1,926"Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies."
- Aristotle
Chapter LII: Once Upon a December
The Kremlin
Moscow, State of Moskva, Eurasian Union
December 4, 2080 ATB
"To the Rodina," Zhukov declared as he and Andrei raised their glasses. "Vashe zdorov'ye!" the Eurasian General then stated in his homeland's original language before he and his son took their respective drinks. Compared to the usual types of alcohol traditionally enjoyed throughout Eurasia, vodka remained an acquired taste, not helped by the fact that it was drunk more to keep warm in the Far East than for any form of flavor. Regardless, both Zhukovs were born and bred Muscovites and downed their glasses as though they were ingesting water. Then they took another moment to savor the distilled liquid, which, again, very few outside their little corner of Eurasia would have done.
"Do we know what they're up to now?" Andrei inquired, knowing his father had deployed scouts and reconnaissance craft to monitor Bloody Marry's unholy legions despite clear orders from Central Command to keep everything within Moscow for the inevitable defense.
"From what I understand, they are still crossing the Volga," Zhukov responded as he put his empty glass back on his desk, refilling it with additional vodka. There have been some sporadic reports that the Black Knights tried to intercept them there but could not keep them contained."
Andrei sniffed a little at the mention of Zero and his unholy army. He had nothing in particular against the Demon King and his Black Knights. Of course, he should have figured they would at least try. He was rather envious that they had done more to stop Marrybell than Eurasia was presently doing. "Do you think they'll make an appearance here?"
"More than likely," Zhukov confirmed as he moved to refill his son's glass, the two men continuing their conversation while drinking casually now. "He probably has agents within the city already."
Andrei then turned to a more uncomfortable part of the topic: "What do we do when that particular time comes? Especially with Zero being an enemy of the state?"
Zhukov merely shrugged at the idea. "As far as I'm concerned, Marrybell is the greater enemy in this conflict," he responded, taking on a wryer smirk. So long as Herr Zero and his ilk stay out of our way, then I will have no reason to go after them—unless they attack us first, of course."
"Hmph," Andrei acknowledged as he sipped his vodka in thought. For his life, he couldn't think of why Zero would go after them as well as the Britannians, but then anything was possible regarding that particular faction and its black-masked leader. He could only shake his head at the thought, already feeling the alcohol working its magic on his insides.
"We still have time," the elder Zhukov said, reflecting. It will take the better part of the month for Marrybell to move her forces into position and additional time to make her final preparations."
Andrei nodded in concurrence, then matched his father's smirk. "Looks like we will have Christmas after all," he openly reflected, unable to keep himself from actually anticipating.
Again, Zhukov's grin was wry. "The opening engagements will likely occur upon New Year's Eve," he answered his son, taking inward delight in how Andrei's expression further brightened. "So yes, we will be due a visit from Ded Moroz just before."
"Heh," Andrei couldn't help but laugh a little at his father's reference to the Slavic equivalent of Santa Claus. He knew Louise would also like it, despite what awaited them afterward.
Taking a deeper drink from his glass, Zhukov reached out with his free hand and grasped his son's shoulder. "I'm proud of you, Andrei," he stated openly, not bothering with protocol. "No matter what happens in the coming days, I want you to know that I could not be any prouder of you. And that I am deeply honored that we will be fighting for our Rodina side by side."
Unable to keep the glisten from his own eyes and knowing full well that it wasn't an effect of the vodka, Andrei held his father's hand. "The honor is mine, Otets," he answered back before squeezing his father's hand, with both withdrawing after that. "If there's anything I would ask Ded Moroz, or God on high for that matter, it's that we all live to see you playing with your grandchildren."
Zhukov nodded in fondness of the idea. "That may very well come to pass, moy syn," the General answered with a more knowledgeable grin. "But before that, I would love to see you and Louise at last marry."
Andrei easily caught the hint, having should have known better than to believe he could keep that a secret. "The preparations are being made as we speak," he admitted before taking another drink. "Win or lose, she will go into battle as Major Louise Markushevich Zhukova when the time comes."
Again, Zhukov nodded in fondness and appreciation. Win or lose, he and his family would indeed fight to save Rodina from the invading horde—just as his grandfather Georgy had done in what had originally been called the Great Patriotic War long ago…
Black Knights mobile battleship Izumo
State of Moskva, Eurasian Union
The howling snowstorm outside the Izumo and through a fair portion of Moskva only underscored the tone of the present briefing. Sitting within the warmth and safety of the battleship's briefing room, Ohgi, alongside Chigusa and Jeremiah, ran through the numbered losses of Operation Akigumo with the rest of the High Command, who observed from their positions across the Eurasian Steppes and back in Ryukyu. The grimness was palpable despite the great distances between the communiques.
"The good news is that the fallout was not as bad as it could have been," Jeremiah helpfully reported to the various army commanders and members of the general staff, hoping that that claim would alleviate their concerns, at least on some level. "Despite everything, we retain enough men and material to continue fighting the good fight. And if we arrange with Zhukov, we will have additional men and material after that, even if they're Eurasian."
