A/N: This is actually the first thing I have ever written so I apologize in advance if there is any spelling or grammatical errors or if it just plain sucks. I had thought about breaking this down into multiple chapters, but had decided against it. I have had this chapter done for a couple of weeks and I have gone over it a half dozen times looking for errors, but I'm sure there are plenty that I have missed. Sometime in the near future I will be redoing all of the chapters to correct mistakes and try to add more content. I have been contemplating whether or not I should post this chapter. I am somewhat worried that it isn't really as good as I think it is, because I know what my intents and purposes were so it might make more sense to me then it does you. It gets a little funky at times but bare with it, it should all make sense at the end (hopefully). There is a little bit of sexual content towards the end. Comments and criticism are welcome, good and bad. Thanks for reading.


Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion, If I did, I would have pistol whipped the son of a bitch that changed Asuka's last name. That (plus that other thing that happened to her) ruined the movie for me.


"speech, sounds"

The warehouse district of Tokyo 3 had fell upon hard times since the Angels had started attacking. Most of the businesses quickly realized that the lower tax rate that Tokyo 3 offers as an incentive was really too good to be true, what's the point of getting a tax break when your building is crushed by a ten story robot? This side of town is ignored by pretty much everybody, except the lower echelon of society. To them, a five city block radius of empty, dilapidated buildings is a perfect place to conduct business. Who wouldn't want a large, unsecured area for dumping bodies, drug sales or even a great place to bang a whore? Unfortunately -for one brown haired, green eyed Shinji stealing bitch- it was also a great place to deal with your subordinates that don't follow through with their orders.

"Do you care to explain why you were unable to complete your mission?" Said a tall, light skinned man with sandy blonde hair as he took a drag from his smoke.

"I-I-I'm sorry sir, I-I let my feelings get in the way of my mission." Tamara's arms and legs were duck taped to the chair; her face was bruised and bloodied. The fact that she was still alive gave her hope that they still had a use for her, and as long as she remained useful she would remain alive. However, that didn't stop them from showing there displeasure for the way she had deviated from the scenario. Surprisingly, she was happy to be beaten -not that she gets off on pain or anything- It's just that being hit by a guy twice her size is preferable to taking a bullet. She knew that is what would happen when she no longer had a purpose.

"You were supposed to make his death look like an accident!" His fist came cracking down on to her cheek, her blood splattered on the ground beneath her. "You let your emotions interfere with the mission! And because of that, we had to take a more direct approach!" Tamara was trying to shake the stars from her vision as another fist collided with her face, forcing her and the chair to topple over and causing her head to smack the cracked concrete floor. Tamara's face was plastered against the floor, her ragged breaths kicked up dust with every exhale. She watched her captor pull out a cellphone.

"Yes sir?"

"Ramirez is dead and Pilot Ikari was still alive when they put him in the VTOL. He's currently in room 352 of the ICU devision. He's on life support, however, my sources say there is a 70% chance of him making a full recovery."

"Shit, how do you want me to handle this?" The unknown man said as he stepped on his cigarette.

"I expect agent Kinasha to finish her mission."

"Is that wise sir?"

"Are you questioning your Commanders orders?"

"Of coarse not sir"

"Very well" The unknown man closed his cellphone and placed it in his pocket.

"Well agent Kinasha, it looks like today is your lucky day."

Tamara released the breath she had been holding as her and the chair were righted. The unknown agent cut the tape that was securing her to the chair, she rubbed her wrists before being handed a rag to clean the blood off of her face. She winced in pain as she stood, her legs were wobbly from the lack of blood flow and her jaw popped as she spoke. "Why is it my lucky day?" The nameless agent pulled a brushed aluminum container out of his pocket (it opened in a 'clamshell' fashion), he then pulled a cigarette from it. He put the Marlboro up to his lips, a chrome Zippo with a Celtic Cross was retrieved from his left pants pocket. He lit the smoke and a pulled a drag before speaking. "The Commander has decided that you will finish your mission." Tamara nodded her head in acknowledgment. "What if I decline to kill Shinji?" The agent laughed as he flicked his ashes. "It's Shinji now is it?" He took another hit off of his cigarette. "If you decline to finish your objective then I will have no choice but to end your life." The calmness with which he spoke sent shivers down her spine. She knew she had very little choice if she wanted to remain alive.

"I'll do it, but I think Pilot Soryu might be a problem."

"Why would she be a problem?" The agent blew smoke out of his nostrils as he spoke.

"I assume she will not allow me to be around him after what I did to him."

"If she becomes a problem then I will arrange for her to be... dealt with so to speak. I've always had a thing for redheads." The wicked grin on his face made Tamara cringe. 'Fucking rapist' She thought to herself.

Room 352 held a sight that has never been witnessed before, in said room was one Shinji Ikari, this in its self was nothing new, but the mane of red hair adorning his stomach was. (Normally visitors to a patient in the ICU would not be allowed such closeness, but what's the point of being a savior of the world if not for it's perks?) Asuka had been glued to his bedside for the last twenty-six hours, the only time she left his side was to use the facilities. When awake, she would just hold his right hand and stare at his chest rising and falling to the rhythm of the breathing apparatus attached to the wall. Her face was of constant sorrow, her eyes seemed to always have tears just at the edge trying desperately to escape their light blue prison. The only words uttered from her mouth were "Baka Shinji".

Asuka was restless, the thoughts running through her mind betrayed her egotistical facade, one of the many walls used to protect the fragile girl that hid behind them. It's kinda ironic that she would use aggressive outburst and violent actions as her own form of an AT field, she should have remembered that two opposing AT fields cancel each other out. Shinji's self loathing and shyness were a worthy adversary to her contempt and self hatred. It was a scenario not even Gendo could have predicted. Two polar personalities clashing together to fill and complement the others short comings, the barriers they used were worthless against each other, it bonded them together without either of their knowledge or consent. The weak spineless baka was capable of hurting her worse then any other person that has been in her life. This made her feel vulnerable. She hated feeling vulnerable. She hated him for making her feel vulnerable.

Shinji would pay for making her feel this way, she just hoped he would pay with affection.

"Baka, if you will wake up right now I promise to stop yelling at you for saying sorry." Shinji gave no inclination that he had understood her words.

"Why won't you wake up? Did I do something wrong Shinji?"

There was no sudden peak of activity on the machine that monitored his brain waves, he didn't suddenly squeeze her hand or miraculously open his eyes and embrace her. Nothing had changed, although, she really didn't expect anything to.

"Is it because of the Eva's? Is this your easy way out of being forced to pilot Again?" Asuka squeezed his hand. "I know you hate the Eva's, but if it wasn't for the Eva's you would have never met me."

Asuka thought about what she had just said, the thing that took her mother, father, childhood and innocence away from her, is the same thing that gave her Shinji. The object that had allowed her to be mind raped by an angel, is the same thing that showed Asuka that Shinji would be willing to sacrifice himself to save her. The one thing that has taken every person away from her has now given her the only person she would ever need, no, the only person she would ever want to need. The person that has invalidated the last ten years of her life in a matter of months is now the same one that validates her present, and with a little luck, her future. This weak spineless baka was her everything, yet like most cruel jokes, that everything was teetering on the edge of being ripped away.

"Hey baka, how dare you keep ignoring the great Asuka Langley Soryu! You need to wake your lazy ass up and talk to me!" She slowly lifted her head from his stomach, she looked at his closed eyes and cupped his cheek. "Please wake up Shinji... I don't know if I could go on with out you" a tear escaped its captor and slowly ran down her cheek.

"He's going to make it Asuka." Misato's voice startled the tearful kruat. She quickly dried her eyes on her long sleeved hoodie. "I didn't hear you come in" Asuka tried to appear indifferent to the situation. Misato knew Asuka's pride wouldn't let her show her how much she hurts seeing him on life support, so Misato took the initiative and embraced her. Asuka placed her head in the crook of Misato's neck and openly cried in front of her for the first time. It was also the first time she has felt anything but contempt for Misato.

"I-It's my f-fault Misato!" Sobbed Asuka.

"This isn't your fault Asuka."

"If I wouldn't have teased him this morning she wouldn't have beat him up and he would have still been at school!" Asuka tightened her grip on Misato, who in turn started running her fingers through Asuka's hair. "You didn't pull the trigger Asuka, in fact, Toji had told me that you had tried to protect Shinji." Misato cocked her head to the side and detached Asuka from herself. "Wait, what do you mean she beat him up?" Asuka cleared her throat before telling Misato about the events that had transpired yesterday morning.

"So let me get this straight, you two fooled around and he told her?"


"Why the hell would he tell her?" Asked a confused Misato.

"I don't call him a stooge just to be a bitch, well, most of the time." Asuka put her arms around her stomach.

"I just don't understand it."

"Regardless of how stupid it was, he did the right thing by telling her. I know that if I was her I would want to know." Asuka said softly.

"I take it you have never been cheated on?"

"Misato, I've never had a boyfriend."

"Oh, sorry I forgot. Well at least you have one now." Misato spoke with a smile.

"W-We haven't had that talk yet." Asuka latched herself to Misato again as her tears resumed.

"Shhhh, he's going to be just fine Asuka." Seeing Asuka being concerned about Shinji was a relief to her. The first couple of time she had visited Shinji Asuka would just be staring at him with a blank expression on her face, she hadn't even acknowledged Misato's presence. She had known about Kyoko's mental breakdown, and her eventual suicide. Misato was worried that Asuka was showing early signs of heading down that same path.

"You don't know that!" Asuka yelled as she pushed herself away from her guardian.

"Nobody does Asuka! That doesn't mean we can't hope for the best!" Retorted the drunkard.

"It just seems like your minimizing the severity of this situation."

"Asuka, you have always made a mockery of Shinji's strength. I on the other hand have no doubt in my mind that Shinji is strong enough to pull through."

