I do not own anything to do with Charmed

I thought nobody expected me to be perfect, to be able to keep the family together. I guess I was wrong. being the oldest sister isn't fun. Why couldn't she have told me that? why do I have to be the big sister now? this isn't something that I wanted; it was something that was handed over to me without a choice because my big sister died. I wish I could give it back. I haven't stopped crying since it happened. Since that evil thing came in and turned our lives upside down. Nothing like this should have to happen to us. why did we have to become witches? why did we grow up without parents? I ask so many questions but i know i will never get an answer, for i have been asking them my whole life. nobody understands what it is like to loose someone close to you. four times, i have lost someone close to me, they are just ripped away from me with no good bye. I wish this didn't have to happen to us. you watch as your sister dies and you don t understand why it had to be her, the strong one who could fight through anything. She was the one that knew what to do when something bad happened. she had been through it all.

Maybe it was finally her time to be able to rest and not have to worry about anything anymore. She was the one that was always in the middle when we were growing up. She had to make sure me and Prue wouldn't kill each other. Once Prue died, she had to become the oldest sister the one trying to make sure everyone would still be alive. She died protecting us because she loved me and Paige. As I look back on our life, I see one thing that seems to connect all of the deaths in our family which is magic. Our mom died from the water demon, grams had a heart attack because she was going to get rid of our powers and destiny didn't want that so they ended her life. Prue she died trying to save an innocent man from an evil that was after him. What do all these deaths have in common? Magic, that one simple word puts all those deaths into perspective. Since nobody knows that we are witches, they don t understand why everyone dies in our family, they feel it is an unexplainable tragedy. The more funerals I go to the more I want to run, hide, and never come out. To go away, and never feel the pain that I am feeling. The loss of someone so close to you is just so difficult. My life has never been easy, now it just got harder. I have to be the big sisters. I don t want to be the big sister it wasn't something that I ever wanted. I am used to being the middle sister or the baby sister that I don't know if I could take charge of everything. Protecting people isn't something that I am good at, I usually have people helping me and guiding me like my older sister. Now it is just my baby sister and me, we have to go on without any guidance. My sister is heartbroken she was there and saw everything happened, she tried to help but it didn't work. She feels responsible and I feel responsible what are we going to do? We haven t talked to each other much lately. We have been avoiding the questions that we know that are going to follow. Why piper had to die? What do we do now? Everything is so different now.

Piper was the one that seemed to keep us together; she helped us through everything she took over the big sister duty after Prue did. I don t know how she did that though. I am having trouble even thinking about having to do anything besides lie in bed and cry.
this is the first time that nobody has been here to comfort me. Nobody is left everyone is dead. Why does this always happen to us, why can't any one else go through this pain that we feel all the time. Life without tragedy would be a great life to live a life that I would wish for, the only life I have ever wanted.

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