16It is Thursday evening, which is game night at my home. I work the early shift at Merlottes on Thursdays, and Eric and I have settled into a routine of playing a board game on these evenings. Since I work the early shift on Fridays, Eric stays with me until I fall asleep. He then leaves to go to Fangtasia, the bar in Shreveport that he owns, to finish off his night. Eric is my 1000+ year old gorgeous and sexy Viking vampire boyfriend. He's old, powerful and well ensconced in the complicated vampire political power structure. I was initially scared of him, but really, Eric is a pussy cat at heart – to me at least.
Thursday evenings used to be movie night, but unfortunately, the kind of movies I like is the exact opposite of the kind of movies Eric likes to watch. Eric likes them bloody. I like them romantic. This is why we switched to board games. We are currently looking for a game that suits our temperaments in a fun way. Eric suggested the first game, Stratego, but I found that it hurt my head too much because of Eric's all encompassing intensity while playing this game. He always found my flag. He enjoyed taking down my pieces. I could never understand the ranks system. I found it hard to understand the strategy. I couldn't be bothered trying that hard to get his flag, and he hated that I wasn't challenging him enough. It was no fun for me. I wanted a game that would make us laugh and tease each other. I was tense all the time playing Stratego.
Eric felt the game Clue was pedestrian and mundane, and he wouldn't play it past the initial exploratory play. Monopoly engaged Eric as Stratego did, but the result was not necessarily a happy one. He had to have all the money or else he couldn't be happy. He was like Donald Trump buying all the properties, then upgrading houses on the properties to hotels, except Eric never went bankrupt. The game brought out too much of his entrepreneurial side. His happiness was predicated too much on my unhappily broke circumstance by the end of the game. The Game of Life went by the wayside as well. Eric was just too focused on having it all and seeing me in the poor house.
We were currently trying to find the best way to enjoy Scrabble by finding a counterbalance Eric's vast knowledge of words. For heaven's sake, he's been around a thousand years, and he knows a lot of words! When we first started playing, he would surprise me with words like flng (come on Eric! There's no vowel in that word!), sirrah, toft, knarr and so on. I couldn't beat him, and it just killed me. After all, my vocabulary is not too shabby, especially since I've been studying my Word of the Day calendar entries for the past three years. I had to change/limit the playing field. The last time we played, I restricted Eric to words occurring only in the current edition of the American Heritage dictionary. I was trying to keep the words current and within the current century. Eric still beat me, and it wasn't close. This irked me something terrible!
Today we were trying something different, and I was confident I had it in the bag. Today, the rule was: only words occurring in the Urban Dictionary. There's no way Eric could win this. His language is too formal. I think the scope of Eric's urban word knowledge didn't extend beyond words like, fuck, motherfucker, shit, bitch, and bastard. He's also not an avid MTV or VH1 enthusiast like I am. I've been educated by the best sources. And I've heard it all from my brother and his friends - hell, and even the good patrons of Merlottes – well mostly from what I've picked up in their heads (they don't dare use those words around me). I could smell and taste my victory!
We took our places at the kitchen table. Eric settled in his seat with a bottle of True Blood. I enjoyed a glass of iced tea. Because it was only the two of us, instead of starting out with 7 letters, we started with 35 letters and instead of picking up one letter, we picked up 3 letters when we could not make a word. It opened up the number of possible word combinations, and this tended to complicate the game in some ways as the number of letters available dwindled.
Eric started first, and I laughed at his word choice – "ass." I so had this! However, I hid my glee. "Eric, you could have done better. That's only three points!"
"But Lover, you love my ass! That's why I started with it."
"Oh, Eric! You'll never win the game with words like that!" I snarked inwardly.
I followed with "sargasm," which earned me a raised eyebrow and a protest. "Eric, do you challenge me?" Please, challenge me! "No, Dear One. I will save my formal challenges for now. I have other methods that will not result in a lost turn. However, if you continue to use words like that, my mind will wander off into tangents that I will soon have to act upon. I assure you that I will not have to use sarcasm for you to achieve your orgasm."
Shit, he knows what the word means! How could he? "Ohkaay, Eric. I've earned a total of 12 points." Eric just smiled at me wickedly. He knew what he was doing to me. I will not be distracted!
Eric took a long time to make his next move. Using the "m" in "sargasm," he added a "j" and a "p." "Mjp"
"Eric, there's no vowel in that word!" I protested.
"Of course not, Lover. But it is a word in the Urban Dictionary, and it refers to the mesmerizing aura of certain males that leads those of the opposite sex to come hither, which is what you will experience throughout and at the conclusion of this game."
I almost choked on my iced tea at Eric's explanation.
