12Hi there :) it's me, back from, well nowhere. Just been busy with exams and such. I did my R.S GCSE last Tuesday :O Lol. Anyway here is a little one-shot that I've had for a while but haven't been able to find the right ending to. Now, with the help of one of my secret associates, I think I have an ending that fits it.
Disclaimer- How many times do we have to go through this? I'm not her, never will be, don't even want to be. Well that's a lie, it would actually be quite cool to be J.K Rowling ;) Just for a day...
Happy Birthday Lily
"Happy Birthday Lily!" A small blonde girl, who Lily vaguely recognised, screeched into her ear. They stood for a few seconds in silence as Lily absorbed what she was saying.
"Yeah, thanks." Lily replied distractedly, barely registering the present thrust into her arms as the girl stalked away, annoyed. Lily dropped the present on the mounting pile with a sigh. Her eyes searched the room against for him. Why wasn't he here? He was always here! Why did he choose now to not be here?
You see, Lily was looking for James, not that she would admit it to anyone. As they had worked together this year as heads Lily had become increasingly fond of him, pushing aside all her previous judgments of him, and they had become friends. But recently Lily had been feeling something different for James, something that she was pretty sure wasn't normal. She could tell when he was in the room without looking up and her eyes were attracted to him all the time. She had started noticing things about him through staring, that she was sure other people didn't know; like the birthmark on his left wrist and the small, white scar running across his elbow on his right hand. Lily had also been experiencing yearnings for him. Mostly late at night, when he was tired and started running his hand through his hair frustrated. Lily's eyes wandered back towards the portrait hole and in her mind she could see him appearing there: his dark hair ruffled as always, a mess, his hazel, intelligent eyes peering at her, almost seeing through her outside into her soul and his infuriating smirk appearing on his lips as he strode over, as cocky as ever…
"Lily! Why do you look like someone died!? It's you're 18th birthday for Christ's sake, do something!" Alice Meadows, Lily's best friend, shouted in her ear, trying to be heard above the din of the room. Lily almost shrieked, being pulled out of her thoughts. "Do you not like the party?" Alice asked, her eyes wide with worry as she searched Lily's forlorn face.
"No," Lily rushed to assure her, plastering an obviously fake smile on her face, "The party's great, it's just...I don't know Alice, I don't really feel like partying." She sighed, kicking the leg of the chair next to her repeatedly.
Alice pulled up a chair and smiled sympathetically, "He'll be here soon Lily."
Lily's head snapped up and her position shifted automatically into defensive, "Who?" She asked, unable to keep her eyes from sliding to the portrait hole as it banged open. She was pretty sure her face must have dropped when no ebony mop of hair emerged.
Alice patted her knee sympathetically with a slight smirk, "You don't have to pretend with me Lily, I know you're waiting for James."
Lily sighed in defeat as her cheeks tinted pink, "Where could he be Alice?"
Her friend shrugged unhelpfully, "Well the other Marauders aren't here either so he'll probably be with them." Alice spotted Frank and rose quickly, shooting a smile at her boyfriend as he made his way over to them. "Please try and have some fun Lil, dance with someone." She smiled again and left to join Frank.
"Wanna dance, love?" Came a husky whisper from behind her chair. Lily spun around and was met with a familiar set of grey orbs.
"Sirius," She smiled softly, standing up to hug him.
"Happy Birthday Lil!" He grinned, kissing her on the cheek and handing her a parcel.
"Thanks. I'll open it later," She nodded towards the present and placed it on her chair. "Now you owe me a dance," She smiled and took Sirius offered hand, walking onto the dance floor. Sirius drew Lily closer as they started swaying to a slow song. "You know everyone is glaring daggers at your back. Well, all the girls." Sirius smirked, pulling Lily even closer so she was pressed against his chest.
Lily let out a small laugh, finally averting her eyes away from searching for James, "Because I'm dancing with the Sirius Black?"
"What can I say, I'm gorgeous!" Sirius grinned and flipped his hair, making Lily laugh. They lapsed into a comfortable silence for several more dances before Sirius noticed Lily's wandering eyes. "He's not here." Sirius sighed, with a slight shake of his head and a knowing look.
"Huh- who?" Lily asked, immediately getting defensive.
Sirius rolled his eyes, "James. But he will be, sometime. He went off, didn't say where to." Sirius said, only succeeding in making Lily more curious in his whereabouts. Sirius suddenly twirled her and dipped her, giving her a quick peck on the cheek and making many girls turn green with envy. Sirius nodded to Remus who was waiting for his turn to dance, "Cya later Lils." With that he disappeared into the crowd, leaving Lily with Remus.
