A/N: Once upon a time, my forum pals and I came up with a project that went by the name of "Let's Whore Out Light!" You may or may not have heard of it. You most likely haven't. I finally got around to doing one of my chosen pairings, LightxL'sCake. To tell the truth, though, you'll understand this quite a bit more if you read the fic 'Chips' by MatAMMtAM. =) It is pure genius, and so totally canon. LightxChips. XDDD
Also, I'm half asleep. Don't kill me if it's horrible, please.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Warning: LightxL'sCake is warning enough. Beware of crack and cake-smut. I'll say this again. CRACK.
-Vengeance Is Sweet-
-Vengeance Is Sweet-
Make damn sure, Light was going to get that owl-eyed bastard back for humiliating him. No one takes Light's chips and gets away with it. No one. Earlier that evening, he had been immersed in his investigation on their latest lead, when he heard a delicate crunch and the sharp, familiar smell of salt assaulted his nose.
L was eating Light's potato chips.
The teen's eyelid twitched dangerously, and before he could open his mouth to spit out insults at Ryuuzaki, the detective did something forbidden and just plain wrong. He glanced at Light, as if goading him, before sensually closing his large, black eyes and placing the chip on his tongue with mock-passion. Needless to say, something deep inside of Light Yagami snapped.
He stood up furiously, the chain between them rattling, and a vein in his temple looked ready to burst.
"Those. Chips. Are. Mine! Mine, you hear that Ryuuzaki?! Huh?! DO YOU HEAR ME?!"
Of course, L was not affected by this, and was rather pleased to have elicited such an amusing reaction from the boy. The rest of the task force, however, was shocked and downright appalled at such irrational behavior.
Soichiro stepped forward, exasperated and a bit resigned, "Light, we've been through this. Your manners are socially unacceptable. They're only chips—"
"Only chips? ONLY CHIPS?! I…" Zealousness glossed over his honey brown eyes, "I… I love them, father." Matsuda and Aizawa exchanged astonished looks.
L decided to speak up again, purposefully antagonizing Light. "If you love them so much, then why don't you marry them? Oh, right, because it isn't within the law to do such a thing. Poor Light-kun."
He started convulsing a bit, before his father stepped up once again. "Perhaps you should go to your room, son. Get a hold on yourself."
So here he was, lying in bed; awake, dishonored and contemplating revenge. The target was lying right next to them in their shared bed, surprisingly asleep for once, when the door opened. Watari entered the room with a saucer on which was a very large slice of creamy, frothy cake that practically had "L" written all over it. The elderly man set it down on the bedside table, smiled, and whispered to Light, "He'll be wanting this when he wakes up." He left the room, closing the door behind him. A manic grin stretched on Light's face.
Of course he'd want his cake. Just like Light had wanted his chips and L denied him of them. Well, they'd just see who came out on top, now wouldn't they?
He slyly reached over the sleeping form next to him and successfully retrieved the saucer, sitting back and settling it on his lap. But soon the thoughts of salty, crunchy potato chips consumed his mind, and he felt the ever familiar stirring beneath his pants. Oh, chips…
Light now had two problems. He had a raging, chip-induced hard on that he needed to get rid of, and he still needed to do something about that bloody cake. Well… 'Why not kill two birds with one stone?' he thought, insane smile once again in place. He quietly undid the button on his jeans, and pushed his pants and boxers down in a fluid movement, before rearranging his position so that the plate of cake was placed flat on the bed, and he was on his knees, hovering above it.
The innocence of the pretty white cake made it look so damn fuckable, and Light thought of dipping his potato chips in the sugary frosting, as he thrust himself into the sponge-like cake, hissing at the cool feeling of it around him. After getting used to the feeling, he continued to thrust rhythmically, images of fields of chips, mountains of cake, rivers of lulz, racing through his mind. With a small gasp of "Holy Lays and Paula Dean!" he came all over the ruins that was L's cake. His cum actually blended quite well with the cake, if he did say so himself.
A few minutes later, L stretched and opened his eyes. He looked over at Light, befuddled by the smug look on his face. His confused gaze eventually flickered to the plate of cake that was now on the bedside table. He stayed confused for a few more moments as he regarded the ruined good. Most of it was crumbled but the part that was a bit intact had a suspicion looking hole in it, and was surrounded by a certain…glisten-y substance that stood out a tiny bit from the frosting. L wasn't the world's best detective for nothing. He put two and two together quickly and realized just what had happened to his once beautiful cake.
"You..." He looked at Light through hateful eyes, "You fucked my cake." He was rarely this blunt, but circumstances can change a person.
Light's confidence wavered a bit at seeing the raw anger in L's face, "Well, if you hadn't—"
"YOU FUCKED MY CAKE! YOU'RE SICK! YOU'RE SICK! YOU'RE FUCKING SICK, YOU KNOW THAT?! I— I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!" It was also scarce that L would show nearly this much emotion, but once again, circumstance. How would you feel if someone fucked your cake?
Watari had heard the intense screaming and had burst into the room to restrain L. When he had finally calmed down, he headed back down to headquarters, a frightened Light following behind.
"I hereby conclude the Kira Case. Light Yagami is Kira." L stated, cold and proud. Everyone started to say something but he got there first. "No 'buts'. I'm L and I say he's Kira. You're going to jail and then execution, Yagami-kun." No one, and L meant no one, fucked his cake and got away with it.
Light hung his head in shame.
Prison was horrible. He couldn't make friends because everyone hated him and were very frightened of him, believing Light to be Kira and all. However, on Monday's they would give a small bag of generic potato chips with lunch. Thursday they served small slices of cake after dinner. Light would save his chips and unite them with the cake when he was all alone, reveling in the beauty that it was.
The day of Light's execution was a beautiful one. They had grudgingly allowed him to take his hybrid cake-and-chip concoction with him to the grave via electric chair. L watched the event with a sneer on his face. Death was a minimal punishment for befouling L's precious cake. Lol.
A/N: Oh gawd. Wasn't that absolutely atrocious? XD You all know this, but I'm going to say it anyway. Don't take this seriously. It's pure crack. Review please? =)