Meeting the Dads: Adrian Monk

Summary: When Buffy pictured the father of her child, it sure wasn't this guy!

A/N: In response to Challenge 3064: conception by conspiracy *non-stargate* by shelli.

A/N2: Thanks to my betas: zigpal and JediKnight.

A/N3: I've gotten some concerned reviews about the idea that Buffy would consider an abortion when her whole life is about saving others. Just to point out, it is only considering. Given the danger of being a pregnant Slayer would be a good enough reason for her to think about, not to mention worrying that she was carrying the child of the human equivalent of a monster. So while she will talk about it, that in no way indicates that she'll actually do it. Okay? Feel better now?

Warning: Non-fuzzy type feelings for Maggie, Riley and the Initiative…duh!

Rating: FR15 for language and talk of sex, of course, she's pregnant after all.

Pairing: Basically a Buffy/Giles friendship. Anything else is up to you, the reviewers – within reason of course.

Disclaimer: BtVS characters belong to Joss Whedon / Mutant Enemy. Monk characters belong to Andy Breckman and USA Network. I claim no rights to any copyrighted material. Please do not copy or take this story without my permission.

San Francisco

Sharona Fleming opened the door to her boss' home to find a very young and pretty blonde standing there with a very handsome, slightly older man with piercing green eyes. Once she mentally wiped the drool away, she greeted them, "May I help you?"

"Yes, we're looking for Adrian Monk?" Buffy hoped this wasn't the guy's wife or anything; that could really prove awkward. Somehow, she didn't hold out much hope that Walsh would care about someone's marital status.

She smiled at the pair, assuming they were there about a case. "Please come in. I'll let him know you're here."

A few minutes later, she returned with a dark, curly-haired man who seemed very uncomfortable, even in his own home.

Buffy moved forward, holding out her hand. "Adrian Monk? Hi, my name is Buffy Summers. This is my friend, Rupert Giles."

They shook his hand, then watched in bemusement as he snapped his fingers at the woman next to him. Then their eyes widened when she handed him a wet wipe and then took it back once he finished cleaning his hands with it.

Sharona started explaining without even glancing at them, used to people's reactions to this, "Adrian has a thing about germs; it's nothing against you personally. I'm Sharona Fleming, his nurse and assistant," she introduced herself.

"Did you need help with something? A person who died and the police can't figure out who did it? Something stolen and you don't know how?" Monk fired off questions while moving things around in front of him on the coffee table with the tips of his fingers. A millimeter one way, then another the opposite way.

Buffy responded almost absently, intrigued by his actions. "None of those actually. A couple of weeks ago, I found out from my doctor that I was about two months pregnant. But the last time I had sex was over eight months ago-" She opted not to count the time she had no say – or experience – in the matter.

"And you need my help to figure out who did this to you?" he squeaked out, decidedly uncomfortable with the topic of sex.

She was just as uncomfortable with this and sadly, there wasn't a section in Emily Post to cover this. "Uh, nooo. We already know who it was that inseminated me-"

He interrupted, partially to stop the talk about insemination, partially to find out what it was she wanted from him, "So you need my help proving it so the person responsible can be brought to justice?"

Buffy wanted put tape over the guy's mouth so she could get this over with. "No. The person who did it is dead now. What-"

"I certainly hope that you didn't come here thinking that I would help you cover up a crime! I won't do that!" Monk started pacing the room, tapping all the lamps as he passed them.

She turned to Sharona, fighting her irritation. "Does he ever let people finish their sentences?"

"Sorry about that. Adrian, maybe you should let them tell you what they want before you say anything else," Sharona suggested.

Buffy continued before he could say anything, "As I was trying to say, I found out I was inseminated – without my knowledge or permission – as part of an experiment. What I am doing now is visiting the potential 'donors' around the country, trying to get a sense of what they are like. I know 'donor' is the wrong term since I'm guessing you all probably had about as much choice in the matter as I did," she started babbling before trailing off. "Umm, is he okay? …Is he even breathing?"

Sharona looked at her boss, who seemed to have slipped into a catatonic state. "Adrian! Adrian!" she yelled.

He ignored them and walked out the front door. They chased after him, very concerned. They watched as he stumbled down the street. Every time he passed a sign or parking meter or something similar, he'd tap it like he was playing tag with it and Buffy could make out him counting with her enhanced hearing.

Giles turned to the wavy-haired blonde walking alongside them. "Is this normal behavior for him?"

"It is when he's upset. Don't worry, it's not your fault. He's just not good at dealing with shocking news. …Can you hold on a sec? I should call his doctor." She pressed #1 on her speed-dial, which they noticed. "Dr. Kroger? It's Sharona Fleming. Adrian was just told some startling news and is now walking the streets. pause Yes, he's doing that. pause No, not yet. Can you maybe see him earlier today? pause I can ask them; they're right here next to me." She turned to them. "Dr. Kroger wants to know if you'd be willing to join them in their session."

Even though she was reluctant, Buffy nodded, "I guess so, since I'm the one who broke him."

Sharona spoke into her phone again, "They said yes. pause Okay, we'll grab him and be there shortly. Thank you, Dr. Kroger!"

They ran forward to grab the perplexed man just as he was about to cross the street.

Sharona pulled on his arm gently. "Adrian? Let's get to the car so we can go see Dr. Kroger."

Monk looked at his watch. "It's not 3 yet. My appointment isn't until 3."

"Well, I thought maybe you'd want to see him earlier because of what just happened," she explained.

"This doesn't mean my 3 o'clock is canceled, does it?" he asked with a hint of worry.

