Just a random idea my lil' sis and I came up with while reading all those "how to annoy people" lists. Enjoy!
"Mello?" Matt asked timidly, glancing around the Wal-Mart they were in. "Eh?" Mello mumbled around a mouthful of chocolate. Matt grimaced and muttered, "Are you sure we won't get in trouble back at Wammy's for doing this?" Mello snorted and swallowed his chocolate. "No," he laughed, suprised that Matt would even think of such a thing. "I'm almost certain we will get in trouble, actually."
Matt sighed and huffed. But Mello knew he wouldn't back out, and they would both enjoy it. "C'mon," he chuckled, tossing Matt some disinfectant. They picked a random shopper and discreetly walked behind him. When the shopper touched a pair of pants, they aimed their cans and sprayed the pants. The man looked at them strangely, walking away quickly into the electronics. Matt and Mello followed a few feet behind, spraying everything the shopper touched with disinfectant. Finally the shopper turned around and took out his ID.
The boys stared at it, and it said he was from the police department. "Look, guys. I don't know why the hell you been followin' me, but I'm pretty damn pissed about it. So you need to-" he stopped as Matt and Mello ran away cracking up.
A few days later, Mello and Matt went to a mall. They casually walked around till they found the elevator. Once in there, they waited until a few people were in there, and when the doors closed, they started jumping up and down, singing Sweet Home Alabama. A few minutes later, they got bored, and Matt pulled out a razor and shaving cream. "Do any of you happen to have a mirror with you?" Matt inquired politely. An older lady reached into her purse, pulled out a mirror and silently handed it to Matt, never taking her eyes off him. "Thank you." He began to shave his already-smooth chin, then looked at Mello and said, "Would you like to shave? I've got another razor with me." Mello grinned and nodded, blowing spit bubbles. He rubbed shaving cream all over his face and started shaving. ''Shit, I cut myself!" he yelled, dabbing at the tiny speck of blood with the shirt sleeve of the lady next to him.
When she didn't say anything, just looked at him in shock, Mello stared back. He gasped, scooting away to the other side of the elevator. "You're one of them!" he announced, pulling out a stick of chalk from his back pocket and drawing a square around him. "Nobody come in here!" he shouted at everyone in the elevator. "It's my personal space!"
Matt laughed and put away the razor, and the elevator started going up. Matt started jumping up and down, yelling, "Down! I said down, dammit!" He continued jumping until someone pressed the down button. "Finally," he sighed in relief. Everyone stared at the boys, and Mello shouted, "What are you staring at?" When everything was silent, he asked, "Is that your beeper?" causing the rest of the people who were politely ignoring him to stare at him.
"Hey, Mel, I think we're at our floor!" Matt said excitedly, staring at the man next to him. "You have very nice ears." he informed the man. Mello, meanwhile, was straining to yank the doors open. When they opened by theirselves, he blushed. "Oops." he chuckled. "My bad." A young girl in the front of the elevator tried to shove him out, but Matt stopped and held the doors open, dropping a penny down the elevator shaft. "What are you doing?" the elderly lady who had given him a mirror earlier asked him. "We have to go!"
"No," Matt insisted. "We have to stay here until I hear it go plink at the bottom!" he said stubbornly. "Well, I'm calling the police!" another man told him, pulling out his cell phone and dialing a number. "Uhh, never mind!" Matt said, hurridly grabbing Mello's arm and running off.
"I can't believe we got caught!" Mello griped, pacing around the small room that he and Matt shared back at the orphanage. "This is so stupid! I can't believe that Roger grounded us! For two weeks! Now what are we supposed to do?" Matt smirked, looking up from his PSP. "I've got an idea," he said happily. "He didn't take away our phone!" Mello glared at the red-haired gamer, going back to his pacing. "What are we supposed to do with a phone?" he asked sarcastically.