"I'm just afraid of losing him Misato. We may not be much but he's all I have. I can't afford to lose him."

Both of the rooms occupants turn away from each other and stare at the afore mentioned patient in room 352. Asuka walks back over to her chair and resumes her vigil over the third child. Misato walks over to her and places her hand on her shoulder. "Why don't you go home, get a shower and a change of clothes, then when you come back I will go get us dinner." Asuka looked at Misato questioningly, her hands squeezed Shinji's. "Call me if something happens before I get back." It was Misato's turn to nod. "I promise Asuka." Asuka stood up, bent over and placed a kiss on Shinji's cheek. "I'll be right back baka." The Bavarian beauty walked out of the room and into the waiting area of the ICU department. Asuka was quickly enveloped in a hug by Hikari. "How is he?" Asked Hikari.

"The doctors won't talk to me, but Misato keeps telling me that he will make it." Asuka squeezed her before letting go.

"Why won't the doctors tell you?" Asked Toji.

"Misato's orders, I think she is tired of seeing me cry." Asuka said with a tearful chuckle.

"I never knew the devil could cry." This earned Kensuke a glare from Hikari and the finger from Asuka.

"Dude! Man Law #115 prohibits you from saying anything mean, sexual or otherwise inappropriate to your buddy's girl while he is in the hospital!"

"I know that moron, Asuka and Shinji are not dating, so that law doesn't apply!"

"Ah yes, but revision 24-C3A clearly states that if there is potential for the girl and the friend to start dating – in a reasonable amount of time – then you should err on the side of caution!"

"This coming from the guy that broke #32!" Shouted Kensuke

"True! But she hit me three times consecutively, there for the Law of Threes should apply!" Everyone stared at Toji.

"What the hell does the Law of Threes have to do with you hitting me?" Both boys stared at Asuka.

Kensuke took his glasses off and proceeded to wipe them on his shirt. "My dimwitted friend here believes that the whole 'getting back what you give times three' should work in reverse also. And since you hit him three times he believes he was justified in hitting you once because he had already been punished for it."

"So he believes that he had gotten preemptive karma?" Asked Hikari.

"Couldn't have said it better myself." He examines his glasses before he continued wiping.

"But... but that's just plain stupid." Asuka shook her head.

"I know." Kensuke put his glasses back on.

"Now wait a minute, if it wasn't preemptive karma then what had I done to deserve that?"

"First off, I only smacked you twice. Secondly, I smacked you the first time because you called me a bitch, the second slap was for you calling me a German whore. I would also like to say that you were the one that had started with the name calling that time."

"Hey, why did you try to talk to Shinji when you got home?" Asked Toji

Asuka gives a soft smile before answering. "Actually I had wanted to tell him that me not trusting him wasn't personal."

"How is not trusting someone not personal?" Asked Kensuke.

"It's... complicated, I don't distrust Shinji, I just... just..." Asuka drops her head and let's out a sigh. "I guess it is personal, but yet it isn't because it its not something against him. Listen, I know he is trustworthy and I know he loves me and he would never intentionally hurt me." Asuka glared at a gagging Kensuke. "It's just that everyone I have ever been close to has unintentionally hurt me." Kensuke shook his head. "I thought the great Asuka Langley Soryu was fearless, only to find out she is afraid of Shinji." The tone Kensuke had spoken suggested he meant no harm by it. Asuka looked at Kensuke. "There are only three people that I have allowed myself to get close to: Kaji, Hikari and Shinji. Those three people are the only ones I have cared for since my mother died, so excuse me for being scared."

"I'm shocked that you would actually admit your feelings for Shinji." Said Kensuke.

"I was shocked he would ever have feelings for someone like me." Whispered Asuka.

"Your not that bad Asuka, well, not anymore at least." Smirked Toji.

"Thanks... I guess, anyways, I need to go home to take a shower and pack some clothes."

"Your going alone?" Asked Hikari.

"Yea, why?"

"Your going alone to an apartment were people were trying to kill you. That's stupid." Proclaimed Hikari.

"Section two is always around so I really don't have to worry about it."

"Still, we all will accompany you."

"Now wait one minute..." Both Toji and Kensuke were cut off by Hikari's glare. "You two wouldn't dream of letting two gorgeous, defenseless girls like us go into a dangerous place by ourselves would you? WOULD YOU?!" Hikari was tapping her foot with her hands on her hips.

"O-of coarse not Hikari!" Shouted the guys. Hikari smirked before turning around.

"That's what I thought." She said as she took Asuka's arm in her own and led the group towards the exit.

Have you ever thought about what it's like to take another persons life? I've never really given it much thought before, it was just something that needed to be done and I was the person that was going to do it. I never once thought about how big of an impact that person dieing would have on their family and friends. The reason is that I never looked at the target as an actual person, they were never a living, breathing human being with hopes, dreams and a family to go home to at night. They were just soulless objects that begged to be ripped away from this world, just lifeless puppets that were there for the sole purpose of giving me an objective to fill.

I have never had a problem with taking a life. I can remember smiling at the fact that I was staring at a person down the scope of a high powered, large caliber sniper rifle at five hundred yards away. It amused me to know that at any second I could pull that trigger and end their life, they would never know what hit them. One second they're just standing around talking to their buddies, the next second their head explodes and covers their former friends in brain matter. It really is an amazing thing to witness.

I have never let my emotions get in the way of a job. I am a cold blooded assassin that does what she is told to do.

That is until I met Shinji.

Up until that point I had yet to fail a mission, for that matter I had yet to disappoint any of the higher ups. A flawless record until one kind, caring and compassionate Shinji Ikari walked into my life.

I had read the NERV psychology reports on the Third Child, it held all the information I would need in order to tailor myself into the perfect woman in Shinji's eyes. I read about his mother dieing, his dad abandoning him, his previous caretakers lack of regard for his welfare and of coarse all of the psychological trauma that bitch the Second Child inflicts on him.

It would appear that my job would have been easy. I mean really, all I would have to do is show him some attention and he would be wrapped around my little finger. All I would have to do is treat him with kindness and respect and he would be my slave. You know, at one time I actually thought that I was going to be able to get him to kill himself! It would have been perfect! Unfortunately, there was two variables that I did not account for. The first variable was how hard he had fallen for that stupid whore Asuka. The second unaccounted variable was me falling for that weak, borderline homosexual mamas boy. I am a professional assassin for Christ sakes! I'm supposed to fall for James Dean wannabes! Not whiny little bitches that cant get over the fact that their mother is dead and their father is a fucking douche bag! It's so annoying to cuddle him while he cries about his family! And have you ever seen how he dresses? It's proof alone that he is straight because no self respecting gay man would ever be caught dead wearing those clothes! He is so pathetic! I almost sympathize with the uppity bitch because she has to be around him more then I do. Almost.

And yet despite all of these complaints about the Third Child, I couldn't help but fall for him.

And now I'm supposed to kill him. Well that's what I tell myself as I line up that redheaded bitch in my cross hairs. Her and her entourage have made the mistake of leaving the hospital, this is the first time she has left his bedside since he went in. I know I should finish my mission while she is away, but damn, I just really want to kill this bitch. She is such a dirty whore that I would be doing the world -and Shinji- a favor by killing her. Hell, maybe I would get a key to the city, or at the very least a medal. Although, I doubt Shinji would see it that way. I can just imagine him spending the next thirty years crying over that worthless slut. God he is so pathetic. And yet I fell for him.

When did I become so pathetic?

When did I become so lonely?

When did I become so needy?

When did I become so unlovable?

When did I become so weak that one guy's rejection could affect me so bad?

When did I become disgusted with the person I see in the mirror?

Shinji Ikari, that weak, spineless little boy has broken my heart. I will kill him for this. I even get a bonus of breaking Asuka's heart when I take Shinji's life. Then after I wash my hands with her tears I will kill that bitch too. She is the one that took his heart away from me. She is the one that interfered with me and Shinji. What does she have that I don't? Maybe I should just shoot this bitch and take Shinji for myself. I could pretend to be a forced victim in this whole plot. I could come up with some story how they killed my family and threatened to kill me if I didn't do as they say. I could shed some tears and fool everyone into thinking I am just a victim of unfortunate circumstances and I shouldn't be held accountable for any of my actions. Then me and Shinji could live happily ever after. He would still cry about Asuka's death, but at least he would be crying about her while in my arms.

I know, it's wishful thinking at best, but I can dream though, cant I?


Why not?

Why am I the only one thats not allowed to fantasize about a life that could have been? Why am I the one that has to live life through other peoples lives? Why am I forced to take the life of another person? Why do I have to be the one with the blood stained hands? Why can't I be the girl that obtains a love she doesn't deserve? Why can't I be the one to get flowers on white day? It's because you hate me, isn't it? What did I do that's so bad to keep you away from me? Aren't all of your children equal in your eyes? Why am I the one that has to walk through the valley of the shadow of death? Do you hate me God? Is that it? Did I piss on your parade in a past life God? Hmmm? You should know that I hate me enough for both of us, so you can back off a little bit. Why am I the one that has to be evil? Why cant I just be a normal girl with a fucked up family? Why don't you ever answer me back God? Why am I not worth it to you God? Why do you hate me God? Is this a game to you God? Is my happiness nothing to you? Am I nothing to you? Do my tears quench your thirst? Does my emptiness complement you completeness? Why won't you save me?

Is Asuka's life precious to you God? Or has my whole shitty existence been for this precise moment? Is this what will make you happy? Killing one of the people that helped kill all of your supposed messengers? Will that make you happy? Are you listening God? Why should I be the one to do your dirty work? Why should my soul weigh heavy with your sins? Is this funny to you God? Do you get amusement from watching your children suffer? Did it make you happy when I lost my parents? Was the drunk driver your idea God? What about that abusive pedophile at the orphanage? Did you send him God? Did him raping me over and over and over again put a smile on your face? Did you laugh when I prayed for him to stop hurting me? How about when I would wish he was dead? Did I interfere with your fun when I slit his throat while he was sleeping? Did that make you angry God? Was sending those people to 'recruit' me your way of paying me back? Are you personally laying the bricks that form my personal path to hell?

