Chapter 1: Chapter 1 Off to a good start

Author's Note: Okay, I have seen several 'list of rules' fics and could not resist my own addition with stories attached to the rules. Please review and if you want to expand any of these into full fics go for it. Please send me the link so I can read them and post in my profile.

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At NEST headquarters, Second in Command Prowl scanned the corridor ahead, guaranteeing no twins, as either set meant trouble to his processor, were in sensor range. The Diego Garcia military base was "human secured" but not Decepticon proof. An island meant harder access for humans and nothing to aerial seekers intent on mayhem. The stealing of the spark shard had reinforced that.

Wings doors high, the black and white armored officer watched carefully to prevent stepping on humans or triggering pranks left by fellow bots. Built for Autobots as tall as Optimus or Ultra Magnus the human designed hallway lacked the grandeur of Cybertronian hallways, etched with designs or built to withstand thousands of years instead of concrete and rebar.

Pausing at his office door, a quick digital scan confirmed no tampering with any of the security settings. Relaxing his wings lower, a silent signal activated the lights as he began prepping the data pads for daily reports. The white fluorescent lighting another reminder of earth customs to a race whose optics could discern stars across the darkness of space.

"Supplies lists, status checks, Ratchet's medical updates, Prime's reviews and my personal favorite. Prohibited items by and for all Autobots." That document scrolled by on the screen, already longer than he had processed possible. "Will this never end?"

5. Do not change the order of the letters on human keyboards. * Not all humans can type by touch. Captain Lennox did not appreciate late and mangled reports from base personnel.

8. While in alt modes, all holographic drivers will be clothed! Do not provoke unnecessary reactions from other drivers as this causes unsafe driving conditions and potential crashes.

Prowl pinched his nose plates with an armored hand, remembering how naively he had thought the rules would stop at about ten or so. He understood how the universe worked, why did basic everyday activities create processer headaches and more rules?

15. Do not download music and repeat lyrics without fully understanding the words, near humans. *Mudflap, Skids and any music called Rap, Hip Hop, or related and designated with 'explicit lyrics.'

18. Do not comment on human weight gain, only weight loss. Fluctuations are within normal standards, but their sensitivity is not, especially femmes. Grimacing, Prowl recalled clearly the last incidents, "Several humans, especially one particular femme drill sergeant, put Ratchet to shame on their wrench throwing, explosive reactions. We should send them to chase the Decepticons. Be nothing left to brig."

24. No rerouting all internet connections to car / paparazzi / sensational internet news sites especially after posing for your own online photo albums. *Sideswipe, Sunstreaker.

35. No parking in designated illegal tow zones, allowing yourself to be towed then breaking free and racing down the road the wrong direction. * Jazz, Sunstreaker, Sideswipe and Hound.

"Common sense is not common," Major Will Lennox had muttered once and Prowl had to agree. Which brought him to the next entry.

54. No giving "candy" to Annabelle Lennox without clearing it with parental units AND Ironhide. He shuttered his optics, memory cores replaying that incident all too clearly. Wheeljack had become fascinated with human sugary mix concoctions, deciding to make a lollypop as an after-lunch treat.

"No bot or human ever questioned fifteen pounds of sugar, one barrel of corn syrup and enough color food dyes for a battalion unit delivered to a research lab," Prowl muttered. Relatively normal sized in Wheeljack's metal hands, the rainbow-colored lollypop and been bigger than Annabelle. He had also incorrectly assumed she would take her time to eat it. Two hours later, her high-pitched squeals had half the base running for their gear, thinking she was the attack alarm. She had shot by them all, running and dodging fast enough to put the Autobot speedster Blurr to shame.

"Annabelle! Stop!" Ironhide had commanded, black armored hands outstretched as she ran up, vibrating with energy, her hands and lips stained multi colors.

"Love you Ironhide and no stop having too much fun catch me if you can." And zipped right on by.

"What in the pit?"

"I gave her candy," Wheeljack admitted, the colors swirling in his sidebars almost as vibrant as the stains on Annabelle.

"Candy as in?" Optimus prompted.

"A sweet food made with sugar or syrup. This effect was unexpected."

"I expect you to fix this!" Will challenged, trying to corral Annabelle without success. "Sweetie, slow down before you break something. We don't want mommy upset. Or not." Even Optimus had become concerned about how to contain her without injury. Ratchet suggested a tranquilizer dart and was ready to use it until her dad intervened.

"You are not shooting my daughter! What if you miss or something goes wrong?" Will yelled.

"I have repaired advanced sentient beings longer that your civilization has existed including building targeting locks. I will not miss."

"Ratchet, desist. What are standard human procedures for sparkling containment?" Optimus inquired.

"Time out or grounding," the parent began then waved his hands. "Not that type grounding! No cables or electrical stuff." Ironhide rolled his cannons once, ending further discussion.

They had simply cordoned off that section of the base; letting her run down while monitoring her vitals closely. Daytime became evening became night as she relaxed, falling asleep just before dawn. Ironhide threatened to slag the next mech to give sugar to his charge. For any reason. In any form. Ever.

62. Do not answer telephones and pretend to be Ratchet's, Prime's, or my assistant and scheduling any type of appointment, meeting or public event. *Sunstreaker and Sideswipe.

89. Do not masquerade as human children's entertainment rides, even if preventing damage or an attack.

Prowl twitched his lip plates into a half smile at that entry. Local youth had done rampant damage with graffiti near the base ferry dock on the mainland until Mudflap and Skids had accidentally overheard two of them in town. That night the twins had snuck out, transformed into kids rides in front of the local grocery store and waited. The youths thought they were a rocket and horse ride for fifty cents and began to spray their paint. An hour later, the police found the youths hanging upside down, tied at their ankles and sprayed with weird alien symbols, babbling about robots and begging to clean up the damage they had done.

118. No reprogramming human kids' toys with Cybertronian upgrades and leaving around for the soldiers to find. *Wheeljack, Sunstreaker, and Sideswipe.

*updated and reworked 01.05.2019