"Here...watch." Matt grinned, dialing the operator's number. "How can I help you?" the voice asked from the other end of the phone. "Wow, you sound gay!" Matt told him, holding back laughter. "Wanna go out sometime?" He then quickly hung up, lauging. "Okay, now I'm bored. "You know, why don't we-" Mello cut him off. "Will you just shut up?" he muttered sulkily, biting off another piece of chocolate.
"Well, aren't we just a ray of frigging sunshine?" Matt grumbled, irritated. he pulled out a gameboy, and started playing it. "You! Off my planet!" Matt yelled suddenly, furiously pressing buttons. "Is that your new alien game?" Mello asked, as a person walked in. "Wow, you look like shit, Jason. Is that the style now?" Jason blushed, took their laundry hamper, and walked out.
Matt nodded as his phone started ringing. He glanced at it, and then opened it. "Hello?'' The person on the other end said something Mello couldn't hear. Then Matt said something into the phone, causing the voice to get louder, like it was yelling. "Okay, okay, I take it back! Un-screw you!" This brought around another round of laughter from the blonde teen, who was looking through Roger's DVD collection that he had luckily left in their room. "I got another idea!" he said, as Matt hung up the phone. "Watch this..." He shoved Roger's favorite, the Matrix, into the television, and turned it on. "Okay...gotta get to the main part..." he mumbled as he fast-fowarded to the climax. "Here we go!" he crowed, as he hit the record button, and Sweating To The Oldies came on. "You're so horrible!" Matt laughed, going back to his game. "Awesome idea." he complimented. "Absolutely brilliant."
Just then, Roger came in holding a tray of food. Mello pulled the tape out and quickly put it up. "Ooh, food!" Mello licked his lips and took a bowl of chocolate from the tray. He started to get the milk, but stopped and asked, "Can you bring me some chocolate milk? This crap is gross." Roger pointed to a small bowl of chocolate powder. "Thanks. You're a lifesaver."
Matt took a bowl of chips and salsa, picked up a chip and licked it. He kept licking them until they were all wet. "I'm just doing this so no one will swipe my grub," he announced. Roger put the tray of food down and backed out of the room, closing the door behind him. "Sure..." Mello looked at him oddly and went back to eating chocolate.
"Oreos!" Matt exclaimed, ripping the package open. He licked the filling out of a couple, then put the cookie parts back. "Don't just put those back in there! They're made out of chocolate!" Mello gasped, and ate the cookies. Matt stared at him in shock, a cookie halfway to his mouth. "Ew! Mello, I licked that! That's disgusting!" Mello looked up at Matt like a hurt puppy. "But...but I couldn't let you waste them..." he pouted, his sapphire eyes pleading with his friend. "Just don't put them back...please? Please, Matty?"
The redheaded teen stared at Mello in shock. "You need therapy." he told the older boy.
Mello grinned, pulling out a roll of bubble wrap from under his bed. "Therapy is expensive, popping bubble wrap is cheap! You choose."
Matt continued to stare at him, pulling out his DS. "Is it time for your medication or mine?"
"That was horrible." Roger groaned, after telling the two boys that they were free and being trampled in the boys' rush to get out of their room. "Now it's time to relax." He hit the play button on his DVD player, right in time for the main part. "What the..." he mumbled in surprise as old couples filled the screen, dancing to the Beetles. "BOYS!" he roared.
"Finally!" Matt sung, walking out of his and Mello's room for what seemed like the first time in years, though in reality, it had only been a few weeks. "We can go back to Wal-Mart!"
"Yeah," Mello agreed, stopping by Roger's room and stomping on a ketchup packet. "Mel, he's totally gonna kill us," Matt complained. They ran down the hall to the doors and burst through them. "Sweet, sweet fresh air!" Matt sighed in pleasure and pulled out a DS. "Matt, put the game up, you've gotta drive!"
