13Title: Angels and Monsters in 15 minutes
Author: Vorobey008
Genre: Parody
Raiting: PG-13?
Word count: 1091
Spoilers: 3x05 Angels and Monsters
Summary: missed the 3х05 ep? Catch up!
A/N: inspired by hymenchan and m15m LJ Community. Translated by sweet_babymomma. Beta'd by kathrynthegr8 and boonies (thank you! thank you! thank you!)
A/N2: should I translate some more episodes? You tell me.
Previously on Heroes...
Angela: Where is the second part of the formula?
Hiro: Stolen.
Angela: We need to find the thief!
Hiro: Please let me find him!
Angela: Hmm... Let me think... Well... Since noone else accepted this stupid mission... OK! Go!
Future!Sylar: My power is not only about understanding how things work... It's also about the HUNGER! I couldn't control it and it turned me into a sex god with a panty-melting stare...
Peter *is interested*
Future!Sylar: Now you are the same as me, BROTHER!
AND NOW...
"Angels & Monsters"
Nathan's apartment
Ghost!Linderman: Got milk?
Nathan: Want some?
Ghost!Linderman: Naaah!
Nathan: A-ha! I knew it! You're a ghost! Only ghosts wouldn't want a glass of milk in the middle of the night!
Ghost!Linderman *sighs* Yeah, yeah, you're right, have a cookie.
Nathan: YES! Now tell me something... How did you know that that crazy chick would want to jump from the bridge?
Ghost!Linderman: You mean Tracy?
Nathan: Niki, Tracy... Whatever! They look like clones anyway. And what are you doing here?
Ghost!Linderman: Moses saw a burning bush. Mary heard the angel. God came to Samuel in his dreams...
Nathan: Got it. Sylar's got a power, Peter's got his own cheerleader, and I get a walking dead guy who quotes the Bible. Damn you, special effects crew! Tracy: Nathan? Who are you talking to?
Nathan: I'm talking to a fridge, honey!
Tracy: *to herself* Alright, he's a psycho. But at least the man is not a drunk and has a career! *turns to the fridge* Hi! I'm Tracy Strauss! Nice to meet you!
Level 5
Peter *pushes Sylar against the wall*
Peter/Sylar shippers: Oh come on you guys! You know you wanna do it!
Sylar: Now you've got my hunger... and... MY PAJAMA PANTS?!
Peter: I'll never dress the way you do!
Sylar: Too late... BROTHER!
Peter: NOOOO! Your dressing skills suck! *breaks Sylar's neck*
*enters Angela*
Angela: Peter, WTF?!
Peter: You promised me a puppy and what have I get now? ANOTHER BROTHER?!
Angela *wants to hide*
Peter: BRAIIINS! *starts cutting into Mommy's head*
Bennets' (mad)house
Sandra *silently curses to herself*
Meredith: What's the matter?
Sandra: My husband's gone, Mr Muggles is shedding its coat, and my son... what's his name again?.. Never mind. What really worries me is that Claire forgot to turn on her phone again! Such a screwup, that girl!
Meredith: She obviously took after her mother!
Sandra: What was that – an insult or a self-abuse?.. Anyway, we have to do something! What if Claire went to these monsters! *hands Meredith a pack of files*
Meredith *takes one of the files* Hey, I know this guy! And, what's more important, he lives just around the corner. I won't be able to go far in those pumps I always wear! I'll go get him!
Sandra: I'm coming with you!
Meredith: Do you know Kung-Fu?
Sandra: No...
Meredith: Well then, sit here AND LEARN IT!
Noah, Sylar and The Apple in the car
The Apple: Bite me Sylar!.. Oh yeah that's it!.. I'm so sweet and ripe – just like that jailbait cheerleader... what is her name?
Sylaire shippers: CLAIRE!
The Apple: Blaire? Whatever! Sylar, baby... Mark me, make me yours... Get straight to my core...
Sylar *is trying to find some kind of classic rock fm on the radio*
Noah *is talking through his clenched teeth* When you tried to kill my wife back in season 1, I swallowed it... When I read in Sylar/Claire community WHAT you've done to my Claire-Bear, I nearly ca... died! But I stomached it! BUT NOW YOU GOT ME! HANDS OFF MY RADIO! I MEAN IT!
Sylar *raising his eyebrow of doom* Actually I didn't even touch it...
Noah: AGHRRRR!
The Apple: Shut up, Noah! Don't you see you're distracting him? *to Sylar* Don't listen to him honey and, what's more important, don't talk! EAT! You haven't finished with me yet...
Isaac's ex-loft - now Mohinder's lab.
Mohinder *is looking at his back covered with god-knows-what* It could be some side effects of the formula... Or maybe I should take a shower every once in a while.
*enters Maya, dressed skankier than ever*
Maya: I heard that your neighbour's lost...
Mohinder: You HEARD him? Did he scream THAT loud?
Maya *notices blood on the floor* Oh what a mess! I better go before you asked me to wash the floor! *leaves looking disturbed, as if it wasn't her who killed more people than Sylar and The Company put together*
House of the Black Hole Man (BHM) .
Claire and BHM *are talking*
Claire: You are so boring! Do you play strip poker?
*enters Noah*
Noah: CLAIRE?!
Claire: DAD?!
BHM: What? Did you set me up? *hides behind Claire*
Hero!Sylar: Let her go!
Sylaire shippers: You heard him!
Claire: Sylar?
Sylar: Claire?
Claire: Dad, what is HE doing here?
BHM: Can I have some attention please?
Noah: Let her go, CANFIELD!
Viewers: Now we know his name! Yay!
Canfield: I can make black holes! Check this out! *makes a black hole and disappears*
Sylar: I have powers too and they are better than yours! *disappears*
Noah: HOLD ON, CLAIRE!
Claire: I CAN'T! DADDYYYYYYY!
Sylar *reappears and saves the screaming blonde*
Claire *is looking as if she's ready to bite her hand touched by Sylar right off*
Noah *seems torn between saying 'Don't touch her you son of a bitch!' and 'God bless you my children'* AGRHHHH!
Level 5
Peter *is resting in a cell in Primatech with a tube up his nose*
Nathan: What's up with Peter?
Angela: Who's Peter?
Nathan: He's your son! Here he is!
Angela: Ah, that son... I put him in a coma.
Nathan: WHAT? Why?
Angela: And what did you expect? Should I have spanked and cornered him? A good mother would never hit her child! She might send him to his death but spanking is out of the question!
In the amusement park
Noah: Canfield, kill Sylar!
Claire: No! I want to kill him MYSELF!
Canfield *is crying* You're so evil! *disappears*
In Noah's car
Noah: I did what I had to do blah-blah-blah for you blah-blah-blah, Claire-bear!
Sylar *from the back seat* I'm still here! Your father's lying, Claire!
Noah: Have you heard anything?
Claire: No!
Noah: Let's make out!
Sylar: Ew! Gross!
Bennets' (mad)house
Sandra: I'm so so happy that Meredith found you!
Claire: Meredith?! Damn it! Someone's in trouble again!
To be continued...