Title: Wonka's Boy

Chapter: Every Little Boy Has Dreams

Ship: Harry/Hermione/Luna

Rating: T

Warnings: Evil Willy Wonka (No, that is not a joke), Evilish Harry/Hermione/Luna

Tags: Willy Wonka, Chocolate Factory, Oompa Loompa Minions

Status: Bunny (Idea, nothing to be done with it – Though, that changes the more I think about this...)

Origins: Thank you to Cocoa Girl2 who got me to use "evil Willy Wonka" in a review reply: This is for you. And I am almost sorry for it, too. Almost.

Key: "Speech", 'Thoughts', "Oompa Loompa Speech/Music",

[Author's Note:] This is mainly meant to show a different version of Harry Potter who was raised by an Evil Willy.

Might I suggest reading while drinking cocoa?

(1) – Harsh (mental) abuse is intended, but you may make this subject be as harsh as you desire.


"Alright class! Remember to not go running off on your own and stay with your groups!" Missus Truenbough told the group of eight-year olds, who were extremely excited to be visiting the very first Wonka chocolate factory. The idea of running amok in a place that literally created chocolate was like a drug to these chocolate-addicted fiends. The movie that they had recently been allowed to watch during class didn't hurt, either.

Two girls, sisters, had taken swimming lessons in hopes of hopping into chocolate lakes while half a dozen students elected not to eat that day so they would have plenty of room to ingest to their utter delights, or horror, and they were all willing to suffer cavities for a mere hour in their Graceland.

Two guides met them in the first room, two women whose grins looked a little too large and never seemed to leave their faces. Their cheerful attitudes and the creepy voices were lost on the children, but the staff that met them couldn't help but feel it wasn't natural. "No, you won't see any Oompa Loompas," the first woman said in response to a question, the grin never leaving her face and sounded far too cheery while crushing a child's hopes. "But if you're lucky, you may get to see something magical!" Yes! Right there! Their hopes have raised once again! Now for the tour...

The children's good cheer began falling slowly as they went through what appeared an almost standard workshop. Everything was normal metals and vats and tubes, absolutely nothing like the oddball shapes, colors and inventions from the movie. And no wee people anywhere. Where were the orange people in green overalls? Where was the singing and the pools of chocolate? Half an hour into the tour, and each of the children felt as though they had been jipped.

There were plans to mutiny in a few more minutes if things didn't look up. If there wasn't already a chocolate lake, then they would make one!

"What's through there?" Harry Potter asked from near the back of the group, making each of the kids with them all giggle and laugh.

"That's a wall you idiot!" Dudley Dursley said loudly, mocking his cousin, his large belly jiggling.

"Dudley! Don't say such mean things!" Missus Truenbough demanded, ushering the kids along and ignoring the Potter boy as had become a habit. The boy always seemed to look at things that weren't there and she could swear there were times when something happened that seemed like it was just outside of her perception sometimes. It had interested her originally, but for some reason, she had woken up one day and refused to acknowledge any of what she felt could be likely and seemed to have an aversion to him.

Harry frowned and looked into the room that looked a lot like the movies. There were things fluttering about and large machines that looked like they would break any moment puffing multicolored smoke and tiny orange guys in bright green overalls hauling about candies that looked extremely odd. One had a box of what looked like cockroaches made out of caramels! And don't get him started on the marshmallow hummingbirds flying around on their own or those chocolate frogs having a hop race that a few of the orange fellows seemed to be betting on in one corner with pictures of scantily-clad orange women as the frogs hopped around, also on their own.

The group continued on as Dudley held Harry back, letting the students turn around a corner before sneering. "Dad told you not to do anything weird today," the fat boy said, poking a bloated digit into Harry's chest. "Even if the teachers wanted you to come, Dad said you'll be in for it if you do anything, Freak! And I'm telling him you asked about a wall!" Smiling viciously, he pushed Harry down and waddled back to the group.

On the other side of the ward that blocked the true side of the chocolate factory from the view of muggles, a tall man in a royal purple suit and top hat, along with bright orange, button-up shirt and shoes, watched with narrowed eyes, tapping his cane to the ground in irritation as he watched the altercation unfold. This man was Willy Wonka. The magical chocolatier.

