Well, first there is the Literal Translation Project, without whom this fic would be quite different, and take a lot longer to write.
Next we have the FFML, who provide a much needed outlet for this, so that I can know that other people have at least read whatever it is before I send it to RAAC.
Next, we have ADV, who pressed my Eva DVD box set.
Next, we have Mangle, who pressed the Eva movies.
Next, we have my fans (all four of you) who occasionally asked if I'd ever finish this . . . Thanks.

And, last, but definately not least, we have Gainax, and Anno-san, without whom I'd've never started this mess.

'Nuff of that.

Genom Research

A St. Suika Fenderson Roberts

Shin Seiki

Episode six.

I sit, legs out straight, back against the wall, Misako in my pocket, Weird Al playing in my ears, a textbook layed across Lantis-chan's back, her breast soft against my thigh, as she reads something of her own.

I'm not reading the book right now, as the current song is . . . intriguing.

'I'm not sure playing this would be in good taste,' I say, pulling Misako from my pocket to pause the song.

'What?' Lantis-chan asks me.

'Back,' I pause, 'Thirty years ago, or so, there was a pop singer named Tiffany. She had a hit song called "I Think We're Alone Now"'

Lantis-chan nods, rolling partly over and dumping my book onto my legs.

'Weird Al,' she gives me a puzzled look, 'Wierd Al Yankovich, he writes parody songs, has for the last thirty-five or forty years,' she nods, 'Wrote a parody of it, called "I Think I'm a Clone Now".'

She smiles, 'Play it,' and flops back down, in a different position so she can rest her head on my thigh and still watch me.

My fingers clatter over the keyboard for a few seconds, ssh'ing into my stereo, and cueing up the song.

Isn't it strange?
Feels like I'm looking in the mirror.

What would people say
If they knew that I was
Part of some geneticist's plan.

Born to be a carbon-copy man.
There in a petrie dish, late one night
They took a donor's body cell and fertilized a human egg
And so I say

I think I'm a clone now
There's always two of me just a'hangin around.
I think I'm a clone now
'cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down.

Look at the way
We go out walkin close together
I guess you could say I'm really beside my self

I still remember how it began
They produced a carbon-copy man
Born in a science lab, late one night
Without a mother or a father
Just a test-tube and a womb with a view.

I think I'm a clone now
There's always two of me just a'hangin around.
I think I'm a clone now
And I can stay at home while I'm out of town.

Signing autographs for my fans
Come and meet the carbon-copy man
Living in stereo, it's all right
Well I can be my own best friend
And I can send myself for pizza
So I say

I think I'm a clone now
Another one of me's always hanging around
I think I'm a clone now 'cause every chromosome is a hand-me-down.

'Cute tune,' Lantis-chan says, 'But I didn't understand it all. Play it again.'

The second time through, she smiles.

The third time, she giggles.

The fourth time, she laughs out loud.

Halfway through I notice Asuka watching us, a little smile on her face. She waits for the song to finish before stepping into the room.


Asuka brings the heavy ratan down hard, over my head, going for my back.

I step aside, and whip my own "blade" around, nearly two meters of ratan claymore aimed firmly at her ribs.

She gets her shield up in time, but the blow knocks her back a few steps, and I follow up with a smashing disarm.

She holds, somehow, and kicks me hard in the gut. I slam back into a wall, scattering bits of concrete from where I hit.

She strikes before I've recovered fully, cleaving concrete as I barely get the claymore up in time to block.

She takes advantage of that, and smashes me in the face with her shield-boss. More concrete powders behind my head.

I kick her in the groin, and she lands, on her feet, ten meters back. She grins, 'That didn't hurt,' she says, 'I'm surprised.'

'Heh,' I say, trying for a nonchalant laugh, as I try to shake off being used as a concrete-chisel.


Lantis-chan is going out gate 32, and we're backup. I stare at the spiraling ring on the monitor, my hands opening and closing over a halberd that isn't there.

Zerogouki settles, rifle at the ready.

'It's cycling, blue to orange and back again,' Maya says.

'What does it mean?' Misato asks.

'We don't have enough data yet,' Shigeru says.

'But that is not a fixed shape,' Ritsuko says.

'We can't attack,' Misato says, then, after a pause, 'Rei, get ready to attack, but wait for it.'

'No need,' Lantis-chan says, 'It's coming.'

'Target trying to break through Zerogouki's AT field,' Shigeru says.

'Eva Nigouki, launching,' Asuka says.

'Asuka!' Misato yells.

'Eva Shougouki,' I say, 'Launching.'

Asuka's already started towards the fight, halberd in hand, when I get to the surface. Lantis-chan is shooting at it, but it isn't being punchtured.

'Shinji, there's a positron rifle being deployed fourty meters to your left. Fire at the target's back end,' Misato orders.

'Ryoukai,' I say, feeling the right shoulder panel fall off. I pull the rifle to my shoulder, turn, and aim.

Asuka's arrived, and is hacking at it. Thin slivers and sparks are being cut free, but it isn't working very well.

One loop isn't whipping around, and I finally get a lock, and fire.

It breaks in two, then merges back together again.

Lantis-chan screams, and the Angel breaks through her AT field, slamming into Zerogouki's torso, sickening welts rising from the armor. She screams again.

Asuka screams in rage, grabbing the angel, putting one foot on Zerogouki's chest, and ripping it free. It promptly wraps around her, her AT field sparking as it tries to break free, or break through.

