Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon, but I do have ownership rights to this... er... special story.

A/N: Possibly one of the weirdest ideas I have ever had for a fanfic, but hey, it makes for an entertaining plot! :-P Reviews greatly appreciated. This is going to be a multiple-part short story.

Summary: What started out a harmless game suddenly became an incredibly awkward situation... The four Inner Senshi are dared by Haruka to spend one night staked out in Mamoru's closet without being caught. Never ones to be labelled 'chicken', the girls follow through... and get the surprise of their lives when Usagi shows up mere minutes later! Unfortunately for them, she's in a particularly lusty mood... And so is their dashing chevalier. Now truly stuck in Mamoru's bedroom of all places, the Inners are forced to play audience to their Prince and Princess doing the deed... with mixed reactions from all. Humorous, romantic, and slightly dirty! :-P Enjoy!

A/N: This is the penultimate chapter here, folks. Only one left! It's a little fluffy around the edges, but still just as hilarious as a whole. Enjoy, and thank you to Jenbunny, Bronze Wolf, allj'dorestar, Chichiforever, Edward4ever1992, Runadaemon, Miss DnG, curiosayh, snoopykid, merangelgal, Ummster, woodnymph01, CharmedSerenity3, Blood Red Kiss of Death, sasumiofjp, xo Usako ox, ange de l'aube, LunaV-chan, Serandi82, .xCuriousx., mangamania, Hikari Urania, iohsoquiet, Ashgeliton, iluvboys, mizqt, PrincessSerenity1976, angel03618, SexyInuSailor1, Celeste-Love, Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell, Eternal Lady, sticksfriend, deva fiend, ~serenausagi96~, SilverMyst, PriestessHelene, renkhal, Callista Wolfwood, Beloved Dawn, SlackerDee, SweetIvette13, chimichurri, Kirei Tsuki, Ayanai Syn Roijin, Rayne StarDust, Mystic Dodo, Flying Snowflake of Hope, DavisJes, small town minx, earlschibiangel, and skepsis66. You are all WONDERFUL and I will miss you when this story ends! Please continue to support me ^^.

Warning: Adult content! Swearing! Younger readers beware! Rated M.

One Dark and Perverted Night

Part 14: "Blackmail and Bolt, Anyone?"


"M-M-Minako-chan... did you just do what I think you did?" Rei moaned, peeking through her fingers. Minako merely mouthed incomprehensibly, staring down at her pungent mess nestled in pea green (or should it be called 'pee' green, now?). Makoto snickered.

"Well, I suppose that was one way to show your distaste for them."

"I-I-I..."

"I take it this means no burning party?" Makoto continued, cutting through Minako's ramblings and perfectly at ease with the situation as she turned to Rei. The raven head gaped at her friend.

"As if we haven't desecrated Mamoru-san's belongings enough! Minako-chan just PISSED on his jacket! On his jacket! Do you know what he'll do to us if he finds out? He WORSHIPS those freaks of nature!" Rei exclaimed, and Makoto smacked a hand over her mouth.

"Keep it down, would you? Usagi-chan may be a heavy sleeper, but Mamoru-san just twitched!" the girl hissed, jerking her head toward the slit. "Don't forget where we are." Makoto released Rei gingerly, and the priestess muttered a foul oath under her breath.

"As if I could forget we're holed up in a cramped little closet," she growled in a low, dangerous voice. "Yes, I'm sorry, I'll stop imagining this is my spacious and cozy bedroom, Mako-chan. Or better yet, a bathroom to urinate all over!"

Minako received a deathly glare from Rei's corner of the closet. Corner, because everyone who was not still naked from the waist down had pressed themselves into the wall farthest from the blonde's smelly excrement. The teen blushed, seeming to notice this fact as she wiped herself on a second pea green jacket (Makoto's lips quivered and Rei's forehead vein pulsed sporadically) and shoved her skirt back on. As if realizing she'd just defiled another article of Mamoru's clothing, Minako swore.

"Well it's no use now; wrap it around your... wastes... to minimize the stench," Rei half-snarled, left eye now having tourettes of some sort. Minako grimaced as she carried out the deed, making little gagging noises as she tucked the jackets into a ball and stuffed them into the shadowy depths of the closet. Rei sniffed disparagingly, no sympathy whatsoever for the suffering of her comrade.

"Poor Mamoru-san," Makoto giggled. "His bedroom's going to reek in the morning..."

"Correction- poor us," Rei grunted. "You forget we'll be enjoying this closet for a few hours more." Not to mention Minako's malodor...

"You think he'll get suspicious?" Minako spoke up worriedly, coming over to sit beside Ami's passed out form. Rei scooted visibly closer to Makoto.

"No, Minako-chan, of course not. Mamoru-san is used to his bedroom reeking of piss; he definitely won't want to look for its source," Rei reassured most sarcastically. "You know, your serious lack of judgement may have damned us all; congratulations on a fantastic display of why blondes are dumb."

Minako got a funny expression on her face as she turned away. "It's not my fault, you know. You two are the ones who wouldn't let me leave. I told you I couldn't hold it!"

