Well, I don't exactly know how to describe the situation, but I guess I'll bring you up to speed

My name is… ah it doesn't matter. Everyone still calls me by that same stupid nickname.

My profession is quite unusual. You see… I'm prime minister.

Of Japan? Heavens no, that isn't enough.

A different place, maybe in Europe? Uh-Uh.

The correct guess is the entire world.

Now just how would that happen?

You should know instantly.

She always makes these things happen. I will tell you just how and why soon enough.



O.K. I'm sorry, but I lied to you a second ago. I'm not the prime minister, that's Koizumi's post.

For me its much worse. I am what is known as the Holy Consort. What is that you ask?

Ever see the Queen of England with that rusty old man? He's Greek, I think. Is it Alexander or something? I don't know, I only met him several weeks ago at an event we threw. Now you're probably thinking, what an amazing opportunity for me to meet royalty. Well let me just say, that everyone thought the other way around. Yeah, they wanted to meet me.

What would compel anyone to be interested in me?

Well to state what might be obvious by now, my title…


I am Kyon, Holy Consort to Her Eminence, the Living Goddess and Brigade Chief Suzumiya Haruhi.

I can hear the laughs now.


I tried to at least get her to let me use my normal name, but she insisted on that nickname. Why? "The people will be far more familiar with a single word name. It makes you seem far more… unique, as Ambassador Nagato would put it.

So here I am in the throne room. Seriously, talk about a freaking bourgeois joint. You might remember in the third Hellsing manga, what Pip's reaction was to the hotel? That's mine, every time I walk in. The difference now is that I know to keep my mouth shut so its not as if I gawk like an idiot.

10 stories. Very tall stories, rising up to the ceiling and covering the walls are textiles of the finest Egyptian cotton, Cashmere, premium silk, fine linen. It's a U.N. of the finest fabrics this entire planet can offer.

Vast windows, looking out upon a gigantic estate, possibly the largest in Europe. No, we don't just stay in the one, there's a chateau in France, a true castle in Ireland, a traditional Japanese estate in Kyushu, an entire building in New York city, a palace in Russia, Villa in Italy, hell, even a cartel compound in Cuba, my personal favorite.

We're at the Russian palace. It's an unusually hot summer (Thank you, Haruhi!), and I can't seem to not feel uncomfortable.

Maybe its my suit. Predictable Italian, doubly sewn to last, 400 thread count I think. Stuffy.

"The finest in all the land, and you're still bothered Kyon-kun?"

I turn a brow to Koizumi, Supreme Minister of the United Earth Republic, at least as we call it for now.

Note that word 'Supreme' in his title...

"You know sometimes I realize I can't stand this life. What do you think ever drove her to such a need for everything like this?"

"Maybe in realizing that she can do anything, she decided on the good life to pace herself."

I wonder, is that so? She has everyone worshiping her like the second coming of a savior, predicted again and again, only you wish they'd just go back and not cause an apocalypse. Seriously, Haruhi.

"Ah Kyon, you either aren't learning, or you're denying the truth. She wanted a life you could enjoy too. As much as this life seems strange, it could have been worse I'm sure."

Like when Haruhi decided she had to create some miracles to convince everyone she was the real deal?...Oh god.

First blacking the sun for six days, then putting a message that read 'LIGHT' in Kanji on it? Or the one day when no one died? What fun, zombies everywhere! The day she created vampires, elves, giants, and dragons was just hilarious. Talk about a magical circus, I'm still cracking up, since she got bitten, and then bit me. She was able to stop it quickly, but I chased Asahina all around the grounds, only to lose the urge when I just put my lips on her. O.K., that other urge worked too, but Haruhi made it physically impossible for me to do such lascivious actions on any other woman but her. How she set it? If I think of any other woman, it simply shrinks. Of course, if its Haruhi, it expands, cartoonishly.

But enough about hell.

You can hopefully tell I'm actually exaggerating. Though you could say its the kind of things she would do of course. So disregard the entire last rant. Heh, sure, she isn't like that, but...

"She wants absolute loyalty to the title of chief and fidelity to her personally. You understand?"

And that means the life I live, here in this world, it is all hers. Business as usual.


3-16-10 Update: The old authors note was taken out of this, cause I felt it reflected a naive outlook I had 8 months ago in my rush to get this done fast. I'm satisfied that with a rewrite it is better than it was.

My Disclaimer: Sorry It's here. I'd rather let you get into a story before bugging you with the same bit each time. I own nothing here.