The Fanfiction Testament

Replies to anonymous reviewers!

me: Thanks – I'm glad that you're enjoying it. Oh dear, I hope I didn't go too far with the Biblical style! It certainly wasn't my intention to come across as poking fun at the Bible! I was just poking fun at the LotR fandom's shortcomings. As one of my friends here on FFN told me, this fic is like turning the light on and saying, "Let there be light!" I hope it continues to remain as harmless. Thank you so much for your review. :)

belinda: Thanks! Great to know that you're enjoying!

Tindomerel: I'm. . .flattered! It's nice to know that there's at least one other person out there who prefers to squee at First Age hotties. Not that the hotties of the Third Age are less squee-able, but you know what I mean. =D

Emily: Good Lord, don't throw Harry Potter books at me! Having The Silmarillion thrown at me is bad enough! Well, I hope that you won't be disappointed this time when you see that I actually have updated. Thanks for all your reviews! And thank you for your support of the League of Under-Represented Characters – Gildor Inglorion of Forgotten Origin thanks you from the bottom of his heart and offers to send you one of his League members covered in a dessert topping of your choice. Your choice of League member. ;)

The epilogue, written on popular demand once again! I've reverted back to quasi-Silm-verse again – I can't help it, the Tolkien nerd in me won't shut up. Thank you all so much for your reviews. :) Enjoy the epilogue!

The Very Last Chapter – Or the Epilogue

Of the fate of the Fellowship in fandom, there are many tales. Yet after the orders of Elrond and Thranduil, these things came to pass:

The Multitudes of Squeeing Fangirls did take to heart the words of Elrond, Master of Rivendell and the Eyebrows of DOOM, that they might squee to their hearts' content so long as the Fellowship had no need of hearing aids in after times. And so they learnt to squee quietly over the years, though with no less intensity.

And the Ranger of Unwashed Glory learnt yet to repel his own fan entourage – yea, by ensuring that Arwen remained by his side always, so that the Sues didst refrain from glomping him on sight. And soon he was allowed to venture even out of Rivendell, without fear of being attacked by Orcs of Randomness, Elves of Pretty Faces But No Control Over Their Weapons, Trolls of Surprising Audacity To Take Up Residence Near Rivendell – yea, as time passed, even the Beasts Who Didst Resemble Large Elephants did no longer stampede Aragorn as soon as he set foot outside his door.

"Vengeance is mine," saith the Lord Thranduil. And he didst keep his promise to his son the Elf of Great Hotness, and being determined to protect his son's sanity, he sent his entourage of Spiders to follow him unto every place to guard him. For once when a Sue durst to violate the Restraining Order, then lo! a Spider from the Elf's new bodyguard leapt forward, and devoured it. And from that day forward, no woman durst ask him anything further (for by asking, I mean, "Leggie!12! You love me, right?!121!9! SQUEEEEEEEE!).

The Hobbit of Culinary Talents and The Hobbit of Cute Angstiness remained the best of friends, and Rosie didst not continue threatening divorce. For anyone who hath read the Sacred Appendices knoweth this, that they had a great multitude of kids, and certainly did not divorce.

And the League of Under-Represented Characters' existence continueth, for the love and support of the readers. And Glorfindel the REAL Owner of Asfaloth with great joy obtained exclusive rights to ownership of his horse; thereby he ensureth to this day that Arwen doth not steal his horse to rescue the Hobbit of Cute Angstiness. And yea, even Erestor the Random Rivendell Guy found that he did have fangirls after all, for foolishly didst he parade around Rivendell in his boxers one day, to the ruin of all.

And it is said among the Wise that Tolkien's abdominal muscles are well-developed, for all the turning in his grave that he must have done at the expense of this Testament.

And there were many other things that were done also, that have not been recorded in this lowly fic, but these things that I have related have been related unto ye, in order that ye may know and believe.

. . .

At the very end was found this note, written as if in haste:

And behold! Elrond had the New Writing Commandments of the Writers inscribed upon a wall for everyone to see who walketh past. "Let it be a reminder to ye," he saith, "to make certain that thy fics do not violate these Commandments that I have given unto ye."

Yet the members of the Fangirl Cult being over-zealous didst hold their own Council of the Fangirls. For they each sought to possess their own Idols, and believed not that Elrond's Writing Commandments adequately protected this Fundamental Belief. And returning to the wall they scratched a new Commandment below the others, that readeth thus:

Thou shalt not glomp thy neighbour's Elf.

Alas, for this is truly the end! Thank you all for reading, and especially to those of you who have left reviews. Your support has been overwhelming and much appreciated – without you this would have only stopped at the first chapter. :)

Liked it? Hated it? Have any more books you'd like to throw at me? :P If you have a comment, don't hesitate to review! Thanks again for reading!