Mello walked around to the other side of Matt's red Camero and hopping in. He reached in the glove compartment, finding a few bars of chocolate that Matt always kept for him. His game still on, Matt climbed into the driver's side and started grumbling. "Since when is it against the law to play a game while driving? I had a friend who went to law school, and he never mentioned anything about that being illegal-"
He broke off, then started again in an excited tone. "Hey, I got an idea!" He turned the radio on the news, turned up the volume, and as they were driving through a busy neighborhood, leaned out the window and began head-banging to it. When they got out of the neighborhood, Mello started druming on the dashboard, the windows, the steering wheel, and any availble suface, ending up with his hands on Matt's face. "And a one two-three four, one two-three four, one two-"
"SIXTEEN! FOURTY-NINE, FIFTY-THREE, SEVENTY-EIGHT!" Matt hollered in an attempt to mke the blond teen lose track of his counting. Mello did stop, and pulled out his cell phone. "Do you maybe have a phone book in here?" Mello asked, looking around. "Yeah, it's under your seat."
Mello pulled it out and dialed a random number. He pinched his nose and said into the phone, "I am holding your daughter hostage."
"What? I don't even have a daughter!" a man's voice said in a confused tone.
"I am holding your son hostage." Mello put the phone on speaker. "I don't have a son either!"
"I am holding your husband hostage."
"I'm not gay!" the voice on the phone shouted. Mello waved Matt over to the phone. "But...but Bill! What about us?" An annoyed groan came through the phone. "You guys are pervets. I'm calling the cops." Matt's eyes got wide, and he hurridly apologized. "Sorry, wrong number," he laughed, snapping the phone shut.
Matt lifted one hand from the steering wheel, high-fiving Mello's outstreched hand. "Nice one."
"I'm hungry." Matt announced to Mello after a few hours of crusing around and drenching the pedestrians with squirt guns. "We're going to McDonald's." he decided, turning the car around in the middle of the street, which caused several cars to honk angrily at them. "Shut up!" he called out the window, looking over at Mello to see why the sarcastic blonde hadn't said anything to him, namely insisting that they go to Dunkin Donuts instead of McDonald's. "Mell?" he asked, seeing him still leaning out the window, squirt gun in hand. "Mello!" He reached over and shook the blonde's arm, which made a loud snore come out of the teen. "Dang it, Mell...How on earth did you fall asleep halfway out of a window?!"
"Huh?" Mello asked disorentedly, looking up at Matt with sleepy eyes. "Wha?"
Matt rolled his eyes, turning back to the steering wheel. "You're so weird!" he laughed, revving the car to get to the restraunt sooner. "Did you have any dreams?" he asked, not expecting an answer. "Actually, yeah..." Mello mumbled, still not fully awake. "I was gonna open a Starbucks on the moon." A snort of laughter accidently escaped Matt, which made Mello glare dangerously at him. "What's so funny?" he demanded, trying to untangle his hair.
"You don't even like coffee, Mello!"
"I do if they put enough chocolate in it!" Mello retorted, sitting back up straight in his seat. "Then it's good." Matt shook his head sadly as pulled into the McDonald's drive-through. "Can I help you?" the voice asked. "Yeah, give us a sec." Matt looked hard at the menu, then decided on getting a couple of quarter pounders and a large fries. "And for dessert I'll have an, um, McFl...McFloory? McFlurry? Is that how you pronounce it? Well, I'll have a Reeses one of those. Mel-" He turned to Mello and frowned at the pouting teenager. "What is it now?" he asked in an exaspered voice.
"I...I wanted to eat inside, Matty. Pleeeeeeeease?" he begged, giving Matt puppy dog eyes. "I'll pay," he offered. Matt sighed. "No, I don't want you to pay...but I guess we can eat in there if you want." He then turned to the machiene. "Just screw that, we'll eat inside," he muttered, driving up to park. "Thanks soo much, Matty. I love you!" Mello squeaked. "As a brother, I mean," he added quickly, backing away when he saw the odd glare that Matt gave him. "All right."