"And since when do you listen to us!" Rei cried. Makoto shot her a warning glance and she lowered the volume significantly. "You never think! You can be so daft sometimes, Minako-chan! So stupid!"

"I'm not stupid," Minako whispered brokenly, and suddenly Makoto wasn't smiling anymore. Rei realized she'd gone too far again, letting anger blind her as Minako forlornly crawled her way over to the other corner, facing the wall. Quiescence reigned for a full minute.

"Minako-chan...?"

"I really have nothing to say to you anymore, Rei-chan."

Makoto exchanged a meaningful glance with Rei. The latter twisted her countenance, eyes pleading, but the brunette wouldn't succumb. She wordlessly pointed to Minako and inclined her head, as if coaxing, Fix this now, before it's too late! Rei ended the silent conversation with a sigh, fielding Ami and approaching Minako hesitantly.

"Minako-chan, I didn't mean what I said. You're not stupid- I am. I always open my big mouth and spew out hypocritical stuff- I don't think, and I didn't then. I'm so sorry if I hurt your feelings," Rei apologized, waiting breathlessly to see how her companion would react. Minako pinned big, watery blue eyes on the eighteen-year-old.

"You... you mean that? Really?"

"Minako-chan, if I've managed not to kill you after being forced together for a whole night in a tiny closet, I must mean that," Rei chuckled, starting when Minako threw her arms around her.

"Y-y-you're s-s-such a g-good friend," Minako proclaimed, shoulders shaking.

"Er... I guess so..." Rei acknowledged, patting Minako's back awkwardly. Makoto gave a thumbs-up and wink combination at them from across Ami. Rei smirked at her, inwardly in awe at Minako's powers of forgiveness... so similar to Usagi's, in fact. She suddenly wished she could possess a trait as honorable as that. Life would be so much easier without the millstone fury and grudges produced.

oOo

The night wore on slowly after Rei and Minako's reconciliation. The closet hadn't started to stink yet, but that was probably because Minako- in a burst of inspiration- had decided to wrap (and spoil) yet another green jacket around her bundle for good measure. Of course, it was no loss to the girls, so everyone agreed heartily to save themselves the possibility of discovery. Mamoru would have to buy some more, but then again, he seemed to have an endless supply and perhaps would not notice. Eventually, the closet dwellers had fallen prey to slumber, piled together with Ami's body as a pillow (hey, it's not like she cared).

That is, until an enormous clap of thunder resounded throughout the air, startling more than just our Inners awake.

"Mamo-chan!"

"Usako?" Mamoru responded blearily, feeling Usagi tremble against his chest as another round of lightning flecked the sky, illuminating her scared features.

"I hate thunder, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!" she sobbed, and Mamoru smiled gently.

"Don't worry; I've got you," he whispered into her ear, stroking the blonde's spine to ease her tremors. "Don't be afraid; I'm here..."

Usagi's shivering slowly decreased as Mamoru continued to murmur nonsense and caress, strong arms tugging her close as the storm raged above them.

"Shh, just go back to sleep; I'll protect you," her chevalier was crooning, and Usagi relaxed. He wouldn't let anything hurt her... she was safe, in his loving grip...

"I love you, Mamo-chan," the Moon Princess sighed against his heart sleepily, before shutting her eyes and melting into his embrace. Within seconds, she was snoring and Mamoru had laid his head back against the pillow.

"That's so cute!" Minako giggled at the exchange, but everyone had fallen back into dreamy oblivion. The teen frowned irritably, settling back down against Ami's neck. "Wouldn't appreciate a romantic encounter if it hit them square in the face..."

oOo

"Get. Up! Get up, get up, get up! We overslept!" Rei freaked, shaking Minako and Makoto roughly. Makoto grumbled what sounded like a very ugly profanity while Minako just rolled over with a soft,

"Mmm, elephants... come back... I wanna... pet... pretty snout..."

"NOW!" the priestess hissed, just short of shrieking as she yanked them up by their collars. Sunlight was streaming through the shaft in the door. "Mamoru-san. is. AWAKE! He's in the kitchen getting ready for work and WE HAVEN'T LEFT YET!"

"...what!?" Makoto, finally coming to full awareness with Minako, yelped quietly. "Oh fuck, we should have left already!"

"Brilliant deduction, Watson!" Rei scoffed. "God, we need Ami-chan right now... dammit, she still won't come out of her little coma; I think we're going to have to drag her-"

"Are you suggesting we try and get out now!? With Mamoru-san prancing about his kitchen!?" Minako gasped, floored by the insanity in Rei's opine. "I know you've got cabin, er, closet-fever, but this is no time to hump the gun!"

"Er, I know there was a lot of that earlier, but I think you mean 'jump'," Makoto inserted with a snicker.

"He's hungover; he won't even notice," Rei answered Minako, waving a nonchalant hand.

"Good point, but I think we should wait until he's gone to work," Makoto put in, listening to the coffee maker brewing. She peeked out the slit and saw that Usagi was gone, bed rumpled but empty.

