7I was kicking around the idea of doing this all in BPOV, but I really wanted to have EPOV at some points too. So this is Edward's take on the meeting and what happened in their lives before the separation. Again I suck, I don't have a beta, looking for a volunteer (hint hint).
I know that these guys are somewhat OOC, but I always try to keep them on the line. Hope it's working!
Let me know what you think and if you want me to keep including hottie Edward's POV.
Special thanks are listed at the bottom!
Links to the musicians and songs are on my profile.
Playlist:
Breaking Benjamin - Breathe
Linkin Park - Shadow of the Day
Matchbox 20 - Push (Acoustical)
Chapter 4
I stared at her as she walked into the entrance to her apartment. I still couldn't believe that the siren of both my dreams and nightmares only lived a few scant miles from me. To make it all worse, she had been doing so for nearly three years.
Emotions that I had bottled up for years wanted to explode tonight. Somehow, I managed not to completely freak out, although if it weren't for Jazz I probably would've had a meltdown tonight at the feelings that barraged me. Sometimes I have to wonder how he is so calm and rational about things. It just seems to be his nature though.
I drove home and walked into my house. I tossed my keys into the bowl by the door and my coat hung in the closet. Next, I went to the bathroom and took out my contacts. The smoky haze from the bar had made my eyes feel slightly muddy. It was a relief to wash my face and put my glasses on. I put everything away as I finished. I refused to live like the bachelor I am. It probably stems from my control-freak tendencies, but I don't really care. I grabbed a beer from the fridge and fell back on the sofa to stare out the window as my mind visited the past.
I honestly thought that I was seeing things when I first saw her in the bar. I had to do a double take and still I was sure that I might be loosing what was left of my sanity. After all these years, Isabella Swan just happened to show up in a bar that my band was playing at. I played through the first set and never even knew she was in the club. It wasn't until Jazz and I did our acoustical version that I scanned the crowd.
A flare of anger shot through me when I realized that I wasn't seeing things. Somehow, I wanted to tell her that she had left behind pieces when she left but I was better now, and she wouldn't be able to hurt me again. One of the songs that she inspired seemed to be the best choice. Jazz agreed to let me change our songs at the last minute when I promised I'd tell him later.
I'm sure my eyes never left hers as I sang. I felt the tune come out and my mind flashed into the past.
I'm not sure when I fell in love with Bella Swan, but by the time I was fourteen I knew I was. I watched her for years as we grew up together. She had been my best friend and confidant for so long that I couldn't imagine a world without her. At the time I didn't realize that she let me call her Isabella most of her life when she had corrected almost everyone else. Maybe it was because when we were ten she asked me why I did it and I told her that her name was pretty just like her. Childish but true, even after all these years she still is Isabella to me.
We were each other's support. Renee was always a little too scattered. It seemed as if Bella acted more as the mother and Renee as the daughter. Renee and my parents both allowed us to share beds for most of our lives. When we turned into teenagers things took on a slightly different dynamic and our parents became slightly more stringent about what we were doing.
It had been the dreaded year of puberty first hitting me. I was scared to death when I awoke with my dick throbbing for the first time. Somehow Bella never got mad at me the first time that we woke up and my out of control erection was tenting the covers. It had been a joke the first time I had accidentally poked her in the ass in my sleep. I had been too embarrassed to share the wet dreams I had about her though. I was too scared of being thought of as a complete pervert.
That was also the summer when I first noticed Bella's breasts developing. We had run down to the river to swim and like always I just pulled off my shirt and jumped in. When Bella pulled off her shirt I saw her wearing a bra. She had blushed heavily and threw her shirt back on and ran away. I caught up to her and tackled her. She screamed at me for being rude, and I apologized.
I tried not to mention her body getting prettier as time passed. I knew other guys didn't really notice because of her baggy clothes. Many of my shirts had become hers just so she could hide her development. I was the only one who really saw her in tighter clothes, she only wore them to sleep and occasionally around the house. She had matured beautifully and I wanted nothing more then to find out what her mouth and skin tasted like. It had been in my dreams for a long time.
I'll always regret leaving that summer. That summer it all changed, the summer she changed.
I had gone to summer camp at my parent's insistence between my sophomore and junior years. I had just turned sixteen and was supposed to help be a counselor but I felt more like a flunky for the kids that were older and more experienced then I was. I had been going to the camp on and off for years, but I had only been to the two week programs. This one was a full forty days. The only reason I agreed was so that I could have something extra to put on my college transcript.
When it was finally time to go home I couldn't wait to get there and spend the last of my summer with Bella. Then I came home to a different person. She was hanging out with a new group of people and seemed to be getting drunk and possibly high all the time.
My group of friends made it quite clear that Bella was no longer welcome in our circle. I didn't know what to say or what happened to make them say that. I needed answers from Bella.
