Disclaimer: Neither I, nor the TOTALLY AWESOME Anti-Pookie are J. K. Rowling, Darren Criss, A. J. Holmes, Matt Holmes, (And I continue to list all the names of everyone in/who worked on A Very Potter Musical with the help of Anti-Pookie, because Anti-Pookie is so TOTALLY AWESOME that she knows waaaaay more than me.) Yes, I do, because I rock and am TOTALLY AWESOME in that way.- Anti-pookie She spilled water on her boob! it was funny. Sorry for that bit of randomness.- Anti-pookie Really Rach? Must we inform the world of my poor drinking habits? Yes. I think the owrld needs to be warned of how stupid and challenged you are. You are a hazard to the world's sanity. The owrld needs to know? The OWRLD? Sorry. I type fast and your keyboard kind of sucks! Excuse me? This TOTALLY AWESOME keyboard is, like, my bestest buddy in the entire owrld. WHAT?! I thought that was me! Traitor! I'm not talking to you anymore! And...she turns her back to me...Well, I'm not going to explain that she can't be both my bestest buddy and my Lesbonic...lesbonic? Lesbian lover. Sure I can! Tons of people say they're boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse is their bestest buddy! ANYWAYS, as this has gotten to 233 words, I think we should continue our disclaimer. Actually, by the time you said it was 233 words, it had actually been 239. Unless you want to count the number as a word. Then it's-OKAY, OKAY! 239! 239! Are you happy? ARE YOU CONTENT? Well, now it's more than 239, so... I'm gonna have to say no. Ignoring this, I shall continue to say, we are also not the publishers of any Harry Potter works, RENT works, or any type of anything in general. You forgot to say that we're not Jonathon Larson! How could you forget Jonathon Larson? Because, I didn't He gets an entire paragraph to himself for memorial and credit and disclaimer and such! Or, at least, he was SUPPOSED to, but now that we've said we aren't, I suppose there isn't any pooint! Stalks off to a corner to poout. Well, it's probably a good thing that we're not. I think the disclaimer is too long by now anyway. There is no POOINT so top POOUTING. How can I top poouting? And I don't really want to...Joe Walker is much hotter then poouting... That should be THAN not THEN. You can tell what we're like from the fact that THAT'S what she commented on. So we now don't need an intro for us EITHER! Herumph! Well, Joe Walker is hot. I didn't see anything weird about saying so! Actually, he's super-mega-foxy-awesome-hot! Please tell me your still going to read our version of La Vie Boheme... YOU'RE, not YOUR. Tsk, tsk. I really need to give you grammar lessons. HAVE I NOT MEANTIONED I WENT TO BED AT OUR STANDARD TIME (2 for all y'alls who don't know) AND WOKE UP AT FOUR? ...Oh...wait... No, you haven't. And for the record, I went to bed at 2, too. Hehe. Two too. Rachel, this is not a ballet. I think we should start typing out La Vie Pheonix now, though. La Vie PHOENIX. You really do need grammar lessons! And I told you how to spell that, too. THAT'S NOT GRAMMAR! 'Tis spelling, it is! Shut up about my Yoda-ing. Spelling is a part of grammar. They are almost always grouped together. Because they're-You know what? We shall argue about this in real life. People reading this only came for La Vie PHOENIX and any other Harry Potter Song Parody Fics we post. OK. We shall shut our ungodly, lopsided mouths. Ten points to Dumbledore! -Dumbledore Enjoy the song! Or don't enjoy it. Whatever floats your boat. Hehe, that rhymes! And rhyming is like being shiny! Uh...Rach? A. You totally stole rhyming is like being shiny from me. And 2. That's a HORRID thing to tell them! Enjoy it! Enjoy it even if it doesn't float your boat! Which rhymes much better. And sounds dirtier. =] A and 2? What comes next, green? No, orange actually. I can keep going, too. It's all planned out. Anywho... I love that word. Anywho... Now we will shut up, and you will read. DO IT! I SAID READ! Actually, you said 'DO IT'... Before that, I said 'You will read'. You never listen to me! Sobs uncontrolably OKAY. READ. I shall handle my emotional girlfriend-who is actually the less emotional of the two of us...hmm...anyways. READ. And RAED. But that's besides the point.

That is the longest disclaimer I've ever seen... SHUTTING UP NOW!

Important Note: We actually have rehearsed this (As we're going to try and put it on Youtube) so everything either works, we made it work, or is just hilarious in it's not working-ness. So suck it.


La Vie Phoenix


Draco:

Harry—I'm surprised

A rich and famous bloke like you

Hangs out with these mudbloods

(And filthy blood traitors)

They make fun—Yet I am the one

Attempting to go to Pigfarts

Or do you really wanna make your starts

With mudbloods on top of the class?

His death, his death

Dumbledore is such a dive

This is the truth

The Dark Lord is alive.

Fred & George:

Dearly beloved, we gather here to say our goodbye.

