Things Better Left Said

Summary: Buffy decides to not bury her feelings, per Xander's request.

Warning: Angsty.

Timeline: The Scoobies' fight with Buffy during 'Dead Man's Party'.

Disclaimer: BtVS characters belong to Joss Whedon / Mutant Enemy. I claim no rights to any copyrighted material. Please do not copy or take this story without my permission. Dialogue copied from .

A/N: I was thinking about this episode and felt the need to vent on Buffy's behalf.

Buffy: As if I even could've gone to you, Xander. You made your feelings about Angel and I perfectly clear.

Before anyone could interrupt, Buffy pushed on, determined to get the pain and anger out instead of holding on to it anymore. Xander didn't want her burying things, fine! She wouldn't! "And I get that, really I do! But what I don't get is how you expected me to come to any of you when you blindsided me that day!"

Willow looked at her, confused. "What are you talking about?"

"Angel suddenly coming back just as I'm about to strike the killing blow? Gee, thanks for the warning that that could happen, guys!" the Slayer snapped. "Do you have the slightest clue how that felt? The part of him that I loved and hoped would come back for months finally comes back to me and I have to kill him to save the world," she finished, her eyes bright with unshed tears.

She took a deep breath and continued, "Add to that, my mother telling me not to come home if I left to save the world. And this after being shot at by the police because Snyder told them I killed Kendra…once he finished expelling me, that is. And just for your information, I did check to make sure you were all okay before I left. Sure, you weren't okay-okay, but you were alive and up and about. And I left a note for my mom to let her know that I survived the fight."

"Why didn't you tell us this the other night at Giles'?" Willow asked, a little hurt by the anger in Buffy's voice. She wasn't the injured party here, they were. They were supposed to be upset with her, not the other way around.

"Oh, you mean open up in front of a crowd of people? Some of whom were acting hostile to me? Gee, I can't imagine why!" Buffy answered with an obvious look in Xander's direction. "Did it occur to you that maybe I wanted to talk to you when you stood me up, Willow?"

"What did you expect after abandoning us to do your duty?" Xander spit out.

She glared back. "Other than you not knowing where I was, how would this summer have been any different from last summer when I was gone? Yeah, I didn't think so," she snarled. "And why exactly should I have told you where I was? 'Kick his ass!' Sound familiar? I wasn't feeling the warm fuzzies for you or Willow at the time. If she was going to try the spell again, I'd have rather known so my heart wouldn't have been torn out by the shock when his soul returned. But no, I get the 'Kick his ass!' speech instead."

Buffy sat down, suddenly drained of her anger. "The only one I felt bad about leaving was Giles. But I honestly thought he wouldn't want to see me again after he'd been tortured by the thing that wore the face of my first love. I just couldn't think of the right words to apologize to him. Nothing could make it okay for him and me."

She snorted, "It's ironic that he's the only one who hasn't tried to make me feel bad when he's the only one who has the right to. Maybe the Council had it right when they said it should just be the Watcher and Slayer together. They understand each other better than anyone else can. So if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go find my Watcher and try to apologize to him as best I can."