Do you know why I believe in you God? I've thought about it long and hard over the last eight years, the reason is because I hate you, or better yet, I realized you can't hate something that isn't real.

And to me your the realist thing I have ever known.

I hate you. I fucking hate you.

I hate Asuka too, I hate her for having his heart. she doesn't deserve it.

I squeeze off two rounds as my vision goes blurry.

No sound was heard as the rounds exited the suppressor. The only inclination that something was amiss Is when Toji felt a tap on his artificial leg, he was in the process of staring at his leg in confusion when he felt a warm sensation on his face followed by a stabbing pain in his left bicep. He clutched his arm in pain as he yelled out, his eyes clamped shut.

"What the fuck!" Toji opens his hand and looks at his arm.

"No fucking way! I just got sho..." His tirade was cut short at the sound of Asuka crying. She had curled herself up in the fetal position, her hand covering the entrance point in her shoulder, Kensuke was trying to cover the exit wound on the back of her shoulder while Hikari was on the phone with emergency services.

"We need to get out of the street!" Kensuke shouted, he grabbed Asuka's good arm and helped her to her feet. Hikari and Kensuke helped Asuka into an adjacent alley, Toji helped himself to a view of Hikari's ass. Hikari and Kensuke gently lowered Asuka to the ground. Kensuke took off his shirt and wrapped it around Asuka's shoulder. She cried out in pain when he applied pressure to her wound and made a knot. "I guess me being a 'military fan-boy' isn't such a bad thing anymore?" Asuka just glared at him with tearful eyes.

"Sorry, I thought it would help take your mind off the pain."

"W-we need to get to NERV before they get to Shinji." Demanded Asuka.

"You are in no condition to walk the two kilometers back, An ambulance should be here any minute." Hikari had reverted to class rep mode.

"What the fuck! Shot at twice in as many days!" Fumed Toji.

"Its kind of exciting, isn't it!" Said the guy who secretly pleasures himself whenever he watches Rambo.

"Getting shot at isn't exciting!" Yelled Hikari.

"Getting shot isn't much fun either." Asuka whispered, her eyes were half-closed as her body's energy reserve had been depleted.

"If I had a vag, it would be so totally wet right now!" Proclaimed Kensuke.

"Dude, that's seriously fucked up. You need help." Toji shook his head with his eyes closed as he spoke.

"I can't believe you would say something like that!" Yelled Hikari

"It's just a joke guys! Man, someone gets shot and you all lose your sense of humor."

"KENSUKE!" Screamed Hikari.

"Another Joke Hikari!" Kensuke held his hands up in surrender faster then a Frenchman during the Napoleonic wars

"Could you stop yelling please? I just need to get some rest." Asuka's request went unnoticed.

"It doesn't matter if you were joking or not! Asuka's been shot and Toji got hit with shrapnel!"

"Look, I'm about two seconds away from shitting myself at this very moment, I am doing what ever I can to try and lesson the seriousness of this situation. We can't afford to go into shock or be too afraid to do anything." Kensuke retorted.

"Your right, I should have known you wouldn't be that much of an idiot."

"It's fine, don't worry about it." Said Kensuke.

"Hey guys? I think Asuka fell asleep." Announced Toji.

Hikari kneels down next to Asuka, she cups Asuka's chin in her hand and raises it so they would be looking eye to eye.

"Asuka? Can you hear me Asuka?" Hikari was also patting her on the cheek. Asuka's eyes fluttered open to about half there normal size.

"W-what? Just let me rest." Asuka whispered before closing her eyes.

"Is she allowed to sleep or are we supposed to keep her awake?" Asked Toji

"I don't know, she doesn't have a head injury and I don't think she has lost too much blood, her body could just be really worn out form the stress of the last two days, not to mention getting shot." Scared or not, Kensuke liked being the one with the answers.

"Then I guess we should let her sleep?" Suggested Toji.

"What's taking the ambulance so long?" Right then the group was interrupted by a fifth person.

"Oh my God! Are you guys OK?!" The group looks toward the entrance to the alley.

"Tamara?! What the hell are you doing here?!" Shouted Toji.

"I was walking to the hospital to check on Shinji when I seen a puddle of blood in the street and then I followed it to you guys!" Tamara had to fight the urge to frown at the sight of her sloppy marksmanship.

"Your eyes are puffy and red, have you been crying?" Asked Hikari.

"I-I feel responsible for what happened to Shinji, if I hadn't hurt him he would have never been at home." The sound of a distant siren drew the attention of the crowd.

"Do you guys mind if I tag along?" Tamara asked meekly.

"I don't think Asuka would mind as long as you apologize to Shinji for what you did to him when he wakes up." Announced Hikari.

"That was my intentions anyways." Tamara's face held a hollow smile.

The ambulance arrived a couple moments later. It was a newer model, white in color with florescent yellow strips running the side of the unit, it's lights were recessed into the angular bodywork. The back of the unit opened in a frenzy of movement as two emergency workers jumped out of the back with a stretcher in tow. They placed the stretcher on the ground next to Asuka. They proceeded to place her on the stretcher, raised it off the ground and locked it in position. The two workers wheeled her into the ambulance as a third was assisting Toji with his wounds.

"Take us to Nerv, We're both Evangelion pilots." Was all Hikari heard as they closed the doors and took off, leaving her, Kensuke and Tamara to themselves.

Misato Katsuragi had kept her vigil over Shinji, it had been over two hours since Asuka had left. She didn't mind being alone with Shinji, quite the opposite in fact, but she was starting to wonder what would be important enough to keep Asuka away for this long. Tired of sitting in the one spot for so long, Misato stood up and started pacing the room. Another twenty-five minutes goes by before Shinji's door opens, however, the person that walked through that door wasn't who she expected.

"Tamara what are you doing here?"

"I was on my way to the hospital to apologize to Shinji when I seen Asuka and Toji had been shot." Misato's jaw dropped.

"What the fuck do you mean Asuka and Toji had been shot?!" Yelled Misato.

"I-It appeared that Asuka had been shot in the shoulder and Toji had been shot in the arm. Asuka had lost consciousness by the time I arrived. I-I'm so sorry Misato!" The seventeen your old assassin laid on the water works.

"I-It's not your fault Tamara. Why don't you stay here and watch over Shinji while I see what the hell is going on." Misato pinched the bridge of her nose and let out a sigh. 'I really don't know how much more excitement I can take' Misato thought to herself.

"Yes Ma'am."

Misato walked out of Shinji's room, her high healed shoes clicking on the tile floor in a quickened pace. Her lavender hair bounced and her breasts jiggled with each step she took. It was only a mater of seconds before she had made it to the receptionist desk.

"How can I help you major?" Asked the young receptionist.

"Has pilot Soryu and pilot Suzuhara been admitted?"

"Yes ma'am, approximately twenty minutes ago."

"Why was I not contacted!" Misato banged her fists onto the poor womans desk.

"I-I tried but your phone went straight to voice mail! I left three messages!" Said the visibly shaking woman. Misato pulled out her mobile phone and verified her suspicions.

"My battery seems to be dead, I apologize for being so rude. Now can you please tell me what rooms there in?"

"Y-Yes ma'am, pilot Soryu is currently undergoing surgery to fix her fractured shoulder, she will be placed in room 303 post Op. Pilot Suzuhara is currently in room 304, he only had a small piece of shrapnel embedded in his arm and it didn't require major surgery to remove."

"Thank you." Misato was relieved, with her luck she had expected much worse. "Can you tell me where Dr. Ritsuko is?"

"Yes ma'am, she is currently watching over Asuka's surgery."

"Thanks, and I really am sorry for startling you." Misato didn't want people to think of her in the same regard as the Commander.

"It's alright Major." The young woman gave an honest smile.

Misato walked in the direction of the operation rooms, this would normally be a three hour journey for her, but having had just watched Shinji being operated on no less then twenty-four hours ago had given her ample practice in conveying this route. She walked up the metal steps and opened the door to the observation deck. She gave a nod to her friend before taking a seat next to her, she stared at the unconscious redhead being operated on. Her stomach turned at the sight of the doctors rebuilding Asuka's shoulder.

"It's not as bad as it looks." Ritsuko, for once, was being the optimist.

"Well then, how bad is it?"

"The bullet was a through and through, but it broke her scapula into three pieces. Fortunately, she will not have to have any pins inserted, so long term pain and discomfort shouldn't be an issue."

"Will she have full use of that arm?"

"After roughly three months of healing, and another couple of months of rehab." Misato released a sigh and a gave a weak smile.

"I hope I don't have to be the one to tell her she's going to be immobile for a good six months or so." Ritsuko chuckled at Misato's statement. "I think what will disappoint her the most is she will no longer be the one that was supposed to take care of Shinji. In fact, he will be taking care of her in about three weeks or so. And we all know how much she just loves feeling useless." It was Misato's turn to laugh at Ritsuko's comment.

"Normally I would agree with you, but as long as it's Shinji that's taking care of her I really don't think she will have that big of a deal with it. Speaking of Shinji, when do you expect him to wake up?" Ritsuko picked up her clipboard and thumbed through her papers. She took the fourth report from the top and handed it to Misato.

"Based upon his injuries, I would like him to stay under the sedative for the next two days. By doing this, we eliminate the possibility of trauma during the crucial initial healing stage." Misato nodded her head in agreement.

"What about Asuka? I assume you would want to do the same with her? Oh, and I'm sure she is going to want to know how bad the scarring will be."

