curled up in her chair Hermione was playing with her fingers absentmindedly. She was trying to figure out where Professor Snape could be now.
After Voldemort had been killed the remaining Death Eaters had scattered. When they realized that they would be shown no mercy if caught, the Death Eaters began reaping havoc. Since Snape knew most of the Death Eater's safe houses and favorite meeting places, he became a valuable tool to the Order once again. On all top priority man hunts he was taken along. Top Priority meant danger; which was obviously not good since Snape was a top target for Death Eaters.
While the meeting discussed rebuilding communities and hunting down fugitives, Hermione was obsessing over Professor Snape. After the battle Snape had hardly spoken two words together in her presence; whenever they were alone together, he exited the room. And when getting into squads for missions, Snape would make sure not to be anywhere near Hermione.
'Maybe I'm just paranoid. Maybe he always was like this towards me and I just didn't care enough to notice. I feel so foolish. I don't even understand why I want to be with him, it just doesn't make any sense! I mean nothing happened…other than him saving my life…maybe this is some 'shining knight syndrome' thing…I don't know any more. These days I feel like such an idiot! Like my brain just got up and left, I mean obsessing over a man for no reason?! That doesn't sound like me at all! At least the real me that is… Sometimes I just want to throw a fit! I can't talk to anyone about it either it's too weird. God know if I even say 'Snape' Ron will start in on slimy git jokes and Harry will start going on and on about Snape being in love with his dead mum. Oh yes and let's talk to Professor McGonagall about it!
"Professor?"
"Yes Hermione?"
"I'm obsessed with Professor Snape and I don't know why…is that odd?"
"…"
"Is it?"
"I'm sure it's perfectly normal. Have you been having many nightmares dear girl? So young and so haunted…"
Yeah that would go GREAT! Everyone is convinced I'm bonkers and I'm not even convinced they're wrong. Yes I haven't had an exactly normal childhood trying to kill a dark lord for most of it, but I think I'm doing pretty well in general. I'm not into hard drugs…I'm not sleeping with everything that breathes *coughcoughRONcoughcough*…I'm not suicidal…I'm not homicidal…I'm just obsessed with a man with a good decade or so on me…at least I'm not stalking him (yet). Sometimes I wish I could just-'
"Isn't that right Hermione?" said Professor McGonagall
HUH?
"I'm sorry what?" mumbled Hermione
"Don't you want to be a Healer?" McGonagall asked
"Yes…I do…"
"Well it's settled Hermione will go back to school along with the rest of her class." Interjected Dumbledore "You may leave the meeting Hermione, that is all we needed you here for."
"Thank you sir."
Hermione crawled out of her chair, her limbs almost asleep. She left the kitchen quietly and swiftly made her way to the library. She knew she probably wouldn't be able to read considering what she just learned. 'Potions and Charms are a major part of being a healer' That meant Hermione would be in a classroom with Professor Snape again after two years.
In the last year of her schooling Hogwarts had been shut down due to all the teachers out, fighting Voldemort. While students were allowed to stay, the schooling aspect of Hogwarts had been suspended. So now in order to go onto becoming a Healer, Hermione would be going back to Hogwarts. If Professor Snape was teaching Potions…she would probably see him every day.
Hermione walked to the couch in front of the fire, deep in thought. She sat down and scrubbed her face with her hands. She sat there for a while like this until something caught her attention in her peripheral view and she looked up. There was Snape sitting to the right of her. He was looking at her as though searching for something, his arms crossed and a book across his lap. He looked different. Instead of his usual frock coat he wore an oxford shirt rolled at the sleeves and black slacks. On his arms and throat was a crisscrossing of white scars obvious in the fire light. All of a sudden Hermione felt very self conscious. Here, next to her, was the object of her obsession these past months. He looked healthy and well groomed while she hadn't been able to sleep well since the battle and hadn't bothered to brush her hair that morning. He made no move to leave so Hermione gave into her urge to speak to him.