The lady at the counter smoothed her hair as she saw the two handsome teenagers walking towards her, one who looked half-asleep. "Uh, hi." Mello said, scrutinizing the menu. "We want three quarter pounders with extra cheese and honey mustard, two super-sized fries, and a Reese's McFlurry and I'd like an all chocolate McFlurry with
MnM's and Oreo pieces." he told her, pulling his wallet out of his back pocket as Matt went to find a table. "A chocolate McFlurry? We don't make those." the lady responded confusedly, punching the rest of his order into the register. "Pleeeease?" Mello pleaded, giving her the same puppy dog eyes he had just given Matt. "Please?"
"Well...I suppose I can make you a special one." she muttered, still staring at his gorgeous eyes. "Yay, thanks!" Mello squealed, acting very unlike his usual violent self. "Here you go." she said, several minutes later, handing him his order. Mello stared at his chocolate McFlurry, then immediatly sat down on the floor and demanded more oreo bits. "There's not enough on here." he stated in a very childish voice. She just looked at him, then made a move to call security when Mello stood up and walked off to Matt. "Where's the rest of our order?" the redhead asked, playing Tetris on his Gameboy. "I dunno." Mello shrugged, licking the top of his ice cream. "They'll bring it, I guess."
Just as he said that, a young man walked up with their trays. "Would it really be that hard to carry it back to your own table?" he griped, setting the food down in front of the boys. "Waiter," Matt asked in a sophisticated voice, daintily picking up a fry and nibbiling of the end of it with his pinky extended. "I must request another chair for my imaginary friend, Josephina Pippenpaddlelop-sicopliis." The man shook his head. "You guys are freaks." he muttered, walking away quickly.
"This is so fun." Mello commented, finishing up his McFlurry.
Matt raised his eyebrows at his best friend, picking the pickles off of his cheeseburger. "Dang, Mello, how'd you finish that so fast? You just got it!" Mello laughed. "You don't know me at all," Mello joked. "It's chocolate. Oh-can I have your pickles?"
Matt wrinkled his nose. "Sure. I don't see how you eat them." Mello lifted the top bun off his burger, put the pickles on it, and put a few fries on top of that. "Yum." he sighed happily, taking a bite out of it. "Hey, I'll go get your drink, Matt," he grinned evilly.
"Um, okay," Matt said, nervous at the change in Mello's voice. "Thanks." Mello smiled again, standing up and walking to the drink machiene. When he got there, he opened a package of ketchup and inserted a straw into the packet. Mello stood there for a good amount of time, filling up his own drink and getting salt to put on their fries. "What'd ya get?" Matt, still uneasy, asked. "Coca-Cola, your favorite." Mello's innocent look only heighened Matt's anxiety.
Matt sipped the drink, and immediatly spit ketchup all over the table. "Ew, Mell, gross! We're supposed to be annoying random people, not each other!" Mello's grin took up most of his face. "So? It's still fun." Matt shook his head at his best friend, going up to the drink machine to fill up his cup. "Hey." he said to a girl next to him that looked to be about ten. "Do you have a problem with insect nudity?"
"Mom says not to talk to strangers." she said in a sweet voice. Matt ruffled her hair. "But we aren't strangers." Then he burst out into song. "I know you," he sang, very off-key. "I danced with you once upon a dream. I KNOW YOU, THE GLEAM IN YOUR EYES IS SO FAMILIAR A GLEAM, AND I KNOW IT'S TRUE..." He stopped, noticing that his audience was no longer there. "Huh." he shrugged, mixing some Dr. Pepper into his coke, then walking back to Mello and promptly taking off his shoes and placing them on top of the table.
"Excuse me, sirs, but some people have complained about your behavior." the lady who had given them their food told them, walking up to the table. "PROVE IT!" Mello shouted at her, shoving another fry in his mouth. "Excuse me?" she asked disbelivingly. "I said, PROVE IT!" Mello yelled again. "Okay." she said, annoyance seeping out of her. "How many of you think their behavior has been unacceptable?" she called out into the restraunt. Over half of the people there raised their hands, including the little girl Matt had recently seranaded and her mother, the waiter who had had to carry their food to the table, and everyone sitting close enough to them to smell the ungodly stink coming off of Matt's combat boots.