"Yes, I would like to do the same. As for her scar, Dr. Sarri is very talented, but there will be about a eight centimeter scar that should barely be noticeable in a year or two. Knowing Asuka, I'm sure that won't be good enough, so I have made an appointment with the plastic surgeon for six months from now. Oh, I almost forgot to ask you about the bruises Shinji has on his face?"

"That is what happens when you fool around with someone who isn't your girlfriend, and then proceed to tell your girlfriend about it." Both woman shook their heads. "So who is the unlucky woman?" Ritsuko asked.

"Um... It's Tamara something, I think it was Kinasha?"

"Please tell me you did a back ground check." Ritsuko groaned.

"Well, I was going to." Misato said meekly .

"She could be a spy for all you know." Reprimanded Ritsuko.

"Tamara is a good girl, I seriously doubt we have to worry about her."

As soon as Misato had left the room, Tamara walked up to Shinji's bed and gave him a kiss. She sat in Asuka's chair and had taken Shinji's hand into her own. She brought his hand up and held it against her cheek, a few tears fell from her eyes at the feeling of his clammy skin. A couple of her tears fell onto his hand before she spoke.

"I lied to you Shinji, I'm actually an assassin that has been sent to kill you." She took his hand away from her cheek.

"At first, you were nothing more then an objective in my mission." She squeezed his hand. "But after a couple of days I started to have feelings for you." She brought his hand up to her lips and gave it a kiss. "I thought you were the nicest, most caring person I had ever met. And it made me so happy to know that a person like you could have feelings for a person like me." She closed her eyes to keep the tears from falling. "But I didn't know you were in love with her, you had said that she was nothing to you but a former friend! You lied to me Shinji!" Despite her efforts her tears were flowing freely now. "You choose that cold hearted bitch over me!" Her hands were trembling with anger.

"I shot her Shinji, I did it because she doesn't deserve your love like I do." She wiped away a couple of tears with his hand. "She will never love you like I do!"

"I just wanted it to be us Shinji. Like it used to be when you were ignoring her." She shut her eyes as she trembled.

"Why couldn't you just love me! Did you finally see me for the worthless human being that I am? Did you figure out that I wasn't pure? Am I too damaged for you to love me?" Tamara was now shouting as her body trembled in anger. "I would have done anything for you Shinji! And now I'm going to prove I love you more then that stupid whore Asuka could." She took her hands away from his, one hand reached into her left jacket pocket and pulled out an envelope, she then placed it on his bed, her other hand reached into her right jacket pocket and pulled out a syringe. It was a normal sized plastic syringe filled with sodium pentobarbital, She removed the safety cap and purged the needle of oxygen. She leaned over Shinji and kissed him on his lips one last time.

"I'm going to miss you Shinji." Tears were streaming down her cheeks as she plunged the needle into her arm.

(Three Days Later)

I'm sitting on my hospital bed, my left arm is in a sling and I'm the only occupant of this room. Do you wanna know why? Because Shinji felt guilty over Tamara's suicide. That bitch was sent to kill him and she tried to kill me and yet he is all guilt ridden that she killed herself. He would never admit it, but I know he blames me too. Why else wouldn't he want me to comfort him? Once again that damn baka is choosing that bitch over me. She tried to kill me -the supposed love of his life- and he left me alone to go mourn her. If he thinks for one second that I am even remotely ok with this then he is in store for a very rude awakening.

You know what? I'm happy that bitch offed herself. Your fucking right I said it. I Asuka Langley Soryu is happy that she killed herself. If that asshole Shinji would rather mourn over her then be by my side, then fuck him too. Cause you know what? I don't need Shinji.

I don't want Shinji.

I don't like Shinji.

I don't love Shinji.

I swear I'm not crying right now, my eyes are just watery from my allergies. Why would I cry over that loser. You think I care that he doesn't love me? I couldn't care less what that stupid, gay, mean, arrogant, self absorbed, cat shit eating, asshole licking, pantyhose wearing son of a bitch thinks of me. He could die to for all I care.

I can't do this anymore, I can't sit here and pretend that my heart isn't breaking more and more every second he's not around me. I don't want to be that person anymore, I don't want to continue lying trying to convince people that I don't care that Shinji isn't here with me. I won't apologize for being glad that bitch is dead, she tried to take me away from Shinji and I will never forgive her for that. It makes me sad the he is still choosing her over me. Doesn't he care about how I am doing? How am I supposed to know if that baka is ok if I can't see him? Doesn't he understand what he is doing to me? Doesn't he understand I don't want to be alone anymore? Doesn't Shinji understand that I love him?

I Hate you Shinji. Now hurry up and get over that bitch so you will come back to me, and then I won't have to hate you for long.

Yes I know she tried to kill me, yes I know she shot Asuka, yes I know she was crazy, but I'm still sad that she's dead. She was the first person the had told me they love me and I actually believed her. If anything, her suicide proves her love for me. And it's not like I wish me and her could be together again, it just, I dunno, I guess I'm just sad that she has had a worse life then me, and maybe I could have helped her. Instead, I betrayed her trust and cheated on her with Asuka. I know she was sent to kill me, but the fact is that she didn't do it. Instead of taking my life she took hers instead. My actions of late make me feel like a horrible person. I'm not even man enough to be there for Asuka right now. Maybe I just don't want to be there for her right now. If she hadn't busted into the bathroom and forced me to touch her, then this wouldn't have happened. Tamara would still be alive and I might have been able to help her.

Don't misunderstand what I am saying here, I love Asuka way more then Tamara, but I do believe that Tamara loved me more then Asuka does. I am really starting to think that Asuka just doesn't want to be alone anymore, that her love for me is just out of convenience, or maybe she was just jealous that someone else was playing with her toy. Maybe I am just being cynical, but if your soul was as calloused as mine you would be too. Maybe I should stop trying to ignore the fact that Tamara is the one that killed herself, Asuka didn't force that needle in her arm, she did it to herself. But I still don't forgive Asuka for being glad that Tamara is dead.

"I don't understand how she could be happy that Tamara took her own life to save mine."

"Because if Tamara wouldn't have done that then Asuka would be mourning you." Misato's voice startled Shinji.

"Jesus Misato, don't you ever knock?" Shinji was glad he was doped up on morphine, otherwise him jerking in response to being surprised may have hurt.

"I did, you were just sitting there lost in your own little world, ignoring me of all people." Misato pretended to be hurt.

"I just have a lot on my mind right now." Shinji turned his head towards the window.

"Would you like to talk about it?" Misato took a seat near his bed.

"After reading her letter, I can't help but feel sad that she choose my life over hers. She is the one that deserves to be happy after all of the shit she has been through." Misato pretended not to notice the tear tracing down his cheek.

"I am sorry to say Shinji, but that's how life is. No one ever claimed it was fair, just or even happy. Yes, what happened to her I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, but the fact remains it's not your place to feel the burden of every bad thing that happened in her life. You didn't know her then, there was nothing you could have done to protect her, and by what she says in the letter, there was no way you could have saved her now."

"We could have ran away together, changed our names and never stepped foot back in Japan."

"But what about Asuka? What if losing you was the final straw that broke the camels back? Let's say that you and Tamara did run away together, what would you have done when you found out Asuka took her own life because you left her? What would you do then Shinji? I understand you had feeling for her and her death saddens you, but you need to quit being such a god damn drama queen, grow a pair, and stop trying to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders!"

"Shut up!" Shinji was furious over his guardians lack of emotion towards his dead ex-girlfriend that was sent to kill him, but ended up trying to kill the other girl, and then took her own life to save his. Or something like that.

"No Shinji, you need to quit being so god damn self absorbed! You think hat everything that happens in the world is done to purposely hurt you and I am tired of it! What happened in her life wasn't your fault and had nothing to do with you, it only started involving you when she agreed to kill you!" Misato pinched the bridge of her nose in an attempt to calm down.

"You don't understand! She loved me when no one else would!" Misato shook her head.

"So I take it Asuka and I aren't enough for you?"

"That's not what I meant, Misato!" Shinji was trying to defend himself, however, Misato wasn't about to let up.

"Then explain it to me Shinji." Shinji fiddled with his hands for a few moments before he worked up the courage to tell her.

"You love me because you have grown used to me, and I do all the house work so you don't have to, Asuka loves me out of convenience because she doesn't want to be alone anymore." Misato furiously stood up and tossed her chair across the room. This caused Shinji to poo a little in his shorts. "If you think for one fucking second that I wouldn't sacrifice my life for yours, then you don't know me as good as you think you do!" Misato's face was bright red and her knuckles were white. "And what about Asuka? Toji told me how she tried to dive in front of the bullets, but you stopped her! You think she did that out of convenience, you insensitive asshole!" Misato stormed out of the large white room and into the corridor. Shinji could still hear Misato yelling and cursing despite the considerable distance between them.

Shinji sighed and turned his head back to the window. He felt guilty for saying what he had said, not because he thought he was wrong, but because he shouldn't have told her. Unfortunately for Shinji, he wasn't the only person that heard Misato's rant.

The next seven days had been a time of trial and error. Shinji kept trying her patience and that was an error. It's funny how the tables can turn seeing as Asuka was now ignoring Shinji. She really didn't want to ignore him, it just hurt less to not be around him then it was to be around him and watch him still be depressed over the dead girl. Asuka was starting to believe he was putting up this facade just to get sympathy from people. Being how the world would never know Tamara was actually an assassin, the news had painted her as a normal teen girl who tragically died in a car accident. Of coarse all that really meant was that everyone who didn't know the real story would call up Shinji and tell him how sorry they were for his loss. Very few people called Asuka to wish her a speedy recovery, or some corny shit like that. Actually it was only five people that had called or visited; Hikari, Toji, Kensuke, Misato and Maya. Shinji had yet to say anything positive to her.