"Nonsense, now all we have to do is-"

"Shut up and hide!" Makoto interrupted, listening to a pair of footsteps come clacking into the bedroom's vicinity. She lunged into the corner, practically straddling Ami as the others followed suit. The door slid open and the Inners froze, deer-in-headlights expression marring every visage. A hand and half of Mamoru's head leaned in, the former ruffling through his large selection of jackets as no one dared to breathe. He tugged one out, examining the fabric with a keen eye before setting it back and choosing another. His hand seemed to fondle each as it passed by. Ew, jacket molestation! Wasn't there a law against that or something...?

Please let it be dark, please let it be dark, Rei prayed as Mamoru glanced down the line. Let the shadows hide our feet, *please*...

Apparently, luck favored the Senshi today, because Mamoru paused in his eye sweep and grabbed up a jacket not one foot from the hidden warriors. He pulled it out, grinning. Another jacket slid from its hanger as the moonlighting superhero closed the closet door. Makoto started to disentangle herself from their cluster, but Rei laid a hand on her friend's shoulder.

"Don't move," the Fire Senshi warned, barely audible in the silence. "Hungover or not, Mamoru-san will be back; he can't stand a thing out of place- believe me, I used to date him..."

She was right. A few seconds later, Mamoru's footsteps returned and the closet door was lurched open again. The man sighed, bending forward and in as he reached for the fallen-

"WHAT THE FUCK!?"

The Senshi gasped as Mamoru's hand grabbed Ami's thigh. He reeled back onto his knees, then stared into the shadows again, only to be met with Minako's hand.

SMACK!

"You pervert!"

"M-M-Minako-san? What the fuck?"

"How dare you touch a girl so close to her privates!"

"Minako-san, what the hell are you doing in my closet!?"

"It's an outrage! A scandal!" Minako yelled, covering up for Rei and Makoto's whispered, "Blackmail and bolt, you reckon?" "Mako-chan, that is the most intelligent idea out of your mouth this whole fiasco of a dare."

"Answer me, Minako-san," Mamoru growled, noticing the way she was clearly avoiding the subject.

"Disgusting-"

"ARE ALL OF YOU IN THERE!?" Mamoru suddenly howled, catching sight of a flash of Rei's black hair and Makoto's leg as it shifted. "HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN IN MY CLOSET!? AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY CLOSET!?"

"Er..."

"GET OUT! GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT, AND EXPLAIN YOURSELVES!"

"Um... what if we'd rather not?" Makoto's little voice issued from out the depths of his pea green sanctuary. The brunette, who before had been complaining of how cramped these quarters were, suddenly felt the dark closet to be a very comfy home. Yes, very lovely indeed. Maybe they could just live here forever?

"Only if Usagi-chan isn't there-" Minako began darkly, but Rei slapped a hand over her mouth when Mamoru gave an enraged roar.

"YOU SAW THAT!"

"Only... a little..."

"YOU SAW THAT!"

"Well, well, it was really dark, and there's only a slit you see-"

"YOU SAW THAT!" Apparently, and rightly so, Mamoru couldn't quite get over the fact that he and Usagi had had an audience during their first time. Makoto grimaced, but Rei stuck her face through the jackets to glare at Mamoru.

"Now see here, Mamoru-san. We now have proof of yours and Usagi's exploits- on film, might I add-"

"On film?" Mamoru mouthed in horror, and Rei pinched Minako when the girl started to protest.

"Yes, on film. So if you even think of telling Usagi about our presence- er, or any of the Outers, for that matter-"

"Especially Haruka-san!" Minako cut in fiercely, and Mamoru furrowed his brow in confusion.

"Yes, especially Haruka-san- then we the Inners will show this video to all of your friends. And that includes Motoki-san, who we all know would skin you alive for doing his surrogate little sister!"

"Heck, maybe even Tsukino Kenji will get a... special delivery," Makoto added evilly. She could just hear the absolute terror in Mamoru's voice as he whispered,

"You wouldn't!"

"Oh, we would," Rei promised. "Now let us go quietly, and none of us will ever speak of this day again."

"Fine," Mamoru concurred, turning scarlet red as the girls paraded out of his closet one by one, pulling Ami by the arms. Each girl gave him a knowing look that he did not like one bit. "Er, what's wrong with-"

"Ami-chan saw more than she could handle," Minako told him simply, and Mamoru went an even brighter crimson than he was before.

"Um, just... mind the neighbors, would you? Most people don't go dragging girls around like that. We're a respectable apartment complex, and I've a reputation to uphold."

"Fine, fine..." Rei waved, leading their disheveled troupe out into the hallway as she called, "Remember, Mamoru-san! It's allllll on tape!"

They were so close to salvation when-

"Hey, what's that smell- WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU LEAVE IN MY CLOSET THAT SMELLS LIKE URINE!?"

"RUN!" Rei screamed, helping Makoto to pick up Ami as Minako lunged for the elevator.


A/N: Hahahaha, oh man, that was epic ^^. I've had that part planned for a while. Only one chapter to go, guys, and it is where we shall find out the Inners' revenge! Mwhahaha!

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