But no, this wasn't the Willy Wonka from the movies. This man was a dark wizard. Not evil, mind you. But most certainly dark. He didn't dislike muggles, for instance. He actually quite enjoyed their company and much moreso their lack of resistance to magic. After all, charm a few thousand chocolates to be irresistible and send them out, and it makes them fat. Overweight people get depressed and want to eat, coming back to that which will provide them with temporary comfort, also in the form of charms. Add in some shiny wrapping paper for the less intelligent ones, and you have a winning combination.

Eventually, they don't even need the charms. The chocolate soon becomes something they crave and it becomes a cycle where they come for his candies.

Of course, there was that whole subjugation of an entire species thing, but really, the Oompa Loompas were his own creation. Take a house elf and a goblin, a little dark magic, and you'd be surprised at what you could make! A strong body, absolute need to serve, only happy while working and small bodies that require little sustenance. They're great! That whole singing and rhyming thing was a little awkward and worrisome at the beginning, but had appealed to Wonka's eclectic tastes.

And Willy Wonka was rather fond of the muggle women, too. They weren't stuck on themselves and, while some of what you saw looked better because they painted their faces, there was no fear of glamors and finding out you had actually lain with a man. That was the sort of thing you only do once before you learn better. Still, women loved their chocolate, and Wonka loved the women. It was a beautiful cycle!

Of course, Willy Wonka did not dislike his own people. He actually felt that they had a place above the muggles simply because they were better. As people and as a society, there was nothing muggles didn't surpass the wizarding world on, but as the dominate culture, magicals were simply better.

And that was why Willy Wonka, who would normally laugh at a child being picked on by his peers and doing nothing to stand up for himself, was suddenly quite furious.

That little boy who got up slowly and dusted himself off as if it were absolutely nothing new and a normal occurrence had a lightening bolt scar on his forehead. That meant that boy was Harry Potter, son of James and Lily Potter, one of the most powerful magicals ever born, according to the Merlin Scale test performed the day he was born. Most magicals, when born, were in the teens. Squibs barely registering and sometimes, just sometimes, a powerful child breaks the twenty mark.

Harry Potter had scored a hundred and three, which was a powerful adult magical's score, well after their magical maturity. Albus Dumbledore's last test had been one hundred and twenty-nine. In fact, it was like he had the average infant's score, on top of his parents' combined scores. Almost as though the two had gifted him with their magic or bound their magics to him somehow.

Of course, that was silly to even Willy Wonka...

Willy Wonka couldn't help himself. He decided to show his face to the world again, after more than thirty years of obscurity. After all, the last time, look at what happened. Sure, it was great for business, but they made him out to be all fun and games and completely demented! It may have been how he portrayed himself, but the sad thing was that they chose to make a franchise out of it without his permission! He had just been taking the mickey on his fun-loving cousin, Celeste, who had married that tabloid writer. He hadn't expected people to take him seriously. Not like that!

"Why do you allow him to shove you down like that?" Willy asked, having slunk up next to Harry without the boy noticing. He cast a quick compulsion to not lie, just in case.

Harry jumped and paled, then blushed as he realized someone had seen. Then he blinked at the oddly dressed man. "Er, it's normal," Harry said, trying not to stare. He had seen people like this in the past. Sometimes, when people wear really weird outfits and saw him in the stores, they would come up and shake his hand and already know his name, which would draw attention and then his uncle would hit him or make him do chores until he couldn't anymore.

Thankfully, this oddly dressed person wasn't telling Harry thank you for something.

"Just because something is, does not mean it should be," Willy stated, leading Harry through the halls, several paces behind the students.

Harry remained silent, looking down rather than anywhere else. He knew it wasn't supposed to be this way, but at the same time, there was nothing anyone could do. Or at least, no one cared enough to do anything. At least they hadn't until now.

"If I offered to take care of you and take you in, would you want to join my family?" Willy asked, scanning the boy's mind repeatedly as he looked down and into the child's eyes. Each scan showed pain, misery and sadness without any form of bright spot or anything that made the boy happy other than being locked in a cupboard. How could being caged up make one happy?

Harry looked up at the strange man in shock, not believing and daring to hope that the man was serious. "Why would you do that?"

