973A.N: Hey Guys!
Well it's the LAST chapter of the story, please don't kill me. I'm working on an epilogue and if I leave an open ending it's because I'll write a sequel after my 'Vampire Diaries' story so you can chill lol.
Anyways I really hope you'll like this chapter and this is OFFICIALLY my longest chapter ever, 15 pages!
I'll post the epilogue VERY soon.
Don't forget to review.
You guys rock! =D
Chapter 21:
I moved around and realized I was far too comfortable to still be on the floor.
I grunted while I shifted to my side and heard movement as someone rushed by my side.
"Rose?" Asked a voice as I recognized as Adrian. He rested his cool hand on my forehead and it felt good. Was he trying to heal me?
"Adrian?"
"Yes I'm here Rose."
My eyes shot open and I jump into a sitting position. "Dimitri!" I called looking around, panic evident in my voice.
"He's okay Rose calm down," Adrian said soothingly trying to push me back on the bed, but gave up after seeing me struggling against him. "It's the middle of the night, you should sleep."
I ignored his comment and looked around frantically. I was in Adrian's room at the Academy. I saw a make shift on the sofa in the bedroom where he was probably sleeping.
"I…Why am I here?"
He shrugged. "You were out Rose, we couldn't leave you like that in your room. The doc said you were out because of exhaustion and that you'd wake up when you felt like it so she wouldn't keep you at the clinic. My room, my room was the only option."
"How long was I out?"
"Three days."
"Three days?" I shrieked. "I need to see Dimitri!" I jumped out of bed so fast he didn't even get a chance to try to stop me.
"It's night Rose, he's probably sleeping." I couldn't help but notice the hurt reflecting in his eyes. "He's…he's different too." He added uncomfortably.
"Different?" I gave him a narrow glare. "Different how?"
"Why don't you just go take a quick shower, there is fresh clothes for you in the bathroom and nobody is going anywhere I promise. Just…Just go."
I looked at him for a minute and figured that he just needed a little time to get ready to tell me whatever he had to.
I nodded, and right now a shower did sound pretty good.
As I let the hot water run on my painful muscles I tried to figure out how Dimitri could be different. Was he blind or deaf or even mute?
"Why on earth would he be mute?" I muttered to myself. I rested my forehead against the tiled wall. I closed my eyes, I had to admit that even if I was overly excited to see my Dimitri I was scared to hear what Adrian had to say to me.
The water was starting to get cold. I sighed and got out of the shower, quickly putting on the pair of faded blue jeans and red sweatshirt that were waiting for me in the bathroom.
When I walked in the living room Adrian was sitting on a bar stool with a steaming cup in front of him.
"So…'' I said standing a couple of feet away from him.
"I bet you are hungry or thirsty. Do you want some coffee?" He said pointing at his cup, "or I'm sure I can have some food del–"
"Adrian Please!" I snapped with begging eyes. "Tell me what you have to tell me." I couldn't stand not knowing what was different about Dimitri.
"Well…" Adrian cleared his throat loudly. "You see Dimitri and I are shadow-kissed."
"Oh…" I said relieved that all he wanted to tell me was that. I sat beside him on a stool. "Thank you for doing that. It means a lot to me."
He shrugged dismissively. "I couldn't have lived with myself if I hadn't done it you know." He smiled probably detecting my guilt over linking him with Dimitri forever. "I'm capable of far more than it seems."
"I always knew that." I told him honestly
"Yeah…" He grimaced slightly.
"What's happening Adrian?"
"Well Dimitri…" He swallowed loudly. "Apparently… okay you see the reversion brought him back, but…"
"But?" I encouraged gripping his hand and I was sure I was hurting him, but he didn't say anything.
"See, well Lissa and I have a theory, we think that once we reversed the state, well the body changed to the closest form of Strigoi."
"I d-" I stopped and looked at him with wide eyes. "My Dimitri is a Moroi?" I shrugged "I don't care. Just tell me where he is staying I need to see him."
"Well he…he sort of is a Moroi but-"
I couldn't hold my exasperation any longer and even if I knew I would feel bad for that in the morning I threw a small fit. "For god sakes Adrian spit it out already!"
Adrian straightened up and I saw the hurt in his eyes.
I'll apologize later. I thought crossing my arms on my chest.
"Well he is a Moroi as far as pale complexion, fangs and super hearing, super vision and super smelling is concerned."
"But?"
"But he is also sort of a dhampir and he is as strong as he was before, and apparently the sun doesn't bother him at all and well, in the last three days he didn't take blood at all and it appears that he doesn't need any…yet."
