174PLEASE READ! Okay, I know I have a bad reputation for updating, but see, I've done something different with this story, I have at least the next five to six chapters written, so I can update regularly. So if you're thinking, "This is a waste of my time, she's gonna update once a month or something" that's not true, it will be once a week at least, possibly twice a week.
AND A BIG SHOUT OUT TO MY BETA/AWESOME-NESS WHO HAS EDITED THE WHOLE OF THIS STORY! Keira(tommyxloser) is the most fantastical beta there has ever been and I owe her this story and my sanity.
Background: Just to clear up any questions, Renee died when Bella was fourteen. Bella moved to Forks to live with Charlie in her sophomore year, that's when she met Edward. They've been dating for around three years, a little less.
Edward POV (6:05 pm, Friday May 27, 2005):
"Dude, we're gonna go play baseball later? You in?" Emmett wore that big childish grin he always wore when he was offered the opportunity to show off his "mad skills" to anyone and everyone who would watch.
"Can't. I'm taking Bella out later," I smiled at the thought. Just me and her, all night. I reveled in the thought of all that time spent in her company. Well, she would have to go home at some point, but she'd beg me to crawl in her window later and I was never able to refuse her anything…
"C'MON! You're always taking Bella out! Come play with us!" he was whining.
"I'm sorry, Emmett," I wasn't sorry at all, actually. "Maybe next time," maybe being the operative word.
"You said that last time!" I just shrugged.
"This is getting ridiculous. I'm seriously considering taking away your man card, Edward." He glared at me, trying to look threatening, and he was, just not enough that I'd pick him over my Bella.
"Fine, take it away. You're just jealous that I'm getting some and Rose is still refusing to have sex with you after that stunt you pulled at Crowley's party," his eyes widened.
"You're fucking Bella?!"
"Watch you're language. And no, I'm not fucking Bella."
"Edward! Don't go lecturing me on the real meaning of the word, okay. I could care less what it means!"
"Well, I care what it means. Fuck comes from the term forced unknown carnal knowledge. F. U.C. K., in other words, rape. So, no, I am not fucking her because everything is one hundred percent consensual."
"Dude, you are so lame," he shook his head at me.
"I'm not lame, I'm a gentleman."
"You act like you're from the friggin' Stone Age! You went out with the girl for almost two years before you finally slept with her! And that's because she got you drunk and practically tied you down to the fucking bed!"
"Emmett, don't be ridiculous. She did not tie me down to the bed!"
"Good as."
"So I wanted to wait until we were married! Is that such a crime?!"
"The both of you were frustrated as hell! Rose was even telling Bella she should get a vibrator!"
"WHAT!"
"Yeah! But she refused because, 'The only person, or thing, I ever want to pleasure me is Edward,'" he said it in a high, nasally voice that sounded nothing like Bella. "I mean, Jesus, the girl would rather live her whole life a virgin than ever be sexually pleasured by someone or something else than you!"
"She wouldn't have lived her whole life a virgin, Emmett! I wanted to wait until we were married, not until we were dying!"
"Same difference," I huffed, frustrated with his immaturity and disrespect for the act of sex.
"It is not the same! I wanted to treat her like a lady! I wanted her to know I meant forever when I finally made love to her!"
"Who says that?"
"I say that! Bella says that!"
"Yeah, you know who else says that, Eddie? Our parents say that! Our grandmother says that!"
"Well, if sex meant the same thing it meant one hundred years ago it would be a hell of a lot more meaningful!"
"Well, it's too bad you can't build a time machine isn't it?"
"Ugh! I'm leaving. I need to go take a shower," and with that I stomped up the stairs to my bathroom.
Bella POV (6:17 pm, Friday May 27, 2005):
I didn't know how I was going to do this, how I was going to tell him. I had seriously considered not telling him. But even as I considered it I knew I couldn't get away with that…and I had to think about the job I was now entrusted with. I was not the most important thing anymore, well; I wasn't before either, not really. Edward had always been the most important thing in the world to me. Where did he rank now? Were they tied? I loved them both, so, so much, did they hold equal amounts of space in my heart? My love for him was no less than what it was before; in fact, it grew with each passing day. More so, it felt like my heart grew, so that it could encompass all the love I felt for them, all the emotion. It was true what they said, the more that you loved, the more that you could love.