"What if I told you that you were a very special boy, Harry?" Willy said, using Harry's given name and a little disappointed that he didn't notice when it was used. He would also have to work on the boy's awareness. "What if I told you that on top of that, you were meant to do great things and that I wanted to help you."

"Why?" Harry asked, stopping and looking up at the man. "I'm not special."

"Oh, but you are," Wonka said with a smile. "Your relatives have been hiding a great deal from you, Harry. A whole world, in fact. And I could help you if you would like."

"What's in it for you?" Harry asked, suddenly remembering all of those talks the schools had with the students about strangers and how you shouldn't take their candy. It was made especially hard considering the man was offering something he would give almost anything for (he couldn't, in fact, think of anything he wouldn't give, making him wonder what the adults were so scared about a stranger taking) and they were in a chocolate factory where the man actually made his candies!

"Honestly, I'm doing this on a whim," Wonka stated truthfully. "However, I don't believe you should be shoved around by the fat monkey, and I know your parents wouldn't have allowed it if they were still alive."

Harry's eyes widened. "You ... you knew my parents?"

"Many people from where I come from know of them," Wonka admitted. "And I can train you to be just as strong and powerful as they were." Wonka leaned down, staring into Harry's eyes and delighting in the fire he saw within those green orbs. "What about it. Would you like to become my apprentice? I don't claim to be a perfect person, but I can promise that I will train you to be very powerful and to never take anything like that kind of abuse you've suffered up to now. You will be in control of your own destiny, to become who and what you want to be. All you have to do is agree."

Harry didn't even hesitate. He nodded.

"Good," Wonka said, straightening up. "Then it's time I showed my face once again to the public and take care of that fat monkey, too." The skinny man pulled out a tiny flute and started to blow, his fingers flying over the holes and making a strange tune echo in the hall, which also happened to gather the suddenly excited children's attentions.

Music began to play from nowhere as little orange men in bright green overalls came out of doors that opened seamlessly from the walls.

"Oompa Loompa, Loompa-dy do! Fat little monkey we have come here for you!"

Half a dozen orange men seemed to jump the fat boy, making their teacher screech suddenly as the children laughed, finding the whole thing amusing. After that day, Dudley would eventually grow into an outstanding citizen, never committing a crime again, knowing that if he did, those orange men would show him what happened to little piggies in prison again.(1)

"Come, Harry. Let me tell you of my plans for the world. I call it the 'Rotfang Conspiracy'."


Harry Potter followed the bushy-haired brunette to the final compartment of the train, intrigued despite himself. He had originally noticed her on the muggle side of the train station, also known as King's Cross, where her parents who were obviously dentists, were giving her final minute advice about sugarless candies, brushing her teeth and flossing. He had immediately deigned to pervert her to the wonders of chocolate just because it was the proper thing to do and because she was the daughter of his enemy: dentists.

Well, that was the running joke, at least, and he was quite fond of pulling through with such actions regardless because it really was quite humorous to manipulate people into doing what he wanted. It wasn't actually the control he enjoyed like his honorary father, a man who refused to adopt and ruin his true parents' honor, though Harry also knew the man didn't want to be a father in reality. No, Harry enjoyed seeing how strongly a person would hold to their beliefs, be they important or minor, such as eating sugar. The question in his mind was, 'could I ever find someone I can't corrupt?' Well, so far, the answer was 'no'. But, it was still fun, considering all he really did was give out free chocolates, usually one charmed to fit a given situation. Sad? Cheer up. In pain? Go to sleep. Just someone Harry disliked? You'd sit on the toilet for however long dependent upon just how much you upset him assuming he didn't want to cause you some other form of discomfort or embarrassment.

But as he listened to the adults and girl speak, he found himself intrigued and, dare he admit it, impressed. In the past three and a half years, Harry had been given a crash course in damn near everything. Mister Wonka seemed to delight and take relish in forcing Harry to learn something, which was a frightening concept when taking into account Harry knew virtually nothing. But the boy persevered and had learned in leaps and bounds (because it was far easier to learn something than it was to be punished and find himself fighting against chocolate acromantula and cream-filled dragons who shot out chocolate syrup. Oh sure, it was amusing the first time, when it was happening to someone else, but once in the ring against them, it wasn't chocolate that filled Harry's undergarments.)