With all the recent activity, Misato had been putting even more time in at NERV, which meant that the two teens were pretty much left to fend for themselves. Normally Asuka wouldn't mind being home alone with Shinji, but now she was ignoring him. Add to the facts that Shinji still wasn't able to move a whole helluva lot, and that the apartment was still a mess from the attack, was adding up to be a rather shitty night for a Asuka. What made her night worse was the breakdown she had when she had first seen the blood stains in Shinji's room. She had cried for about fifteen minutes straight, and yet Shinji just sat on the couch, oblivious to her tears. Asuka spent the next three hours scrubbing the carpets with her good arm, taking a break every couple of minutes so she wouldn't wear herself out to quickly.

After dealing with the stains she went to the couch and sat as far away from Shinji as possible. The silence between them was making her uncomfortable, she would constantly adjust her sling to keep her attention away from Shinji. He was lounging there, staring off into space. Asuka briefly wondered if he would even notice if she stood up and stripped out of her clothes. She was the one ignoring him, she would be damned if he would ignore her.

"You do realize that bitch shot me right?" Asuka noticed Shinji's jaw clench at her words.

"Leave me alone Asuka."

"She was an assassin sent to kill you, or are you conveniently forgetting that little fact."

"Just drop it Asuka." Shinji's voice showed the slightest bit of trembling.

"So, you claiming to love me was all bullshit? You just wanted me because she broke up with you?"

Shinji closed his eyes, his fists were clenched.

"Why won't you just let me be." Shinji spoke with a dangerous undertone.

"Because, I meant it when I said I love you." Asuka spoke with a distinct level of softness in her voice.

"You don't love me for me, you love me because you don't want to be alone anymore!" Shouted Shinji.

"Where would you get a stupid idea like that!" Asuka shouted back. Shinji slowly stood up and turned towards Asuka.

"I just want you to leave me alone." Shinji headed to the door and put his shoes on. He never bothered to look back as he opened the door and ran straight into the heavily armed section two agent. The agent gave Shinji a glare that told him his request to leave the premises has been denied. Shinji backed away and closed the door.

"You didn't actually think that they were going to let you leave, did you?" Smirked Asuka.

"I forgot they were there." Shinji scratched the back of his head.

"Not to mention you are still healing from being shot twice in the chest. I understand you wanting to be alone, but it's not worth risking your health." Hell most have froze over, Asuka gave up an opportunity to chastise Shinji.

"I don't need your pity." Shinji spat venomously.

"Shinji, me showing concern for your health is not pity, I really do care about you." Asuka stood up and walked towards Shinji. Minding her left arm, she walked up to him and put her arm around his back. Shinji, taking into account both of their injuries, backed away from Asuka. The anger in his eyes were no match for the hurt in hers. Asuka kept looking at Shinji eyes, He was doing everything to avoid looking into hers.

"I'm in pain Shinji, I'm going to be in pain for the next couple of months. I-I want you to help me get through it. I want you to be there for me when I go through rehab." Asuka tried her best to keep her tears to a minimum. "I understand that you feel guilty for Tamara's suicide, but it wasn't your fault. She didn't want to continue being the person that she was. She felt the only way out was to take her own life." Asuka paused to give Shinji a couple of seconds to comprehend what she was saying. "I know you don't think she was bad, but she shot me. She wanted to take me away from you Shinji. She wanted to take your Asuka away Shinji, your Asuka." Asuka wiped a couple tears off her face, Shinji was still refusing to look at her. "Will you at least tell me why are you punishing me for her mistakes?" Shinji still wouldn't acknowledged her. "Fine, have it your way Shinji, you keep moping around the house and I'll keep ignoring you. Just remember, you were the one that pushed me away." Asuka left the kitchen and headed to her bedroom, Shinji retreated to his. Asuka laid on her good side and cursed Shinji's name until she fell asleep. Shinji just started at his celling wondering what he could have done differently.

The next morning arrived about three hours ahead of schedule, at least that's what Misato was thinking as her alarm clock was doing it's daily ritual. The lavender haired beauty reached an arm out of her crisp, white bedding, and silenced the blasphemous (I would consider ruining a womans beauty sleep as blasphemous.) object. The sleepy major crawled out from underneath the heavenly embrace of her bed. Misato stretched her arms out and yawned, she then adjusted her top to insure Shinji wouldn't get too much of an eyeful. 'Just enough to make him blush.' She thought to herself. She slid open her door and sat at the table in front of the beer that had been placed there for her. She popped the top and took a swig. She wiped the remnants of the beer fro her lips before speaking.

"Thank you Shin... Asuka? What are you doing making breakfast?" The shocked Major asked.

"The self-absorbed asshole that lives across the hall from me has decided that staying in his room, moping, is more conductive then being a productive member of this household." Asuka spoke while trying to mix the batter without having the bowl spin. Misato stood up and secured the bowl for the frustrated German, who in return thanked her.

"Is there a reason your only wearing a pink spaghetti strapped top and matching panties?"

Asuka blushed a little before answering. "Do you know how hard it is to dress yourself with only one arm?" Asked a scantly clad Asuka. "And it's not like I can wear a bra, even if I could put it on myself, it would hurt like hell to wear." Asuka stopped stirring and picked up the bowl, only to drop it on the floor when it fell out of her hand. Misato just sighed as the bowl broke and splattered its contents all over the kitchen floor. Asuka was yelling obscenities in three different languages while trying to avoid stepping on any broken shards. "I swear to God that bitch is lucky she is already dead!" Was a poor choice of words for the redhead to use as Shinji was headed towards the bathroom. Shinji stomped up to Asuka and slapped her across the face. Misato caught Asuka before she could fall and possible injure her shoulder more. Shinji just starred at them with tears falling off his chin, he shook his head. "Don't ever talk about her again." Shinji's demand sent a shiver down Misato's back. Shinji turned around and walk towards the bathroom.

Misato examined Asuka's face, she had a red mark on her cheek and tears in her eyes, but other then that she was ok. "How about I help you get dressed, then we will go out for breakfast, and then head to NERV and have Ritsuko x-ray your shoulder to make sure it's healing properly. Asuka knew better then trusting her voice right now, so she nodded her head in response. Misato followed Asuka as she walked to her room. Once the door had been closed, Misato helped her get into a pair of low cut, boot cut Diesel Sevens jeans and a white, short sleeved button up shirt to offset the pink top she already had on. The shoes that had been chosen were a tan leather, open toe high heel mule by Versace. The ensemble was completed with a very stylish blue with white straps arm sling, the sling must have cost Nerv at least three dollars or so, and it was the perfect accessory to any outfit, unless of coarse your intentions were to attract members of the opposite sex.

"How can you afford all of these Clothes Asuka?" Asked a curious Misato.

"My dad may be a bastard, but he is a guilt ridden bastard that transfers a fairly large allowance to his only daughter's bank account once a month. No offense Misato, but I'm pretty sure I have more money then you" Asuka said nonchalantly while examining herself in the mirror.

"I doubt that Asuka, as the only Director of Operations at NERV, I make a pretty good salary." Smirked Misato.

"I have twelve million yen in my primary checking account." Misato's jaw hit the floor.

"If you have so much, why do you live here?" Asked Misato. Asuka turned around and looked at her.

"He wasn't giving me money for the first six months I was here. By the time he started sending me money, I had gotten used to the idea of this being my home, and frankly, now that I know what it feels like to have some resemblance of a family, I kinda don't want to live alone." Asuka smiled at her stunned guardian.

"Well at least I won't have to buy a car when you graduate high school in the next couple of months."

"I had considered buying Shinji one for his eighteenth birthday next month, but not now with the way he has been treating me." Asuka unconsciously put her hand up to her cheek, she then adjusted the strap on her sling one last time before they left her room. Asuka waited on the couch for Misato to get a shower and changed. While waiting, she grew impatient and decided to check on Shinji one last time before they left for breakfast. She walked up to his door, and for the first time since she had been living here, noticed the sign Misato had made him wasn't there.

Asuka knocked once, no response. "Shinji?"

"Go away" Asuka would have sworn It was Gendo himself behind that door.

"Me and Misato are going out for a bit, do you need anything?" Despite the fact that she was mad at him for his treatment of her, she still couldn't stop herself from caring for him.

"I need you to leave me alone you stupid bitch." Mr. Monotone was certainly being an ass today, but not to be outdone, Von Bitchenstein was about to make an appearance.

"Are you sure you don't want me to pick up a couple of syringes?" Asuka knew it was a low blow, but she would be damned if he was going to call her a stupid bitch and get away with it.

"Sure, and while your at it, you should pick yourself up some rope, at least then you wouldn't have to act like a whore to get my attention."

"You son of a bitch! How dare you drag my mom into this!" Shouted Asuka.

"What does your mom have to do with what I said?" Shouted a confused Shinji.

"Fuck you Shinji!" Asuka screamed before she ran into her room and slammed her door closed.

"What did you say about her mom Shinji?" Asked a slightly angry Misato after she stepped into Shinji's room.

"I didn't say anything about her mom! I just told her if she was buying me syringes, then she should buy herself some rope!" Shinji was dumbfounded as to why Asuka would react in such a way.

"Jesus Christ Shinji, That was incredible stupid! I can't tell you why it was stupid, but trust me, it was!" Misato was waving her arms around like a drunk trying to catch their balance.

"I didn't know Misato, I just couldn't think of any other way for Asuka to kill herself."

"Why were you telling each other to kill yourselves?"

"I just wanted her to leave me alone."

"Well I don't think you will have to worry about that anymore." Misato left his room and entered Asuka's, she wasn't surprised to see the redhead sitting on her bed crying, but she was surprised when Asuka didn't try to hide the fact that she was crying. Misato walked up to her bed and sat to Asuka's right, she place her hands on her own legs and just sat in silence until Asuka had cried for as long as she had wanted too. Thirty minutes, some makeup and a couple eye drops later, Asuka and Misato left the house.

