Soifon and her rendezvous with… the 2nd division's meeting with the dreaded drug! Have fun folks! This is my first time writing a Yuri, if it can be called that, so I please ask for your forgiveness if it's sorta' awkward… Hope you have fun…

It was a normal day in Seireitei. The Soutaichou was busy sleeping, Unohana was currently nursing bruised and saliva coated 11th division members, Byakuya was successfully ogling his lieutenant without being caught, and Mayuri was busy with-only god knows what-his experiments. And, the 2nd division lieutenant was busy eating Komamura's weight in snacks.


"Yes, taichou?"

"If you do not have anything important to do here, get out. Or I'll kill you." Soifon's voice appeared to be dead serious. No pun intended.

"Ha…hai!" he shakily replied, grabbing every snack he can manage off his table, and quickly dashing outside.

Soifon sighed and rubbed her temples. She didn't mean to sound mean, okay, maybe she did, but not that mean. But she was feeling a little nervous about his rendezvous with a certain ex-commander in the real world, it clearly wasn't her fault. Looking around her office to see if she was alone, she skipped to her desk and pulled out a deadly weapon. Um, I mean, a deadly stuffed cat that strangely resembled a certain shape shifting woman. Giggling softly to herself as she hugged the toy to her chest, she gave a rare sweet smile that could only be seen by the privileged few.

A few more sweet hugging minutes past and Soifon, after finally realizing that it would almost be half an hour, let it go and returned it to its-makeshift bed-inside her drawer. Coughing, she takes out a piece of paper and a brush and writes down a simple note. Looking beside the ink stand, she was surprised to find a cup of tea on her desk. She smiled; it was very thoughtful of her lieutenant to leave her a cup. Taking it gently in her hand, she frowned that it was not hot, using a bit of kidou, she heated it and drank it with one swift gulp.

Soifon placed it back into her desk and took out a device she had ordered-or more likely, forced-from Mayuri and activated it. It was one of the few portable portals created by the 12th division; it was also the first one to be used. Not surprised by the screaming sounds she heard as a door opened, she stepped through and was gone in a flash.

"Oh… my stomach hurts…"

A few seconds after the Captain's disappearance, her lieutenant came stumbling in, his huge arm holding his stomach and the other leaning on the doorframe for support. Looking frantically around the room, he was relieved to see the tea cup sitting still on the table, it seems to be untouched. Walking ever so slowly, for dramatic effect he told himself, to the table he saw a paper lying around and picked it up. He read the lines over and over again, and after letting everything sink in, let his eyes bulge.

I'll be out in the human world for a while. Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone, and I don't want to see any crumbs on my desk either, I'll kill you. I'm serious. Don't tell anyone about this rendezvous, or I'll kill you. Again, I am serious.

And I deeply appreciate the cup of tea you left behind, it was delicious.

2nd division Captain, soifon

"Oh fucking damn." The plump man's hand let go of the paper, letting it flutter to the floor. Letting his eyes slowly descend on the empty cup lying in front of him, he screamed. Forgetting about his current stomach ache, he held his head in his hands and paced around the room. Oh hell, Taichou's gonna kill me! I knew I forgot something, damn! I shouldn't have left my laxative behind! And if she finds out I ruined her date with that cat thing, she'll kill me! Damn! She'll kill me, twice! Glancing around the room suspiciously, he felt his stomach rumble and rushed out of the room. First, I'm going to the 4th division, second… I'll get rid of the evidence before she comes back!

Meanwhile, in the real world, our dear Soifon was having the time of her life.

"Look! A ferries wheel, let's go Soifon!" an over-excited Yoruichi laughed heartily as she took Soifon's hand and led her to a small carriage.

Soifon merely blushed, and nodded. Once they were alone together, Soifon stared at the woman in front of her, feeling very happy about their date. They had decided to go on a carnival by Yoruichi's suggestion. It was getting dark too, and she had the best time of her life.



"You look very pretty, even if that is your Onmitsukido uniform."

"A…ah, Arigatou…Yoruichi-sa…"

Soifon's dark eyes widened when Yoruichi's face stopped an inch from hers, her red face turned redder and she felt herself stutter. Before she could say anything any further, Yoruichi threatened to close the gap and leaned teasingly closer, and closer. Their lips met, and she could feel herself melting, her hands came up Yoruichi's shoulder and touched her violet her softly. The older woman put her hands around Soifon's waist and…

At least, that was what was going on Soifon's mind. But seeing as we are talking about Laxative here, there won't be any happy endings for a while.

As Yoruichi's lips grew closer, Soifon could feel the butterflies in her stomach. But suddenly, the butterflies started fluttering around faster and it started to hurt. Wrapping her arms around her stomach, she leaned back and closed her eyes. Yoruichi sensing that something was wrong asked if she had food poisoning. Soifon's closed eye twitched, her idol had a knack for ruining an already ruined moment.

"I…I need the bathroom…" she managed to gasp out loud.

"Alright then! Hold on, Soifon!" She shouts in a knightly way and carries Soifon to her arms, kicking the small door open; she stopped and realized that they were already at the top of the ferries wheel. Without a moment to waste, she jumped down, chuckling to her flashy self when she heard screams.

"Dear lord, she jumped!"

"Somebody save her!"

"She's carrying someone else!"

"Awwww… they're dying with each other!"


Thinking that getting mobbed by the police and strangers was not going to help, she managed to disappear from the sky with an excellent quick step. Helping Soifon in front of the bathroom stall, she chuckled to herself when Soifon won't stop apologizing through the cubicle. Soifon sat on the toilet, and stared at the tissue roll, silently kicking herself for ruining the date. And after a few more apologies, she started to sob.


"I…I'm sorry…"

A chuckle.

"Nah, it's alright. That was the greatest date I've ever had."

"Re…really?" a soft voice replies from inside the stall.

"Hell yeah. And if you're done, I'd like to make out with you."

"O…oh." Soifon turned beet red, she was glad that everything turned out alright, but she also hated-loved-Yoruichi's bluntness. She smiled, and made herself comfortable within, the, uh, walls. And if someone was to walk in at that very moment, they would sure stop at the strange scene-a tanned woman peeking at a stall- and would run out screaming.

And while she was still in the bathroom, in the middle of their date, Soifon can't help but feel that yes, this is the greatest date ever. She looked up and smiled at her currently peeking date and flashed her the best smile she could muster.

"Thank you, Yoruichi."

After this date, Soifon silently curses inside the bathroom; she'll kill her lieutenant and revive him, then kill him again.

And maybe, she'll kill him for the third time, just to make sure.

…Well… we have Gin coming up next. I just couldn't bear making Soifon's first date with Yoru-chan be a bad one, I just… can't… I'm not an avid fan of Yuri, but YoruSoi is just so…sweet! Hope you like, and tune in if you want to see the Gin Ichimaru get what was coming to him!