"Happy Birthday Lily," Remus smiled warmly, taking her hand and placing it on his shoulder as they started to move to the music. "I left your present on the table."
"Oh, you didn't have to get me anything Remus."
"I know, but I think you'll like this one." He winked and smiled widely at Lily, twirling her around and around into yet another person's waiting arms.
Hours later Lily collapsed into a chair after dancing with so many people, it was all a blur. Alice fell into the seat next to her after shepherding the last people out of the common room. "You'd better be happy Alice, I didn't stop dancing the whole evening! And Sirius managed to steal half of the dances to escape from all the girls trying to strip him."
Alice let out a giggle at the thought, "I couldn't even tell whether he was drunk or sober." Lily smiled and closed her eyes, not wanting to look at the mess she would undoubtedly have to clear up. "Well I'm going off to bed. Will you be ok down here?" Lily nodded and sent Alice a weak smile that made her frown. "Ok, see you in the morning then. Night Lily." Lily mustered up a grin and waved as Alice disappeared out of sight.
Lily dragged herself over to the present and took a couple, bringing them back to the armchair in front of the fire. As she opened the packages, barely noticing the gifts, she could not help but wonder why he had not shown. Lily was sure she had danced with every male in the whole school, except for him. It was her birthday-her eighteenth birthday-and he hadn't even shown up. If he was asleep in his dorm, Lily was going to murder him. Lily glanced down and laughed out loud at the present she received from Sirius. It was a book, titled '1000 ways to reject your lover. She flipped open the cover and noticed a letter with Sirius' neat slanted writing on the front. She opened it carefully. It read:
My dear Lily Flower,
Happy eighteenth birthday! I hope you enjoyed your 'surprise party', just don't tell Alice I told you about it; that girl will chop off my head. She's mental.
I probably should have given you this book years ago, when you still hated James, and maybe you could have found some more inventive ways to reject James. But I'm sure you can still put the book to good use *wink*...
One day back in fifth year Remus, Peter and I were lying underneath the oak tree by the lake. Peter was sleeping and Remus appeared to be just staring at Mark Johnson. So I asked him what he was doing. He replied you can tell a person's life story by looking at them. Their hardships and joyous moments are evident in every action and every frown and smile on their faces. You can learn so much about people by observing them. But no matter how much you look at a person things change. That's what I find fascinating, watching their moods and actions change. But also from observing people you become a better person. You become more in tune with your friends, knowing how to read them.
So ever since then I have been watching people. And he's right. I've learnt so much about you flower by just watching you. You have this tough exterior and you like to pretend that people's comments don't hurt you but I can tell you're just like everyone else inside. But you know it's ok so be vulnerable, it's ok so be scared Lil. The world is not an easy place but when you have people who care about you, who love you, you shouldn't let them go.
This brings me on to the whole point of this letter. Don't be afraid Lil. I know what you feel for James, I can see the way you look at him sometimes and the way you act around him. You love him. As much as you would like to deny it-and you have-it's time to step up and admit the truth. I know you Lil and I know you don't like jumping into unknown water but it will be worth it. Love is not meant to be easy; there will be ups and downs. But do you really want to throw away potential happiness because you're scared. Sometimes to get what you want, you have to put your heart on the line. James has done it enough times and now it is your turn.
James has loved you since the moment he set eyes on you, even if he didn't know what it was. Some people say we're too young to know what love is but I've seen the way he looks at you when no-one is watching. If only you could see him Lil, you would know how much he loves you. Have no doubt that he would die in a heartbeat for you, without a second thought. Think back to all the times he embarrassed himself in front of the whole school, the teachers, Dumbledore. Think of all the times he would go and beat up any guy who asked you out. Sure his methods weren't the best but his heart was in the right place. It always has been Lil. His heart lays with you-it always has and always will. He gave it to you the first time he asked you out, on the first day of school. Remember, when you laughed in his face? That night in his sleep, James shouted out your name. Even then his heart knew you belonged together. So look after his heart Lil, I've seen it broken too many times.
He will always love you, no matter what. So do yourself a favour and tell him how you feel. I know you won't regret it.
Love,
Sirius
P.S If you ever show this letter to anyone, especially James, I will make sure everyone knows about the time you peed behind the bushes in first year! Oh and remind James if I'm not best man at your wedding I will personally never speak to him again.
Lily wiped the tears running down her face with her sleeve, a small smile breaking out onto her features. She folded the letter carefully and slipped it into her pocket. "Why are you crying?" James whispered softly making Lily spin around, her heart jolting at the sound of his voice.
"Uh, doesn't matter." Lily replied, slamming her book closed.