"Professor…" Hermione said timidly
"I figured you wanted something, I doubt Gryffindors know what silence is." He said in a dry tone of voice
Hermione didn't know what to say. She thought that it would be different…but it seems she was wrong. Hermione broke eye contact with Snape and went to pick out a book.
"Well?" he said impatiently as he sat reading his book
Hermione turned back at him. Was he inviting a conversation?
"I was wondering why you were here, instead of in the meeting…"
"I needed a vacation. It's nothing I haven't heard before." He responded impatiently
"So you know I'm coming back to school?" replied Hermione
"No…I didn't. When was this determined?" Snape responded without looking up from his book
Hermione tried not to smile but Snape seemed to sense it and he narrowed his eyes in response.
"In the meeting."
"And what are you studying to become? An Auror? A Professor? What?" he inquired in a bored tone of voice
Why did he care? Snape wasn't one for unnecessary small talk…either he was trying to figure out something or he was making an effort to be sociable…
"A Healer…"
In response Snape laughed dryly and replied
"To compensate for all the people you killed."
What an ass.
"No, to help people who need helping." replied Hermione in a matter-of-fact tone of voice
"How noble of you" Professor Snape said derisively
"It's not my intent to be noble" responded Hermione in a chilled voice
"No it wouldn't be, would it?" he said apparently exasperated by the conversation
Hermione returned to looking for a book. She couldn't concentrate with him so close to her. She wanted so desperately to tell him all about her obsession, just to blurt it out. Maybe then she would get some relief. But she couldn't do that, he would never let her forget so to stop herself she bit her tongue. Enough time passed without a sound that Hermione began to wonder if Snape left. Too afraid to turn around, she finally put her mind to finding a good book. Eventually she settled on A Study in Water Dragons: One Wizard, One Herd, One Year.
Hermione had reached Chapter 2 in her book before she heard Snape speak again.
"Do you have a lot of nightmares?"
How did he know? He is reading my mind isn't he?! AREN'T YOU PROFESSOR? LA LA LA LA LA LA LA! Can't hear my thoughts if I'm NOT THINKING!
"How…?"
"You have bags under your eyes." He said with a flick of his hand as if it was of no consequence how he knew anything
Thanks a lot. I hadn't noticed. I mean two bright purple bags under my eyes for months? Noooo…I had NO IDEA. Thank you Professor for letting me know! You're a great pal!
"I know…" what does he want?
"What are they about?" he said getting more and more annoyed with the conversation
"What about?" she said
"The nightmares" Snape intoned looking up into her eyes as if to say 'you're so stupid'
Oh nothing just me being obsessed with finding you...you know, me being without you… alone, vulnerable and lost.
"They're about The Last Battle"
"Of course they're about 'The Last Battle', but what aspect of the battle? Being in pain, being tired, being out of control, what?" he asked looking carefully into her eyes waiting for a response.
Why does he want to know…is this answer going open a window to my psyche or something?
"It's of…being alone…being unsure and alone…" stuttered Hermione unsure what this conversation was really about.
"And frightened." Interjected Snape
'And frightened." She agreed
Hermione wanted to say something but didn't quite know what to say. Eventually she said
"Do you have nightmares?"
"No. Every time I go to sleep Idream of frolicking in meadows." Snape responded sarcastically still reading intently
"Will I ever be normal again?" Hermione asked softly
"What makes you think I would know?" responded Snape in a snarky tone of voice
"I don't know…" she whispered to herself
I can't let the conversation die…quick think of something to say
"Are you coming back to teach?" Hermione asked
"I'm afraid I am." Mumbled Snape as he continued reading, deep in thought
"Will you be teaching Potions, Professor?"
"You're an adult, you may call me Severus." He said casually as he flipped a page or two and continued reading again
What?! Wait, now I can call him Severus? Severus. Severus. Seeeeeverus. Severus is being an ass. I'm obsessed with Severus. I think I may be attracted to Severus…wait what?!
