O.K. this 1 shot is set before Jimmy's arrival at Bullworth, Hence before the start of the game… dedicated to those who have read and reviewed my bully fic so far…


Song lyrics courtesy of Tom Lehrer, bully is copyright

Rockstar, I own my own imagination, thank you…

Beatrice's first chemistry class

Today was the day Beatrice Pamela Trudeau would set foot in a chemistry laboratory for the first time… she knew here periodic table back to front and upside down of course….

She sat down and waited for the teacher… in due course an old man in a white lab coat appeared… "Hello, you are my new Students; I am Dr Watts, your chemistry teacher, and I do not tolerate messing around in my class as we work with volatile chemicals, anyone messing around in my class will leave and not come back. You have been warned."

Now can anybody name a few chemical elements for me… I'll write them on the board as we go…

Beatrice's hand went up and when nobody else dared challenge her, least of all Gary Smith, as he knew she was a bright spark when it came to chemistry… he had seen her in the science section yesterday evening learning what she thought she would need to know… Bookworm

He thought to himself…

"yes, miss…?"

"Trudeau, Sir, Beatrice Pamela Trudeau"

"well why don't you start us off with 2 or 3 then, Beatrice?"

Beatrice gave a small smile and broke into song…

"There's antimony, arsenic, aluminium, selenium, and hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium, and nickel, neodymium, neptunium, germanium, and iron, americium, ruthenium, uranium, Europium, zirconium, lutetium, vanadium, And lanthanum and osmium and astatine and radium, And gold and protactinium and indium and gallium, (quick breath of air) And iodine and thorium and thulium and thallium."

Dr Watts was struggling to keep up… after 5 minutes furious scribbling with his marker pen he stopped and said "Very good my dear… I assume you know the next verse…"

Verse? It's a song about science Gary thought to himself Talk about your Hermione type bookworm know it all who will be top of this class.

"you'd like the next verse of the song sir? well I do believe it goes like this…" Said Beatrice

She took a breath and started singing again "There's yttrium, ytterbium, actinium, rubidium, and boron, gadolinium, niobium, iridium, and strontium and silicon and silver and samarium, and bismuth, bromine, lithium, beryllium, and barium!"

Gary this time could not hold himself in… "What a load of crap" he muttered… "Random elements strung together to rhyme…"

"Detention for you Mr Smith" said Dr Watts… "How dare you ridicule the work of one of the greatest scientific lecturers slash musical Talents this country has ever known" he then directed his attention to Beatrice "please continue if you will"

"With pleasure" she announced through gritted teeth and then glared at Gary

Detention, so what? Like I'll even go... Gary mused to himself

Beatrice cleared her throat and intoned "There's holmium and helium and hafnium and erbium, and phosphorus and francium and fluorine and terbium, and manganese and mercury, molybdenum, magnesium, Dysprosium and scandium and cerium and cesium. And lead, praseodymium, and platinum, plutonium, Palladium, promethium, potassium, polonium, and tantalum, technetium, titanium, tellurium, And cadmium and calcium and chromium and curium."

"well done indeed" said Dr Watts, "now for an extra credit, can you finish the tune?"

Extra credit for reciting a song that's just stupid, and I get detention for saying what I think of it… Watts is losing his touch… what next? Teaching us how to make itching powder, firecrackers and stink bombs?

Beatrice launched into the final part of the song and it went like so:-

"There's sulphur, californium, and fermium, berkelium, and also mendelevium, einsteinium, nobelium, And argon, krypton, neon, radon, xenon, zinc, and rhodium, And chlorine, carbon, cobalt, copper, tungsten, tin, and sodium.

These are the only ones of which the news has come to Harvard, and there may be many others, but they haven't been discovered!"

She stood up and took a bow…. The assembled students began to applaud… even Gary realised she was something special…

"Well, I'll be…" Said Dr Watts "I'll have a word with the principal about possibly putting you in touch with Harvard Med… do you have an interest in becoming a doctor?"

"Yes, I do" said Beatrice with full conviction "Oncology or Neurosurgery"

"Well after that performance, I can see you will go far in your chosen field of expertise… oh yes, of course… the song was?" he asked of Beatrice "The Elements, By Tom Lehrer" she responded

"Well done… Class Dismissed, Mr Smith, stay behind so we can arrange your detention… the rest of you may go…"

outside in the hallway, Mandy and Pinky were discussing what they had seen in class…

"She's good, no denying it…" Said Pinky… "a little too good in my book… Total nerd" responded Mandy "you know I have half a mind to steal her notes 1 day, then see how she performs in class…"

"Good idea" said Gary who had just emerged from class with his detention slip (another one for the collection, all of which he had not even attended…) nobody messed with Gary, and the prefects didn't bother enforcing the detentions he had been given…

"what do you suggest?" asked Mandy "well you are in the ideal place to steal them given you would not be trespassing… if she protests… tell her you're the queen around here, and you can do whatever you want… insult her about her braces and her spots… that should deflate her… ok she'll tell the principal, but your popular enough that you will get away with it…"

Mandy thought to herself… yeah, good idea… and it was only a matter of time before she would enact that plan…

"See you round Gary… Pinky and I have Cheerleading practice in a half hour, so we better get going…"

but for now she had to go take Pinky to the clubhouse, there was a bed there, and there had definitely been some romantic feelings between them… she'd show her what chemistry she knew, not to mention physics and biology…

So that's the start of Pinky and Mandy's love affair, and a bit of
background to why Beatrice is so nerdy… and of course a teachers pet to Dr Watts…

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