Author's Chapter Notes:
Jack gets himself in more trouble
When Sam was pregnant, Jack had warned her that he could tell their daughter was going to be a girly girl. Sam was sure Grace would be more like her. Sam watched 5 year old Grace with her cars and trucks. Sam prided myself on having raised Grace to play outside the confines of gender restrictions that had always frustrated her as a child. Beaming, Sam asked her about her game.
"Well," she answered innocently, "the big truck is the Ken, this car is the Barbie, and the little car is the baby."
Behind her, Sam heard a snort, and a muttered "I told you so." Later, she'd have to hit him.
Jack and Sam had seen that when Grace didn't have any friends over, she spent a lot of time in her room playing boardgames by herself. Not only that, but she talked as if their was someone there.
One day, Jack dragged his wife to the door of Grace's room. It was open and they could see Grace playing twister all by herself.
"Grace, who are you playing with" Jack asked.
"God" She said.
"Oh" Well this was a surprise. Though the family had gone to church on Sundays, they hadn't expected this.
Sam was still silent as Jack asked "How do you know who wins?"
Graces answer was priceless "Duh! Daddy, He's God, he always wins."
This week Jack was at home & playing house husband. Sam left a list of things he needed to do.
1). Make the beds...
What a waste of effort, we're only going to sleep in them again tonight. Forget that.
2). Pick up dog poop in yard...
It snowed last night, I don't see any dog poop, kids do you see any dog poop?
3). Drop your shirts off at the cleaners...
Duhh I'm on vacation I don't need them.
This is easy, what's the fuss.
Think I'll go on the computer for a while.
4). Clean out Tupperware cabinet...
Uhhhh that's a hard one. GOT IT, velcro on the door will keep them closed.
5). Mop kitchen floor...
The dog licked up that sugar spill from breakfast, floor looks clean to me.
Good doggie go play in the yard. She just loves rolling in the snow.
6). Find something fun for the kids to do...
That tin foil in the microwave thing was kinda fun.
This is way too easy I'll have lots of time for the computer
7). Vacuum the carpets...
That's a hard one...
Hey kids wanna have some more FUN.
8). Feed kids lunch...
Hey kids, don't you have a friends house to go too?
YESSSS Scratch eight !
9). Clean out hallway closet...
Hmmmm another hard one. That's it, take enough out of the closet to close the door. Outta sight outta mind. Hmmmm this other stuff can go under a bed.
Boy O Boy am I good, lunch time. Pour some chili into the cracker bag & eat. Taaa daaa no lunch dishs
10). Do laundry...
no problem I can do that while I'm on the computer
11). Fold laundry...
dang Ya know I never noticed how many pink things this family actually wears. Gonna have to ask da little lady why she buys me pale pink underwear? Check this out a cashmere barbie sweater, cool.
12) Put the laundry away...
Baskets in bedrooms work for me.
This is way too easy. Wonder why women always complain about house work?
13). Water the plants...
Oop's!... good thing the carpet is absorbent.
14). Grocery shopping, Buy toilet paper...
These old newspapers will do, besides, that's recycling & that's good for the earth...
15). Pick up Grace ...
Yeah right; we're talking about my kid here. Parents will normally pay to drop her back off.
She'll be back. Scratch fifteen.
Wonder who's on the computer. I have plenty of time.
16). Make dinner...
Easy, "Hello do you deliver ? uhhh double that, Ya know we will need more dinner tomorrow".
17). Clean out the dog house...
duhh the dog sleeps in our bed, Like that needs to be done.
WOW all done. Man this is sooooo easy. Still time for some more computer and a nap... Women must complain about house work just to make us guys think they're working.
Wish I was a chick !
When Sam arrived home, poor Jack was made to do it all over again the right way, and no longer desired to be a 'chick.'
5 things Jack said in Victoria's Secret that got him hit by Sam.
1.When sam came out in the miracle bra. "The Miracle What? This is better than world peace!"
Whack, she only hit him lightly because after all, it was a compliment.
2. When she came out in a plane boring color to go under her new dress. "My grandma would love to wear that." Whack!, yep she hit him hard for that one.
3.To the lady at the register when he thought Sam wasn't listening. "Do you have this with a Dallas Cowboy Logo on it?" Whack! Not too bad a hit, because at least he was fantasizing about her in the outfit rather than the actual cheerleaders.
- When she came out of the dressing room in some peach outfit that he begged her to try on. "No need to wrap it up, I'll eat it you up right here". Whack, another light one, because he really was adorable and at least he still enjoyed her body.
- When Sam was at the cash register with all they had looked at and decided to by 850 bucks? You're gonna end up NAKED anyways! Whack!, That one stung and poor Jack handed the cashier his card as he rubbed his sore head. "I mean your hot without all this so I don't get it. Your hottest to me in my hockey jersey." At that Sam couldn't help but feel a little guilty about all the money she was spending. "I'll fish at the cabin in whatever outfits we buy." As they walked out of the store, Jack was begging for her to spend at least a 1,000.
Chapter End Notes:
Pretend your most psycho childhood teacher gave you a spiel on reviewing. After that torture, please review and thank God you are no longer a child