If at First You Don't Succeed – Leather and Sequins.

Author: Illusor Meaneld

Rated T: for Descriptive violence and injuries, Possible mild Adult situations, No Cussing.

Disclaimer: I did not create, and do not own the characters from Final Fantasy 7, They are owned by Square-Enix, and I am simply borrowing them for my own (and hopefully your) enjoyment.

Despite the efforts of the many heroes who fought against her, JENOVA eventually succeeded in destroying the world. So Gaia, with the council of the Cetra, decided to send back their ultimate hero, to try and prevent the world from dying.

Unfortunately… the hero failed.

So Gaia sent him back again… and again… and again… After losing track of how many times he had been sent back to different points in time. Our Hero began to take his quest less seriously than was desirable.

This is but one of his many failures.

Sephiroth watched as his sword thudded against the back of President Shinra's chair. The grey eyes of the overweight blond widening in shock and horror, His mouth gaping wordlessly as the life quickly drained from him. A slight smirk graced the insane General's lips as he watched the steaming blood drip to the floor and pool there.

He turned to leave, only to have the smile wiped from his face, the expression replaced with blank astonishment and confusion at the creature that had appeared almost magically behind him. Though it was obviously male in gender, the outfit caused the silver-haired man question its humanity.

Not even six feet from where the mighty General stood, white leather boots were planted solidly on the floor, the six inch tall stiletto heels somehow silent despite their ridiculous height. Green eyes flicked to the ankles, where hot-pink sequins were sewn in detailed flower patterns against the stark boots. The tight white leather stopped at the mid-thigh, only to be replaced by purple pants so tight, for a moment they looked like painted skin. With delicate gold lacing all the way up the outer thigh to the hip. The waistline of said pants, was non-existent. With toned muscular abdomen dipping low enough to challenge the modesty of the outfit. Just above the navel, pink silk ruffles exploded like overwatered mushrooms, layering into a concoction that vaguely resembled a shirt. Long fluffy, eye-wateringly pink sleeves disappeared into purple and pink swirled snake-skin gloves, also somehow sinfully tight. With gold rings slipped on top of the snug fingers. Purple rhinestones wrapped a delicate and yet muscular neck, forming a small flock of frozen butterflies against the pale skin. His smooth face was decorated in carefully applied makeup, pink blush, rose red lipstick, heavy mascara, purple eyeshadow, surrounding brilliant blue eyes.

But the crowning achievement was the long blond hair, impossibly styled into a huge yellow swan, just preparing to lift in flight.

Sephiroth stared, blinked, and stared some more.

The creature smiled, and the General fought the urge to retreat a step at the sight.

"Hey handsome!" The eye-bleedingly bright figure murmured, "My name's Cloud, … how about you forget about all this evil, 'destroying the world' crap, and just come with me?"

One blue eye disappeared momentarily in a wink, "We could spend some… 'quality time' together, … no need for all this destruction, and violence."

It took one step closer, and it was all Sephiroth could do not to take a step back.

"Whaddya say gorgeous?" the blond finished with a seductive smile and half-lidded eyes.


For the next five minutes, Sephiroth stabbed, cut, chopped and diced the being before him into the smallest pieces imaginable, lit those pieces on fire, cast every offensive spell he could think of on the burning mess, and finally settled with using a mastered ultima on the entire office.

Back in the Life-stream, Cloud opened his eyes once again to the sight of the endless flower sea. Off to one side he spotted his friend Zackary Fair, the young raven-haired man was rolling on the floor, wheezing painfully, faint chuckles bubbling past his abused throat. Had he not already been dead, Cloud had little doubt he'd have asphyxiated himself by now.

By sharp Contrast, the half-Cetra Aeris Gainsborough, was glaring at him, arms folded across her chest and looking incredibly unamused and exasperated.

"Cloud…" Aeris growled, pinching her nose between two fingers, "What the HECK was that?"

The young blond hero's mouth twisted in mild amusement. "Well… Apparently, Sephiroth's not gay."

He then shrugged broadly,

"Who knew?"