AN: since I couldn't wait I wrote this chapter right after I was done with the last one. Also that was chapter 34 not 33. Sorry for the mistake. I've just been out of it and also I wont be making them go down hill from here. Maybe just in this chapter. But Bella wont trust edward so much as before. But she will. Trust me
Twilight is not mines. never was and never will. Dammit.
Chapter thirty-five:
Breathe me
Edward's POV
Weeks gone by and nothing has fucking changed.
I tried, I fucking tried to be strong but..Bella…she was just making things worse. alice had to keep jari at her house almost everyday. Bella barely was herself. She was sick, and I mean sick as if she needed help. Not mentally but for her emotions. She drank every night and locked herself in a room, not even sleeping with me.
Their would be days where she would just fucking kiss me and grope me, and I wont lie I was fucking turned on I wanted to fuck her silly right then and there but then she would just push me off and tell me she couldn't, that she wasn't ready. I would nod telling her when she was ready to let me know.
She never was ready.
Every night I would have to take cold showers cause I would constantly have a fucking hard on. I would go out you know to take my mind off shit but I would end up at the bar and just drink while Bella drank at home. I won't lie, I have had sex with other women. I fucking regret it but I needed some fucking release and she wasn't giving it to me. lately Bella hasn't been drinking at all. Not even one sip.
She was getting better, well she was better but I could still see the pain in her eyes every time she looked at herself in the mirror. "Eddie? Come on, don't keep me waiting" I walked over to Jennifer, I met her the same day I went to the bar, she's the same woman I fucked just for release. She knew her place and she knew mines.
I wasn't even sure why I was thinking about this
I knew I was regretting everything I was doing. "Actually" I thought for a moment. "Get dressed. go home" and with that I walked into the bathroom and locked the door. I threw cold water on my face when I heard the door from downstairs open and close. My heart was racing. I knew Bella was home. I was still dressed but she was half naked. I groaned loudly when I heard Bella yelling.
Bella's POV
"Who the fuck are you!?" I yelled as I watched a woman putting on her clothes "Jennifer, I'm just a fuck buddy for your husband since you were too busy getting drunk and ignoring him and your child!" that hurt. I knew I was ignoring them, I knew I was sick with my emotions but lately I haven't drank at all. I missed them both. I missed jari the most. Seeing her happy face coming up to me, seeing her talk and talk and then get too excited I couldn't understand one thing she said.
"Jennifer, I said get out" I turned around to see edward standing behind me. different emotions were showing from his eyes but I couldn't dwell on that. "No, don't go" I said, not taking my eyes off him. "So, fuck buddy?" I said, he sighed and nodded as he ran his hand through his hair. I slapped him across the face, earning a gasp from the woman. "So, you fuck her cause I wasn't ready to fuck you yet?! I was sick for fucks sake!" I yelled as tears filled my eyes.
"I needed fucking release! Jerking off wasn't helping Bella! Neither were you!" he yelled as he paced around the room "Fucking giving me hard on and then telling me you didn't want it. it hurts! I mean jesus! I could barely walk for a few days!" he yelled as he sat on the bed, pulling his hair. I let the tears fall without stopping them. "So because I was fucking sick, you wanted to fuck anyone who was willing to give you release?!" I took in a deep breath before I continued "and you told me you loved me, so much, and you do this to me!?" I glared at the woman who looked at me with sad eyes "listen, Isabella. This" she motioned for all of us "wasn't meant to happen. He just wanted release and I gave it to him. Their isn't like any love between us" I nodded but still glared "I have to go, my boyfriend must be worried sick about me"
I stopped her "your boyfriend knows what your job is?!" she nodded and grabbed her things "Yes, he knows. That's how I fucking support my family. Now if you will excuse me I have to get my little girl from school" I let her walk out the room leaving me alone with edward. I wasn't sure if I wanted to be here with him now.
I needed a drink.
"Get. Out" I said as I pointed to the door. He stood up, rubbing his face. I just now noticed he had tears falling down his face. He simply took his jacket and stormed out, not even glancing over to me. he had no right to be mad, no right to feel hurt. I should be mad, I should be hurt.
But, if he really did regret this..then he could feel bad?
I mean, did he even regret it?
I groaned and slammed the door shut. Throwing everything across the room. All my perfumes, his cologne. My makeup and everything went flying around the room. I went to the closet and threw all of his clothes along with mines around the room.
I cried
I screamed.
I knew this was going to happen. The little voice in my head told me I had to stop being afraid and just do it. I wasn't afraid to have sex with him, no it wasn't that. It was just that I was afraid of getting pregnant and losing the baby like I did with my twins. I fell to the floor, gasping for air as I cried harder. This was all my fault. If I never fucking drank and ignored anyone none of this would have happened.