One of the plus sides of the attempted assassination of the two pilot's was that they were now chauffeured around in a trio of bullet proof, black Mercedes Benz GL550 AMG's. The SUV's sat on twenty-one inch, eleven spoke AMG rims, wrapped in run flat Goodyear Eagle F1 Super car tires. The front bumper had a chrome brush guard in front of it with two six inch Hella lights attached. One of the body guards opened the rear door for Asuka, and gently assisted her into the SUV. Misato received the same treatment on the opposite side of the vehicle. The interior was done up in a charcoal color for the leather, and the wood trim was from a Madagascar tree. Both driver seat headrest supported seven inch lcd's, normally for passenger entertainment, these were connected to an on board computer system that had a direct satellite link to NERV. Needless to say, it is important for Misato to be able to conduct battle, where ever she may be.

"So if not a car, what would you get Shinji for his birthday?" Asked Misato as she put on her seatbelt.

"I had asked Sub Commander Fuyutsuki to make me a copy of a picture he has of Shinji's mom, I then put it in a pewter frame that I had custom made with her name and dates on it. Although, after today I'm not sure he deserves it." Misato was impressed that Asuka could be so thoughtful.

Misato stared at Asuka in a quizzical manner. "Wait, why does Sub Commander have a picture of the Commanders dead wife?" She furrowed her eyebrows. "And how did you know about it?"

"The Sub Commander and I debate theories on a bi-weekly basis." Misato's jaw dropped. "One day, after our discussion, Shinji's birthday came up and when I told him what I wanted to do for him, he showed me the picture. I had asked if he would make me a copy and he agreed. As for why he has it, I felt if he wanted me to know then he would have told me." Asuka looked Misato in the eyes. "Oh and don't even think of telling anyone, including Ritsuko." Misato looked crestfallen at the missed opportunity for some new gossip.

"But she is my best friend! I can trust her not to tell the Commander." Asuka raised an eye brow and looked at her curiously before speaking.

"You don't know, do you?" Misato just stared at Asuka.

"Know about what?" Misato asked.

"If you don't know, then it's not my place to tell you." Asuka turned her head to watch the scenery fly by.

"If there is a reason I should question the loyalty of my best friend, then I think it is your place to tell me." Misato spoke with a dangerous tone.

"Fair enough, but this doesn't leave the SUV." Asuka said.

"Agreed." Misato was actually starting to get nervous at the seriousness of the situation.

"The Commander uses Ritsuko for sex. Ritsuko knows he is just using her, and yet, she continues to see him." Asuka grew uncomfortable as Misato donned 'the thousand yard stare'.

"Your shitting me!" Misato yelled after a few long moments.

"I wish I was, but unfortunately, I have seen it for myself." Asuka shuddered at the mental picture that formed in her head.

"How the hell did you catch them?!" Yelled a disgusted Misato.

"I had hacked into Nerv's security system and was reviewing the tapes when I se..." Asuka was interrupted by Misato. "How and why?" Asuka sighed before responding. "I'm a genius, who while in college, decided to minor in computer science. As for the why? I was trying to catch Shinji doing perverted things with Rei." Misato shook her head. "You honestly believe he has a thing for Rei?"

"Well yea, I have heard him say her name while sleeping." Misato could tell that Asuka was saddened by that.

"It might not have been a sexual dream Asuka." Misato gave a reassuring smile.

"He was also moaning, Misato." Asuka adjusted her strap and stared out the window once again.

"Oh, sorry." Misato decided it was also a good time to stare out the window.

"So the Commander and Ritsuko..." Misato spoke after a few moments of awkward silence.

"That's not the worst part." Exclaimed Asuka.

"How can that possibly get worse?" Asked Misato as she stared at the redhead.

"Ritsuko's mom used to "date" the Commander" Misato's choked on her own tongue. "And Ritsuko knows." Finished Asuka. Misato's mind went blank when it tried to comprehend what Asuka had just told her.

"How did you find that out?" Misato was still in a state of shock.

"I overheard Ritsuko and Maya talking one night when I had snuck into Nerv..." Misato's glared at Asuka. "Shit, you weren't supposed to know that." Asuka mentally slapped herself.

"What the hell were you doing sneaking into Nerv?!" Yelled Misato.

"I-I broke into Shinji's locker." Stammered Asuka.

Misato pinched the bridge of her nose. "Why did you break into Shinji's locker?"

"I wanted to make sure he didn't have anything perverted in there." Asuka talked like it was a well known fact that Shinji's locker always contained something of perversion.

"What did you find?" Asked Misato.

"He had a picture of me in there, it was one Kensuke had taken without my consent."

"I bet that pissed you off." Misato chuckled at the mental image of Asuka flying into a blind rage while in the boy's locker room.

"You would think so, but actually it made me smile. Don't you dare ever tell anyone that!" Misato gave an evil smile.

"So it's ok if Shinji is a pervert, as long as his perversion has to do with you?" Misato smile grew in direct relation to Asuka's blush.

"I am so not having this talk with you Misato." Asuka grumbled.

"Awe, is my little Asuka embarrassed that she likes the idea of Shinji fantasizing about her?"

"It just felt nice to know that he could have a picture of any woman he wanted in his locker, yet he chose me." Asuka spoke softly.

The vehicle pulling into the parking lot of the restaurant interrupted any further conversation. Asuka straightened out her shirt and adjusted her strap after she had exited the SUV. Misato adjusted her bra, much to the embarrassment of Asuka. One of the bodyguards opened the door to the restaurant for the two woman, both thanked him for being a gentleman. The place was small in size and resembled something like a fifties American dinner, complete with chrome bar stools, a jukebox and neon lights.

"I figured you would want what you consider to be a 'real breakfast' for a change." Asuka smiled at Misato's words.

After counting the ridges in his ceiling for the third time today, Shinji had finally had enough of his room. He quickly made the decision that a walk around Tokyo-3 would be an enjoyable way to spend time being miserable. He jumped in the shower, which turned out to be a huge mistake because the water jets felt like needles against his sutures, and then screamed like a little girl. He quickly shut off the shower – while cursing himself – and turned on the faucet to take a bath. The warm water hurt at first, but once his wounds grew accustom to the temperature he was able to somewhat enjoy himself. After the bath, Shinji carefully dressed himself in a pair of blue jeans and a black T-shirt. He went to the kitchen and proceeded to pack himself a light lunch, then headed out of the door, only to once again run smack dab into the chest of an armed guard.

"Damn! Why do I keep forgetting about you guys?" Shinji asked no one in particular.

"If you would like to leave, we can have an escort here in under five minutes."

"I was wanting to go on a walk, but thanks for the offer anyways." Shinji said dejectedly as he walked back into the apartment.

Shinji stood in the kitchen and contemplated what to do next. He wasn't sure where the idea manifested itself from, but reading Asuka's diary had just become a priority. He walked into Asuka's room with out any hesitation. He had been expecting her room to be just a jumble of clothes and unopened boxes. He was not disappointed. Her room wasn't as bad as Misato's, Asuka didn't leave discarded dinner plates and empty beer cans all over the place. Shinji walked up to her desk and pulled out the drawer, but it held no diary. The next five places he searched had turned up negative, but the objects he currently held in hands had been found in a small bag from Victoria's Secret. He looked at the objects questioningly, it's not like he has never seen anything like these before, it's just he didn't expect Asuka to be willingly taking Prozac and Abilify.

"If she is like this on antidepressants, and an antipsychotic, then I would hate to see her normal self." Shinji chuckled to himself. He put the pills back and resumed his search.

" -en acknowledge my existence unless I get him mad enough to yell at me." Asuka pouted while stirring her tea.

"Instead of trying to convince him that Tamara was an evil bitch all of the time, you should try mourning with him." Misato spoke between bites of blueberry pancakes.

"Or he could stop acting like such a lost puppy." Asuka took a sip of said tea.

"Yea because that's real likely to happen." Asuka rolled her eyes at Misato's sarcasm.

"Look Misato, I have been the one that has been doing all the giving, I have even been taking the medicine Ritsuko prescribed to me! My patience is running thin and I don't know how much longer I am going to be able to wait for him to snap out of it." Asuka took a bite out of her biscuits and gravy. "I'm glad your finally taking that medicine, and I understand what it's like to give your everything only to receive nothing in return, and frankly, I wouldn't want you to waste to much more time waiting for him to realize what he is losing." Asuka slumped her shoulders, sighed and gave a weak nod.

"I hate to think about what I will do if it comes to that."

"Believe it or not, so do I." Commented Misato.

It had taken Shinji thirty minutes to locate her diary, she had it on the bookshelf in plain sight. Asuka had trusted that Misato and him would respect her privacy (or was it that they just feared for their lives?) enough not to go through it. Either way, Asuka had been wrong. Shinji flipped to the back of the journal and started reading the last entry made.

May 9th, 2018


Damn you Shinji! Damn you! Damn you! Damn you! Don't you know I'm hurting too? Don't you think I would want someone to comfort me? Don't you think I would rather have you help me get undressed then Misato? But you don't think, do you? Quit being so damn self absorbed and wake up! I swear to God, if you continue to ignore me because of her death, I will I drop your ass like a bad habit! How long do you expect me to wait for you to get over her? Do I also have to kill myself to get your attention Shinji? Will you finally notice me after you find my lifeless body? What if I moved back to Germany? Would you miss me then? Quit being an asshole and give me the attention I want before it's too late like it is with Tamara.

Shinji just sat on her bed, silently starring off into space.