"Thank you sir" Hermione responded, still in a daze
"That means you don't have to call me sir" Severus said smirking slightly
"You didn't answer my question." Said Hermione
Severus exhaled in response as if trying to control himself from lashing at Hermione
"Yes, I'm going to be teaching Potions." He said finally
"Are there any books I need?" she inquired
"You'll get the list with everyone else"
A short pause accompanied this statement and Hermione blurted out thoughtlessly
"Are you involved with anyone Severus?"
After realizing what she said Hermione blushed furiously as Snape's head lifted itself from its bent position and turned towards her. His face expressionless he glared at her and she was too terrified to look away.
"And what makes you think that you have the right to know that?" he said in a low voice
"Seeing as I'm an adult and all…It's just small talk…you don't have to answer…"
After a moment or so of silence he spoke
"…no. I'm rather picky with women." He drawled "And you Miss Granger, who are you involved with?"
His eyes took on a predatory gleam as if waiting for her to embarrass herself further. Hermione kept eye contact and said coolly without hesitation
"No one of course and what is this 'Miss Granger' business, you can't say 'Hermione' like everyone else?"
"No one Hermione? I'm shocked. I was expecting a whole slew of suitors." He said sarcastically
"You're an ass." She responded
"And you're a know-it-all."
"It all comes back to that doesn't it?"
"Yes, now shut up so I can read my book."
Several hours passed in companionable silence as both read. When Lupin entered the library to state that dinner was served, Hermione got up to eat and Severus left the house.
It was several days later that Hermione realized that she was becoming obsessed with the Professor's eyes and hands…which she definitely wasn't comfortable with.
After a summer of anticipation it was finally September. All through the summer Harry dreaded being surrounded by groupies and Ron tried to convince his Mother to let him skip his last year. To Hermione on the other hand, who wanted school to come, the summer had seemed to drag on forever. So now their books were bought, homework done and their trunks packed; they were finally ready for their last year at Hogwarts.
As old friends were found again and dead friends remembered, Hermione was in her own world. Half way through the trip Neville, Luna, Ginny, Harry, Hermione, and Ron were all crammed into one compartment and fighting over who had really won exploding snap. Hermione was struggling to be a part of the proceedings but every time she got distracted her mind wandered to an occurrence several days ago.
Hermione had been all alone at the headquarters because of a bad cold. Hair mussed, clad in fluffy slippers and with a red runny nose Hermione was shuffling her way downstairs to the kitchen. In the hallway Snape and Dumbledore were deep in a heated discussion.
"-I can't do it. There is no way."
"You can do it and you will do it."
"You have no idea what I've been going through. I can't concentrate on anything, I can't sleep, I don't even remember the last time I ate a full meal-"
"This is idiotic Severus if you don't do this everyone will know about this-this obsession of yours! People have already begun to notice. You look far too much at her and never when she is aware of her surroundings. Molly is on you like a hawk! She hasn't been the same since the Last Battle you know that; it is selfish of you to even think in such terms. You will go back and you will work and you will get over this insane obsession."
"I've paid my debt to you and to your cause, you have nothing-"
"You said for life, not until the dept was paid. You will do this without complaint."
It was at this point that they had begun to move and Hermione retreated into a bedroom till they passed. Hermione couldn't trust what she heard. She had been running a fever throughout her sickness and it was entirely possible that she had either dreamed the whole scenario or she had warped what she heard.
They reached Hogwarts when the sky was dark and as Hermione sat in the carriage, she wondered how she would survive the year.
I'm assuming if you've gotten this far you're actually interested in this story sooo thankyou! For those of you who know me-no I'm not dead and for those of you who don't Hello! I'm a review whore so the more reviews I get the faster I update...I'm not too great with grammar (if you have read my other story you know this...) so if you see any mistakes feel free to comment/rip me apart. I hope someone will enjoy this story as I do have some plans for it any feed back from you guys would help A LOT! If you have a story that you would like someone to critique and read, feel free to contact me and ask ,I know how it is...
WELL OKAY! This is the end of this chapter and I will start writing the next chapter as soon as I upload this...
much love
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