No, this girl had caught Harry's interest, which was really quite different than what Mister Wonka had tried to train into him. The man had been beginning to think Harry played for the other team until he locked the boy in a room with a girl who had gotten lost on another tour (something Wonka found as an endless amusement when he let them roam one of his chocolate forests just to spook them) and left only a box of candies that had been filled with a very mild lust potion.

No, Harry thanked the man every time he saw him for a week straight after that. Too young to rape him, but being snogged nearly into a coma had worked wonders on the boy's confidence. Nothing like when the man did it with two girls, of course, but that first time would always be special to Harry. He learned he liked kissing and hugging. He just didn't like it with strangers unless he was potioned up.

But now, Harry followed the girl and took in her chocolate-brown eyes, he cocoa hair, her raspberry-cream lips and those perfect, dentist-created teeth, along with a muggle body, meaning no glamors and still attractive to the boy, and an obvious intelligence that Harry could never find in a girl his own age. He was more than intrigued, he realized, and he hadn't even spoken with her yet! When he saw her close the compartment door, he stepped forward after thirty seconds and opened it back up, gaining her attention.

"Hello, my dear. I was hoping you'd allow me the honor of your company as we go to Hogwarts together," Harry requested with a slight bow, hiding a grin as the girl blushed like cherry cordials and smiled, showing off those pearly-whites.

"Er, not at all. Please, have a seat. My name's Hermione Granger." She stuck out her hand, blushing brightly and looking nervous as he leaned forward and kissed her knuckles before sitting. Hermione really had no idea how to take this!

"And I am Harry Potter. It's a pleasure to meet you, Miss Hermione."

"Er, just Hermione is fine," the brunette said with a smile, absolutely thrilled to have made a friend. Her first! "Wait, Harry Potter? I've read about you!" She said, going wide-eyed at meeting a celebrity.

"Please, don't believe any of what you've read other than the three facts that Voldemort attacked, my parents died and I survived," Harry said with a sigh, confusing the girl.

"Huh? Why?"

"Because no one else was there that night," Harry explained. "I have no idea who began the rumors about surviving the killing curse, or how I've grown up since that night, but only those three facts can be confirmed in any way. And everything about how I grew up was a total fabrication. Until I was eight, it was hell, and then I've been studying like the Mad Hatter drinks tea the last three and a half years."

"Oh," Hermione said, checking facts in her mind. "Perhaps they had a way to tell what was cast at the time?" She asked. "I've only been aware of the wizarding world for roughly a year, so I'm not familiar with any forms of magical detection, but perhaps it's like the muggle world and they have ways to test for things like residue of spells or something."

"A possibility, but I've not much faith in the Ministry for Magic. Anyway, you said you've been aware of the magical world for about a year? Perhaps you'd like to discuss our school or the classes?" Harry pulled out a small bar of chocolate, the foil it was wrapped in keeping it from melting in his pocket. "Chocolate?"

Seeing Hermione look at the bar with both desire and that in-built desire to listen to her parents, Harry pulled out his hand from his other pocket, letting his voice take on a silky quality as he showed off drop-like nuggets of foil-wrapped chocolate. "Or perhaps you'd like a kiss?"

Hermione blushed, but accepted.



Harry and Hermione in the middle of a game of "show me yours and I'll show you mine", in regards to spells, of course, when the compartment door opened, revealing a blond boy with two brutish boys behind him. Harry immediately didn't like any of them.

"I've heard Harry Potter's on the train and I'm looking for him," the boy said pompously, sneering down at the two youths in front of him. Muggleborns, obviously.

"What do you want with Harry Potter?" Harry asked, quirking an eyebrow and wondering when he could get these three to leave. He was trying to woo a girl here, thank you very much! 'Seriously, getting cockblocked during my first actual attempt to get a girlfriend? They had better have one hell of an excuse. This girl is too incredible to pass up on. Mister Wonka may not approve of the long-term bit, but I don't want anyone else to get her.' Harry had always admired the female body, usually finding himself preferring girls his own age over adults, though the adults had those wonderful additions. However, he preferred spending time with the older women, not because of their bodies, but because they could hold a conversation. This girl was his own age, which had him willing to get near her without problems, which was something no adult had been able to really get away with once he realized he had the option, and she held a conversation with him, which put her into a category far surpassing pretty much any girl he had ever spoken with that wasn't an adult or an Oompa Loompa, and even those he couldn't deal with for long.