I slipped over to her house three nights after I had gotten home, when I saw her light on. She was alone and lying on her bed. She was listening to her music with her eyes closed. She was wearing an old pair of shorts and a tank top that I could have swore fit her loosely last summer. Now her chest seemed to be straining in it. Her body had become thinner and curvier at the same time while I was gone. I climbed into her window, thanking her mother for giving her the downstairs bedroom yet again. It wasn't the first time I had come in this way.
When I was standing over her, she opened her eyes and looked at me. What I saw there scared me. She looked blank and emotionless. In all of the years I had known her, Bella was always full of emotions, and I could always read them through her beautiful brown eyes.
"Edward," she let my name slide from her mouth.
She didn't look happy or distressed at my appearance. The light in her eyes and smile that I usually received left me bereft of a joy I had of seeing her again.
"You didn't come over when I came back." I suddenly had no idea what to say. I absently scratched the back of my neck.
How in less then two months can we go from being entwined and sharing everything to not being able to form a coherent sentence? The person sitting in front of me felt like a stranger. What happened to my Isabella?
The flat look in her eyes flickered slightly. "I'm sorry; I guess I've just been busy."
"Too busy for your best friend," I heard the anger color my voice.
It was harsher then I wanted to sound, but I couldn't control some of the hurt that was seeping through. In the past, I had always had Bella's friendship. She was the perky and joyous person and I was the nerd. No one ever really looked at me in a boyfriend manner, and I felt slightly stunted compared to other guys my age. That was never true with Bella; she never made me feel like I wasn't good enough for her. She was the one to tell me that the girls in Forks were stupid and blind. It was an acceptance and friendship between us that had blossomed into love on my part.
"What happened while I was gone, Bella," I whispered.
The look in her eyes seemed to change slightly.
"You left me." Bella's whispered answer hit me hard.
The rest of the night, she and I sat and talked. She told me that Renee had been especially out of it this summer with her new boyfriend and left Bella to fend for herself. Unfortunately, my parents had been away for most of the month on vacation as well, so she wasn't able to retreat to my home either. I was saddened by the pain that radiated off of her.
I tried to lighten the mood by telling her how horrible of a time I had. My stories about camp made her laugh and unhappy all at the same time. She promised to beat those guys up if she ever saw them. This only made me laugh at the thought.
We talked about everything and nothing. She avoided any direct questions to her newfound activities, and refused to meet my eyes when I asked her if she was okay.
The sky gradually became lighter as we both laid side by side on her bed talking and just listening to the music she had playing. Eventually I knew that I had to get home. My parents probably wouldn't be too mad when I told them where I was, but at the same time, it was better if I didn't have to explain.
There was still a slight strain in our relationship that I couldn't put my finger on, but I was happy to have her talking to me again. It wasn't until a few days later when I was at the diner with my mother that the truth became more evident.
I had excused myself to go to the bathroom when I passed by Lauren and Jessica who were talking about Bella. Rage boiled up in me at their remarks, but then I paid attention to what they were saying.
"Well she is just working her way around isn't she?" Lauren asked.
"Mike said that he and two of the football team guys had her the one night." Jessica giggled. "I can't imagine them wanting to get off with her, and Mike said that I was so much better. So I'm totally not worried."
"Seriously, that girl has become such a slut. I wonder if she's spread them for the geek squad that she was hanging with." Lauren sneered.
"No from what I hear most of them don't want anything to do with her. Well with the exception of Edward." Jessica snorted. "She's been fucking everything with a dick so she's bound to get to him sometime soon. Fork's only has so many guys, and I heard that she was working her way around the Reservation too."
My breath caught and I rushed to the bathroom and locked the stall. The bile came out almost before I had a chance to lean over the toilet. I knew I saw Bella leaving with different guys all the time, but she said she was just hanging out with some new friends she made while I was gone.
The next few months were painful. Bella and I continued to speak and hang out when she wasn't busy, but the dynamics seemed slightly off. She never mentioned what was going on and I didn't have the guts to ask. All I knew was that I was still in love with her, and no matter what happened in her life, I would be there for her.
The low self-image she had was always a point of discord between us, and I couldn't help but wonder if that had part of this morph in character. Maybe I had never been clear enough with how much I thought of her, and how beautiful I thought she was. It was all for naught now.
The first few months of school after summer break were a disaster to say the least. I found her wrapped around different guys all the time, and the rumors were enough to make me blush by association alone. Still we had time together. It was those moments that she was more like herself then she was anytime in the dreary halls of that school building.
We had hit a status-quo in our relationship. I was still there for her, and on occasion, she would be there for me. I was so foolishly innocent that I didn't even know what to imagine her doing with those guys. I had seen many late night movies, most I had watched with her, but I wasn't sure what to make of her new ways.