I nodded. "That's something Victor could have told us…" I shook my head, "not that it matters really, but...I'll have a word with him in the morning now tell-" I stopped seeing Adrian's face whiten even more.
I sighed with despair. "What aren't you telling me?"
"Well Victor and Robert aren't here and-"
"Wow Victor is back in jail already? That was fast!" I said amazed.
"We don't know where they are." He said sheepishly.
"Sorry what? I think I didn't hear you right."
"They escaped."
"They esc-" I choked on the word. "They were in the room with 4 guardians! How - It's-" I shook my head.
"Well excuse me Miss 'I'm-perfect' !" Adrian snapped. "We were worried you weren't waking up and Dimitri was well…let's just say he didn't take all the Strigoi memories that well and you know how lethal he was right? Well he kept his strigoi strength so imagine how hard he was to restrain. So our attention was otherwise occupied, but for not more than 10 minutes and when we realized, they were gone! It was too perfect."
I let out a humorless laugh. "He knew… He knew all along." I shook my head and couldn't help but be impressed. "We thought we were playing him, but he was playing us."
"You know Dimitri is having a hard time dealing…dealing with what he did .We are linked you know. I can't see in his head, but I feel the core of his emotions and…well it's hard."
I nodded but I was hopeful. "It's ok, I'll heal him. He's healed me so many times before. He is my strength as I'm his. He let me borrow his strength, it's time for me to give him mine. I'm the only one that can heal him"
Adrian stayed quiet for a minute thoughtful, I could see pain on his face along with resignation. "You are right Rose, you should go to him. He's staying in the last room at the end of the corridor."
"We'll talk tomorrow," I said and I couldn't help feeling guilty.
"Of course" he said and I could see his smile was forced, but I needed to be with Dimitri so much, to feel his body against mine, his lips on mine that I couldn't concentrate on anything else…what kind of friend was I?
I ran to Dimitri's room and almost took down the door by knocking so hard. I knew I was acting like a kid, but I didn't care.
Dimitri opened the door and I didn't notice his skin complexion or his fangs or any other changes. The only thing I saw was his warm brown eyes, that was all that mattered to me, it was like the light at the end of the tunnel. There was no red in his eyes.
The love of my life is back I thought before crashing into his chest taking in his familiar sent.
When he was a Strigoi Dimitri smelled divinely good of course, but it was not the sent I was longing for, maybe it was because he was undead that he smelt differently. But now, now he smelt just like I remembered, that intoxicating sent.
"Roza…You're awake," he whispered with clear relief burying his face in my hair and hugging me back fiercely.
He took a couple of steps back, pulling me in the room.
I found the door with my foot and kicked it shut.
"Oh my Roza…" He whispered again kissing the top of my head.
I delicately moved my head, stood on my tip toes, and as Dimitri was still leaning down, I found his lips with mine.
I started to kiss him feverously locking my arms around his neck to keep him to me.
Dimitri was frozen for a moment, probably surprised by the intensity of my kiss, but he was kissing me back almost immediately afterward. Our lips were moving in totally sync, like they could recognize each other, like we never stopped.
"I love you so much" I whispered against his lips, needing him to know.
"I love you too, with every fiber of my being" he said before crashing his lips on mine and kissing me almost painfully.
The room was silent except for our passionate kissing and ragged breathing.
I slid my hands under his shirt and started to let my fingers trail on Dimitri's perfect stomach, playing with the top of his Pj pants.
"Roza wait -"
"No, we'll talk tomorrow I just want to be with you." I said stopping him from talking as I pulled his shirt up and started to kiss his chest while letting my tongue play on his skin between each kiss.
Dimitri groaned.
I smiled against his skin. "Why? Don't you want to be with me?" I asked finally looking up, vulnerability in my voice.
Dimitri just nodded helping me to get his shirt out of the way.
I removed mine too and it was like living again to feel his hands on me, his cool skin against my burning one.
I put my hands in the waistband of his pants and pulled him to the bedroom.
Dimitri laid me delicately on the bed and came towering on top of me.
I looked at his beautiful face, flushed with lust. His eyes were lit with the same desire than I felt. Here, with his hair falling around his face like a halo, it literally made my chest ache with love.
"I missed you so much." I said as he started to kiss my collarbone sensually. "I'll never lose you again" I said closing my eyes.
Dimitri kissed me up the neck to my mouth again. I could feel his fangs but I didn't care.
We finished taking off our clothes in less than five minutes, you didn't have much inhibition when you loved and missed someone as much as we did.