He was taking me out to another fancy, expensive restaurant that only he seemed to be able to get reservations to a week before, and I was going to complain to him about the money he spent on the miniscule amounts of food they served. Especially tonight, I was quite hungry.
Would I tell him there? Or wait until we were completely alone? Would we be in his car? In our meadow? Walking around Port Angeles?
And…what would he say?
Don't be stupid, Bella. You know exactly what he's gonna say. He'd drop everything, get down on his knee and propose, save my honor and all that. He'd give up his scholarship to Julliard; get a job at some minimum wage place. Come home smelling like French fries and cheeseburgers, the thought would have made me laugh, if it weren't so true. He'd use the money he'd saved over the years to get us a house, and pay the bills. There would be a lot of bills. If there was one thing I'd heard about…having a baby, it was that it was expensive. A baby. My hands unconsciously went down to my flat stomach.
And he'd be doting. The doting father. He'd shower our child in gifts that we couldn't afford; presents that would make us go bankrupt. Teach our son to play catch, or braid our daughter's hair; she'd probably manage to rope him in to playing dolls or something like that.
And the picture would be beautiful; if it weren't taking away everything he'd ever worked for. He had not saved that money so that we could have a baby right out of high school, so that he could buy an old, run down house because we didn't have any other options, so that he could pay for childcare.
I felt something wet on my cheek, and was surprised to see I was crying. The realization made me lose all control, and the sobs racked my body with a force I could only compare to a hurricane. It was a good thing I hadn't wasted time putting make-up on, because it would be ruined.
When I was done I looked at my face in the bathroom mirror. My eyes were red and blotchy and my face was streaked with salty tears. I was a mess. Edward would know something was wrong the second he saw me; I didn't need to look like someone just died.
Water splashed in the sink as I washed my face, the cool soothing me just a little bit. It reminded me of Edward, he always seemed a degree cooler than me. But it was refreshing, he never made me cold.
I slipped on the blue dress that Alice had bought me last weekend. It was Edward's favorite color on me; he said it made my skin look like fresh cream. I debated wearing heels, but decided tripping as I said I was pregnant would probably only make the moment more embarrassing and awkward instead of relieve any tension.
The time ticked by, and to say I was shaking with anxiety would be an understatement. But seven rolled around, and rolled away. Odd, he was never late. Seven thirty arrived, and then eight. Charlie had gotten home around the time Edward was supposed to get here, and now he was watching some game on TV. I looked out the window for the umpteenth time, and he still wasn't there. When I called him it went straight to voice-mail.
At eight thirty I was worried, very worried. He hadn't called me to cancel; he hadn't called to say he would be late. Surely the floor should have a hole in it due to the amount of pacing I was doing. The house phone hadn't rung either.
"Uhh!" I was so worried about him! No, Bella! He's fine! He lost track of time, that's all!
ALICE! I'd call Alice. It rang…and rang. GOD DAMMIT! PICK UP!
"Hello?" her high soprano was music to my ears.
"Alice! Have you seen Edward?!" I thought I heard tears in my voice. There was a pause where she didn't answer. " Alice?!"
"Isn't he with you?" her voice was cautious, like she was afraid of the answer.
"No! He was supposed to be here at seven! And-," my voice cracked.
"He left around six forty-five. He was rushing because he thought he was gonna be late."
"He's not here, Alice!"
"Let me call him."
"I tried that! It went straight to voice-mail!" I was panicking.
"Maybe his phone's on now?" it was like a question, she was scared, too.
"His phone's never off, Alice! When is it ever off?!"
"Oh God, maybe he's with Emmett. Him and Jasper went to play baseball," Jasper Whitlock, Alice's boyfriend. Emmett was their brother.
"Maybe."
"I'll call you right back, okay? Don't worry, everything's gonna be fine, Bella." But she was wrong; everything was not going to be fine.
Bella POV (3:52 pm, Thursday June 2, 2005):
I sat by his side for a week; the only sign that the man I loved more than my own life was alive was the steady rise and fall of his chest and the beeping of the heart monitor.
I hadn't left the room, there was a bathroom conveniently located inside and after I'd made it clear to everyone I would not be going anywhere they agreed to bring me my food, though I barely ate any of it. Which I new was bad, I wasn't just eating for myself anymore, and Edward would not be happy with me if I was depriving our child of food.
