Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start
He can't remember how it all happened, where it all started, what they both just went through. Did it matter? All he knows is, he is holding this woman in, whom he longed for, for so long, in dark room, just the two of them, no one else. How was it possible to miss someone who was gone for a week? Is it possible to want her this much? No, it was not that. It was the way that she held him back. She embraces him so tightly, not letting go, savoring his warmth. It was the way she kissed him, softly brushing her lips against his, passionately tasting his mouth.
But he wanted more of her. Not just her warm touch, not just her passionate kisses. He wanted to be inside her, to be one with her.
He unlaced her dress and slid it off to the ground. She, on the other hand, took off his shirt for him.
He let go of her lips and kissed her neck. He held her closer and gently led her towards their bed. He gently laid her and climbed on top of her. He cupped her face and claimed her lips.
I'm kissing her. He thought. I'm really kissing her. As if it was their first kiss, as if it was the first time he held her, as if it was the first time he confessed his love for her. It pains him thinking how much he missed her, to the point that he could not believe that she was back in his arms again. His kisses grew vigorous.
Love, grief, joy, longing. The emotions mixed up inside of him confuse him. His hunger grew stronger.
He felt selfish. She is his, his only. Tonight, nothing else matters.
"Hitomi" he whispered as he tried to contain his emotion. He breathed hard between their kisses.
He felt her hands gently caressing his nape. They slid down to his chest and gently, pushed a small space between them. He opened his eyes, and saw her bright green eyes looking in his. A small smile was printed on her face, but her eyes were full of concern.
I love you.
He looked at her, trying to slow down his breathing. But it was hard, why was it hard to breathe? And with a release of breath, his pain started to flow down from his eyes. He pushed up and sat beside her.
"What the hell?" he chuckled turning away from her. He covered his eyes with his right hand. Though he laughed softly, the pain was clear in his voice.
"This is so pathetic." The tears kept coming. He wasn't sure whether he was chuckling or sobbing. The next thing he felt was a pair of warm hands caressing his back.
With one deep breath, he got hold of himself, but still refused to face her. Her arms slowly coiled around his neck. She rested her cheek against his.
I love you.
Did she hurt him that much? It was heartbreaking to watch the effect of her actions. The silence was broken by his silent laughter.
"I can't believe—that I love you this much, that the thought of losing you completely, and holding you here, right now, wanting you more than ever, could be this overwhelming."
She slid her hands from his neck to the left side of his chest. She can feel it elevate and descend as he breathe. She felt the fast beating if his heart. For him, it was queer to still feel the gut wrenching pain of her absence while holding her in his two arms. Fearing that if he closes his eyes and when he opens them, she'd be gone.
"You must think I'm crazy" added with a sigh.
"You've always been the sane one." She gently kissed his cheek, cupped his face and gently faced him to her. As she looked deep in his brown eyes, she said "I will never leave your side again." And with that, she felt his heartbeat slow down.
He buried his face on her shoulder and wrapped his arms around her waist. She ran her fingers through his raven hair.
He laid wet kisses on her neck and slowly, his lips brushes up to her jaw. His hands wandered her perfect curves. He gently pushed her down on her back. He breathed slowly, trying to contain the hunger he felt before. He need not to rush, he thought, they could be here for days, and she'll still be there when he wakes up in the morning.
"Let go Van" she whispered. "I'm yours, forever"
He claimed her lips and kissed her with so much passion. She removed his pants for him, and covered themselves with the warm quilt—as if they could use more heat that steaming from their bodies.
And he let go—of the pain that has been holding him back, of the fear of that pain. He showed his intense love for her, how much he wanted her. He kissed her like there's no tomorrow. He held her as if he'll never let go. He moved inside her as if he claimed her entire being.
He is hers, and she is his.
His pleasure is growing stronger, and so are his moans. He kept his eyes on her and saw she's losing herself to pleasure as well. They called out each other's name, and clutched on each other's body.
And with one intense release, he moaned her name and collapsed. He laid there, breathing in her scent. Nothing else mattered.
I am hers, and she is mine.
***For a dear friend of mine, my very own angel, Kev, I will see you soon.
AN: I gotta say, writing has been a good therapy for me lately. I've been writing about the pains of goodbyes and I never really knew how it really felt, how painful it really was till I had to go through it. I mean man! That was the first time I felt something empty and void in my chest whenever I remember it. It's true what I said above—you'll feel this gut wrenching mother effing pain in your chest…
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