"That's all well and good, Colonel Gottwald," Sazaname responded in a patient tone. "But I don't need to tell you or the rest of this gathering; that is the least of our concerns at this stage."
Jeremiah was not the only one who frowned at the insinuation. "With respect, General," he responded, taking a short moment to choose his words carefully. I do not think we would have withdrawn from the Volga if that were our last chance at Bloody Marry, no matter the cause."
"Agreed, Colonel," Sazaname stated in moderate disarmament. "But once more, that is not what I, and I'm sure others, are questioning in this instance."
Chigusa immediately stepped in before her former superior made a rather derogatory response. "If I may, sir, you cannot possibly believe that Zero lacks the will to see this through to its end," the opposite Colonel challenged almost openly. "No matter the sacrifices that must be made."
Saito closed his eyes in seeming reluctance. "Unfortunately, as much as I would like to believe otherwise, I'm afraid I am precisely that uncertain," the Black Knights' Fifth Army commander stated, turning his eyes about to the rest of the commanders. "Need I remind you all that this is the second time Zero has allowed his attachments to dictate his actions? The second time in which the outcome of the battle was decided…"
"Are you insinuating that Zero caused the Devastation, General Sazaname?" Ohgi entered, his voice firm, while Chigusa and Jeremiah's expressions turned contemptuous. So did the entirety of the Britannian officers and more than a few of the Japanese ones.
Sazaname raised his hand once more in disarmament. "I make no such insinuation, sir," the opposite general responded, acknowledging Ohgi's position as vice commander. "I am merely pointing out that, had Zero not let his personal feelings dictate his actions at the Volga, in similar vain to his actions during the Black Rebellion, this entire theater may very well have been concluded."
Again, the Japanese General swept his gaze about. "And yet here we are."
"Yes, withdrawn but undefeated," Jackson stepped in, retaining his contempt toward his colleague. "And as shameful as Zero's actions might otherwise appear, Major Kouzuki remains our best devicer. Her loss alone would have resulted in a pyrrhic victory at best."
"And what about those we had already lost, General Jackson?" Monobe countered from his position. "How do we justify their sacrifices when victory was not achieved? Especially for but one of our numbers?"
"I would imagine Xiaopei was justified in the same way," Longstreet entered in as well, his own tone sardonic. "As well as Shikine, Yokosuka, Narita, and every other battle Zero failed to achieve victory in before, whatever the circumstances."
"What matters is that we win in the end. All other outcomes are secondary to that," Stuart herself effectively summarized. "It doesn't matter where we defeat Marrybell, whether Krasnoyarsk, the Volga, or Moscow. So long as we defeat her, which we remain in position to do."
"As much as I agree with that assessment myself, General Stuart, it only underlies the unspoken question: can we do it, or can't we?" Shizuka posited, speaking sagely as he further added. "Especially if a third advent to the Volga and the Black Rebellion were to occur."
Ohgi opened his mouth to respond, but he was interrupted by Kuroto tapping from his side of the communique.
"Out of all of us, Shinobu, I believe Zero best understands what's at stake," the Ogre of Kyoto stated to the rest of the gathered officers. The directness of his voice indicated that he would suffer no further argument. "And as unfortunate as the outcome of Akigumo was, it remains, as stated, a setback and not a defeat."
Upon hearing the words and indirect command of the one who had held Kyoto throughout the entirety of the original war with Britannia, the naysayers could only nod in agreement and acknowledgment. If any offense was retained among them, it was wisely kept away.
"Our time will be better served on Moscow and how we are to proceed there," Kuroto further emphasized before glancing toward Ohgi. "Is that not so, General Ohgi?"
To that, Ohgi nodded his thanks to the opposite General. "It is indeed so, General Kuroto," he responded, all but slouching at being able to move away from that particular topic. It had been inevitable given the circumstances, but at least they were now past it and moving toward greener, or more productive, pastures.
Besides, the one point stands, Ohgi thought as Kuroto proceeded with the briefing, a tactical screen appeared on the monitor to display Britannian troop movements. All that matters is that we win in the end.
It had taken more effort than he had otherwise expected. Even the act of dressing himself back in his mask and uniform proved to be a daunting task. And yet somehow and some way, Lelouch vi Britannia, or more specifically Zero, had emerged from the Devil's Den for the first time in ten days. Precisely for the first time since the Battle of the Volga's end.
As he moved down the Izumo's decks, his intended destination all too clear, Lelouch found himself, and not for the first time over said ten days, entirely centered upon her. Even as he was stalked by Black Knight personnel, who otherwise stood by and saluted him as he passed, it barely registered to him. He didn't care what kind of thoughts they held toward him, whether they held condemnation or sympathy toward him over what had occurred in Nizhny Novgorod or whether or not they still saw him as a savior or a demon. He didn't even care if they would still willingly follow him into battle, though their present circumstances certainly dictated that course of action. No, none of them mattered to him at this juncture. None except her.