She shrugged her shoulders, "I don't know; we can ask him when we get there."

Dr. Charles Kroger's Office

Buffy and Giles took seats opposite of each other – at the psychiatrist's request. Apparently Monk was particular about symmetry and as much as Giles wanted to be near his Slayer to offer her comfort, he didn't feel good about antagonizing the already overwhelmed man. He clearly was on the verge of a complete breakdown. Which he himself thought was clearly an overreaction.

"So Adrian, would you like to tell me what has you so upset?" the psychiatrist inquired of the frazzled man.

But the man in question was still too rattled to answer, instead choosing to straighten the already level photos and diplomas on the wall.

Buffy spoke up tentatively, "I'm afraid that it's my fault, Dr. Kroger."

He turned to her. "And you are…?"

"My name is Buffy Summers. This is Rupert Giles, a friend. I came to Mr. Monk to let him know that we had both been used in an experiment by my college professor, Maggie Walsh," the young blonde explained.

Kroger recognized the name, but kept quiet. This couldn't be good if that woman was involved in any way.

"It was some sort of breeding program with me as the 'incubator' and some guy on a list as the 'genetic donor' – her words, not mine. My guess is that I wasn't intended to be allowed to keep the child, just grow it." She couldn't hid the bitterness or anger in her voice.

Dr. Kroger made the intuitive leap, "I'm guessing that Adrian's name was on that list of genetic donors?"

"Got it in one, doc," she nodded tiredly.

He took a deep meditative sigh before asking, "So what do you want with Adrian?"

"Just to meet him. At least two of the guys on the list are disturbing individuals and that made me wonder about the rest of them. I wanted to see if any of them weren't monsters before deciding on an abortion or not."

"Those two are that bad?" he questioned, yep, it sounded like what he knew about the woman.

Buffy almost glared at him. "One is a serial killer and the other has spent the last four years of his life make our lives miserable," she answered, pointing to Giles and herself.

His curiosity got the better of him. "Can you tell me who they are?"

Giles sat forward in his seat, annoyed at this line of questioning. "There's no reason to. It's doubtful any of the men on the list agreed to be part of this and sharing their identities without cause would just be another violation of their privacy."

Dr. Kroger sensed the anger pouring off this man and felt it wise not to push it any farther. "Understandable. Sorry I asked." Turning back to Buffy, "So how are you dealing with all this? It must be even worse for you."

This time she did glare at him – just not a full Slayer-glare since she guessed it was second nature to him to ask things like that. "No offense, doc, but I don't feel like sharing. The last shrink I dealt with was the one who did this to me. And even though she was just my professor and not a practicing shrink, it still makes me leery."

"I had heard rumors that Dr. Walsh slipped off the deep end," he mused out loud.

She smirked at the common phrase. "Is that the clinical term for it? You knew her?"

He shook his head, "More of her. She had some radical ideas of behavior modification that stirred up interest. Even my own." He glanced in Monk's direction briefly. "At least until people realized the physical danger her subjects would be in."

"Baby!" Monk suddenly yelled.

Dr. Kroger looked at him. "What's that, Adrian?"

"She's having a baby!" he shouted, pointing at her.

"Yes, we've covered that," Dr. Kroger replied calmly.

"But it might be mine! All I know about babies is that there's all sorts of fluids oozing out of them. And they're messy. And destructive. And noisy. And they carry germs!" He started hyperventilating. "Oh, I can't do this. I can't be a father!"

Buffy spoke in what she hoped was a comforting tone, "Umm, Mr. Monk? You know, it might not even be yours. And even if it is, that doesn't mean that you have to do anything. If you want us to stay away, we will."

"Why? Because I'm not good enough? I'm too weird, is that it?" Monk demanded, a hurt expression on his face.

She looked at the doctor for help before answering, "Of course not! If you want to be involved, you can. I'm just saying you don't have to be."

But it didn't calm him down a bit. "So you are planning to leave the baby with me! Sharona! SHARONA! I need you!" His assistant raced into the room from the waiting area. "She's leaving the baby with me! You have to take care of it!"

Sharona looked at the younger woman. "What are you, nuts? You can't leave a kid with Adrian-" she started to berate her.

Dr. Kroger interrupted, "Sharona, she wasn't planning to. Adrian is just reacting to what she's saying without hearing all the words." He turned to Buffy and Giles with a sympathetic look. "Maybe it'd be best if we dealt with this alone. We'll call if we need you for anything. That sound okay?"

Giles'd had more than enough of this man's dramatics. It must be even worse for his Slayer to have to deal with…and she had her own problems to handle. "That sounds wonderful. Here's a card with our contact information. Could we get one for Mr. Monk?" he requested, remembering that they needed something of his for the spell.

Monk pointed an accusing finger at him. "See! Even he can't wait to leave! They both think I'd be a terrible influence on the baby!"

Buffy cringed at the man's hysterics and apologized as they made their way out, "Sorry for upsetting him and leaving him to you to take care of."

Once they got safely outside, both Buffy and Giles released identical shudders of relief being away from the disturbed detective. "That woman deserves to be brought back so she can deal with the likes of him!" Giles declared.

"No arguments from me there, Watcher-mine. Do you think we could go find some ice cream and peppermint tea?" she asked him with her lower lip out in her trademark pout and her eyes wide.

He just shook his head in barely contained mirth as he laced his arm in hers towards a cab that they managed to flag down. Thank heavens that she wasn't that upset by this encounter. She couldn't be if she was asking for ice cream and trying to manipulate him in that fashion.

A/N: Sorry the story took so long. Musie was busy with another fic and barely gave permission to work on this one.