I posted this ditty to the OzMIA group.


I got such a good response. I decided to post these two letters here.

DISCLAIMER: Oz and other BtVS people belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and 20th Century Fox.

Warning Contains Spoilers for: Bargaining and AfterLife

This takes place before All the Way

Leter from Anya to Oz

Dear Oz:

Remember me. Anya Emerson formerly Anyaka, vengeance Demon. (Technically, It's Jenkins now. I changed my name to keep those Watchers from pestering me. Pretty soon, I hope to be Anya Harris, but I'll get to that.)

I'm engaged. Xander proposed. He even gave me a ring. Which I can't wear because he won't tell anyone. He's been giving such excuses. Everyone's under a lot of stress now that Buffy's dead. That excuse was wearing thin. So I agreed to Willow's madcap plan to raise Buffy. The girl is getting way over her head, if you ask me. Personally, I think you're well rid of her. And I usually take the female's side. Anyway, me, Xander and Willow's pet sheep (You know who I mean. I swear the girl reminds me of Harmony before she became a ditzy vampire.) performed a spell that brought Buffy back. Willow killed a baby deer. (Willow thinks I don't know this, but we don't stock deer blood and Willy's doesn't stock it either. Besides the spell calls for fresh.) Willow coughed up a snake. (At least she didn't cough up a rabbit. That would have freaked me.) And the spell worked. Unfortunately, we didn't know it at the time because we were running for our lives due to Biker Demons that were chasing the Buffybot. So, Buffy come alive in a coffin 6 feet under. (I tried to point out to Willow that this would happen, but Miss I Know Everything wouldn't listen.) Anyway, I knew she'd be alright. I mean vampires dig their way out of coffins all the time and Slayers are stronger than vampires. Of course vampires don't need to breathe.)

Anyway, Buffy dug herself out and saved the day like she always does. But Xander STILL won't announe our engagement. Seems he's waiting Buffy to adjust. (You know, I don't think we pulled Buffy out of hell. I've got a lot of experience with demon dimensions and Buffy doesn't act like someone's been there.)

But pretty soon Xander WILL announce our engagement. If necessary, I'll withhold sex. (They always make that look so easy on television.)

Anyway, why I'm a writing you. Xander needs a best man. He does not want to use Spike and Giles is going to give me away. I suggested that since Willow was his lifelong best friend that we put her in a tuxedo and have her slick her hair back. But Xander wasn't keen on this idea.

1. So my first question is will you be would you come back and Xander's best Man?

2. Have you resolved your control issues? Willow will be at the wedding, and I'd hate to have a bloody massacre my big day.

3. I also need a maid of honor. Xander suggested Willow, but we don't get along. Ever since we ressurected Buffy, Willow is more full of herself than ever and now beleives she can do anything. (Amy's still a rat by the way.) Now that's she's back from the dead there's Buffy. But we've never been particularly close. The same goes for Willow's pet sheep. I like Dawn even though she has a crush on Xander, but she's more flowergirl material. I would've asked Buffy's mom Joyce but she had to die on us.

Anyway, I was thinking asking Cordelia. I know she has past history with Xander but so does practically every other woman I know. Cordelia's wish is the reason I'm trapped here in this mortal body. She's the reason I'm marrying Xander. And I really got along with her at least until I started dating Xander. The trouble I don't think Xander's entirely over her. I realize it's been years and Xander doesn't mention her name half so often in his sleep as he used to. But they had such a dynamite chemistry and I'm afraid if they were reunited they'd just ignite. What should I do?

4. What do you recommend serving at the wedding. I like shrimp but Willow's pet sheep is allergic.

5. Can you provide music? Your friend Devon tells me the Dingoes haven't been the same without you.

6. You wouldn't get mad if you found out your cousin Jordan contracted his Lycanthopy beacause your uncle Ken had been fooling around with his secretary Paige. He promised to leave your aunt Maureen and then baby Jordan came along. Naturally, when Paige was left high and dry, she was very much the scorned woman. I wish she hadn't decided to blame the baby, but I'm limited by what the scorned women wish for. So is this going to make you mad? At me? I mean It was your uncle that cheated and it was Paige who made the wish. If you're going be mad. Please stay away.

7. If you feel you can't pick out a gift, send cash. Cash is always good.

8. If Willow should decide to go Ann Heche, and ride off with you into the sunset, I wouldn't mind terribly. But watch out for Sheepy. I get the feeling behind that "Oh Willow, that's so wrong" routine, that she's the real black mage.