It was the October of our senior year and Forks was having a heat wave. It was a rare but enjoyable turn of events. The news had predicted a meteor shower on a Saturday night and I really wanted to watch it. When I mentioned it to Bella, she had made comments about it probably raining and obscuring the heavenly vision. Then she surprised me by saying that she had nothing to do and would watch it with me if the skies were clear enough. She knew I loved astronomy and watching the stars. As children, we had lain in the backyards of our homes, watched the stars for hours, and just talked.
My mom and dad were accepting of Bella, and even though they had surely heard all of the rumors about her, never denied her visits. When I asked them if they cared about me hanging out with her they had simply said that she needed a real friend, and they had seen how she did really care for me. They trusted me to make mature decisions, but let me know that if it was too much they would be there to help me.
That night was simultaneously the best and worst of my life. I remembered it being rainy all day and I had been depressed because it would take away the stars that night and cut into the time I wanted to spend with Bella. That was until Bella called me and told me to look out the window. I wasn't sure why she would want that, but like a pawn, I went to the window and saw the clouds breaking allowing the blue to dominate the sky. She said she would see me at seven and I couldn't contain the smile that spread across my face.
My mother made us some sandwiches, cookies and tossed in few cans of soda into an old fabric cooler. She said that the roof right outside my window would be a great place to watch the stars. I was excited. It would be like the picnics that Bella and I had when we were younger, just two stories off the ground.
When she got there, I drug her upstairs and into my room. I had set the cooler by the window earlier. I opened the window and crawled out offering my hand to help her. Bella was still able to trip over air. No matter what changed about her, that particular flaw was always one of my favorite because I got to pretend for a few moments that she might need me, even if it was just to rescue her from her own feet.
We munched on the food my mother packed me and talked as I pointed out constellations. My tee shirt was sticking to the roofing a little and I wondered if I should have offered Bella a towel or a blanket to lay on. I chided myself for being inconsiderate.
That was before she and I became tangled. I'm not sure how I wound up hovering overtop of her, but the vision had made me breathless. Her hair fanned behind her over the roof like a dark halo, and her eyes were glinting like melted chocolate that reflected the stars. She looked beautiful. The old tank top and jean shorts were a mark of her comfort with me. She never did anything excessive with me, but that also meant that she hid a lot less from me then everyone else.
When her lips had touched mine that night I thought I would go up in a cloud of smoke. I was nervous and trying not to let it show. I'd never even kissed a girl before, but it didn't seem to matter. She seemed to have enough skill for the both of us. Somehow, I couldn't bring myself to care how she acquired it at that point. The only thing that mattered was her lips on mine. I suddenly felt the years of longing crash into me as I took her lips repeatedly with my own.
Things progressed quickly and the next thing I knew she was naked and undressing me. I almost panicked but she calmed me down. She told me she wanted me and let me take my time and explore her. I almost came in her hand when she grabbed me to line me up to her. Then I was in her. It had been the best feeling I'd ever imagined. I didn't last long and felt pathetic after I had time to think about it. She hadn't even come.
I had murmured my confession of love into her skin as I held her close and half-hoped she hadn't heard it while half-hoping that she would return my awkward words. Her limbs just clung to me and pulled me tight. I enjoyed the sensation and tried to think that maybe she was choosing me after all this time.
I walked her home that night and tried to relay my feelings once again in a soft kiss. I didn't want to leave, but I knew that it was getting late and I would be sure to be over early in the morning to see her again. If I had known then that it would be the last time I'd see her for over ten years I'd have never let her go.
The next morning I found her house quiet and void of anyone. Her mother's car was gone, but so was Bella. I waited all day for them to return, and was surprised to see a moving company pull up around noon. My mother went over to talk to them and found out that it had been an abrupt move, but the movers knew nothing else.
My heart and life were broken apart. The girl I had fallen in love with was gone, and I didn't even know where. It didn't help when a week later Renee called and apologized to my parents for the abrupt departure, but said that she wanted Bella to have a fresh start and didn't want me to contact her.
School was a nightmare of rumors and I just wanted to curl into a ball and have it all disappear. I put more efforts into studying and working out in my spare time. Part of me was waiting for Bella to disobey her mother and call me. She had never been one to listen to Renee before, but oddly, she never called me.
Life moved on. I graduated valedictorian and went to Harvard where I majored in chemistry and pharmacology. It was a choice that made my parents proud, and I enjoyed the intrinsic thrill of chemistry experiments. I found I enjoyed immensely.
I'd had a few relationships but nothing of merit. Mostly one night stands to fill the itch. Somehow, they never compared to a pretty brunette lying on a rooftop clutching at me and holding me tight. I finished college and moved back with my parents while lining up jobs. I had happened upon a company in Seattle that was hiring and my father had a friend there who raved about how good the place was to work. I decided that it would be a good place for me after the interview and tour.