Lantis-chan slams a prog knife into the angel as I charge up the hill, reaching for my prog knife before I remember it's on the ground with the shoulder panel and positron rifle.

She draws the knife up the angel's length, sparks flaring as Asuka struggles to keep a grip on it, and keep it out.

I charge past, and grab Asuka's discarded halberd, spinning around quickly . . .

The angel, in a final shower of sparks, dies.

'Target destroyed,' Shigeru says.


'She'll be fine,' Ritsuko tells us, as we stand on either side of Lantis-chan's bed, 'You stopped it before it could do much damage,' she smiles at Asuka, 'Good job.'

I stroke Lantis-chan's cheek, my other hand clasped tight in Asuka's.

*BOOM* a faint haze of dust floats from the ceiling, the room shaking as if struck by god's own hammer.

*BOOM* *BOOM* *BOOM* *BOOM* The alarms go off, a bit belatedly, *BOOM* *BOOM* *BOOM* three more times, almost overlapping.

'Shut off the alarm,' the commander's voice says, 'The crisis is over. Stand down.'

The three of us who are conscious look at each other in shock. The alarm shuts off.

'Thank you, Ibuki-kun,' the commander's voice again, 'SEELE is crippled or destroyed. Dark Kingdom troops will be arriving to take over operations at all NERV, SEELE, and UN facilities within fifteen minutes. Do not resist and you will not be harmed,' he sighs, 'I'm sick of this face,' pause, then he yells, 'VENUS COSMIC POWER, MAKE UP!'

There are several thumps, as of people fainting or faulting badly.

'That's much better,' says a youngish female voice that is so familiar.


The woman everyone says is my father has been avoiding me. I catch glimpses of her. Whenever she spots me her face just melts, and she runs, tears and long golden hair trailing in her wake.


'Ranma-sensei,' I call her on the phone, 'You knew.'

'Knew what?' she replies to my accusation.

'That my father-' I break off, unable to continue.

'I suspected strongly. She wore that face for years before you were born,' she says, softly, 'She didn't do it to hurt you.'

'Then what did she do it for?'

'Do you really think it would have taken them ten years to get so close to their goals if they hadn't had people fighting against them on the inside? Your parents sacrificed a lot in this fight,' she says.

'Why did they leave me?' I can hear the tears in my voice, but I can't feel them yet.

'Because it wasn't safe for you to be near them,' she tells me in a gentle voice.

Asuka wraps herself around my back, holding me tight as I cry.


Usagi-sensei, Rei-sensei, Bell-sensei, four women I don't recognize, and Keichi-san ride down the escalator towards the Eva cages.


'Mom?' I gasp, tears streaming down my face, tear myself from Lantis-chan and Asuka, and throw myself into her arms. She smiles, stroking my hair, and the half-remembered woman with long blonde hair wraps her arms around us both.


I pause in the doorway, not having expected the short-haired figure floating five centimeters off the floor in full lotus. A quick glance to the left spots her better half, Rei-sensei's long black hair trailing on the floor where she sits.

'Usagi-sensei.' I greet her, not bothering to ask how she got in, having gotten 'a paladin has ways' one time too often.

'Shinji-kun.' She smiles, her eyes still closed. I step further into the room, hands reaching for a bokutou that isn't there. Her smile twitches a little, and I wonder what she'll be teaching me this time. 'We'll continue this in the parking lot.'

Her eyes open suddenly, and she is on her feet, wrapping me in arms that I've seen crush steel poles. I hug her back before she can get it into her head to start throwing me up in the air again; it was bad enough when I was smaller than she is, but it's gotten really embarrassing since I hit that last growth spurt.

She lets me go, and I step back, finally taking in her costume. 'That is a little much, don't you think?'

'I told her it was a bit skimpy, myself.' I turn and subtly brace myself at the words; Rei-sensei is generally less demonstrative, but it is hard to tell what a full master would do.

She walks over and ruffles my hair, and I suddenly notice that I'm taller than she is. I must look rather pole-axed, for she laughs happily.

'Strange how that strikes one, isn't it? I remember my shock when I realized how short Ranma-san is.' She pulls me in for a hug after all, and I give her a firm squeeze.


Usagi-sensei stands in front of me, still dressed mainly in a dark kimono, tucked up high enough to leave her legs unhindered, like some ninja from a movie. In her hand is a piece of bamboo a little longer than she is tall, with a strip of rope tied around it about forty centimeters from one end. She whips a nearly identical piece up with the tip, and I catch it, springing backwards five meters, my hands settling into the familiar posistions on the grip.

I block her downward stroke, taking the force of the blow in my knees, the bamboo making no sound, the fragile material supported by the force of our wills. I step aside from the next blow, then dodge the streetlight as it falls.


'So, can Usagi-sensei actually cook anything but curry yet?' I ask Rei-sensei, a faint smile playing across my lips.

'Yeah,' she holds her hands out in front of her, ticking off items as she goes, 'Ramen, cup noodles, rice, that's an important one, pancakes, and curry.'

'Rei!' Usagi-sensei growls threateningly, amusement flickering about her features.

Rei-sensei tries to look innocent, a poise spoiled by the smirk that keeps breaking onto her face, 'What?'

I just smirk, and serve Lantis-chan some more rice when she holds out her bowl to me.


2003 Sep 14: Started, at long last.
2003 Sep 14 15:30: Finished. The whole beast is drafted out. Only took me five years. Unless I'm mistaken about the start date, in which case it would be six . . .
2003 October 3: Title block and acknowledgement.
2010 July 10: Tiny edits, mauled for ff.n