After a trek that almost felt like a year's long journey, Lelouch finally reached the medical ward. From that, it only took a short moment for him to consult Dr. Tezuka and his staff on her present condition, which, despite the shock she had endured, seemed to be improving, and another short moment for them to depart the ward and lock the door on their way out. Thereby allowing Lelouch to remove his mask so that he could look upon her with his own eyes.
Much as he had expected, Kallen remained unconscious, as when he found her after his battle with Luciano Bradley. Even now, Lelouch could remember how overcome he had been upon seeing her alive still, how he had spent many precious minutes crying over her. Much of that emotion remained still, enough that Lelouch removed the glove of his right hand to stroke the side of her face. There was no question now, not that there had ever been, in hindsight, how he felt about her. Somehow, she had become the one who mattered most to him. She was no longer "simply" his Black Queen or Knight of Zero but something far more. Something he had never thought he would ever gain for himself, especially upon his accepting Geass so long ago.
"I love you, Kallen," Lelouch began in a near whisper, inwardly steeling himself for what he was about to declare. Despite that, he couldn't help but laugh a little at the irony. "That's the first time I ever said it openly, even to you."
A smile, no matter how unintentional, soon crossed his lips. "Despite how you've long figured it out," he continued, once more stroking her cheek as he again felt himself yearning for her—her presence, her voice, her touch—everything about and of her, which only made what he needed to do that much harder.
Sighing as he withdrew his hand, Lelouch again forced himself onward. "When I first took the contract from C.C. at Shinjuku, I had resolved that my life was effectively over," he continued. "That the world I would make for Nunnally, and then for many, many others, would not be one where I would go on live in. I believed that win or lose, I would pay for my sins in the end, which would likely require my damnation and eternal suffering, so I never really considered the possibility of living on when the fight was over."
He sat beside her bed, unsure if he could continue standing. "That all changed over time, beginning with that one moment," he admitted, closing his eyes as he remembered. "When you saw me for what I truly was in that hangar in Yokosuka and accepted me despite everything. When you told me you would follow me to the end."
Once more sighing, Lelouch yet again focused. "We can't continue past this point," he finally said. "As much as I want to be with you through the end of this war and into the world to come, I'm afraid that cannot be. That, to finish what I started at Shinjuku, I have to go forward knowing that I will not live to see any of it. That…" he almost stammered before regaining his strength. "…that the man you love cannot remain."
Only then did the tears begin to emerge, much to his dismay. "Do not misunderstand me. I know how precious your feelings for me are, and as easier as it might make everything, I will not remove them," he said, now unable to look at her directly. "Instead, I will use Geass on myself…"
Taking a breath and exhaling, Lelouch finally declared. "To erase 'Lelouch vi Britannia' once and for all. So that I, forever longer I may live, shall be Zero."
He almost expected Kallen to awaken at that moment. Thankfully, she didn't, though that still didn't keep the emotion and turmoil at bay.
"Again, do not misunderstand Q-1," Lelouch went on, taking another moment to bite back the tears. Even his deliberate choice in using her codename proved agonizing. "More than anything, I want to remain with you. I want us to continue fighting side by side and spend those precious moments in between together. I want us to go into the world after the fighting. I…"
Hissing to keep himself from breaking down then and there, Lelouch admitted outright. "I want to live on with you."
Once more, he waited to see if she would awaken then and there, only for her to remain silent. Using that pause to wipe away the tears, Lelouch continued.
"Unfortunately, it cannot be, no matter how much I yearn for it," he almost spoke through grated teeth. "There's only one way I can win: to remove 'Lelouch vi Britannia,' the man you love, from the equation altogether. So that I may face my enemies as the cold, emotionless Demon King."
Somehow, just saying that removed much of the pressure, enough that Lelouch deigned to look upon her again. He also reached out to stroke her cheek, knowing that this would be the last time.
"I do not ask you to forgive me," he continued. "As selfish as it sounds, I do not even ask that you find love again after all this."
He took another breath before stating it outright. "I only ask that you live, Kallen," Lelouch said as he slipped the glove back over his right hand. "Live on for the both of us."
With that, he leaned in and kissed her lightly but deliberately on the forehead. Only after that was done, and in clear spite of the tears that were to follow, did Lelouch readorn himself with his mask and make what he firmly believed to be his final departure, leaving the woman he loved to remain, even when he would not.
"I still can't believe how close it came," Benio exclaimed, visibly shivering. It was only her and the ten other members of Zero Squadron in that part of the ship now, so she didn't care if they saw her apprehension. The mere thought of losing Major Kouzuki was too much, especially for her. "Is…is the Knight of Ten really…?"
"Normally, I wouldn't think twice about who would win that particular matchup," Charmelle gently offered her wingmate. "It's not like the Major hasn't fought Knights of the Round before, after all."
"For once, I must agree," Liliana sighed aloud, shaking her head. The situation even took her aback, as it sounded out of character for her. "I can't understand it either. A Round he may have been, Luciano Bradley always struck me as more a butcher than a warrior. Hardly a match for the Red Dragoness."
