Rebel Without a Clause
A Gilmore Girls fanfic
Lorelai and Rory walk the streets of Stars Hollow, engaged in animated conversation.
"I'm just saying John, Paul, George and Pete wouldn't sound unusual."
"It would to Ringo!"
"But if they hadn't kicked Pete out of the band then no one would've heard of Ringo so it wouldn't sound strange."
"But I love Ringo," Rory insists.
"Really? Don't you think he looks like Yasser Arafat? And not in a good way."
"I love the young Ringo," Rory amends hastily.
"You are such an ageist."
"No Ringo, no Octopusses' Garden. Or...that other song he wrote."
Taylor Dozie steps out of his shop and ushers them inside. "Lorelai. Rory. Just the people I wanted to see. Come in. Come in. Care for some chocolate gateau?" He hands them both a plate of cake.
"Taylor, it's eight-thirty in the morning. So yes, please.
"That'll be five dollars."
"Just put it on my tab."
"Lorelai, you do not have a tab at Taylor Dozie's Old fashioned Soda Shop. This is not some rowdy bar or speakeasy where you can rack up jello shots willy-nilly without paying."
"Rack up jello shots? He knows me so well."
"Hmm, this gateau's delicious!" Rory enthuses. "Pay the man. Shower him in doubloons. It's worth every penny."
"Why thank you, Rory. Another satisfied customer."
"Perhaps we can include chocolate as one of the five portions of vegetables we're supposed to eat every day?" Lorelai suggests.
"Is chocolate a vegetable?"
"It comes from cocoa beans. Beans are vegetables. So I've heard."
"Aren't beans a legume? Or do I mean pulse?"
"Either way we're covered."
"One down four to go."
"When you're finished talking nonsense," Taylor admonishes.
"Oh we're never finished talking nonsense."
"Quite. I'd like you both to sign this petition."
"What petition's that, Taylor?"
"One looking to ban that motocross outfit from opening a racecourse on the outskirts of town. The last thing this town needs is lots of putative Hells Angels and Charles Manson wannabes chasing each other round and round in muddy circles."
"Motocross? Why haven't I heard of this?"
"It's a sport," Rory points out. "You hate sports."
"Only the ones where you have to do something. The passive do nothing sports I'm fine with."
"Just sign here..."
"Sorry, Taylor. No can do. This is way outside town. We won't even know they're here."
"You will when they head into town to slake their devilish desires."
"Slake their devilish desires? They're kids on trailbikes."
"Exactly. Honestly, Lorelai, you always have to be the rebel, don't you. Well, what are you rebelling against now?"
"What d'ya got?" Lorelai growls.
"Oooh - Marlon Brando! The Wild One."
"The young Brando, not the bald fat guy in a kaftan."
"A kaftan is not a good look on a motorbike."
"Why d'you need a petition anyway, Taylor? Why not just ban it."
"I'd love to ban it, unfortunately there is no clause in the town charter to ban something that is technically not taking place in the town."
"No clause? So I'm a rebel without a clause?"
"Very amusing, I'm sure. But If you won't sign that petition perhaps you'll sign this one?" Taylor suggests hopefully.
"Another petition? What are you today - Stars Hollow's answer to Joe McCarthy?"
"I wish. This is to protest the declining standards of movie night. The last movie had elements of cross-dressing and gratuitous nudity."
"It was Psycho. By Alfred Hitchcock. An alltime classic."
"That had elements of cross-dressing and gratuitous nudity."
"Jant Leigh is stabbed taking a shower. How is that gratuitous?" Rory demands. "She's in the shower ergo she's nude."
"Nice use of the word ergo."
"This petition demands that in future the only movies permitted are G-rated."
"But some of the best movies ever made aren't G-rated. The Godfather, Goodfellas, Scarface."
"All gangster movies. If it was up to you, Lorelai, Stars Hollow would be twinned with Sodom and Gomorrah."
"It's not like they're gonna screen Showgirls any time soon."
"Ooh - Elizathbeth Berkely.Saved By the Bell. I loved that show. I miss it."
"Hey, I wonder what Mr Belvedere would say? 'Hey, kiddo. Here's a fifty. Oil up and dance. Shake that moneymaker.'"
"Ewww! Way to besmirch a hallowed childhood memory, mom."
"It's what I'm here for, to besmirsch stuff."
"Well I see I'm not going to get any satisfaction out of you ladies-"
"-so I'll bid you both adieu."
Lorelai and Rory exit and continue walking down the street.
"Hey, suppose Stars Hollow really was twinned with Sodom and Gomorrah. Imagine what the exchange students would be like."
"We'd certainly have to change the bedlinen more often."
"You know who I'd like to see us twinned with? Cucamonga."
"I just like to say Cucamonga. Cucamonga, Cucamonga, Cucamonga."
"It is a fun word." Rory agrees. "Cucamonga, Cucamonga, Cucamonga."
"Is it me, or is Cucamonga starting to sound stale?"
"Yeah, I think we killed it."
Not so much a story as a scene that tries to capture the repartee that made the show so entertaining.