4Will I?
Disclaimer: I don't own Waterloo Road or any of it's characters, I am merely borrowing them. Neither do I own the lyrics.
A/N: As I was listening to my iPod this song ('Will I?' from the musical Rent) came on and gave me the inspiration to right a fic centred around Rachel and how she has been affected by being a prostitute. I hope you all like it. I have also posted this on WR forums under the same name.
Will I lose my dignity?
Will someone care?
Will I wake tomorrow,
From this nightmare?
The minute she set foot in each room she knew she'd lost her dignity and would never get it back. She could try to get it back and over the years she did try but it still followed her. Her parents didn't care neither did her sister. She had no friends and no other family. She was stuck. Amanda Fenshaw was a prostitute and that was all she would ever be.
Will I lose my dignity?
Will someone care?
Will I wake tomorrow,
From this nightmare?
She'd managed to escape. She thought the nightmare was over. When she changed her name she felt her dignity was partially restored. She got a degree, became a teacher and moved quickly up the career ladder. She was a head teacher. She didn't need people to care when she had people to care for. Then again she never expected her past to resurface in the form of a property developer and his secretary. Once again she was stuck; there wasn't anyone to turn to. Nobody could help. She would have to deal with it by herself. If Rachel Mason wanted to hold on to her dignity she would have to help Stuart Hordley.
Will I lose my dignity?
Will someone care?
Will I wake tomorrow,
From this nightmare?
As she stood at the front of the hall, explaining herself, she felt her dignity slowly slipping away. Eddie cared but it wasn't enough, he couldn't respect her now. She was trapped. Everyone knew that their upstanding headmistress was once a dirty hooker. Rachel Mason had put her career on the line to cover up her past but here it was again. It would constantly haunt her. She would never be free.
Will I lose my dignity?
Will someone care?
Will I wake tomorrow,
From this nightmare?
Most of it was behind her, she'd regained everyone's respect and trust and he really cared. This is how she had wanted it to be when she changed her name. She wanted to be loved and protected. She wanted to forget about her past. Eddie Lawson had made that happen. She should have known it was too good to last. She should have been more cautious. Held on to her heart a little longer. Made sure it wouldn't end the way it had, with Melissa turning up pregnant. She had remained dignified when they parted but now she had no one to care. Rachel Mason was heartbroken. She wanted to wake up to find it had all been a horrible dream but she wasn't that lucky. Melissa had won.
Will I lose my dignity?
Will someone care?
Will I wake tomorrow,
From this nightmare?
Why did she need her dignity? Why did she need someone to care? The one person she had truly loved had betrayed her. He was the someone that truly cared. What if Rachel Mason didn't wake up tomorrow? What if Amanda Fenshaw took her place? Did it matter anymore? As she contemplated this she knew Rachel Mason had to wake up, Amanda Fenshaw was gone. She was Rachel Mason. For the sake of herself and the school she had to hold onto the dignity she had left.
Will I lose my dignity?
Will someone care?
Will I wake tomorrow,
From this nightmare?