She then deadpanned as she felt all eyes turn to her in dismay. "Yes, I know that sounds out of place coming from me, of all people, but that remains the truth. By all facts, the so-called Vampire should not have been anything difficult for the Major," she looked down solemnly. "At least to the point that Zero…"
"Yeah," Alfred nodded solemnly. Even ten days after the fact, it was still difficult for any of them to accept, to say nothing of the murmurings still going around the Izumo and likely the rest of the Order.
"I don't care how it turned out," Haruka proclaimed somewhat forcibly. "Whether we won the Volga or not, we still have the Major. As selfish as it may sound, that's all I care about."
That earned nods from the rest of the Zero Squadron pilots. It may have been selfish indeed, but none of them could, or would, speak otherwise. Their beloved Major was everything to them, arguably as much as Zero himself was.
"Yeah, we still have the Major," Susumu recited around the video game he was characteristically playing. Though I can understand how certain others feel about that, especially how close we may have come to actually killing Bloody Marry then and there."
"Since when did we ever care how 'certain others' feel about anything?" Tomo-omi objected before looking toward Haruka expectedly. The latter merely shook her head.
"Not today, big guy," Haruka stated with a sigh. "Just not the time."
Damn, that was the unanimous thought that went around the other squadron members. Even Marika, as silent and brooding as she normally presented herself, seemed rather astonished.
"On that particular note," Charmelle spoke again, then looked toward Alfred. "Any news on the Nishiki?"
"It's still ongoing," Alfred responded in understanding. 'It's the Nishiki, so Colonel Chawla naturally has enough spare parts. That being said, the Vampire still did a number on it. We may not have it back in time for Moscow."
"So what does that leave?" Ash exclaimed around the card game he was playing with his Nichol almost demanded. "The Major going out in a Gekka?"
"Like hell!" Ageha almost bellowed at the mere thought of it. It was almost sacrilege. "What about that new model that just came in?"
"The Hanazuki?" Alfred shook his head. "That's meant for Major Cathcart. Something about it being an experimental type that only she can utilize."
"That explains why it's pink," Charmelle responded, unable to keep a slight grin from her lips at the thought of the eccentric Colonel Chawla adorning another one of her creations in that particular color. "If it comes down to it, I'll give up my Isshiki for the Major and take a Gekka myself."
"Will you be able to keep up with that?" Benio asked, knowing the size of the performance gap between the Gurens and their eighth-generation counterparts.
Charmelle shrugged. "Beats going out in a Sutherland. And even then, I'm not too worried."
The Britannian devicer then looked in further thought. "We still have plenty of time before the shooting starts anew."
Somehow, it took Lelouch even more energy to reenter the Devil's Den than when he had left it. Given what he was about to do, he supposed it was to be expected. The former prince knew it had to be done, and it would be, but that didn't make it any easier for him to accept, much less enact. He was so concentrated on the task at hand that it barely registered to him that he was not alone.
"You fool," C.C. said as she emerged from the corner, her face cold with ire. "You really do think this is the proper course of action, don't you?"
"I don't think, I know," Lelouch responded as he removed his mask and wiped his eyes with his tunic sleeve. "Somehow, I also knew you would not approve."
"What gave it away?" C.C. stated, her highly uncharacteristic ire deepening in her tone. "The fact that you're going to destroy everything that you are out of some absurd belief that it will win the day? Or…" her voice hardened even more as she said. That you are going to cast her aside as well?"
Though he remained outwardly composed, it took a moment for Lelouch to realize this was the first time he had seen C.C. angry. He found himself fearing her over it, but he refused to relent. "If that's the sacrifice I am to make, then so be it," he stated more firmly than he felt. "I will cast all weaknesses aside…"
And then, not unlike a peel of thunder, C.C. roared. "How dare you call that your weakness!" the Code Bearer called out, her demented bastard of a contractor. "How dare you call her your weakness!"
This time, Lelouch could not help but be outwardly taken back as well. He literally reversed his apprehension as C.C. went further.
"I've encountered many who thought the same as you do now," C.C. stepped forward, causing Lelouch to step back even more. "It was always the same belief. By removing all aspects of their humanity, their very foundations and identities, they would be triumphant in the end."
Only at the last moment did Lelouch hold firm again as C.C. marched up to him face to face. "Do you want to know precisely what happened to all those men and women? The fate they all shared, regardless of their places in history?"
Blinking once in the face of those infuriated amber eyes, Lelouch could only wait for the inevitable answer.
"They all failed," C.C. stated coldly. "One after the other, they were defeated and destroyed, their sacrifices proven for naught. Some by their immediate enemies, others by those that were turned against them," she emphasized. "All because they threw aside their gentleness, compassion, and love for a cheap, short win."
Closing her eyes to force back the anger, C.C.'s expression softened as she whispered. "Do not make that mistake, Lelouch. Do not throw away the very source of your strength—the very thing that drove you not simply to destroy Britannia but to make a better world thereafter in the first place."