Eric continued, "I believe I have scored 30 points - the "j" is a triple letter score."
Oh, oh. I was beginning to get a bad feeling about this game. It was not going in the direction I intended. I cleared my throat and studied the board and my letters. If Eric wants to play that way, I've got a word for him! Using the "r" in "sargasm," I followed it with a "v" and then an "a." I know that word because my brother Jason used it recently to describe the size of a woman's derriere, which was large, in a derogatory way. It means RV ass, intimating a spreading bum situation caused by a sedentary lifestyle in a trailer type vehicle. Take that Eric! That earned me another raised eyebrow from Eric.
After I explained the definition, Eric responded, "But Lover, that meaning is indigenous to this region. However, I do not have an RV ass. My ass is pure Viking goodness!" I realized after a while that my mouth was hanging open in shock, and I closed it quick before Eric could comment on my reaction. I cleared my throat yet again. I managed to croak, "Triple letter score on that "v." I earned 14 points." "Very well, Lover," Eric cooed sweetly. Now it was his turn.
Using the last "s" in "ass," Eric created the word "whangers." Eric commanded my attention with his beautiful and now smoldering blue eyes and said, "Not my best play, but I assure you my whanger is not in the plural sense, yet it IS quite GRACIOUS and PLENTY! Triple letter on that "h." 23 points."
I was definitely squirming in my seat, and I definitely started to sense an ever increasing moisture problem in an increasingly senstive area of my body down below my waist. I got up for a moment from the table, walked over to the refrigerator, opened the freezer and removed an ice tray and emptied it into a bowl. I brought the bowl over to the table, picked an ice cube from the bowl, and used it to rub on my forehead in the hopes of cooling off. Eric flashed me his favorite smile, the one that sent shivers all through my body. It was all I could do to break my gaze from his face.
I studied the board again. My next move was "pothead," using the "e" in "whangers. " "Very good, Lover. Triple letter score on that "p." You've earned 19 points. That is quite impressive. Of course you would not need a drug to achieve the high that you would experience with my gracious whanger!"
He's killing me! And he knows it! But I managed to respond, "Thank you Eric. I'm still trailing you." With another wicked look in his eyes, he said, "You can trail me all you want, Lover. I know you can't help yourself!" Then he set his attention back to the board.
Eric's next word was a killer. Using the "o" in "pothead," he created the word "melons," and the last "s" combined with the already situated word "ass" to create "sass." Oh, no! I am in serious trouble. I looked at Eric, and he was smiling at me with that increasingly smoldering look in his eyes. He said, "I cannot wait to sass your melons! I believe that it will be an enjoyable experience for us both.!"
Holy shit, I am in serious trouble! My nipples were straining within the lacy constraints of my bra. I'm pretty sure Eric could see them through the light material of my white t-shirt.
Although the move was impressive and titillating, Eric only scored 16 points. Eric had 72 points now and I had 45 points. I'm still in this game! I have to come up with a good word. I just have to! There's no way that Eric should do well in this game. Could it be that his one-track mind and lively libido has educated him more in the vocabulary of sex than I have given him credit for?
I've got to do something big. If I can use this "z" in a strategic place, I could make up ground with Eric's score. I've got it! Using the "g" in the word "sargasm," I created the word "zwang!" "Yes, Eric! Zwang in your face! Double word score! 36 points! I'm in the lead now! I've got 81 points, and you've got 72 points!" I got up to do a victory dance while Eric just looked at me with that wicked smoldering look. I noticed that his attention rested specifically on my chest region. My girls were jumping up and down, nipples at attention, in a victory dance along with the rest of me, and that was currently the focus of Eric's attention. I stopped immediately and sat down with a self-satisfied smile plastered on my face. Eric just continued to stare, licking his lips.
"Umm, Eric?"
"Yesss, Lover?"
"It's your turn."
"In one minute…"
Eric finally returned his attention to the board on the table. After five seconds of studying the board, Eric quickly returned the word "qwertyu" using the "w" from the word "whangers."
"What the hell kind of word is that Eric?" I asked outraged.
"It's the kind of word that would not exist in my presence. No one would fall asleep at the keyboard of any computer in my presence. That they would be driven to distraction goes without saying, but sleep, they would not. Triple word score. I have earned 69 points!"
I really want to challenge that word, but Eric looks too self assured. Maybe he's bluffing me. I'll have to look it up later. Shit! He's blowing me out of the water!
Oh dear! I need a good word or else I can say bye-bye to this game. I've got an "x." It's worth 8 points. I've got to use it strategically. The best I can do now is double my score. Dear Goddess, help me see the word!
