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The Pain of Miranda

The months after the events of Miranda were aching and hard; the slow healing was taken in the small things, the insignificant details that meant the world. The repainting of Serenity, the washing away of the red paint that was so painfully similar to blood, the first poker game without Wash and Shepherd Book and the first few smiles that came genuinely to the crew's faces.

A slow healing but a healing nether the less

Admittedly Wash's dinosaurs had a heart or two poured out them before the person realised what they were doing, talking to inanimate objects was a sign of madness wasn't it? But a little madness seemed a welcoming escape when your world was shattering like glass. A burial was meant to bring closure but the effects lingered still; pain long thought buried continued swirling back like shadows of smoke that choked the crew.

The entire crew was effected, just some broke more discreetly than others, events like Miranda can bind a crew together but Zoë never realised before that such a bind was made of heartbreak. Zoë had retreated inside herself; struggling to remain strong but crumbled as waves of grief battered against her walls of determination. To be strong against the tide is nothing short of impossible.

But it didn't stop her trying

Mal stares defiantly into space now, not allowing himself to suffer any form of weakness, a hopeless goal but Mal refused to shed a tear. He tried to convince himself and the others around him that the moisture in his eyes is not tears

Even he could tell he was lying

Jayne was no newcomer to pain or loss. He had seen his share of death and pain; he was the gruff one, the mercenary, the ruthless tactless Jayne that everyone thought he was.

Late at night he stared blankly at his guns wondering if he wants to be someone else

Inara tries to be there for Mal but he never notices anymore. Inara watched seemingly emotionlessly as Book was buried. No one knew she had gone back and stared at Shepherd Book's grave for the long time.

She hasn't had a client since

Kaylee didn't think they would lose anyone as the events of Miranda played out. It never occurred to her that it was even possible; it just didn't fit her idea of what could be. Kaylee's bubble world on Serenity was always fiiled with light, happiness and endless high jinks

She's had to rethink a lot of things

Simon's life had always revolved around his sister. But now he has lost two friends; the blame and guilt settles like a heavy burden on his chest each night, constricting his breath as he wonders what he could have done different. Simon watched as his friends were buried and felt overwhelming guilt as he recalled being overjoyed when he saw River had survived the Reavers

Forgetting about their losses for that one instant as he looked at River

And where was River? She felt every single pain, feeling of guilt, anger and shame that she saw her crew suffering. The emotions she was surrounded with raked at her as if with knifes, cutting her to her core. She never knew whose tears she was shedding

She hoped some of them were her own