The immortal then placed a finger on Lelouch's heart. "Your love and care for others," C.C. almost murmured, the lowness only emphasizing her words and feelings that much more. "Beginning with your beloved sister, and now…"
Exhaling through his nostrils, Lelouch closed his eyes as he felt the temptation settle in. He could still change his mind, he knew. Surely, there was another path he could take, one that didn't require him to destroy himself effectively. Perhaps if he took the time to consider…
No, he steeled himself again. He could not back down this time, not after all the sacrifices he had made. All the men and women who had died because of him, whether in his name or casualties of his actions. Need not have to recall eight years ago to emphasize that fact.
"I'm sorry, C.C. This must, and will, be done," Lelouch answered in full remorse, unable to keep the raw emotion down. "No matter my place in history."
As opposed to the initial reaction he had expected, his partner-in-crime merely closed her eyes again, visibly forcing back her rage that much further. It was evident that she understood at that point—that no amount of anger, much less the physical beatdown it warranted, would change her contractor's mind—something that she, of all others, knew was nigh impossible at that stage.
"Goddamn you, Lelouch," C.C. called out in a harsher whisper right before abruptly turning away and storming out of the Devil's Den. Leaving the former prince to his own awaited fate.
Imperial Army Headquarters Perm
Perm, Volga, Britannian Empire
"You seem rather concerned, Oldrin," Marrybell observed as she refilled her knight's teacup and passed it back over. "Does Sir Luciano's disappearance bother you so much?"
Despite the rather obvious insinuation, Oldrin's responding grin was flat as she took a sip, savoring the tea's warmth and unique flavor. "Not so much for Sir Luciano himself, Marry," she assured as though she had to. "But I find his disappearance, as well as that of the Maleagant, rather strange. It's as though they vanished into thin air, much as the Black Knights have been doing as of late."
Sniffing, Marrybell could not help but frown at that last part. "Yes, that has been rather bothersome," the princess exclaimed, unable to figure out how Zero's minions were precisely doing that. "Still, in our dear Vampire's case, I think His Majesty simply called him for another assignment."
"Wouldn't the Homeland have notified us of that?" Oldrin posited.
Marrybell shook her head. "His Majesty operates as His Majesty wills. And I'm afraid he does not always tell me everything," she admitted, showing some of her exasperation. "He seldom tells me anything, much less the rest of my brothers and sisters outside of Schneizel. It can be rather frustrating."
To that, the princess leaned back in her chair, allowing herself to relax. It was just she and her knight there, after all. "To be perfectly honest, I'm glad Sir Luciano is gone. He may have been useful in his…trade before we crossed the Urals, but we will not need that for Moscow."
Oldrin evenly took another sip to hide her disturbance to that insinuation. At the very least, her liege was not about to burn down her own soon-to-be capital city, which brought another subject to mind. "If I may, Your Highness," she inquired, earning back Marrybell's attention. "You never told me what you intend to do once you've gained Euro Britannia."
Marrybell couldn't help but smile at her knight's mystification. "You mean beyond establishing my domain away from the Homeland?" she responded, curious. "Is that not enough of a satisfactory answer?"
The responding silence from Oldrin was what Marrybell needed to know and understand. She supposed her knight, whom she had known well throughout her childhood, would be the first to see beyond the proverbial mask—not that she should have expected anything less from her.
"Yes, I do have plans for Euro Britannia, or whatever I am to call it after it's established," Marrybell admitted, drinking her tea. "And those plans do extend beyond establishing my very own empire away from the Homeland." And my father's prying eyes.
She then replaced her empty teacup and poured additional liquid into it. "I will tell you those plans when the time comes, Oldrin, but for the moment, I ask that you remain patient," she said before retaking her cup and inhaling the emitted steam. If there was one thing she appreciated about the land she was about to conquer, it was that the inhabitants loved and understood tea as much as any proper Britannian. "After all, we still have yet to reach Moscow in the first place."
Though still bothered, especially by what she hadn't just heard, Marybell nonetheless acquiesced to her princess' request. "As you say, Marry," she responded before adding a little bit more honey to her cup—yet another move to alleviate some of her anxiousness toward her liege.
Marrybell couldn't help but laugh, again knowing her childhood friend and present-day lover so well. "Please do not overconcern yourself, Oldrin. We will have plenty of time afterward to go over everything. I'm only asking that you wait until all is said and done regarding this war."
"Yes," Oldrin acknowledged, being sharp enough to pick up on the princess' choice of words that they had been purposely deliberate on Marrybell's part.
Once more sipping from her cup and savoring the liquid's flavor and warmth, Marrybell glanced upward in thought. Indeed, as far as this war is concerned…
It took Leonhardt a moment to register the knocking at the door to his room and another moment to realize, from its distinct thumping, that only one person could have been standing outside. "It's open, Tink," the Ceridwen Knight responded.
At that, the door opened to allow his fellow Ceridwen, a hulking brute of a man whose heart and care were renowned throughout the ranks and arguably the whole of the Empire itself, to enter. Only this time, Captain Sir Tink Lockhart's face was more than tinged with concern as he approached his friend and comrade. "I just came to check on you. You've been keeping well to yourself since the Volga."
The larger man leaned forward. "That Holy Sword didn't injure you, did he?"