That night was everything I hoped for and more. Dimitri was a very attentive and gentle lover. I realized feeling his strong shaky hands on my bare hips, as our bodies connected in every possible ways that he needed me as much as I needed him. I was as much his redemption as he was mine. We were just meant to be, it was as simple as that.
I woke up later than night feeling content and whole for the first time it what seemed an eternity. I finally thought that everything would be alright. I let my hand roam on the other side of the bed and my heart skipped a beat when I found it empty.
Was it all a dream? I thought as a terrible pain clutched my chest. That pain faded the instant I opened my eyes as I saw Dimitri, sitting at the foot of the bed completely naked looking at the wall.
I looked at his perfect profile for a minute. He was only slightly illuminated by the alarm clock, but my dhampir vision helped me to see that he was lost in his thoughts and whatever he was thinking hurt him, hurt him in his flesh. I knew him enough to see that even if I gained my redemption Dimitri needed to get his salvation.
"Dimitri? Are you alright?" I asked sitting up, clinging the bed sheet on my bare breasts.
He was still looking in front of him like he didn't hear me.
I inched closer and touched his arm.
"Dimitri?"
He turned his face briskly and he had to be really lost in his thoughts.
"Roza?.." Recognition filled his eyes, He smiled. "You should sleep Roza" he said finally bringing his hand to my cheek gently brushing my cheekbone with his thumb pad.
I leaned in his touch and closed my eyes. "I slept for three days." I turned my head slightly and kissed his palm. "Plus I can't sleep knowing you are a couple of feet away from me, not holding me into your arms." I said with a mock scowl.
"That's true, it's unforgivable." His smile was brighter now but I could see the underlying sadness and distress behind it, he could try as hard as he wanted, I knew him better than anyone else.
"Move" he said standing up before joining me under the covers.
As soon as he was back in the bed I closed the small distance between our bodies and cuddled with him, my ear on his chest to listen to his slow heartbeat.
Dimitri started to caress my hair gently.
"I'm here for you, I can hear it all. I'll go begging in the rain, if I can spare you any pain. When it comes to you I have no shame." I said before kissing his chest. "Talk to me Dimitri…please." I added wrapping my arm around his strong waist.
Dimitri stayed quiet for a little bit still caressing my hair, the only change came from his faster heartbeat.
"I know you are here Roza, I know you do." And oddly enough he sounded almost pained by the idea. "But you were right we have tomorrow so lets enjoy each other's presence tonight, lets enjoy what is right." He added as his hand left my hair and started to roam slowly down my spine.
I shivered with anticipation and looked up to meet his troubled yet loving eyes.
"I love you" I said moving up slowly to gently brush his lips with mine.
"That's why we are here" he said with a small smile. He brought his hand that was on my back to the back of my head to keep me in place. "I love you more than I can say. Whatever happens from now on it will never change." He said before deepening our kiss.
We made love again, but contrary to the first time that night when it was sometimes rough, almost animalistic filled with lust, need and desire. This time was a lot slower, softer, as if we were taking time to rediscover each others bodies, to engrave it in our memory.
When I woke up that morning Dimitri was holding me tightly and I had my face buried in his neck.
I kissed his neck.
"Good morning Roza" he said tightening his hold around my waist.
"A very good morning indeed." I said in a sleepy voice snuggling even more against him. I couldn't help to wonder how long he had been awake for because he sounded so wide awake.
My stomach growled embarrassingly loudly.
Dimitri chuckled. "Come on Roza" he said loosening his hold around my waist. "I need to feed you."
He got out of bed so fast that I would have missed it if I blinked. Adrian didn't kid when he told me that his reflexes where different. Dhampir Dimitri had been fast, but this one was even faster, actually I could even say that he was as fast as his Strigoi self.
He looked at me with my brows furrowed. He probably saw the confusion on my face.
"Roza?"
"Yeah," I smiled. "I'll be over in two minutes" I said scanning the room for my clothes.
As soon as Dmitri left the room I jumped out of bed, hopped in the shower and dressed quickly.
When I walked into the living room Dimitri was just setting a steaming cup of coffee and some buttered toasts.
Dimitri sat across, looking at me with a small smile.
"You should go check on your friends Roza," He said after a little while holding his cup. "They were going crazy worrying about you."
I nodded reluctantly.
"I'm not going anywhere Roza, I'll be here when you're done I swear." He said probably understanding my reluctance to leave him.
"Yeah…" I quickly glanced at the clock on the wall, it was still very early but I was sure that my father would be awake. I quickly finished my cup. "I'll see you in a bit" I told him standing up.
Dimitri walked me to the door holding my hand. "I'll be waiting for you" he said before giving me a quick chaste kiss.