"Of course it does Lils." James crouched down and took Lily's hand, stroking it gently, making Lily's heart flip over. They stared into each others eyes and Lily shook her head slowly, a small smile touching the corners of her lips. "Besides the birthday girl shouldn't be all alone...why are you alone?"
Lily shrugged awkwardly, "I was...waiting." Lily replied slowly, fingering the letter through her skirt pocket, willing it to give her strength.
James flopped onto Lily's armchair, making her budge up so there was space. Lily breathing hitched slightly as she felt the warmth radiating from James' body. He was so close. She was practically sitting on his lap. James entwined their fingers and pulled her closer so she was sitting on his lap, "Who were you waiting for?"
"You." James looked up sharply, clearly not expecting that answer. His mouth relaxed into a huge grin that bordered on smirking. James rested his head on her shoulder; making his glasses go all wonky as he stared up at her with this hazel orbs. They stared into each others eyes for an endless amount of time. It could have been seconds, minutes, hours, days. They didn't know, nor care.
Lily hesitantly broke the silence as she remembered the letter in her pocket. "Where were you? You missed my party." Lily questioned, badly disguised hurt seeping through into her voice.
A look of guilt replaced James' smile as he recognized the hurt and he sighed gently, lifting his head of Lily's shoulder. "I'm sorry Lils, I was busy. Dumbledore stuff."
"Too busy to make my 18th birthday party?" Lily accused, turning her head away from James so he wouldn't see the tears starting to build in her eyes.
"Lil-y," He pleaded, gently coaxing her face back to his and stroking his cheek softly with the pad of his thumb. "You know if I could have been there I would. I wanted to be there so much but...duty calls." He finished pathetically.
"I know, I know. I just wish you could tell me where you'd gone, what you were doing..."
James sighed again and raked a hand through his tousled mane. "You know I can't Lils." Lily nodded her head disappointed, even though she had known he couldn't tell her, she was hoping he would find a loophole. He seemed good at doing that with everything else.
"So has my best friend had a brilliant birthday?" James asked with a big smile, trying to lighten the mood. Little did he know it was possibly the word thing he could have said.
Best friend. Those two words hurt Lily more than James could know. She loved him. She was in love with him. But she was too late; he only saw her as a friend and had no romantic feelings for her what so ever. Lily could feel the tears start to build up again as the pain tore through her. James, oblivious to what she was feeling, wrapped his arm around Lily's shoulder and drew her into his chest. "So what do you want to do now?"
Lily shrugged off James' shoulder and stood up quickly, refusing to meet the eye of the very surprised Gryffindor slouching in the armchair. "Nothing," She said quickly, "I think I'll go to bed. Goodnight." Lily spun on her heel and was on the first step before James caught her hand.
She groaned internally when he spun her around and took her face in his hand, his concerned hazel orbs boring into his. "What's wrong Lily?" He questioned, confusion written all over his face as he tried to determine what was the matter with Lily.
"Nothing." She mumbled, unable to break James' hypnotic stare.
"Do you think I'm stupid!?" James demanded, his eyes flashing slightly. Lily didn't answer and James let his hands drop away from her face. James turned his back on her and thrust his hand through his hair in an agitated manner.
"James, don't go." Lily whispered softly, wrapping her arms around James' waist and burying her head in his chest. James melted into the embrace and stroked Lily's hair gently.
He sighed gently and tightened his grip on Lily, almost as if he was afraid she would slip away. "Why won't you let me in?"
Lily just shook her head and bit her lip, willing the tears to go away. She wanted to tell him; to take Sirius' advice but Lily knew she couldn't live without James and that was what she would have to do if he rejected her. When he rejected her, she corrected herself. James gave her a sad smile and dropped her face, digging into his pocket and producing a small, velvet, black box. "Your birthday present." James muttered when she looked confused.
"I hope it isn't anything too expensive James Potter." Lily asked and James shrugged in reply, the ghost of a smirk on his lips.
Lily flipped the box open and took a sharp intake of breath as she stared wordlessly at the necklace nestled in the silk cushions. It was a simple gold chain with the letters L-I-L-Y linked together in curvy writing. James raked his hand through his hair and stared expectantly at Lily, "Do you like it?" He asked nervously.
Lily launched herself and James and hugged him tightly, "Oh James, it's beautiful! It's perfect." James hugged her back, a relieved smile stretching his lips. Lily drew back from his embrace and pressed a kiss to James cheek, her lips lingering on his skin for a little longer than was acceptable. James' eyes fluttered closed and he let out a barely audible sigh of bliss. Lily pulled back blushing and James let go of her reluctantly. "Will you put it on?" Lily asked, lifting up her red ponytail and exposing her neck to him.