Leonhardt shrugged. It was just like Tink to be troubled like that, especially for another's sake. "I think I came out of it alright," the former knight answered. "At least far better than he did."
Tink nodded, remembering the precise Holy Sword that Major Zevon impaled with the Urien's sword harken. And even then, he hadn't seemed to have been an opponent Leonhardt would have wanted to rematch with.
Knowing that his fellow Ceridwen would not leave until he had a proper answer, Leonhardt elaborated. "That being said, he was not the one I wanted to fight," he stated before reaching over to the nearby table and retaking the photo he had been staring at upon Tink's arrival. "The one I wanted to settle things with."
Taking the photo as it was passed to him, Tink looked upon the image of a much younger Leonhardt standing by and embracing a brown-haired girl of similar age. Both were adorned in formal dress, apparently for some sort of jubilee, and both held proud smiles as they held each other. "Is this…?"
"My former fiancée, yes," Leonhardt responded as he laid back against the couch, staring up into the air. "She's a member of Zero Squadron now. I fought her at Krasnoyarsk."
He then reached out and retook the photo upon Tink passing it back. "I was hoping we could have a rematch at Kazan, but they sent Zero Squadron to Nizhny Novgorod instead," he openly sighed as he put the photo back on the table behind him. "I'll just have to wait for Moscow like everybody else."
"Do you still love her?" Tink inquired, once again being blindingly forward.
A bemused grin crossed Leonhardt's lips toward that, again knowing better than to give anything but a straight answer. "I do," he admitted. "For eight years, I thought she had died with everyone else in Area 11, and I spent a good portion of that time mourning her."
The grin slowly receded. "But now that I know she survived and is now an enemy," the knight shook his head. "All I can do now is settle things between us in battle."
"Which you were unable to do at Kazan," Tink summarized.
"Precisely," Leonhardt said, still looking into the open air as the memories began to settle back in.
Tink uncharacteristically paused before asking his next question. "Are you going to kill her?" he spoke with utmost hesitance.
Closing his eyes, as though to find the answer from within, Leonhardt responded, "I don't know," he spoke again, this time with admittance. I'm not even sure if I can do it when the time comes."
Once more, the younger and smaller knight shrugged. "But that's part of the reason I need to face her again—so that I will know when the time comes."
Tink nodded as he took that in. "I see," he answered, his expression turning into a frown.
Leonhardt couldn't help but laugh a little. He rarely saw Tink so downtrodden. "Don't worry about it, Tink. I'll fight when that time comes. That's really all I can do where Marika is concerned."
"Even if it means killing the one you love," Tink again summarized.
Drawing in and exhaling another breath, Leonhardt could not but nod again. "Yes, even if it means killing the one I love."
Black Knights mobile battleship Izumo
State of Moskva, Eurasian Union
"General?" Chiba called out upon knocking on the door, knowing full well that the one she sought was on the other side of it now. It was the only place he could be now, given that the previous occupant was no longer with them. Especially when that occupant had known and been closest to her superior the longest, even among the Four Holy Swords.
Though improper, she inputted the door code and entered as soon as it slid open. Sure enough, Tohdoh was sitting on Senba's bed with their head down and eyes closed. Seemingly frozen despite the intrusion. "I do not believe I gave you permission to enter Chiba."
"Forgive me, sir," Chiba responded as she came just before the bed, biting back the hesitance as she did. She knew she had just crossed into unknown territory, but there was no way she could withdraw now—not when the one before her was clearly suffering ten days on. "I…I wanted to make sure you were alright."
It was a poor choice of words; obviously, Kyoshiro Tohdoh was not right and had not been since the end of the last battle. Even so, Tohdoh did not find any disapproval within himself. "Are the others just as concerned as you?"
Again forcing back her hesitance, Chiba nodded. "Asahina and Urabe have spoken so, but…" she nearly trailed off. "I'm not here for them, sir."
Tohdoh sniffed, keeping a knowing smirk from his lips. Of course, you're not, he thought but somehow kept from saying aloud as well, instead deliberately inhaling and exhaling. "I'm sorry, Chiba," he said straightaway, his closed eyes twitching as he fought to regain his emotions. "I'm sorry that you have to see me like this."
Rather than respond verbally, Chiba quietly moved to sit beside her superior, her hand reaching to his back. Tohdoh was unable to bring himself to force her away despite everything.
"I know it's unbecoming of me and my position," Tohdoh continued. "After all, how many comrades have we lost over the years?" he openly asked, feeling that it was alright to do so with her and her alone. "How many have we lost since Itsukushima?"
"General…" Chiba began to speak, only for Tohdoh to reach out and squeeze her hand. Understanding the indirect request, the Black Knight Colonel remained silent as her commanding officer continued.
"Senba… Should just be one more in that line, right?" the General spoke, now allowing a sad smile to cross his lips as he fought to keep some semblance of control. "Just one more to a line of dead, despite…"
Again inhaling and exhaling, Tohdoh suddenly found it difficult to keep it all within. Why was that? Was it Chiba's presence causing him to falter? How many times had he come to that exact place over the last ten days, and not so many as…?
