Dear Ken and Eliza

I'm wondering if I have Body Dysmorphic Disorder. I have a very large chin and sometimes I think it almost looks like I have a big ass on my jaw. Should I stop being so sensitive about it? I think I'm a pretty good catch otherwise. I take pride in my work and I like to be successful.

Brooding Butt Chin


Dear Bison.

Your chin isn't the only thing that looks like a giant ass…

And yeah, don't be so sensitive about it – your personality or lack thereof is way more problematic.

But don't worry, there's still hope. I think Blanka kinda likes you.

-KM-

Dear Brooding,

Women often tend to be more interested in men's personalities and can see facial features as having character. Don't necessarily assume that your chin is abnormal.

-EM-

PS: See? Tolja you were screwed…Whole new meaning to the expression "Butt for Brains"

-KM-


Dear Ken and Eliza,

My boyfriend doesn't treat me so great sometimes. He always expects me to tend to his every beck and call but whenever I need catering to, he could care less. How do I fix this?

Grousing Girlfriend

Dear Grousing,

Tell him to get a dog. They don't seem to mind one-sided relationships.

-KM-

Dear Grousing,

I would agree. That or just stop doing what he expects.

-EM-

PS: Or try greeting him at the door in a dog collar on your hands and knees with a newspaper and his slippers? I think he'll get the point...

-KM-


Dear Ken and Eliza,

My husband and I have been married a long time, and we have a great sex life, but I am now getting into my forties and no longer want to have any more kids. I've heard that vasectomies are very safe and not that painful and I've asked him to get one but he tells me to get my tubes tied instead. How can I get him to see reason?

Frustrated Fertile Female

Dear Frustrated,

Good luck trying to convince him to let someone go snippy snippy near his ding dong. I side with your husband on this. While I'm not recommending that you get the procedure, I can understand his…ahem…reservations.

-KM-

Dear Frustrated,

From a medical standpoint you are correct. It is a relatively simple procedure, it can even be done outpatient under local anesthetic and takes very little time to heal. The same cannot be said about the equivalent for women, which is a very invasive procedure, requires general anesthesia and the healing time is significantly longer, not to mention that the risks for complications are far greater. You can try educating him on these facts and see if that will help you persuade him. On the other hand, if your husband is squeamish about watching a doctor approach his genitals with a scalpel, I don't think you'll have much luck.

-EM-

PS: Much luck? How about zero? The words "scalpel, nuts" and "cutting" used together in the same sentence would cause the hair on any man's neck to stand up…

-KM-


Dear Ken,

I am not gay and decidedly not amused by the fact that you would insinuate that I am.

Rowr,

Jimmy B

Dear Blanka,

Sorry, man, didn't mean to make you the "butt" of the joke. No doubt you're a terror to the ladies...

And Bison, sorry, man, I guess nobody really likes you.

-KM-