Unaware of thoughts of murder going through the raven-haired one's head, the blond-haired one scoffed, even as he noticed the scar under the fringe of his hair. "You'll soon find out some families are better than others, Potter," Draco said with a smirk. "I can help you there. You have no need to sully yourself with this filth when you can be in the company of royalty. I'm Draco Malfoy of the Malfoy family. Obviously you've heard of us, everyone has. You may come to our compartment and enjoy yourself there."

"I'm rather fond of my traveling companion," Harry said, standing with a frown. "She's a lovely girl I was enjoying my time with. Now, please leave so I may continue to enjoy my conversation with this radiant creature before I have you removed."

"Are you mad, Potter?" The Malfoy boy asked, actually looking as offended as he sounded.

"My faculties are quite intact, thank you," Harry said, his eyes narrowing. "Now please leave before you force me to summon your expedited removal."

"I'll have you know my father-"

Harry sighed and pulled out a silvery flute that stopped the boy mid-rant as Harry brought it to his lips and played a short tune that Hermione could swear she remembered from somewhere in the past.

Then, with a flash of light, there were five bright orange creatures in green overalls in the compartment with them and music, Hermione felt sure it was a bassoon, played from everywhere and nowhere at once as the creatures began to bob their bodies up and down and move around.

"Oompa Loompa, Loompa-dy do! Stupid al-bi-no, you are so screwed!"

"What the hell?" Draco and Hermione asked as one as the orange things converged on Draco and his tagalongs.

"You've messed with our boss, and we don't. Like. It! It's up to us now, so we've decided to give you. The. Toss!"

"Hey! Put me down! Do you know who I am!" Draco fought as him and his two grunts were bodily picked up and dragged down the hall. Had Harry and Hermione followed, they'd have found the orange men elected to torment the trio rather than simply remove them from Harry's compartment by stripping them and locking them in random trunks until they had finished a poker game, which just so happened to coincide with arrival at Hogwarts.

"What was that?" Hermione asked as the door shut.

"My Oompa Loompas," Harry said with a shrug. "Now, I believe you were about to tell me where your dentist parents work?" Harry asked, a curious glint in his eye.


"Potter, Harry!"

Harry smiled and walked up to the sorting stool with a literal bounce in his step. His new friend Hermione had wound up in Gryffindor, which was a bit of a shock considering the scary intellect on the girl, and it was obvious several of the faculty had been relieved to find him both alive and well. Apparently, his disappearance had been discovered the exact same day he had accepted Mister Wonka's offer and a worldwide manhunt had gone underway. He was unsure of what happened to the Dursleys, but thought he had heard something of a banishment to Hell.

Strange how they never thought to look in the same place he was last seen, but Mister Wonka had said it was to be expected. Wizards weren't likely to go somewhere muggle if they could help it by and large. Those who really searched had apparently been women hoping to marry the Potter boy, either themselves or daughters. Or granddaughters.

Wonka had not been pleased when one intelligent mother had actually found Harry for her son. That would apparently have ruined his plans for Harry, whatever they were. All he asked of Harry was to pass along his chocolates and live like Wonka himself, perhaps with a hostile takeover of the Hogsmeade candy shop.

Harry sat on the stool with a plop, pausing in putting it on his head as he held up a small box with a cherry-cream-filled cat to the Deputy Headmistress who took the item with both a blush and a scowl, only later to find out it also had the essence of catnip in the creme. Chuckling, he put the had onto his head, wondering if the older woman would like the libido-enhancement on it and the compulsion to find female company that night.

"Ah, Mister Potter. Taking after your father, I see."

Harry quirked an eyebrow. 'Not really, no. It's just my understanding that she's a stiff old broad and Mister Wonka says she needs to get laid and she'd probably loosen up a bit. It's likely to keep my stay here much more pleasant.'

The sorting had was quiet for nearly a minute. "I've never actually been disturbed by something before tonight."

Harry nodded sympathetically. 'Kinda makes you wish you weren't bound by magical enchantments to keep everything you learn from me to yourself, huh?'