"Again, I'm sorry," Tohdoh said, visibly fighting and struggling to hold himself down. "I know I'm not supposed to feel as I do now, not even for one like Senba."
The General gritted his teeth as he fought on. "I swore I would shed no more tears... not even for…"
"Kyoshiro," Chiba whispered, her voice trembling as she felt the pain from within. Once more, she was on unknown ground; that had been the first time she had referred to Tohdoh by his given name. Even so, she knew she could not back down if she wanted to save him. "It's…it's okay."
Upon Tohdoh turning to look at her, the first vestiges of tears finally emerging, Chiba pressed on. "You have to mourn. You have to cry. It may appear unbecoming, but it's what we are meant to do when facing loss. It's the only way we can continue."
Ever daring, she reached out and held her hand against Tohdoh's cheek. "Senba was not just another comrade. He was your friend as well as your family. It's only natural that you would feel his loss more than you would anyone else's."
Chiba then adopted a sad smile of her own. "So please let go, sir. While…" again, she nearly trailed off but willed herself back. "While you still can."
Only then did the first tear fall from Tohdoh's face, the Black Knight General trembling as the control he had fought so hard to keep began to slip away. "Na…gi…sa…" he was just able to murmur, speaking her own given name for the first time before his face at last degenerated. His lips peeled back as his eyes closed again, allowing it all out.
Reaching out to her superior, the man she had loved from the start, in comfort, Chiba held onto him as he wept silently into her shoulder. Both took solace in the fact that they were in that very place. The man responsible for the Miracle of Itsukushima could mourn his friend and his family's passing in peace.
It should have been so simple. He had the mirror in front of him, his normal and Geass-empowered eye staring him directly in the face. He knew the command he had originally placed on himself had been canceled during the Eildon episode when Jeremiah had used his unique power just after he had finished sending the data on Alexandra Land back to Ryukyu. All he had to do now was speak the command, to say, "You will be completely Zero," or something to that effect, and it would all be over. Lelouch vi Britannia would be erased, and Zero would remain in his place. And he would go on to finish what began at Shinjuku all those years ago.
So why, Lelouch demanded to himself. Why could he not speak the command? What was holding him back? Had he not resolved to win, regardless of the cost? He knew he had to do this. He knew he had to remove his humanity and emotions to be entirely cold and calculating. He knew it was the only way he would be Marrybell and, thereafter, his father. He knew there was far too much at stake for him to be "Lelouch vi Britannia" from that point on. So why? Why couldn't he…?
As much as he struggled with himself, he was not so unaware of his surroundings that he failed to hear the doorway open again. Sighing as he lowered the mirror and closed his eyes, he could only say. "I already told you what must be done, C.C., and nothing you say to me will change my mind."
"I'm not C.C.," a familiar voice responded from behind him. Eyes snapping open, Lelouch turned right in time for Kallen's right hook to smash against his cheek, the force being enough that he fell back in a near heap. Caught more by surprise than the newfound pain, Lelouch could only look back up in shock as his Knight of Zero stood there, a characteristically draconic fury in her eyes as she glared down at him. The standoff remained for some time before Lelouch finally blinked himself back to reality.
"I suppose I warrant that," Lelouch admitted as he stood back up, reaching to soothe his wounded cheek. "But it doesn't change anything Q-1."
"Don't call me that, you bastard," Kallen seethed with ever-increasing anger. "Don't make me out to be one of your random chess pieces, not after…"
Exhaling, Lelouch relented then and there. "Fair enough, Kallen," he responded in exasperation. "I trust C.C. filled you in?"
"She didn't have to," Kallen answered as she reached up to her face and brushed an all too certain part of it. The precise area where Lelouch's prior tears had fallen. "I've been aware this entire time."
Blinking again, Lelouch let out an even longer exhale. He should have known better. After all, her Geass was but a reflection of that awareness. "Then you should understand why I must do this."
"I understand that you're about to make the worst possible choice you could ever make," Kallen resounded. "I understand that, out of your usual misplaced sense of guilt, you're going to punish yourself in a way that there will be no recovery."
"'Punish?'" Lelouch laughed at the insinuation. "As opposed to neces…?"
"And I also understand that you're going to justify said punishment by claiming it as necessary," Kallen pointed out. "Just as you did repeatedly eight years ago."
That one hurt more than the punch. Lelouch hissed as he fought to avoid an outburst.
"Fine, Lelouch. You did something that no 'right-minded' commander would have done," Kallen dared step forward, closer to him. "You threw a battle you were about to win just to save the one who matters to you the most."
"How very high opinioned of yourself," Lelouch exclaimed. "Do you think…?"
"I know, Lelouch," Kallen interrupted as she glared at him. "As you said, I've long figured it out."
This time, Lelouch exhaled through his nostrils before more or less admitting. "Again, fair enough," he let out. "So what are you going to do now? Convince me to remain Lelouch vi Britannia? That our love will be enough to win the day or something so cliché?"