After breakfast, Asuka and Misato were driven to NERV, were Asuka had her shoulder x-rayed. She was now currently waiting for Ritsuko to tell her if her shoulder was healing properly or not. Asuka was nervous that she would have to be operated on again, she didn't like the idea of being unconscious around people she didn't know. Misato on the other hand wasn't concerned about Asuka's shoulder, she felt that either way it would end up as good as new. Both women looked up when Ritsuko reentered the room.

"It looks to be healing nicely Asuka." Said Ritsuko in a monotone voice.

"Oh thank God!" Said Asuka.

"Don't get all excited, I also have some bad news. Misato, I think it would be best if you sat down." Misato and Asuka both tensed at Ritsuko's words. Misato walked over and sat on the table with Asuka.

"Asuka, you have a condition known as Atrial Septal Defect."

"What is that?" Asked Misato.

"Its a condition where there is a hole between your left and right Atria. As a result, some oxygenated blood from the left atrium flows through the hole in the septum into the right atrium, where it mixes with oxygen-poor blood and increases the total amount of blood that flows toward the lungs, which gradually damages the lung blood vessels. If the defect isn't diagnosed and treated, this blood vessel damage can become permanent, causing the pressure in the lung vessels to rise dangerously."

"H-how do you fix it?" Asked a slightly trembling Asuka.

"Normally a catheter is inserted into a blood vessel in the leg that leads to the heart. A cardiologist guides the tube into the heart and inserts a device shaped like a dumbbell - two mesh discs connected by a short mesh waist - into the hole in the heart wall. The waist of this device fills the hole in the heart, while the two discs secure it in place. Unfortunately this isn't the case with you, your hole is to big for a device to fit. I'm sorry Asuka, but you need to have heart surgery to fix this." Misato and Asuka just stared at each other in shock.

"It's actually kind of a good thing you were shot, the chest x-ray is what showed us you had this disease." Commented Ritsuko.

Asuka just stared off into space, it seemed to her that she was destined to die at a young age. She adjusted he strap and wiped away the tears that were forming in her eyes. "When are we doing the surgery?"

"I already have you scheduled with Dr. Scolari tomorrow morning at 10:30 a.m. I'm going to suggest to you what I suggest to everyone who is going to have a major surgery done, if there are any loose ends, now would be a good time to deal with them."

Asuka tried her hardest not to cry in front of Ritsuko, but failed miserably when Misato embraced her. Had it been a Tuesday, in December, of a leap year and during a total eclipse, Ritsuko may have cried too.

By the time his two other roommates had gotten home, Shinji had cleaned up from Asuka's disastrous attempt at breakfast and was currently making lunch. He instantly knew something was wrong when he seen that both Asuka and Misato had been crying, Shinji wasn't dumb enough to think it had anything to do with this morning, and that little fact worried him.

"What's wrong?!" Asked Shinji in an excited manor.

Asuka hurriedly walked into her bedroom and closed the door. Both Shinji and Misato heard her start to cry again, which caused Misato to, once again, pinch the bridge of her nose.

"What happened Misato?"

"Asuka... she has... I think it would be best if you went and asked her." Misato walked to the fridge and pulled out a six pack, closed the refrigerator and looked at Shinji. "It's pretty serious, she's scared and you need to be there for her." Misato averted her gaze and slipped into her bedroom.

Shinji took the little hint and didn't even bother to knock before walking into Asuka's room. She was sitting on her bed, her back against a wall. Shinji sat on the bed to Asuka's right and put his arm around her. "What's wrong Asuka?" Asuka placed her head onto his shoulder.

Asuka sniffed a couple times before answering. "I-I have a condition with my heart." She cleared her throat. "I-I have heart s-surgery in the morning." Shinji tightened his grip on Asuka. "Everything will be fine Asuka." May have been what Shinji said, but he really was scared shit less. The reality was setting in that not only had he lost Tamara, there was a possibility that he could lose Asuka.


"Yes, Asuka?"

"F-For tonight, can we pretend that your still in love with me?" Asuka's voice was on the verge of breaking.


"Please Shinji?" Asuka picked up her head and looked him in the eyes.

"Alright Asuka." Asuka brought her lips up to his, her good hand cupped his cheek. Shinji was about to protest, but the diversion of blood flow incapacitated the part of his brain that was responsible for rational thoughts. Therefore, instead of pulling away and telling Asuka how much of a pansy he is, he deepened the kiss, and then placed one hand around her hip and the other on her thigh. Asuka moaned in approval. Shinji took his hand off her thigh and placed it on her stomach. Asuka had actually been slowly unbuttoning her shirt with her good hand. Shinji decided to give her a hand, he removed the buttons before carefully taking her over shirt off.

Shinji's hormones went into overdrive at the sight of her erect nipples behind the soft material of her pink spaghetti strapped top. He timidly reached up and cupped her right breast, the soft material was interfering with Shinji's touches. Asuka seemed to notice, she carefully started taking it off, and with Shinji's help, was able to do it in as little pain as possible. Shinji shivered as he felt every detail of her taught torso, from her cute little belly button, to her barely protruding ribs, to her baby smooth skin. His fingers traced the curvature of her breasts. He took it upon himself to squeeze her firm mound of flesh, his excitement grew exponentially when his thumb and index finger carefully captured her nipple.

'start kissing her neck and make your way up to her earlobe. Once you get to it, take turns sucking and softly nibbling on it'

'who the hell are you?'

'I'm the you that's going to get us laid'

'How are you going to do that?'

'Do what I just told you to do'

'What the hell would I do that for?'

'Trust me it will drive her crazy'

'How do you know?'

'You may not have been paying attention when Kensuke was playing those pornos, but I was'

Shinji, not being one to disobey orders, did what he was told. The response from Asuka was intoxicating as she gripped his arm and moaned in his ear as her whole body shuddered.

'Good, after a couple minutes of this, gently lay her on her back while slowly kissing down her neck until you reach her stomach, then slowly unbutton her pants. Then slowly pull them off her body.

Shinji gently placed his right arm around her waist, his left arm was placed around her good shoulder. He placed his mouth in the nape of her neck and gently sucked, goosebumps shot up her spine. Shinji slowly moved his mouth down to her collar bone, planting soft but passionate kisses. He spent a couple minutes working her nipples with his tongue before finally reaching her navel. Shinji slowly unbuttoned here pants and pulled the zipper down. Her pink string bikini panties were showing through were her pants had once covered. He grabbed her pants on either side of her shapely hips, gently pulled them off of her silky smooth buttocks and worked them down her perfectly shaped legs till her body was free from those constraints.

Shinji took a moment to take in the glorious sight of a panty clad Asuka. He quickly removed his shirt and pants, he hesitated at his boxers, but the excitement at what was about to happen over ruled any embarrassment that he had at the moment. His manhood sprung from his boxers as they were pulled down from his waist. He knelt in front of her on the bed and kissed gingerly around her womanhood as each hand grabbed a side of her panties and pulled them down, Shinji's excitement grew at the sight of a little strip of hair leading to her glistening mound. His hand worked its way over her body leading to her honey soaked mound, he faulted at the feeling of her wetness in the palm of his hand. He slowly caressed her most intimate of spots, the top of his fingers gliding up and down her slit. Asuka's body tensed when his finger penetrated her, the shock was soon outweighed by the pleasure his probing finger was providing. Shinji raised his head up and drank in the sight of the moaning woman underneath him.

'Ask her for permission to make love to her'

'If she smacks me, it's your fault'

He lowered his head down and brought his lips to hers. Asuka returned his passion tenfold as she slid her tongue past his lips, Shinji removed his hand from her mound to cup her cheek, he broke the kiss and stared into her light blue eyes.

"Asuka, may I make love to you?"

"Y-Yes, just please be gentle"

Shinji nodded his head, he started kissing her as he positions himself between her legs. Asuka shudders as his member comes in contact with her slit. She gasps as his tip spreads her slit, his helmet starts to compress as he gently enters her tight sopping wet hole. Her eyes widen and she inhales sharply as her hymen is torn, A tear runs down her check as her womanhood fully consumes his member.

"Are you ok Asuka?"

"Y-yea just give me a second or two to get used to you being in me." Asuka said with a slight smile on her face.

"It feels so warm and tight, I-I can't believe how good it feels!" Exclaimed Shinji.

Shinji bent down and started kissing her, what started off being slow pecks quickly turned into a full blown make out session as he started moving his hips up and down. The kissing stopped when Asuka started breathing heavy, she bit her lower lip trying to suppress the tears from the pain Shinji was causing her. "Shinji, your hurting me!" Exclaimed Asuka, but her words fell upon deaf ears. Shinji started to work his hips faster as he built up to his climax, her hand was furiously squeezing the sheets out of pain. Shinji closed his eyes and his entire body tensed as he was about to splatter his seed deep inside of Asuka.

"Oh Tamara!" Shinji cried out as he climaxed inside of her, his eyes shot open and his hand clamped over his mouth.

Time stood still as Shinji saw Asuka's heartbreaking. Her mouth closed into a frown, her head turned as her brow dropped in a futile attempt to keep from breaking down. She slowly got out from underneath him, tears streaming down her cheeks, she scouted herself off the bed and stood on the cold wood floor. She covered herself up the best she could with one arm as she headed to the bathroom.

"I'm so fucked up" Shinji said to himself as he burred his head in his hands. Shinji sat like that for about ten minutes before deciding to go check on Asuka. He nervously made his way to the bathroom door. He knocked softly. "Asuka?" He got silence in return. He turned the handle and walked into the bathroom.

Hate. Hate is what he thought he would see in her eyes. Hate was understandable, he expected it. But there was no hate in her eyes. 'Is it anger?... Nope. Is it sadness?... Nope. Fear?... Nope.' He couldn't even sense disappointment when he looked at her. There was nothing; two dull blue orbs of emptiness. Shinji was unsettled by her emotionless state.

"Why aren't you yelling at me." Asked a nervous Shinji.

