Hello There :]

This is my first Supernatural fanfiction and quite possibly my last because I have no idea what inspired me to write this.

It is unbearably short but I got out all wanted to so I would say it is a success.

I love both Sam and Dean with all of my heart but this is only featuring Sam with my take on his take of his addiction.

I [obviously] do not own Supernatural. Mr. Eric Kripke is the lovely owner and creator.


Sam Winchester couldn't offer an excuse or cover the obvious truth. It was an undeniable fact; he was drinking demon blood. Really, he was addicted to demon blood. Which was the very thing running through his veins from the age of six months old. This was different though, because he was poisoning himself this time around.

Because poison is but a seemingly innocent temptation.

Sam wasn't proud of the desperation he felt from withdrawal.

Sam wasn't proud of the moral questions that would assault him endlessly.

Sam wasn't proud that the power that he felt was what made him like the blood.

And Sam certainly wasn't proud of how closely he was dancing on the line between 'human' and 'huntable'.

But he had to prevent the apocalypse by any means necessary because Dean couldn't do it. Dean was broken and weak from Hell.

Because clouded judgment doesn't recognize lucid thoughts.

What Sam wouldn't admit to himself is why he came to this point. The truth was that Sam was the broken one. Sam was broken from his brother's words.

Apparently Dean would want to hunt Sam if he didn't know him- So what did he have to lose?

Apparently the Sam Dean knew was gone- So why try to be someone who is gone?

Apparently Sam was a monster- So, really, why continue trying to walk the right path?

And with that word, 'monster', the unbreakable shattered and the ever frozen melted. With tears stinging in his eyes he knew the truth. Sam never thought Dean would give up on him but those words established it. So he punched and hit and choked.

Because resigning is losing, however you look at it.

Sam had made many mistakes but the biggest mistake he had made was thinking Dean could trust him and that everything would one day be okay. That delusion he had was why Dean's words burned him so.

Sam lied to and deceived his brother but he never hated him for what he did. And no matter how different they were, all three Winchester hated monsters.

Sam was lost for a long time; he would admit he was lost still. But Sam wished that Dean would be the one to find him. Sam wished that everything could be different. Sam wished with all of his heart that he could have turned around and not walked out that door.

"If you walk out that door don't you ever come back."

Those words. Who was Dean kidding? Dean was the one who had turned into their father. Sam didn't think as he opened the door like he had done those years ago. Although his body was sore, that was not the pain enveloping him that was worse than anything he had felt before.

Because love is both the greatest happiness and the most ruthless pain.


To leave me a review would be wonderful. I would love feedback, be it negative or not.