"Yes, and yes, but it won't just be our love that will win the day," Kallen stated unmovedly. "Lelouch vi Britannia, as opposed to Zero, will win the day."
"Lelouch vi Britannia is a pathetic whelp whose emotions and human desires have repeatedly overruled him," Lelouch countered. "No matter how much strength and power he has since gained, he will always be a fool and a weakling."
"He's a fool, yes, but he's far from a weakling," Kallen seethed in return. "Was it a weakling who fought to reverse the massacre at Shinjuku when, by all facts and logic, he should have taken the opportunity to run? Was it a weakling who turned the tide against Britannia for the first time since Area 11 was established?"
She then pointedly stated. "Was it a weakling that chose to continue fighting, even after he had been forced to kill his beloved sister and turn his best friend into his mortal enemy?"
Again, the blow struck hard, forcing Lelouch to struggle even further with himself. Damn you, Kallen.
"No, I dare say it's Zero that's the weakling." Kallen stepped even more forward to the point that she was directly in front of the man she loved—the man she was now fighting to save from himself. "Because Zero is but a hollow shell. A costume meant to hide the face of a man whose empathy, his capacity to love and fight for others beyond himself, is the driving force behind all he is. And all that he may yet accomplish."
"That very same 'driving force' caused me to end a battle I could have, should have won!" Lelouch bellowed back in his rising anger. "It could have ended then and there, Kallen! I was so close…!"
"Yes, it could have ended there," Kallen admitted, forever unyielding. "Perhaps it should have, as you say. But the cost would have been too great, even for you."
"That's why Lelouch vi Britannia must die!" Lelouch continued to bellow. "That's why I must forever after be the Demon King! I must do away with my…!"
"Damare konoyarou!" Kallen shouted back in turn. "Have you not heard a single word I just said? Your love and compassion are driving you forward, even now! You remove those, and you remove the source of your strength! The very source that drove you on from the start, well before you gained Geass!"
Only then did Lelouch step back from the recoil. Such was the intensity behind Kallen's words.
"I say it again, it will not be Zero who wins the day!" Kallen declared in full force while removing her right-hand glove. "It will be that boy I saw in Yokosuka! That high school student who began all of this for his beloved sister and ended up marshaling on for many more thereafter! That boy who, despite having just killed his friend's father, understood that he could not end it there!"
She then dared reach out and stroke her fingers against his cheek, just as he had done for her earlier. "The man I fell in love with, that I swore to follow to the…!"
Somehow willing himself onward, Lelouch swiped her hand aside. "I cannot be that man!" he bellowed, the tears making their grand return. "Why won't you understand that Kallen!?"
"You're the one who doesn't understand Lelouch!" Kallen bellowed in return, resisting the urge to deck him all over again. "You can't even understand that I never cared for this new world of yours! That the only thing I ever wanted out of all this was you!"
Again, Kallen reached out, this time grabbing Lelouch by the tunic. "Don't you see now!? Has it finally settled in!?" Kallen demanded as her own tears began to manifest. "You won't just be destroying Lelouch vi Britannia through this insanity! You will be destroying me as well!"
She then willed herself up to call out. "You're the source of my strength, Lelouch!"
Gritting his teeth to hold himself back, Lelouch very nearly gave in then and there. Again, he felt that temptation, that very desire—to remain with her, to yet hold onto hope that there would be something for him at the end—that, maybe, just maybe, he could win despite…
No, he again resolved to himself. He knew all too well that there was only one way to win, no matter how much it would hurt either of them. "I'm sorry, Kallen," he murmured, somehow retaining enough will to do so. "This must be done."
Shoving her back, he turned around and faced himself once more. "LELOUCH VI BRITANNIA COMMANDS YOU!" he called out, knowing that would be the last time he used that name. "YOU…!"
Once again, the words, the very words he knew he had to speak, stopped short. "You…!" Lelouch repeated, yet unable to speak anything further. He found himself trapped by his own reflection and the tearful, trembling eyes within. Only then did he at last understand.
Eyes closing shut in anguish, Lelouch let out another bellow as he threw aside the mirror, getting it as far from himself as possible.
"Lelouch!" he heard Kallen cry out to him as his knees gave way yet again, causing him to fall into her embrace.
The tears became even more abundant, and Lelouch felt his arms reach out around Kallen, grasping against the back of her uniform. He almost sank into her shoulder, his nose inhaling her scent. He felt his body and his will finally give way as he held her to himself.
"How…?" he breathed against her, trembling that much more as he spoke. "How can I win like this, Kallen? How can I…?"
"I don't know," Kallen whispered back, holding Lelouch to herself just as firmly. "I do not know how Lelouch. But…"
Gently raising his head back so that she could look directly into his eyes, Kallen offered a warm, reassuring smile. "I know that you will," she promised. "Because you are Lelouch vi Britannia."
She leaned in and kissed him, projecting everything she felt toward him—everything she knew him to be.
"Always and forever," she whispered for the last time before kissing him with even greater strength. To which Lelouch could only return with all of his strength and power, the very things that made him all he was. The same things that, somehow and in some way, would drive him to victory.