WOULD YOU HAVE
***This is how a first visit between Cuddy and House could go. Or, how I would like it to go. So may thoughts about upcomming season...wanted to put one out there. Be kind-review
After 3 weeks he had finally let her in. Cuddy, had tried to call, to visit, to request access to his therapy, his condition, his anything. He refused her at every turn. No visitors or calls other than Wilson, and though she vehemently argued it, he had indeed been fired from the hospital. She was no longer his employer, she had access to nothing.
He didn't want to see her, to face her. Just her presence was enough to humiliate him. Had he wanted her so badly that he had created that whole scenario? The sex he could swallow, but the care, the detox, the comfort…..that was too much.
It wasn't her perseverance that finally made him allow the visit, it was that he could tell his counselor viewed his refusal to see her as a "road block" in his recovery. If he wanted out, he had to face her.
Cuddy was waiting for him in a visitor's room; it was small, neat, a sofa, a small table with a couple of chairs, a window, a TV in the corner, a failed attempt at normalcy.
When he walked in she stood. "House, "she smiled and reached out to hug him.
He stood stiffly and placed a hand on the small of her back. "What brings you here?" he asked as sarcastically as he could.
She smiled, ignoring the comment and looked at him. "You look good." She said, "You're hair…."
"Ahhh yes,"he rubbed his hand over his short cropped hair, "one of the many conditions of being in a loony bin….when you freak, they shave your head."
"Oh Greg," she sighed "I'm sorry."
"Don't be," he responded pulling out a chair and sitting at the table, opting not to give her the chance of sitting beside him on the couch. "It will grow back."
She smiled and sat across from him, "I'm not sorry about the hair, I'm sorry about….everything."
He shrugged. "Come to offer me my job back?"
"You were never fired." She said "I called down here the first day to let them know that your position as head of diagnostics was secured and that…."
"And that you should be entitled to my records here, "he cut her off, "right?"
"House," she shook her head "I never intended to violate your privacy, I only…"
"You did." He laughed and leaned back. "Honesty's the name of the game at the nut house Cuddy, my therapist, told me you were asking about my condition, my progress…"
"Because I care!" she said, looking up into his deep blue eyes. "I've been trying to see you, speak to you, anything since you got here."
"Yeah, yeah….." he cut her off and began tapping his fingers on the table. Wanting to make her feel uncomfortable, more uncomfortable than he felt. "Look, I'm fine so…"
"House," she said leaning forward "what's wrong? Why wouldn't you see me?"
"What's wrong," he answered looking up and squinting into her eyes "is that I am locked up in a Looney bin, my leg's in agony, my head's in agony, and….and I didn't really want to see you." He shut his eyes for a moment , remembering; "that last day…"
He let the words drift in the air and they were both silent. There was something big and heavy between them. Neither knowing how much the other person knew or felt. It was too big, too huge this uncertainty between them. Cuddy blinked slowly and reached out, placing her hand gently on top of his.
"Wilson told me." She stated simply, looking down. "I'm sorry."
"That asshole," he had told her. House looked up and narrowed his eyes. "don't be sorry." He added coldly, pulling his hand out from under hers. "I always wanted to screw you again, now at least I did it in my head."
"That's not why I'm sorry." She hesitated, reaching for her pearls, to twirl like a worry stone. "I'm sorry you didn't actually come to me for help…you know I would have helped."
"Yeah, well…" he smirked "You could have offered to get me into another facility, you could have written a recommendation…."
"I would have been there for you." She cut him off in a quiet voice.
"Yah," he shook his head, it was easier to be mad at her than to feel anything else. "I'm sure you would have held my head while I was puking and nursed me back to health. Wilson's an ass, he should have never…"
"I would have." She said, cutting him off again, and reaching out to place her hand on top of his forearm. "I would have done whatever it took."
His heart thumped wildly in his chest, and truly House hoped that she could not hear it. It had been three weeks in this godforsaken hospital, and in three weeks she had been on his mind every second of every day.
"Would you have slept with me?" He asked, wanting her to be angry, to walk away. Wanting to hear the answer and not hear it all at once.
She pulled her hand away and focused her eyes on his. "Why are you doing this to me?"
"Would you have?" he asked meeting her gaze and returning one of his own with twice the strength and twice the intensity. "Would you?"
Cuddy turned her head away and closed her eyes.
"It's me, "he continued leaning forward, "Greg House, you know, the one you came to visit. Would you have slept with me? Would you?" He asked, pushing the question, the issue, pushing her….pushing her as far from him as he could.
"Yes" she said whipping her head around and raising the pitch in her voice, "Yes, yes, yes, I would have slept with you. I have wanted you for so long. You Greg House, you ! So you need to know why I'm sorry? I'm sorry that it wasn't actually me nursing you through detox, and that it wasn't me holding your head, and giving you comfort ,any dam measure of comfort like I have wanted to do for years ! And yes, I am very sorry that it wasn't actually me, that you made love to!" she, lowered her eyes, for a moment then looked up at him again, "And I'm sorry that it wasn't really me that you wanted to move in with" She stopped and wiped the tears that had formed on her eyes. "I better go, I shouldn't have…."
"Cuddy, "he said reaching out and grabbing her by the forearm. "I'm sorry, I…."
She turned slowly to face him and placed one hand on either side of his cheek. She gazed into his blue eyes, and though he squinted and narrowed and glared he could see nothing, nothing past her love and sincerity.
"Just hurry up and come back." She whispered "I miss you."
****I think this is a one shot. I have too much in the works. But please review, nothing beats the ping ping ping of reviews rolling in!