"You better" I said teasing but I still had an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach, like something wasn't right. I just couldn't put a name on it.
I quickly got up to my father's floor and stopped frozen when I saw the person doing the walk of shame from his room, still having pillow creases on her face.
"Mom!" I said as my mouth popped open.
"I…" She blushed looking quickly around her, maybe trying to find an exit. "It's not what you think!"
"Oh cool, I thought that you just spent the night in my fathers' room. By the way," I pointed to her shirt. "You're wearing it the wrong way. "
I knew it sounded childish, but I couldn't imagine my mother as a sexual being even if she had to do it at least once in her life to have me. But Janine Hathaway was just…she was just so serious, so mechanical. I couldn't picture her doing what I just did in between the sheets….Dang, now I could! I really would need therapy.
"I…" She straightened up, head high. "I see you are awake, I'm so happy, we were worried sick".
"Uh huh…" I said not able to conceal my smile. She decided to ignore the situation, so I would do the same. "I was just coming to tell Abe that I was better can I go in or…" I pointed to his door.
"Why couldn't you?" She asked dismissively.
"Awww Mom," I shook my head. "I'll see you later, you better, well you know..." I pointed to her shirt again
"See you later" she said giving me a quick hug before rushing to the lift.
"That was…awkward" I muttered once the door closed on her.
As expected my father and friends were just ecstatic to have me back and well.
Over the next few days I helped get ready for our move to Court and get ready for graduation the following week. Dimitri was a bit distant, but I figured that he needed time before confiding in me. I knew him well enough to know it was the way he was.
I was informed that the two Secret Service agents had somehow been held responsible for Victor's disappearance and that they were both on the mission to bring him back.
I felt bad for them, but even if I wanted I couldn't help, I had to help Dimitri and keep Lissa safe. They were my only priorities.
Dimitri spent most of the time in his room and I knew it was not good for his peace of mind but we decided that it would be a terrible idea to make him reappear at the academy now as we were about to leave. Most of the youngsters wouldn't understand and it would be more polemical than anything else.
Dimitri and I hadn't been intimate since that first night and knowing he was so close to me, made me long for his touch even more.
So, I decided to sneak into the guest pavilion that afternoon as I really wanted to be with him. Maybe he was ready to share with me now.
I tried the door knob silently to check if the door was open. I wanted to surprise him. Well… it was a bit of a lost cause since, with his freakishly acute hearing, I didn't think that anyone could sneak up on Dimitri ever again.
I grinned opening the door, maybe he was waiting for me after all.
However, as soon as I entered the room, I could hear some hush voices coming from the living room. It was quiet, but it was clearly an argument and I knew both voices so well I couldn't make a mistake. Adrian and Dimitri were fighting and I was only too scared to discover the reason of it.
"That's why you made me come?" Asked Adrian in a cold harsh tone. "I don't know but maybe you've mistaken Rose with some kind of perishable goods."
"It's not that Ivashkov and you know it. It's-" Started Dimitri he sounded tired, strained, like each word was costing him.
"How are you going to break that to her?"
"I don't know" Said Dimitri with defeat.
"Why on earth did you tell me all that? I don't even like you! Hell right now I think I even loathe you!"
Dimitri stayed quiet for a couple of seconds and I couldn't help the increasing panic to fill me. A hurt deep in my chest. I wanted to move from my hidden spot I just couldn't, I wanted to know more.
"Because you love her." Said Dimitri quietly. "I saw it in your head, the love you feel for her, how you are suffering to see her loving someone else. You love her enough to die for her. I-"
"And do you think it makes things alright?!" Asked Adrian with disbelief getting even angrier. "Do you even know Rose? I thought you knew her better than anyone else did. She doesn't want me, she wants YOU! She LOVES YOU"
"I-"
"I shouldn't have saved you" Adrian spat. "I did it for Rose, but I should have let you die, you don't deserve her and she would have been better without you."
"At least we agree on that." Said Dimitri with so much pain that he got me out of my stupor.
I walked into the room.
"Adrian? Dimitri? What's going on here?" I asked with a shaky voice realizing I had some fresh tears running down my cheeks.
Adrian face, that was contorted with fury, softened almost immediately when he locked eyes with me. His eyes was full of sorrow.
"It's alright Roza, we just…" He quickly glanced at Adrian. "I need to talk to you."
Adrian snorted. "Yeah you do that." He walked away but stopped just beside me. "I'll always be here" he said before gently kissing my cheek.
Dimitri stayed silent for a little while after Adrian left. The silence made everything so much worse.