Here we lie

No one knew our worth

The late, great army of Dumbledorth

On these nights, when we celebrate the birth

In that little town of Godric's Hollow

We raise our glass—You bet your ass to

La Vie Phoenix

All:

La Vie Phoenix

La Vie Phoenix

La Vie Phoenix

La Vie Phoenix

Harry:

To days of divination

Hermione:

Reading spellbooks

Ron:

Eating treacle tart and chicken

Harry, Ron, & Hermione:

The need to express

To communicate

Fred, George, & Lee:

To going against the grain

Going insane

All:

Going mad

Fred, George, & Lee:

To loving tension, no pension,

To more than one dimension,

To starving for attention,

Hating detention, hating pretension

Fred & George:

Not to mention, of course,

Hating dear old Umbridge

To riding your broom

Midday past the Quidditch pitch,

To witch, to that toad bitch,

To ditch—to choice,

To the Loony's voice

To any passing fad

All:

To being an us for once-

Instead of a you!

La Vie Phoenix

La Vie Phoenix

Harry:

Is my potions homework done?

Hermione:
It is, Harry.

Harry:

Can you write my history essay?

You got this.

Umbridge:

Hem, hem

Harry:

Hey mister, she's my sister

Fred & George:

So that's five daydream charms,

Four fainting fancies,

Three pigmy puffs,

Two love potions,

And one decoy detonator

Ron:

Sweet.

George:

Five galleons.

Fred:

Put down another order.

Fred & George:

And thirteen orders of hats.

Is that it here?

All:

Butterbeer!

Ron:

To Honeyduke's chocolate made in Hogsmeade

To pudding, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese-

Draco:

To leather, to dildos-

Ron:

To steak and kidney pie

To Cool-Ranch Doritos to white and wheat and rye.

Hermione & Ginny:

Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion

Creation, vacation

Ron & Draco:

Mucho Masturbation!

Hermione & Ginny:

Compassion, to fashion, to passion

When it's new

Neville:

To Luna

Sirius:

To Lupin

All:

To anything tabooed

Mad-Eye, Remus, Sirius, and Tonks

Dumbledore:

Severus

George:

Shacklebolt

Ron:

To Bacon!

Harry:

To seven

Neville:

To heaven

Snape:

Lily Evans, too.

Remus & Sirius:

Why Lily and James went- into hiding

To blow off Voldemort

All:

La Vie Phoenix

Harry:

And figure out the next Horcrux.

Hermione:

Yes, Harry.

Harry:

You got this

Draco:

Single?

Ron:

You wish

Goyle:

Goyle rules!

Dumbledore:

Hippogriff, Dand-der-ruff, Homo Sapiens

Luna & Trelawney:

Carcinogens, hallucinogens

All Girls:

Men!

All:

Apparation

To Griffindor

Hufflepuff

Ravenclaw

Not Slytherin

Hagrid, Sirius, Remus, Quirrel, Mad-Eye & Lockhart:

Animagi, wild kappa

Veela-

Sirius:

Werewolf-a!

Hermione & Ginny:

To apathy, to entropy, to empathy, ecstasy

Hagrid, Sirius, Remus, Quirrel, Mad-Eye & Lockhart:

Sorcerer, Astrology, Dementors

Harry:

To no shame, always playing the fame game

Crabbe:

To Marijuana!

Ron & Harry:

To spew!

Harry:

It's between Ron and me

Hermione:

It's S-P-E-

Umbridge:

Filch! Filch! Filch!

All:

La Vie Phoenix

George:

In honor of the death of the D.A. an impromtu salon will commence immediately following dinner. Seamus Finnigan, our TOTALLY AWESOME Leprechaun, will do a traditional Irish clog dance while accompanying herself on the electric cello

Fred & George:

Which she ain't never studied

Voldemort:

And Quirrel will preview his new documentary about his inability to hold an erection on the high killing days

Fred:

And Harry will attempt to coach the Griffindor Quidditch team

Fred & George:

And not remind us of Sean Biggerstaff.

Lee:

And the twins will recount their exploits as anarchists—Including the tale of their successful reprogramming of Umbridge's quill to self-destruct as it writes the words:

All:

Totally awesome—Act up—Fight Umbridge!

La Vie Phoenix


Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Fred, and George were walking down the corridors after the episode in the Great Hall. As they walked up to the Griffindor Common Room, Hermione turned to Ron. "Mucho masturbation? Really Ronald!"

"It rhymed!" Ron protested vehemently.

"Did anyone else notice Goyle looked...Guilty?" Ginny asked with a giggle.

"Not as guilty as Ron!" Fred grinned.

"I was the one who said it, you git!"

"A confession!" George said, poking Ron in the chest with a finger to emphasize.

Hermione turned on the twins. "And as for you two—Dumbledorth?"

"It rhymed with worth!" The twins shouted at the same time.

Hermione gaped at them. "No, it doesn't!"

"It does more than Dumbledore," They pointed out to her.

Hermione slapped her forehead, but refrained from commenting on that.

"You know, Umbridge is probably going to kick us all out of the school," Harry said as they climbed through the portrait hole.

"Yeah," everyone else agreed.

"Who cares?" The twins raised an eyebrow at the other four. Harry, Ron, and Ginny all nodded their agreement, but Hermione looked slightly frightened at the thought of being expelled.

"Mr. Weasley, Mr. weasley, Professor Umbridge would like to see both of you in her office." Professor McGonagall stood in the center of the common room. Fred and George looked at each other, then followed her back out the portrait hole.


The next evening, the twins walked into the common room with the backs of their hands bleeding profusely. Once the cuts healed a bit, everyone could read what it said:I will not sing in the Great Hall.


AN: If you want to see this with the end conversation in script form and a little different, look at PookietoyourMaureen's fic, La Vie Boheme Parodies. Please review!