Disclaimer: I own nothing affiliated with SWAC, the actors, or anything to do with Disney, really. It's a boo-hoo session for me…24/7. –sigh-
A/N: Alright-y. So I've sort of been slipping around the grapevine telling certain peeps that I was going to write a seven-shot for SWAC. In an earlier one-shot I mentioned his 'seven layers of sexy' and it was actually the inspiration for this (like no shit, right?), so I just hope you guys enjoy this. It was…an experiment gone awry. Like always. XD.
For Dancing on Rainbows. She put a link to Pyro's account on her profile. This was the best retaliation I could come up with. ;)
You're a real sweetheart. Thanks for being awesome.
12:34 PM, June 3rd, 2009
Welcome to Vicious Veronica's Burn Book, otherwise known as The Online You'reSoGay Blog. Today we'd like to bring forth a topic of major importance, something we Veronicas feel you all should be in on. Now, if you visit our Burn Book often, than you know that the following article will pwn, will rock, and will send shivers down the back of the unlucky chosen target of the week. If you don't come here every week for religious reasons of the severe, you're a douche and we'd like to take a moment to welcome you with open arms.
Yeah fucking right. Ha. No, if you're here than you're either curious, the subject at hand, or as vicious as a Veronica. (And we all know that the latter isn't true. ;D)
Alright. Do yourself a favor and take a deep breath. It is not often that we tackle such a...how do we say it...vibrant subject. But we figured firsts are always fun. So, what exactly do we have in store for you? For the next seven days, we'll have some presents for you...seven layers...of sexy...that make up...
Chad Dylan Cooper.
Oh, I'm sorry. Did I say sexy? ;)
Yes, yes I did. Seven layers. Seven stupid fucking layers as to why girls across the nation fall for the stupid smile, the stupid hair, the stupid eyes, the stupid God-forsaken name. We're exposing it all here. Trust me boys and girls, this is one blog you don't want to miss.
12:40 PM, June 3rd, 2009
Layer One: The Name
Quick Poll: What name does Chad Dylan Cooper go by?
B.) Chad Cooper.
C.) Chad Dylan Cooper.
D.) Douche Nozzle
If you answered A, you must have your head buried under a rock. God. What are you even doing here?
If you answered B, you must be some fancy-prancy jackass. Go pick up a book or something. You're contaminating our page.
If you answered C, you must be a Chad Dylan Cooper fan. :P
If you answered D, you're a kickass Mo-Fo. We like you.
Now, now. Settle down. We realize that some of you parasites (aka the ones who contaminate this god-like page with their 'u R bitchez!' and 'u suck, ho!') are in love with him. And that's quite alright. We're not saying the boy is a freaking blond dumbass or anything. We're merely pointing out the fact that he's a douchebag.
And we mean that from the bottom of our hearts. ^_^
Chad. Dylan. Cooper. This is layer number one. His name. Our last roommate, Daisy or Fiona or something stupid, moved in and put a poster of him up in the hallway. It read 'Chad Dylan Cooper'. And y'know, we're not such bitches that we would make her take it down. No big deal.
Until she said his name rolled off her tongue like velvet. I mean. Fuck. That was just sick. Sick. Sick. Sick. Say his name. Say it real quick. "ChadDylanCooper". There's NOTHING velvet-y about it. God. Chad Dylan Cooper. His name's not sexy. It makes us think of a stupid monkey on crack.
Now. Do you boys and girls agree with us? If yes, respond down here. If no, go fuck yourself.
12:41 PM, June 3rd, 2009
XDDDD. I picked D.
12:43 PM, June 3rd, 2009
Haha, me too. Douche Nozzle. XD.
12:48 PM, June 3rd, 2009
u alls r jus bithces. Cad Dulan Cooper iz awsom! BITCHEZ!1111!
12:49 PM, June 3rd, 2009
:) Go fuck yourself. :)
Chad Dylan Cooper's jaw nearly disconnected itself from his head when he saw the burn book. He'd never even heard of such a ridiculous blog in his life. Never. He'd had at least a hundred pieces of fan mail and emails sent in explaining to him what the fuck had just happened, but the shock still hadn't worn off.
Instead, 'sexy' Chad Dylan Cooper simply sat and stared at the screen in front of him, wondering how such vile, vile 'Veronicas' could spread such a preposterous piece of fiction around the web like that.
"Sorry. Um, what are you looking at?"
Chad's eyes widened when he realized that Sonny Munroe was peering over his shoulder. "Nothing!" he squeaked.
She laughed lightly and shoved him unceremoniously out of the way so she could squeeze herself into the booth. When she saw the headline though she nearly choked. Not from shock, but from laughter. "Seven layers of sexy!? A Chad Dylan Cooper story? Oh, my God. That is the funniest thing -
He snapped the screen down so fast that Sonny was pretty sure she had heard a crack.
"It's not funny," he deadpanned. "Chad Dylan Cooper does not do funny. That's all your department, Chuckles."
She rolled her eyes. "You're resorting to your jerk-y ways because someone had the guts to make fun of you? Real big of you, Chad. Real big of you."
"They said my name was stupid," he whined. "Stupid! As if there's anything funny about Chad Dylan Cooper!"
Sonny bit her lip and nodded slowly. "Uh huh."
"Do you think my name is sexy?"
That was all it took. The girl clutched her stomach as he frowned.
"Thanks, Sonny. Glad to see my name amuses you so."
"Sor - sorry. Ju - just. Sexy. And Chad Dylan Cooper used in the same sentence." She giggled and shrugged as if she had no choice to laugh. "I mean..."
He slumped back into his seat. "Chad Dylan Cooper's name isn't sexy? What's wrong with the world?"
A/N: Yeah, so this first one-shot was kind of harsh, heh heh. So I added the last part with Chad and Sonny to lighten the mood. I'm not sure if I'll make the one-shots all connected to the blog or if I'll make them totally unrelated. You tell me what you want. If you want the blog to continue, then tell me. I'll probably end up using your pennames as people who reply to them, if you let me. ;)
Also. This one-shot was longer than I thought it'd be. Please don't expect them all to be this long! :(