Overview: A 21 year old Tenten recently had a stillbirth 3 weeks prior. She is sitting in the nursery that she made for her baby, the walls are all painted blue and there are a lot of stuffed animals. She is sitting in a chair, with crisp white paper with a stony faced and writes.


Still
A miss-teesh-black story

Dear Baby,

I remember the first time I ever saw you,it was our first ultrasound and you were the size of a pea. You were so tiny and almost an unrecognisable human but in that moment, I fell in love with you. The first time I heard your heartbeat, rapidly fluttering in your unformed chest, I fell in love with you all over again. You were mine and I was yours. You were going to be named Li Hyuuga, a bouncing baby boy. Your hair was going to be brown and straight, just like mine and your eyes a vivid blue, just like your daddy. You were going to sleep and play in this room, with these silly stuffed animals observing you grow. You were going to...

The word stillborn gives the impression that you had never moved,that you never kicked to remind me that you were there, that your tiny little chest never bounced with a heartbeat. But it did! You were never still! You had feet, and toenails on your could they say that you were still?

Your Daddy was so excited, Neji couldn't wait to be a father. He told me that he wanted to ensure you received the childhood he never had. He had picked out your name, a very un-Hyuuga like thing to do, but he wanted to name you after our late team mate. Neji loved you, he loved the bump in my stomach, he loved that you kicked hard, he said that you were going to be a great ninja. You were going to...

The pregnancy had been fine; you had been a healthy baby. I had never been so excited in my life; I couldn't wait to be a mother. I remember the day of our first ultrasound like it was yesterday and how I had immediately came home so I could plan out this nursery. I had this image of creating a different world, a place that you could grow up in and feel safe; a place where nothing ever went my stomach grew, so did my affection for you. I knew you better than anyone else in the world, and you knew me. For nine months you was part of me,and I miss that every day.

It was your delivery day that changed everything. It had started off normal enough, your heartbeat was steady and I was calm. I had wanted a natural birth, but you had other plans. I don't know why you didn't have a trauma free birth. I don't know why my body gave up. My breath caught in my throat when your heart rate monitor began to speed up; your steady and consistent drum transformed into an irregular and rapid pace. I began to panic. I shouted and screamed at the doctors for answers, my eyes were glued to the monitor beside me. It was too fast, way too fast. My breathing hitched as they injected me with some medication, ruining my plan of a natural birth; I did not care though as long as they saved you. I was pleased for a moment as your heartbeat began to slow; this was until my vision began to swim. My throat constricted and my eyes rolled into the back of my head. I'm sorry that my body gave up, I'm so sorry that I couldn't deliver you!

Sakura said that I had an allergic reaction to the medication. That my body had shut down. You and I had been in life threatening danger and that they had to make a choice; you or me. There had been a choice. They all had a choice whether to let you liveor die, and they let you die! They chose me over you! Why did they do that!? They didn't even ask me! They didn't ask me!