Here's my word! "Xform," using the "m" in "melons"! I heard one of the girls in The Flava of Love use it in the context of informing an ex that she was not happy and wanted to break up with him, but I looked it up. It means to transform. Kinda like the X-Men. They've transformed into something different and greater. Kinda like what Eric's gracious plenty does – transforms from one state of being into another resulting into a superhero! Oh, Sookie focus! We've got to beat Eric first here.
I noticed that Eric had gone back to staring at my girls and hadn't noticed my move.
"Oh, Eric?"
"Yes, Dear Ones?"
"Eric, why are you talking to my chest?"
"Well, Lover. Those melons have been engaged in a non stop conversation with my whanger, and I do not wish to disturb the interchange of thoughts and ideas at this time."
Huh? "But Eric, I just had my turn which resulted in a double word score. I added 34 points to my score."
Eric averted his gaze for two seconds to look at me and respond, "Good job!" His attention reverted to my chest.
"Umm, Eric?"
Never wavering his attention from my chest region, "Yes, Dear Ones?"
"Eric, my chest is not talking to you! I am. Look at my face! It's your turn! Good grief!"
"Lover, what is the problem? Are we not having a perfectly fun time playing this game? Have we not been challenging each other and stimulating one another?"
"Eric, just quit staring at my chest and get back to the game."
It took Eric two seconds to come up with the next word "vafro," using the "f" in "xform."
"Do you want to know what that word means, Lover?" Eric asked lasciviously.
"No, Eric. I figured that one out easily."
"We could examine the phenomena of vafros in another room in your house, if you are amenable. That word has earned me an additional 30 points. I do not think you will be able to catch up to me, but I might let you latch on to a very special rung on my body."
I ignored his very lewd reference, although I was now aching for physical contact from my extremely horny Viking. Focus Sookie. I've got to beat him.
"Give me a chance Eric. I refuse to give up."
"If that is what you want Lover, but I must inform you that a very special part of me is up and just straining for your hands-on attention."
"For crying out loud, Eric! We are playing a game. We are not having sex!"
"You are deluding yourself Sookie. This is only foreplay. I can smell your arousal."
"Eric! Can you just focus back on the game? Please?"
"As you wish, Lover."
This game was concluding fast. We were running out of usable letters and it was getting hard figure out words for maximum score. I had to make this count. I needed a triple word score but I didn't have many high scoring letters left. I finally saw it! I barely eked out "fanvid" using the "v" in that distasteful word "vafro." 39 points - triple word score! YESSS!
"Yes. Lover, you pulled that one out of your fine, ample, luscious, sweet, edible ass. Very good effort." Eric was now sitting on his chair, with legs splayed out, his hand in a curious and slow, languorous, mesmerizing up and down motion. No he isn't! He can't be! Eric just smiled that wicked smile, knowing that my resolve was seriously compromised. He said, "I think this will be our... last….round…..of play."
Eric still had quite a few letters left. After studying the board, Eric made his move. Using the letter "u" in his it's-got-to-be-a-made-up word "qwertyu," Eric placed his letters to form the word "ubercock." He sat there with a smug look on his face while still massaging his nether regions, and declared the game over. That triple word score shot him up to 210 points! I conceded immediately.
Eric wagged his finger at me, and I slowly alighted from my chair and made my way towards him. I straddled his lap and attacked his lips. In between kisses Eric whispered to me, "My ubercock (kiss, kiss) would like to make the acquaintance (kiss, kiss) of your vafro region (kiss kiss). My lips (kiss, kiss) would like to engage (kiss, kiss) in a conversation with (kiss, kiss) your delectable melons (kiss, kiss). My hands (kiss, kiss) would like to send you into a (kiss, kiss) qwerty frenzy (kiss, kiss). You cannot (kiss, kiss) escape my mjp (kiss, kiss). I will tease you (kiss, kiss) and sass you (kiss, kiss) until we both lose ourselves (kiss, kiss) to the undeniable (kiss, kiss) passion and (kiss, kiss) lust (kiss, kiss) and desire (kiss, kiss) for one another, until we cum (kiss, kiss) together and are satiated (kiss, kiss) for a short while (kiss, kiss) until we can start it over again (kiss, kiss).
Later in the bedroom, after we were both finally sated, I realized this was our game! The rules could change or we could repeat the rules we liked. The changes only enhanced our experience of the game together. It didn't matter who won or lost because in the end, we both are winners. I'm going to propose that next week's rule is to use words that describe the other either physically – from this century, of course (that rule won't ever change). That should lead to another hot time at the kitchen table! I need to get ready. I hope that Tara Togs has interesting lingerie. Maybe a garter belt and stockings…! Hmmmm! The possibilities!