I picked up one of his shirts and inhaled deeply. I loved his scent. I loved him, all of him. Even if he fucked other woman I knew why. I couldn't blame him. If I was a man and my wife kept giving me hard on I would fuck just for release. So could I really blame him? Could I fucking hurt myself by hurting him more? I walked down to the kitchen slowly. wondering what I was going to do.
Sure, I could forgive him but will I ever forget this? I mean what if it happens again?
But I love him. So much. I want him, even with all his fuck ups and shit I still want him. Even after him fucking some other nasty bitch I still wanted him.
I gasped once I entered the kitchen.
Candles were lit, rose peddles were on the floor directing me to follow them.
And I did.
I ended up in the living room, edward was looking out the window with a bunch of roses in his hands. He ran his hand through his hair and sighed. "she isn't coming" he whispered to himself and threw the roses on the couch. I walked slowly over to the couch and sat down. Picking up the flowers and smelling them. "their beautiful" I whispered as I smiled at him. He turned around, shocked and happy at the same time. he walked over to me and kneeled down. "Bella, I'm so sorry. I know you won't forgive me but I am truly sorry" I placed my hand on his cheek and smiled "I know. If I was in your position I would have done the same thing, if not forced my wife to have sex with me" I chuckled as he smiled lightly at me.
"I love you. so much. I truly never meant to hurt you. I just..wanted release" I smiled and leaned down to kiss him, setting the flowers gently on the couch. My hands tangled in his hair as our tongues danced with each other. The kiss got more frantic, more eager. I was fucking shitting bricks. You can do it, you love him. Give it a shot I told myself. I would make sure not to fucking get pregnant yet, not until I was ready to have another child. I pulled away, gasping for air. I took off my shirt and let my hair down. "Bella" edward spoke softly as he tried catching his breath "you don't have to.." I groaned "I want to." he simply nodded and started taking off his clothes. He reached behind him and took out a condom.
"Prepared weren't we?" I said teasingly "maybe, maybe not" he winked at me before his lips came crushing into mines. I pushed him down to the ground and straddled him. We were both naked, in the living room, with only candles lighting up the place. I pulled away and ripped open the condom and placed it on him. He groaned as my hands slid down his shaft. "don't be too eager" I teased as I positioned myself. I slid slowly into him, feeling myself stretch out for him. I moaned loudly at the sensation. "Fuck" he groaned as I was now fully filled with him.
I began to move myself slowly, wanting this to last. The only noise you could hear were the loud moans and groans coming from me and edward. I moved faster on him wanting to just fuck him and not wait. He flipped us over so I was on my back now. "Jesus, it feels so good to be inside you, love" he whispered against my neck as he pushed himself harder and faster into me. "Oh god! Edward…Don't fucking stop" I moaned as he went deeper inside me. I dug my nails into his back and he hissed into my neck. he kissed me down my neck until he got to my breast.
Bringing one of my nipples into his mouth. My mind was going crazy. I could feel my orgasm coming and I wanted to fucking wait but edward was close as well. He pushed harder into me and fast. I held onto him tightly as I made myself meet his thrust. "Edward" I moaned "I'm…so….close" he groaned in response telling me he was close to coming undone.
I fucking saw stars and fireworks
I fucking came. Hard.
It didn't take long for edward to come afterwards. We laid their on the floor, sweaty and trying to catch our breaths. "So" I said "was this better than getting fucking release?" he sighed and nodded against my neck. he got up and put on his boxers. I simply put on the shirt he had on and sat on the opposite side of him.
"So" I said again "I guess this is what you wanted after all huh?" he looked at me, slightly shocked and hurt "Bella, this isn't what I wanted, sure I did but not now" he said as he sat down. I laughed dryly "Sure, sure" I stood up "Just next time I'm sick like that. Don't fuck me over edward. I love you, a lot but I will not hesitate to fucking cut off you fucking dick for cheating on me again"
I walked up the stairs and into the bathroom.
I locked it and turned on the water.
I looked at myself in the mirror and felt disgusted with myself. Sure the sex was fucking amazing and I didn't know why I was waiting but I simply used it to rub it in his face, to let him know I could have had sex with him if I wanted.
But no, I simply used him and then threw it in his face.
I got into the shower, letting the hot water run all over my body as I let the tears silently fall.
Yeah bells fucking used him. I mean, I would do the same shit if I was in that position. But I don't blame edward for doing what he did.
I mean come on! having hard on and not doing anything about it? I would probably fuck a tree if I could…Lol okay I wouldn't but still you get what I mean.
So, Bella is gonna have trouble trusting edward. which will make things worse on him. But you will see….