I had not told anyone, they didn't need two tragedies on their hands. I definitely didn't know how to tell Edward now. What kind of hello would that be? Oh thank goodness, you're alive! Oh, by the way, I'm pregnant. So we're pretty screwed, oh wait, you're already screwed, can you even walk?!
He had been pretty battered up when they found him, barely alive. The road was wet and he turned to quickly…drove straight into a tree going one hundred and ten miles an hour. He broke his back, both his legs, his arms, cracked open his skull…
Even if he woke up from this…coma, it was unlikely he'd ever walk again. The neurosurgeon they'd flown in by helicopter was brilliant, world famous, and luckily for us he was located in Seattle. But not even he was sure if Edward would walk again. He managed to stop the brain hemorrhaging; Edward should be okay in that department, minor memory loss, some loss of coordination, but not too bad…if he woke up.
I don't think I'd stopped crying since I'd heard the news. Constantly tears rolled down my cheeks, whether silently or accompanied by sobs, they were always there.
I felt a warm hand on my shoulder; it was Esme, Edward's mother.
"You need to eat, dear," she'd been most adamant about my diet. Everyone kind of watched to make sure I ate, but Esme always reminded me to.
"I'm not hungry," I really wasn't, the need to eat was not something that I was paying attention to.
"You haven't eaten in almost fifteen hours," count on Esme to know just how long it's been since I'd eaten.
"I'm not hungry." She sighed.
"Please, sweetheart. Just eat a little bit, for me?" the love and affection that laced her voice broke the leaky dam I'd been trying to hold my tears in. She was Edward's mother, her baby was lying in a hospital bed, fate up in the air, and she was comforting me, like a mother would. Like my mother should have been, were she here. I had never thought too much on the fact I didn't have a mother anymore. Charlie hadn't exactly known how to handle a teenage girl who'd just lost her mother; he kind of tried to pretend it didn't happen. And while I missed her, I really couldn't miss affection like this, because I had always been the one to comfort her. Even when I was the one on the floor crying, I had to assure her I was okay. But here was Esme, picture of a perfect mother, comforting her dying son's girlfriend. Would she be mad later? When she realized I'd ruined her son's life? That I'd taken away every chance he had to accomplish his dreams? No, she wouldn't be. She'd see our baby as gift, a miracle, not something to be angry over. She wouldn't let us pay for childcare; she'd want to spend every moment she could with her grandchild. She rocked me in her arms and ran a soothing hand over my filthy hair. When was the last time I showered? The night Edward got in the accident. I answered myself.
"It'll be okay, honey," she whispered into my hair.
"NO! It won't be okay! Nothing will ever be okay again!"
"Of course it will, don't be silly."
She held me a while longer, my tears soaked into her shirt. I think I fell asleep at some point, but I'm not sure.
"Bella?" she sounded cautious.
"Yes?"
"I think that, maybe you should get some fresh air-," my head turned so fast I gave myself whiplash.
"I'm not leaving him," it came out harsher than I intended it to, I didn't want to be harsh with Esme.
"Honey, I think he'd want you to get some fresh air."
"It's raining," as if that was an excuse to not go out.
"Bella, you've been in here a week, you haven't been more than two feet near that door. You need to go outside, smell the flowers, he'd want that," she was just as concerned for me as before I snubbed her.
"I wanna be here when he wakes up," I was not leaving him, not in a hundred years.
"Honey, they have him on so many drugs he probably won't wake up for a while, he'd want-,"
"I'm not leaving him! I can't, Esme!"
"You can come right back, honey. He'd want it."
"If our roles were reversed, and I was lying in the bed and he was sitting by my side, do you honestly think he'd leave me?" she sighed.
"No. But you're not helping anything sitting there. You need to take care of yourself, Bella. That's what he'd want, what good are you to him if when he wakes up and you can't even function correctly?" I looked back at him, his perfect body shrouded in plaster and gauze. She was right, of course she was. I needed to take care of us; it would not be helpful if we had a sick baby, too.
"Just five minutes," she smiled sadly and helped me up. She was right; not eating was making me weak.
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Sneak Peek of Chapter 2:
"He…doesn't remember me?"