Author's Notes: Well… I suddenly had an idea of making all Captains have an encounter with the dreaded… laxative after staring at the ceiling because I was unable to sleep.

Chapter one; First division.

"A…ah, would y…you like some tea, Y…Ya…Yamamoto S…S…Soutaichou?" A nervous 7th seat shyly asked.

"Thank you…"

"H…Hanatarou, sir."

"Ah, thank you Hanatarou." The aged Captain smiled, his eyes crinkling, as he gently placed the cup in front of him. Turning to Unohana for an impromptu talk on the patients, he waved his hand to the young boy, respectfully shooing him away. "You may go now, Hanatarou."

"H…Hai! T…thank you sir, I'll… b…b…be leaving now…U…Unohana-taichou."

"Alright, Hanatarou-san. Thank you for your time." She smiles gently, her gentle voice relaxing him and he bows, leaving in a somewhat hurried pace.

"Oh! I need to give one of the patients their…lax…a…tive." His eyes widen as he looks at the tray in front of him. A box of tea leaves and a box of laxative; the box of tea remaining closed, oh shit. I…I'm sure... he…he…won't t…think it's…m…me. He shakily tells himself as he breaks into a run.

"Tch, calling us for a meeting. He ain't even here!" Kenpachi snarled, crossing his arms as a sign of irritation. He was busy beating the crap out of his men, and he was enjoying it too!

"I'm sure he has a very reasonable explanation." Ukitake nervously stood up for his superior, but in all honesty, he was also annoyed for being disturbed from his daily candy giving schedule.

"Eh, maybe the old man fell asleep again." Shunsui tips his hat as he gives a chuckle, he remembers the time where they were all summoned to find the old man sleeping; they had to wait a full twenty minutes before he woke up, and another ten to remind him that no, they were not in his room for no reason.

"I have no time for this nonsense." Mayuri tells himself in utter annoyance, although muttered softly, everyone in the room heard it and had to agree. "I have more important things to do." The others once again nodded in agreement. "My experiments are still waiting to be castrated." A pause. After looking at each other, the others, as if thinking the same thing, decided not to have heard that last one.

"Eh, what the hell, Kurotsuchi?" Kenpachi raises his eyebrow and he stares at the smaller man in front of him. Well, no one expected for him to keep silent. "I didn't know you swing that way."

"Shut up, you imbecile." Golden eyes stared back, teeth grinding together as he said the words. "Or do you want me to do it to you."

"Eh, a weakling like ya'?"

"I have no plan of dealing with this…old people arguments." The young prodigy sighed, his green eyes closing and his hand rubbing his temple in frustration. He was probably more mature than them, he thought, no, wait, he is more mature than these, idiots. "I'm going. I have paperwork to do."

"…" Soifon and the Kuchiki noble said, or thought, no one really cares anymore, in unison. The ninja only stayed because she didn't like her lieutenant and his eating habits and decided that she would stay unless asked to leave. Byakuya was a different story. Since being apathetic meant that he didn't see much amusing things, save for Renji and his antics, he was willing to stay if things would get more interesting.

Komamura, who was just standing there and doing nothing, silently wished that he was with Tousen right now. This must be a reason as to why he left, all the idiocy of this all was too much to bear. Looking over to the gentle woman in front of him, he could see her smiling; her eye twitching in such a way that it can't be noticed. Locking eyes with each other, they both understood what was not said and quietly left.

Soon enough, everybody left one by one. Ukitake chasing off to look for Shiro-chan while holding a hoard of candy-presumably hidden deep within his robes. Shunsui ran to the nearest bar, hiding from Nanao at the same time. Kenpachi, being his usual flashy-blood thirsty and homicidal-self chased the poor scientist out, screaming rude-you fucking little asshole, wait 'till I fucking get a fucking hold of you, you ass! I'll tear off that fucking imaginary dick off you!-sentences. Apparently, Mayuri had tried castrating the 11th Captain with his sword and ended up nearly cutting all the spiked hair off-how that happened, no one knows. Soifon muttered a few curses before disappearing in a flash, leaving the Kuchiki alone in the huge room.

Needless to say, it was an amusing meeti-

"Ah, Kuchiki-taichou. Where is everyone?"

Byakuya looked at the man standing beside him, his eyes betraying his shock for a second. "Yamamoto-Soutaichou."

"Ah, I was… held… back for awhile."

The younger Captain stared uncaringly-OMG, is that a tissue hanging of his sandal- at his older companion. His violet eyes widening for a little bit as he realizes, that yes, that is a piece of stray tissue hanging from the General's feet. Coughing, Byakuya asked a question he knows he would regret, "Soutaichou, what were you doing?"

"I was talking with the porcelain god." He stated calmly. Albeit too calmly, Byakuya thought to himself, his mind wandering, seeing if he knows someone described as such. His eyes widened and he stared awkwardly at the man in front of him. Smelling a bit of air freshener in the air, he made a decision to leave. Now.

"Soutaichou, I must go now, I have paperwork to finish."

"Ah, yes. While you do that, please tell me later as to why no one came to the meeting. They would get the punishment they deserve."

"Hai." He hurriedly-as hurriedly as a noble would-walked to the door; not bothering to mention the thing hanging off the old man's sandal.

Needless to say, it was an amusing meeting.

One that he would love to forget, really love to forget.

Well… how was it? Next up, Soifon… LOL.