Author's Chapter Notes:

Poor jack is blackmailed and punished by sam and daniel, but it makes for a good laugh

Bring.. . Bring. . .

"Ugh" Daniel groaned. Who could possibly be calling him this early on the one day off he had actually decided to spend sleeping in at home

"Hello" He grumbled.

"Daniel!" it was Jack, "I need your help, I just can't take it anymore."

"What's wrong?" Daniel was immediately awake at Jack's devastated voice.

"It's Sam. Every time we have an argument, she gets historical!"

"You mean hysterical," a poor confused Daniel asked.

"No, I mean HISTORICAL," the Jack insisted. "Every argument we have, she'll go .."I still remember that time when you ..."

Daniel sat back and got comfortable. What were friends for if not to listen to complaints? Besides, he was gonna hold this conversation over Jack's head later for blackmail, cause if Sam found out Jack would be toast.

Jack was sitting on the edge of his bed and thankfully, Grace was asleep. He stared observing Sam, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off, he decided to ask whatshe'd like to have for her birthday.

'I'd like to be four or five again', she replied with a pout on her face, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, dropped off Grace with Teal'c, made Sam a nice big bowl of Fruit Loops, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day!

He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a not-diet soda, and her favorite candy, M&M's.
Finally Sam wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly
asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being five again for your birthday?'

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. 'I meant my dress size, Jack!'
Whack!

"Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong" She said and then kissed him.

"Jack,"

"Yes honey," He had his puppy dog face up, hoping she wouldn't hit him again.

"You do know that my birthday isn't till next week, right"

Jack just stared at her hoping his brain would come up with something good to explain everything. Unfortunately he just blurted out "I'll take Grace to the Hannah Montana concert, so you don't have to."

Sam understood that this one deed would make Jack suffer enough, so she was content to cuddle with him and go to sleep knowing he would suffer an even better payback than the one she had originally planned.

Weeks Later

Jack had gotten back from the Hannah Montana concert with a rambunctious Grace in tow, but wasn't feeling well. He wasn't even whining or complaining, which really had Sam worried, and maybe feeling a little guilty. Sam heard a large thump and ran into their room to find Jack on the floor clutching his chest.

Later on, at the hospital, the doctor explained that jack had been the victim of a heart-attack. Long stressful hours passed, before Sam was allowed to see him. She was dismayed to find him hooked up to elaborate machines that blipped, hissed and beeped. She tiptoed toward his bed and, bending over him, whispered, "Jack, I'm here, and I love you." Then she kissed him. Suddenly there was a loud blippety-blip-blip from the equipment and blinking lights.

The next Day

"He was okay," Sam later explained to Daniel. "But after this many years of marriage it's nice to know that I can still make his heart skip when I kiss him."

Daniel turned to see and embarrassed, red-faced Jack. All Daniel could think was that he might be able to trade 'never telling a single soul about this story' to Jack for 'Jack never calling him that awful nickname, Spacemonkey, again.' Seeing Jack still red face as Sam continued the story, Daniel thought it just might work.

Chapter End Notes:

(The following outside the parenthesis is a joke in order to get you to review. In no way is the following true, but if it magically works you might consider e-mailing '' since a dog and blonde chick have taken over his site lol)

Review this story using at least 6 words and you will see the
Taco Bell dog run across your screen . If you
reviews this chapter using at least 20 words Paris Hilton comes out and
steals the taco bell dog. it is really funny and it works! you have to try it .