The worker smirked back at them. "Well, it's a free country," Matt spluttered. "We paid to eat here, and we're gonna eat here." With that, he took an angry bite of hamburger. "Yeah, what he said!" Mello said, taking a sip of his drink. "YOU CALL THIS ROOT BEER?" He screeched, spewing it all over the girl. "THIS ISN'T FIT FOR PIGS! HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DRINK THIS, WOMAN?"
The girl only put her hands on her hips and stalked away, returning to get a napkin. "No, I wanted that napkin, actually," Mello snarled, taking it from her hand. Matt spoke up then. "You know, what about all those people who didn't want us to leave? I think they like us," he finished with a grin. "Oh, for gods' sake," the woman snapped, as two teenage girls in a corner raised their voices so Matt, Mello, and the waitress could hear. "I do kinda like them," a brunette giggled. "Especially the blonde."
This was when Matt and Mello stood up and started shoving the remainder of their food into their mouthes and pockets. "I think it's time to go, Matt," Mello coughed, heading for the door. "I agree," Matt's voice drifted back to the McDonald's customers. "Well, that was an interesting lunch," Matt muttered, glancing at Mello.
"What? They're in JAIL?!" Roger asked the police officers on the phone in shock. "I have to pay for them to get out?" He mumbled something to himself before grabbing his keys and a wallet and walking out the door.
"Tell me again what you did." Roger commanded the two boys in the backseat of his car. Mello said something quietly, looking down. "Speak up!" he thundered, slamming on the brakes. "Tell me RIGHT NOW or you will be sleeping on the streets!"
"We...bought traffic cones and rerouted Main Street." Matt mumbled sheepishly. Roger's eyes flashed in the mirror. "And what in the world motivated you to do that?" He took on a tone of exaggerated patience. Matt coughed self-conciously. "Er...well, I think Mello wanted to tell you, Roger." Mello growled softly at him, and turned away. "We just did it for fun," Mello sighed in defeat. "AND YOU THINK THAT'S OKAY?!" Roger screamed, turning the car into the orphanage parking lot. "I SHOULD SEND YOU OFF TO ANOTHER OPHANAGE RIGHT NOW!" And while Roger thought that was a threat to the boys...
"Really?" Matt's voice was excited. "Yeah, you should, after all this trouble we've caused you. Maybe you should send us back to L!" Mello sat up straighter in his seat. "Good idea, Matty! I'm sure L could make us behave!" he said brightly. "YOU...GAHHH! IT'S CALLED SARCASM!" Roger yelled through clenched teeth.
"Grounded. Again." Matt grumbled, glaring at the chain connecting him to the bed. "No. Frigging. Way. And no games," he moaned, as if in agony. "No games?!" Mello shrieked, similiary chained to the other side of the bed. "You don't need games to live!" Matt glared at Mello. "And you need chocolate?!" he shot back. "Yeah! People can't live without food!"
"Exactly, Mello. Food. Not chocolate. Roger'll bring us food, and water, and...no games...we're gonna die!" Matt pulled his goggles over his eyes and collasped on the bed. Mello rolled his eyes. "You're acting like a child, Matt. It's not the end of the world, or anything." Then, he pulled an imaginairy chocolate bar out of his pocket and started 'chewing' on it. Matt blinked.
"You do realize there's nothing in your hands and mouth?" Matt asked skeptically. Mello seemed to notice this for the first time. "Oh, my god! It's the end of the world! We're gonna die!" he flopped onto his own bed, moaning. "Yep." Matt nodded sagely, his head hanging off the bed. "We are gonna die. Like I said earlier. But really," he said seriously. "How are we supposed to survive like this for three months?"
Matt sulked, closing his eyes. "I hate Roger."
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