Veni Scripsi Vici

NOTES: Why am I writing so many Sonny fics? Hm... [ponders] Oh, well. This one has no Pete (sorry...), but I promise it's worth your while to read. : )

Running Away

In between moments of panic, Sonny marveled at how adept his family seemed to be at losing people.

One day when Sonny was three, he was at Abuela and Usnavi's. Abuela went to get something from the bodega across the street, and before she left, she jokingly told Sonny to "look after your cousin. Make sure he doesn't get in any trouble." Sonny, being three, took this responsibility very seriously. Usnavi, being twelve, found the best hiding place he could. Sonny, consequently, was utterly terrified that he had lost Usnavi, that Usnavi would never come back, and it was all his fault. He wandered all over the apartment for fifteen minutes, (which seems like years at age three), calling for 'Navi,' (he wasn't been able to get his mouth around the word 'Usnavi' quite yet), and getting no answer.

When Abuela returned at the end of the fifteen minutes, he ran to her, crying his eyes out and saying that he'd "lost 'Navi." As she lifted Sonny into her arms, Usnavi sheepishly entered the room. Sonny was crying, his head on Abuela's shoulder.

"Usnavi?"

"Yes, Abuela," Usnavi mumbled, never taking his eyes off his little cousin.

"Did you play a little joke on Sonny?"

"Yes, Abuela."

"Will you ever do it again?" Her tone was hardly accusing; she still sounded relatively friendly, but it was enough to make Usnavi understand.

"No."

"Good. Anything else?"

"I'm sorry I scared you, Sonny." As he said it, it looked like he'd hurriedly wiped away some tears of his own.

Sonny struggled a bit for Abuela to put him down, which she did. Still sniffling, he walked over to Usnavi and lifted up his arms. Usnavi picked him up and he wrapped his arms around Usnavi's neck, putting his head on his shoulder. It was his silent way of saying, "It's okay."

One day when Sonny was fourteen, his mother died. He sat motionless in Abuela's apartment, staring at the floor, his fists clenched. When Abuela put her hand on his shoulder and said, "I pray she is happier now," Sonny smacked her hand away and stood up, yelling how he didn't, that it had been her own fault she died because she drank herself to death, how she should have been happy with her son but wasn't because he was only what came of one of her one night stands and nothing else, that he hadn't meant anything to her but that, so he didn't care about her at all.

When he'd finished, he looked around at the others in the room. Usnavi was still sitting with his head in his hands. Abuela was looking up at Sonny sorrowfully. She quietly said, "She loved you, querido."

He could feel himself starting to cry. "I got to go to the bathroom." He stormed out of the room, ending up clutching the sides of the sink, fighting back tears. He thought about just locking himself in there for a while, but then made eye contact with himself in the mirror and realized that he couldn't stay here, that he was sick of this life, of these people, that he couldn't exist like this anymore…so he ran away.

He didn't think to take anything. He made no plan; he just needed to get away, and from there on out, it didn't matter where he ended up or whether he survived the trip there. He just had to run. He walked quietly down the hallway and out the door, then ran. He ran down every flight of stairs, always skipping the last few steps. He ran out the front door of the building and into the street, where he broke into the fastest sprint he could muster.

He had hardly gotten to the end of the block when he heard Usnavi screaming his name. He tried to run faster; he had to get away. He couldn't let anyone stop him. He couldn't see where he was going anymore; he was starting to cry freely, something he hadn't done all day. Usnavi was still yelling Sonny's name at the top of his lungs, and Sonny knew he was getting closer. Finally, Sonny couldn't run anymore. He tried to make himself, but he couldn't breathe. The tears were choking up his breathing. He slowed down for a moment and suddenly Usnavi was there in front of him, grasping his shoulders, trying to talk to him, yelling in his face.