"I don't care anymore." Was her only reply.

"Care about what?" Asked a bemused Shinji.

"You." Shinji could have sworn the temperature in the room dropped by ten degrees.

"Me?" Shinji was once again showing his impressive comprehension skills.

"Yes, you."

"I don't understand."

"There's nothing to understand."

"What do you mean that you don't care anymore?" Said Shinji in a slightly louder tone.

"Anything that involves you is of no concern to me."

"Involves me?"


"Everything that involves me?" Because asking once wasn't enough.


"So your going to cook your own food, do your own chores and walk by yourself to school?" Asked a confused Shinji.


"What about when an angel attacks?"

"I will do as I'm commanded."

"Just like Ayanami?"

"No, she's a doll, I'm not."

"You sound like a doll." Asuka finally glared at Shinji.

"You sound like a dick." Shinji was now glaring at Asuka.

"How long are you going to keep this facade up?"

"It's not a facade, I'm tired of being hurt by you."

"You set yourself up to be hurt." Asuka looked at him in shock.

"Yes, I underestimated how much of a bastard you really are." She spoke on the verge of tears.

"If you knew about what happened to me in the past, you would think me being a bastard is justified."

Asuka gave a caring look before speaking.

"Didn't you find your mother hanging from the ceiling?" Asked Asuka in a deeply caring voice.

"No, my mother didn't commit suicide." Spoke and apathetic Shinji.

"Who's mom was it?" Asuka puts her hand on her chin and pretends to ponder the question, she then quickly stiffens up and snaps her fingers. "Oh that's right, I'm the one that found her mother hanging from the ceiling! Oh and I can't forget the doll that was hanging next to her that she thought was me!"

"Y-you saw that?"

"Yup! Then my papa decided I wasn't worth the trouble anymore so he decided I shouldn't live with him anymore!"

"You don't have to be so sarcastic." Spoke a bemused Shinji.

"My grandmother died of cancer, would you like to talk about that too?" Shinji was almost relieved to see anger in her eyes.

"Your not the only one who has had there mother die and then be abandoned by there father!" Shinji said angrily.

"So then why is you being a bastard justified yet me being a bitch isn't?"

"But you always act that way!" Exclaimed Shinji.

"Listen, anyone I have allowed to get close to me has hurt me, so can you really blame me for trying to keep people at bay? Hell you were the nicest person I've ever known and look at what you've done."

"It's not like I planned on hurt you."

"But that's all you have been doing lately is hurting me."

"Well excuse me, apparently having your girlfriend commit suicide in your hospital room isn't an excuse for being an asshole."

"You mean your ex-girlfriend? The one that was an assassin sent to kill you? The one that tried to kill me? The one you would have cheated on if I hadn't stopped us? Is that the girlfriend your talking about?!" Asuka was shouting at Shinji.

"You know what Asuka? Fuck you!" Shinji turned around and stomped out of the bathroom. Asuka shakily stood up and walked out of the bathroom. She walked into her room, pulled the blanket off her bed and sat in her closet. She pulled the blanket over herself and closed the door. Asuka preferred the solitude of her closet when ever she got depressed like this. It was the only place in the house where she didn't feel ashamed to cry. And cry she did until sleep overtook her.

The next morning was a blur of commotion as Asuka prepared to goto the hospital. Unsurprisingly, Shinji didn't bother to help her or even go with her to the hospital. He just sat in his room until they left. Asuka was sad that Shinji wasn't there to tell her everything will be alright when she was admitted to the hospital. She cried when Shinji wasn't there to tell her how beautiful she looked when she got dressed in one of the hospital gowns. She felt alone when Shinji wasn't there to hold her hand when she received her I.V.. She felt rejected when Shinji wasn't there to kiss her on the cheek when she was wheeled back into surgery. Shinji also wasn't there to worry about her when they stopped her heart and put her on bypass. Shinji wasn't there to pace back and forth for the next three hours waiting for any word on how the surgery went. Shinji wasn't there to have his stomach leap into his throat when they were told they were having difficulties restarting her heart. Shinji wasn't there to pray for Asuka's life. Shinji wasn't there when the doctor suggested that they say their last goodbyes before it's too late. Shinji wasn't there to pick Misato off the floor when they were told that they had tried everything, yet failed. Shinji wasn't there to see a tear roll down sub Commander Fuyutsuki's cheek. Shinji wasn't there to tell her how sorry he was for treating her badly last night. Shinji wasn't there to kiss her on the cheek and tell her everything was going to be all right before she was taken off life support. Shinji wasn't there to witness himself dying inside as they covered her lifeless body with a sheet.

A lot of people will tell you that suicide is never the answer, that its just a form of running away. As for the latter statement, its not. I would know, I'm the king of running away. In fact, killing myself is the only way to deal with the problem head on. My problem is that I refuse to live another day without her. So the only logical solution is to end my life and join my dear Asuka, wherever her soul maybe.

Trying to look at this situation in a poetic light, I try to form a deeper relationship with the item of my demise. The gun is a .45 caliber, 1911 style Smith & Wesson, gun metal gray with black grips. I hit the release and slide the clip out, I then proceed to empty said clip. Laying in front of me is nine hollow point slugs in a row, a straight equally spaced row. I examine each bullet in an descending order - examining them in an ascending order would just be crazy - and decide on the third bullet. After all what could be more poetic then the third bullet taking the life of the third child while he kneels in front of his loved ones grave. Its almost a shame that its not my third attempt on the third day of the third month. However, as previously stated I refuse to live another day, so today will have to do.

I kiss the third round before putting it into the clip, I then proceed to slide the clip into the handle. The sound "Click – Clack" reverberates off of the Tombstones in the cemetery as I pull the slide back and release it. As I trace the words on her gravestone, gun in hand, I cant help but cry when I think about how I had treated her. 'I'm so sorry Asuka' repeats in my head. I slowly bring the barrel to my temple. I start to think about all the good and bad times we shared, well mainly bad but now I see that those were all my fault. Things could have been awesome between us had I ever really shown her how much I had loved her.

I shed a single tear as I pull the trigger.

There was no last minute miracle, no second thought, no blank rounds or hesitation. Nothing stopped Shinji from taking his own life as blood and brain matter splattered on Asuka's grave.

The first sensation I felt was freedom.

It felt like I was flying, for a couple of seconds I felt nothing but weightlessness. It was awesome, there was no restraint, just me, myself and I in a big expanse of nothingness.

The second was pain.

It felt like my shoulder was being crushed under the weight of the world. This was nothing but a cruel joke, I was being taunted. Something, or more appropriately, Someone was showing me what its like to be completely free from the bounds of reality, only to rip it away when I was starting to enjoy it. Maybe that was heaven and now I'm in hell?

The third was cold.

Once the pain subsided, my world was filled with a level of cold I had never felt. Maybe it was cold, or maybe what I was actual feeling was a physical manifestation of loneliness. Either way, I didn't like it.

The fourth was loudness.

I was having an overwhelming sensation of being assaulted by sound. All around me was noise that couldn't be deciphered, I couldn't tell one from the other. It was like being engulfed in a fog of heavy traffic, while a rock concert was going on, yet I had the overwhelming feeling that each noise was working together, to plot against me.

The fifth was a mother's embrace.

I liked this. This sensation helped take my mind off of the pain, the cold, and the noise. It was a sensation I don't remembered ever feeling, yet I can't help but feel that I have felt it recently. It felt nice.

The sixth was wetness.

My face was wet, yet it didn't feel like it was raining. No, I'm positive it wasn't raining. It actually felt like tears, but I wasn't crying.

The Seventh was brightness.

It felt as if I was opening my eyes for the first time, it actually felt painful. I squinted, it was still uncomfortable, but I wanted to see what was happening to me. I was confused with the blurs I was seeing. 'Purple and Red?' I thought to myself.

The eighth was confusion.

I didn't understand what the hell was going on. I was fairly confident that I was facing judgment, but why was Misato there? Was she the one that was going to pass judgment on to me? Maybe that was why Asuka was next to Misato? Maybe Asuka is the one that will decide my fate, maybe she will cast me to the fiery pits of hell. I deserve what ever punishment she gives me. I deserve it all.

The ninth was clarity.

Misato was embracing me, her tears were falling on my face. I'm fairly confident that she is the one that was making this bearable. I'm knee deep in Misato's breasts, and yet I can't look away from Asuka's eyes.

"I just wanted to see you again." Was all I could say before I blacked out, but before consciousness was gone, I could have sworn I seen Asuka smile at me. I just wonder if it's because of what I said, or if it's because I'm bare ass naked in front of everyone at Nerv.

A/N: Well this is the end. I think. Now I just need to go back and rewrite the other 5 chapters and probably this one too.

For those of you that don't understand the ending, everything that you have read, except the very last section of this chapter, has been a dream Shinji has been having while he was absorbed in his EVA. That is why the characters would sometime not act like themselves, at least that's the excuse I'm using. Shinji killing himself was actually what triggered his release. The last section is what Shinji was feeling while – and directly after – being ejected from the EVA. In Shinji's dreamland all the characters were three years older then they are in the series. The angels have all been defeated and obviously there wasn't a third impact because Shinji at the time of his absorption wouldn't have been aware of it. As for Shinji dreaming that Asuka knew about Ritsuko and for the fact that he knew about Asuka's mom for her to tell him? I am claiming that Shinji would have knowledge of these events from Yui's memories inside of Unit-1. Tamara was a representation of the important people in Shinji's life. She was beautiful yet troubled like Asuka, She was a spy like Kaji, caring like Misato, self sacrificing like his mother and a mystery like his father.

I had a back up ending that I had almost used, instead of everything being a dream while he was absorbed, everything, except the first chapter, was a hallucination after he was institutionalized at the end of chapter one. But I think I like this one better so I went with it.