DISCLAIMER: We don't wanna-we don't wanna be sued. We're not tryin-tryin to be rude. Cause it ain't funny, we ain't got the money to loooooooose. We never wanted-never wanted to fight legal issues, and misuse, and copyright. If we annoy ya, we ain't got no lawyers to uuuuuuuuse. So understand (Oooh-wah-oooh) that we're just fans (Oooh-wah-oooh), we can't fight the man. So we're playing it safe and taking our whole show down, so there's no show-down. But we'll still stick around. Cause it won't slow us down. It's just for now. So stay tuned. We'll be back here soon. Do do do do do. Do do do do do do do.

DISCLAIMER DISCLAIMER: That song we used for the disclaimer, which is called The Lawyer Song, was Darren Criss's work. We did not write it. But A) it was stuck in my head B) it worked so well as a disclaimer and C) it was too awesome a song to not use it.

DISCLAIMER DISCLAIMER DISCLAIMER: Just kidding, there isn't one. :)

This song is a parody of Wonderful from Wicked.

We actually rehearsed this, so it either works, we made it work, or it's just awesome in it's not working-ness. SO SUCK IT.



I never asked for this

Or planned it in advance.

I was merely brought here

By Dumble… er… dance!

HARRY: (spoken, interrupting) Dumbledance?

VOLDEMORT: (spoken) Shut up, Potter.

(sung) I never saw myself

As a sorcerer or Salazar

I knew who I was:

One of your dime a dozen

Pure blood wannabes.

Then suddenly I'm here

Respected—worshipped, even

Just because the pure bloods

Needed someone to believe in

Does it surprise you

I got hooked, and all too soon?

When I'd start to sway

They'd get carried away

And not just by baa-room!

HARRY: (interrupting again) What the hell is a baaroom?

VOLDEMORT: (spoken) Shut up, Potter.

(sung) Voldemort.

They called me You-Know-Who

So I said "Voldemort—if you insist.

I will be 'Voldemort'

And then they screamed and ran

Believe me it's hard to resist

'Cause it feels wonderful

They think I'm terrible

Hey, look who's terrible—

This orphan cheater

Who said: "It might be keen

To have a pure blood scene

And a terrible band of Death Eaters!"

(spoken) See—I never had a family of my own. So, I guess I just—wanted no one ELSE to have one, either!

HARRY: (spoken) So you KILLED them?

VOLDEMORT: (spoken) Harry, where I grew up, we weren't really alive to begin with. We called it—"The Orphanage".

(sung) A man's a blood traitor—or mudblood hater

A rich man's a thief—or philanthropist

Is one a crusader—or ruthless invader?

It's all in which label

Is able to CONQUER!

There are precious few at ease

With moral ambiguities

Who the hell wrote this? Severus!

HARRY: (spoken, interrupting AGAIN) Snape wrote this?

VOLDEMORT: (spoken) Shut up, Potter.

(sung) They call me "You-Know-Who"

Cause I am Voldemort

In fact—it's so much who I am

It is my name

HARRY: (spoken) Your name is Tom Marvolo Riddle.


And with my help, you can be the same

At long, long last receive your mark—

Yes, another!

Harry—the most celebrated

Are the reannihilated

There'll be such a whoop-de-do

A raid throughout Hogwarts

That's all to do—with you!


They'll call me You-Know-Who:


Tom, you should eat my shorts!


Trust me—it's fun!

HARRY:(spoken) It's fun to eat shorts?


When you're with Voldemort

It would be wonderful

Wonderful, Voldemort

One! Two! AND!

Voldemort and his Death Eaters form a kick line. Harry slowly sneaks away. After the Death Eaters are done dancing, Voldemort turns back towards Harry.

VOLDEMORT: And now, Potter, since you refuse to join me, it's time to die! Ava—Woah, where'd he go?

Back in the Griffindor common room, Harry told the Weasleys and Hermione what had happened.

"So You-Know-Who asked you to join him," Ron began, "Through song?

"Yeah," Harry replied. "Then he and the Death Eaters formed a kick line. Let me tell you, I could have gone without seeing up Bellatrix Lestrange's robes." They gave a collective shudder.

"And… Dumbledance?" Hermione asked, sounding annoyed. "Can nobody get his name right?" She looked pointedly at the twins, who threw their hands up defensively.

"You need to make it rhyme!" Fred protested.

"Yeah, grammar doesn't matter when you is singing." George added.

"When you is singing? When you is?"

AN: If you want to see the ending a little different, look at PookietoyourMaureen's fic, er... OK, I'm really not sure what this one will be in, because it can't go with her RENT parodies one... Cause it's from Wicked. So I need to figure out what that's called. So, yeah. Review, please!

Just found out that it will be called Wicked Song Parodies (OK, duh.) and it will be under the musical, NOT the book, so if you want to look it up be sure to go there.

If you have any suggestions of songs to parody, please send them in! We'll look them over and maybe do a couple of them. We have a few other songs planned, but I want some ideas just in case.