"What the hell do you think you're–"

"Get the fuck off me!" Sonny broke free, trying to run again, but Usnavi's hands were at his shoulders again. This time he responded by trying to hit him as they screamed at each other; he felt his fist connect with Usnavi's cheekbone before his arms were grabbed again. He tried again to get away, but Usnavi's hands were tight around his wrists. After a few seconds, he couldn't fight anymore. He felt completely exhausted. Sobbing, he sank to the ground. Usnavi knelt down with him, releasing his wrists and taking him in his arms. Sonny collapsed against Usnavi's chest, crying into his shoulder. Usnavi was crying, too, and in that moment, Sonny knew that Usnavi understood. He may have still been mad at his mom, but he certainly did care.

One day when Sonny was 23, he was panicking. Usnavi had asked him to watch the twins. It was that simple. All he'd had to do was look after two four-year-olds in the back room for fifteen minutes. It was that simple, but he'd somehow turned it all disastrous.

Graciana had tripped and hit her elbow. It had taken less than a minute for Sonny to wipe away her tears and reassure her that she was okay, but when he'd turned around, Ramón was gone. Sonny had searched everywhere in the room with no luck. He had gotten Usnavi, trying not to panic in case the boy had just slipped into the front of the store without anyone noticing.

Now, Sonny was panicking, though he tried to keep outwardly calm. Ramón hadn't been in the front. Sonny's heart was pounding as they searched up and down the street, calling Ramón's name. He was carrying Graciana on his back; she leaned close to his ear and whispered, "What's happening?"

"Nothing, Graci. Everything's fine," he lied.

They stopped at a street corner. Usnavi looked at Sonny and said, "You go that way around the block; I'll go this way."

"Yeah." They went their separate ways. As he kept searching in vain, Sonny was becoming more and more terrified. The kid could really be missing. The look on Usnavi's face had said it all. He had never seen Usnavi that scared. If anything happened to little Ramón, it would kill Usnavi. Vanessa, too… Sonny knew they'd never forgive him; he knew he'd never forgive himself if… He couldn't let himself think about what could happen. He continued his search, mentally cursing himself. He was an adult, he was left in charge for fifteen minutes, and he'd lost his second cousin.

His fear turned to relief as he turned another corner and heard someone call his name. He saw the piragüero waving to him, and saw the little boy standing next to him, happily eating a piragua, his smile stained orange.

"Ramón! Oh my God…" Sonny ran to his second cousin, kneeling down and grabbing him by the shoulders. "Are you okay?" Before Ramón had a chance to answer, Sonny looked up at the piragüero. "Thank you so much…"

The piragüero wasn't looking at him, however; he was facing the opposite direction and waving. "Señor Usnavi!"

In a few seconds, Usnavi had come out of nowhere and dropped to his knees by the piragua cart, roughly scooping Ramón into his arms and hugging him close. Sonny stood up to get out of his way.

"Oh my God, Ramón…" Usnavi's voice was high and cracked with worry, and Sonny could tell he was crying. "Ramón de la Vega, don't ever… Don't ever go anywhere again without asking your Papi, okay?" The orange piragua lay spilled on the sidewalk next to them, forgotten.

"Sí, Papi…" Ramón mumbled, looking very confused, his little head pressed to Usnavi's shoulder.

Graciana whispered into Sonny's ear again. "Is Papi okay?"

"Yeah, he's fine," Sonny whispered back. Looking back at Usnavi and Ramón, he asked, "Should we get him home now?" They both looked up at him with stunned expressions on their faces, and their eyes, which had always been identical, were wide.

"Yeah…" Usnavi nodded slowly. "Once I remember how to breathe…"

There was a pause as Usnavi shifted Ramón into one arm and stood up. Sonny let Graciana down from his back and held her hand. He felt absolutely terrible. If something would have happened…

"Usnavi…" His cousin silently made eye contact with him. "I'm… I'm sorry…" Usnavi still didn't say anything, but pulled Sonny into a brief, one-armed hug that told him that everything was going to be fine.