"Talk to me Dimitri please." I said deciding to break the silence before it could drive me mad. "I can hear it all, staying, leaving or even surrendering, but just talk" I added trying to sound much stronger than I felt.
"I'm leaving" he said softly.
"That's a given." I smiled "I'm leaving too, we all are. Talking about that Lissa is-"
"No you don't understand I'm leaving…alone." He said and I could hear the guilt in his voice.
"Oh…" I let out in a wheezing sound like someone just punched me in the stomach. "Please, please tell me you are joking" I added fighting the tears with all the strength I had.
"I…no" he said taking a step toward me.
I quickly took a step back. "Please tell me you are joking" I repeated as anger, betrayal and pain were filling me gradually. "Please tell me you are not taking back every promise you ever made me. You said you'll never let go, that you needed to be with me."
"You don't understand Roza,"
"Like hell I don't!" I shouted having more and more trouble containing my tears. "Please comrade enlighten me."
"I..." he sighed and ran his hands through his hair. "I need to heal Rose, I need to deal with my past to construct a future with you. I'll be back I…I couldn't give up on us."
I knew he was tortured and discovering that he didn't intend to leave me forever calmed me slightly. "But you said you wouldn't let go when I found you on the other side."
"I didn't remember then, I didn't know what I did as a Strigoi and I need to forgive myself for-"
"But it wasn't you!" I said rushing toward him and taking his hand. "You were not inside anymore. "
Dimitri looked down at me, his eyes were even sadder. "I remember it just the same. The begging eyes of the victims when they realized they were going to die. I was the face of death Rose and inside or not…" He shook his head. "I can't deal with that."
"But I'm here, you helped me so many times. You lent me your strength. Let me be here for you." I took his other hand, "Take my strength and let me heal you. You can be open with me…Vulnerable" I said remembering the chat we had in the gym just after Mason's death when he recognized how hard it was for him to admit that I could read him.
"I need to go Rose, for a while at least. I have to deal with that by myself." He said and it had the effect of a slap, he was rejecting me.
What could I say? He knew how I felt, he knew all the sacrifices, all the risks I took to have him back and he wanted to leave anyways. There wasn't much I could have done except, except maybe trying to hide how much it hurt.
"Where will you go?" I asked barely louder than a whisper looking down at our intertwined hands.
"I don't know, maybe I'll visit my family in Baia for a while may...maybe I'll…I don't know."
"When will you come back?"
"I don't know."
I nodded slightly, still looking down while blinking my tears away.
"I want to come with you." I said looking up.
Dimitri had a sad smile. "No Roza, I need to do this alone and I know that you of all people can understand that."
I was like that before I met you, but once you entered my life you were far more important than all my stupid fears and my stupid pride. I thought. That was what I should have said, but I just kept staring at him without a word.
"And I don't know when I'll be back" he said and I felt liked I was being slapped yet again. "You can't jeopardize everything. Your friends need you, your family needs you."
"But you don't" I said trying to sound as neutral as I could.
"Of course I do!" He said sounding offended. "You know how much I need you Roza."
Apparently you don't Comrade, at least not enough. I thought but I kept it to myself simply letting go of his hands, taking two steps back silently.
"And I'll be back I swear, you just need to go on with your life while I try to make peace with myself and forgive what I did, consciously or not. I have to do that Roza, how can I build a future if I can't deal with my past? How can I create memories when I only want to destroy the ones I have?"
"You've got to do what you've got to do." I said and I was pleased that I didn't sound nearly as hurt as I felt. It hurt so bad, I could feel physical pain, I could even taste the bile in the back of my throat.
"You have to understand Roza I-"
"I do Dimitri" I said cutting him off. I looked at my watch. "I need to go and meet Alberta about graduation, but I'll see you later" I said walking backward toward the door. I was not lying except that I still had two hours before meeting her. But I knew I had to go now, go before I'd beg him again to stay or to take me with him.
"Roza-"
"I'll see you later" I said rushing out of the room almost running back to my room.
On my way there I couldn't help but hear the lyrics of Alive by Leona Lewis.
I breathe, I hear
But I don't believe it
My heart, it beats
But inside I'm freezing
My hands shake
They've lost all their feeling
Nowhere to take
You say that you're leaving
And there's no turning back this time
Gotta stay alive
Where do I go when I'm so alone?
Where do I turn when you are so close?
We try not to crash but we still collide
Tears I've cried, I'll survive
I'm alive
Yes I was alive but would this new pain inside fade? Would he really come back to me? Why did I have to fight so hard to get him back, just to have him abandon me?