"Let's just get started, shall we? I'd say you're Slytherin material," the had grumbled.

'Ah, but you won't do that, we both know,' Harry said happily, enjoying flustering the ancient artifact. 'I'm likely to kill off quite a few of them should they prove to be a danger or the herd simply needs culling, which even you would have to admit is currently the case. How about my intelligence? I'm rather intelligent.'

"And so modest, too," the hat grumped. "You learned so you wouldn't get caramel in your pants. You don't seek knowledge for the sake of knowledge. While you may do well there, I get the feeling you'd end up with a harem of women just because you provided them with chocolates any time they had a test. You also seem to have a desire to make old Willy proud of you and ... Yes. I can see it now. You already plan on something along those lines, it seems."

Harry scoffed and rolled his eyes. 'I have no interest in having a harem. What's the point of having all those women, honestly? Don't get me wrong. I am hoping to send Mister Wonka a Christmas card of myself in a Santa outfit with several scantily-clad-as-elves women, but that is just because he bet I wouldn't.'

The hat chuckled aloud, disturbing a few students and shocking others. "Mister Potter, I don't believe you would do anything with those girls. You already have your sights on ... how did you put it after the Malfoy boy left? Ah yes, 'the delectable Miss Granger', I believe."

Harry blinked. He had thought he had learned occlumency well enough to block that. "Well, what point would there be in that? I mean, I intend to form an army of loyal first years, possibly a few second years as well, and ensure I grab them each year after me. Why would I want a bunch of scantily-clad women catering to my every desire outside of pictures to the family?'

Somehow, and McGonagall would spend the rest of her career at Hogwarts to discover how, the Sorting Hat raised an eyebrow and turned a rosy pink as it blushed. "I never said anything about them being scantily-clad, Mister Potter, you did. You're superimposing Miss Granger into that Yule fantasy. I can see your memories and your active thoughts, as awkward as they are. I would greatly appreciate it if you could stop. This entire thing is awkward as it is. The last thing I need right now is learning what you intend to insinuate is merely a candy cane happy to see her."

'So, if Ravenclaw is out and Slytherin is out, that leaves one of two places,' Harry considered, wondering what the Hat would say to that. It had been nearly ten minutes already and people were beginning to fidget.

"I suppose it doesn't matter," the Hat said to him. "Wherever I put you, you'll raise Hell anyway."

'True,' Harry agreed with a fiendish smirk that made the Weasley Twins feel very uncomfortable. Like someone had just ... danced over their graves in the moonlight, bathed in flowing rivers of chocolate. And they hadn't died yet...

"Gryffindor!" The hat roared at long last. "The last thing you need, Mister Potter, is a loyal Hufflepuff army in your quest for dominion over this world," it said to him as it was being taken off of his head by an impatient McGonagall.

Harry went to sit at his table, taking the spot next to Hermione and watching some twins dance about like monkeys. 'I do believe this is a good fit.'

"Harry!" Hermione squealed. "We're in the same House!"

"That we are, Miss Hermione," Harry said, smirking and winking at her. "It took me a while to argue with the hat, but I think it played out well enough," he said, giving the blushing girl a hug and then backing off. From this point forward, he would see if she chose to hug him back.

Some positive reinforcement in the way of chocolaty delights and maybe she would continue. He kind of enjoyed the hugging anyway.


Willy Wonka, in all his purple, green, red and yellow glory, set up a vendor cart filled with steaming hot chocolate, chocolate-covered bananas and still warm and gooey fudge in front of the large, glass window at the gym, smiling widely as those on the treadmills who saw him began to run faster and stare at his wares.

It really was the small things in life one had to cherish the most.

Of course, it was even better to set up shop outside the orphanages. When those in charge would demand he leave, even while dozens of unhappy and pleading eyes looked out the windows, he could offer his wares for free, thus providing a little joy, and grabbing new minions.

Human workers and their unions were a pain to deal with the normal ways, after all.


[Final Author's Note:] - If anyone wants to write omakes pertaining to various scenes along a line similar to this plot, I welcome you to send them. It will have to be Harry/Hermione/Luna or you can add other women, or just not show those two girls, at least, romantically inclined towards anyone else for the scene and I'll post them if I get enough (or add to this myself and add those.)