About the time that I moved into my new house, I had met Jasper and his sister Rosalie Hale. Initially she and I had been set up on a date by a co-worker. When we met, it was an odd feeling. I hadn't wanted to be there, and neither had she. We were both doing this for the co-worker to leave us alone after months of hounding.
We found no desire between each other romantically or sexually, but had found a connection through music. Rose and her brother, Jasper, had a band and needed another musician. They had just lost a band member due to an out-of-state move. She invited me over to meet her brother Jasper and we could talk about the possibility of performing together. I was desperate for a hobby, and missed playing both my piano and guitar.
Jasper and I became quick friends and it had been a match between the three of us. Rose could play the drums like Daniel Adair and Gregg Bissonette combined. Jasper was both great with his guitar and vocals. They had wanted a different sound so when I had told them that I did both the piano and guitar they were excited.
As much as I loved my job, I loved music just a little bit more. I found myself writing song lyrics during the day and playing tunes by night. Music was the release I was looking for.
Then to find out that Bella was Izzy Marie of all people. Jazz was all about her columns and appreciated her honest and no-nonsense appraisal of bands. The articles were written by someone educated and who obviously enjoyed various music.
The meeting was all a fluke of fate. We had only received the call to play a few days before because one of the other bands had backed out. I had a rough week at work and the last minute scheduling made me antsy. I liked to have time to prepare, but Jasper practically begged and I couldn't deny him. He was working full time but his job was making just enough and these venues were what helped him out affording any extras or having money to put away.
My thoughts spiraled back to our meeting and conversation tonight. I didn't know what to think. She said she was no good for me. Was she still thinking the same maudlin thoughts that had pushed her down all those years ago? I was intrigued by who she was now, her obvious beauty aside, I'd read her work and knew that she was still very smart. My mind warred with my heart in a pathetic battle. I knew it was over when I felt the frisson of her touch.
Jasper had known some of the back-story with Bella, and had told me to go ahead and talk to her. I didn't want to at first. It was awkward and childish but I wanted to ignore her as she had me for all of these years. I was thankful that Rosalie had to depart early, leaving Jasper and I alone to finish the set with a few acoustical pieces. She would have been a little too much fuel to add to the fire that was brimming.
Once again, Bella shocked me by accepting my invitation to talk. I figured she would decline, but I had to know what happened. Did she know she was leaving? Was that night just a parting gift? Then a part of me that was still distressed by the encounter wanted to know if I had anything to do with it. My ego could still be fragile, but back then it had been a hundred times worse. The thoughts of being better for her had haunted me for a long time. She hadn't been satisfied with me and that was the reason she left without another word.
The discussion at the diner made me realize that her insecurities had yet again prevented her from connecting with anything good. It seemed as if her friend Alice had helped her tremendously. I knew she was hiding something, but I had held back on several counts as well. I could tell in the way she had edited some of her words. It was another problem. Would we ever be truthful to each other?
Part of me wanted to forget ever seeing her, but a larger more aggressive part refused to let that feeling dominate. That part wanted to see if Bella would fit back into my life. My heart had broken so hard when she left, but somehow in the course of our talk I began to feel like hers had as well.
I moved to the bedroom and got undressed. I lay in bed and stared at the ceiling for a long time. My memories skipping to all of the times we had together when we were younger. Some of those hurt and some were happy.
Then I remembered her in the club tonight as I stole up behind her. She was ranting to Alice about me, and it surprised me she even realized who I was. I knew I had changed quite a bit since I was younger, but maybe not enough to be unrecognizable. Her hair still smelled sweet like strawberries and I noticed a freesia scent coming off her skin. The heels she was wearing and the short dress made her legs look a mile long. A very male part of me wanted to bend her over the bar stool she sat at and show her all of the things I learned while she was away. I wondered if she still tasted the same. I had been close enough on several occasions to find out, but I couldn't let myself crack, only to find that she had no desire to see me again after tonight.
My male side couldn't help but admire the way that she handled the shots of vodka. I'm not sure if she is a heavy drinker, but her ability to swallow like that had my mind thinking about other things. Her lips wrapped around me and if she would swallow me down as well. The vision of her throat had erotic fantasies plaguing my mind.
Between my aching heart and my now aching groin, I decided I'd had enough over thinking for one night. My hand slid under my shorts to the obvious discomfort. For the first time in a long time, I allowed myself to fantasize about the night on my parent's rooftop. Only this time I had the control and was able to love her enough that she never left.
My dreams overtook me shortly after.
Special thanks to:
Darcy13 - I really appreciate all of the kind words!
Twiobsession14 - Thank You!
Cheermom13 - Hope you like what's instore!
Cinnyshy - I hope you like the twists and the humanizations I tried to make to the characters.
Thanks to all those who have read and those who have taken the time to review!
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