James carefully lifted the gold necklace out of its' case; he leaned around Lily and fastened the chain. His hand brushed the back of Lily's pale neck, making goose pimples erupt on both of their skin. Lily lifted her hand and stroked the letters of her name gently, marvelling at how beautiful the simple necklace was. "Thank you." Lily murmured again, her eyes squeezed tightly closed as she tried to work up the courage to follow Sirius' advice.
"You're welcome," James smiled and for no reason brought Lily's hand up to his lips and kissed it softly.
"What was that for?" Lily asked in mild confusion, trying to ignore the butterflies playing havoc in her stomach.
James shrugged unrepentantly and gave her a slight smile as he bent down to brush a strand of hair out of Lily's face. Lily's breath caught in her throat, "James I need to tell you something," She stuttered, taking a step back that would have been unnoticeable to anybody, except James.
"Ok." James replied, a slightly confused and expectant look clouding his features.
"You might want to sit down..." Lily said, gesturing to one of the armchair. He shrugged but compelled and lounged across the chair with a grace that seemed almost unnatural. Lily nervously took the seat next to him, Sirius' voice resounding in her head, repeating the words of his letter. A letter, that she had to say, had touched her heart. She wanted to believe Sirius; he was James best friend and knew him the best out of everybody, but something was holding her back.
Lily sighed loudly and wrung her hands nervously, staring at them the whole time. "I don't know how you used to do this all the time...it's so hard..." Lily muttered under her breath while she covered her face with her hands.
"Do what?" James asked, his expression so confused, under any other circumstance Lily would have laughed.
Lily rolled her eyes; of course he had heard her. "Nothing...well actually it's not nothing. Ugh, can we...can we go do this in our common room instead? That way when you leave you can just go up to your room."
"What? Lily what is it that you want to tell me?" James questioned, his hazel orbs becoming troubled and slightly apprehensive as he tugged Lily back down into her seat.
"Please," Lily begged, "Can we do this in our common room?"
"Sure, I guess." James replied and stood up, extending a hand for Lily to take. She did so hesitantly and this was not lost on James. He frowned but the two of them walked, hand in hand, back to their common room. Lily held onto his hand, enjoying the feel of his calloused hand rubbing against her smooth skin for what could be the last time. When they reached the portrait hole, James murmured the password and let them in, helping Lily up. He then let go of Lily's hand, not noticing Lily's crestfallen face, as he fell into the sofa and patted the space next to him. Lily sat down slowly.
"So, what is it you wanted to tell me?" James asked, curiously, his hazel eyes piercing her emerald orbs. She was silent for a moment, looking down.
"I-I love you," She whispered brokenly, evading his eyes at all costs, "And the worst part is knowing it's too late; you've moved on." She heard a sharp intake of breath from James, and she felt even more tears rise to her eyes but this time, she let them fall. She was done with pretending, with hiding. She could feel sobs rising up in her chest as he did not reply. She didn't dare look up and see his expression.
Lily was surprised when she felt his hands lift her face upwards and James used his thumbs to rub away her tears, "Don't cry, Lily…come here." He wrapped his arms around her and let her sob into his chest, her body shaking, "Why are you crying?"
"…because y-you've moved on. Because you don't love m-e." Lily managed to stammer out, finally swallowing and looking up into James' eyes, terrified of what she would see.
His eyes almost lit up then, "Do you really mean that?" His voice was almost uncertain and his expression guarded as if he didn't believe she was being honest, but his eyes held her gaze.
Lily nodded, trembling, tears still rolling down her cheeks as she whispered again, "I love you."
An ecstatic smile spread across his face, as he stood up, pulling her up with him and swung her around until she was squealing, laughing in spite of herself. Finally he set her down, his arms still loosely around her waist, "You have no idea how long I've waited for you to say that, Lily Evans." Lily gave a shaky smile and he brushed her hair out of her eyes and stared into them as he replied, "I love you too. I love you so much..."
His lips swept down and captured hers, Lily's eyes closing as she sank into the kiss, her slender hands, playing with his hair. Finally he pulled back and he smiled, "Happy birthday, Lily." Lily rested her head against his chest, smiling so widely that she thought her cheeks would burst. James crushed his lips to hers again, more urgently this time and she regrettably broke the kiss when she heard something in her robe rustle.
"Wait I have something I need to do." Lily pulled a sheet of parchment out of her bag and wrote two words on it. She gave it to her owl and whispered a name in her ear.
Sirius was sitting on his bed when a piece of parchment fluttered into his hands:
'Thank you.'