Chapter 57

Robin lay in his bunk. No matter how he tried, he just couldn't find sleep. He was more than exhausted. He had never imagined at any time that he could possibly ever be this tired. He looked towards Much in the darkness. That poor soul had simply passed out. He was even too exhausted to eat his dinner, and for Much, that was saying something. Robin turned from him and prayed that sleep would find him, but it just wouldn't come. The images in his mind just would not disappear.

It had been another horrible day. Robin thought to himself, 'it wasn't supposed to be like this. Fighting in this Holy Land was not supposed to take this long'. He remembered thinking he would only be gone from home about one year; that was three years ago. He remembered thinking that he would feel honor and glory in battle; he found none. He remembered seeing the blood of lamb, pigs, and deer that had been butchered for feasts. However, he had never seen anything like the slaughter he had seen in this land. He found if difficult to remove the visions of the blood-soaked sand cluttered with the bodies from both sides of the battles.

Since he couldn't sleep, he arose and walked outside his tent and looked at the starlit sky. Trying to clear his head, he sent his mind flashing back to memories of Marian. It hadn't taken him long on this journey to discover that thinking of her was the only balm that could heal his troubled soul. 'I wonder what she is doing now' he thought to himself. If he closed his eyes, he could envision her working in the garden, as he had last seen her at Knighton. He imagined her looking up and smiling at him. The breeze seemed to carry her sweet scent of lavender and he could hear her laughter as she got up to greet him. The feel of her in his arms gave him a comfort he could not describe. Although the desert night was cold, he felt warm inside. Visions of Marian and thoughts of her at Locksley as his wife always made him feel better. He opened his eyes and wandered back into his tent much more at ease for the time being; at least well enough he thought he could rest. The last thing he thought before drifting off was 'I will live through this. I will return, Marian. I will somehow get you to forgive me and we will have that life'. About the time he finally got to sleep, Much awakened to roll over and as he adjusted himself to be comfortable, he heard a sound from the next bunk. It sounded very much like "Marian."