"How did the raid go?"
"Well… I'm afraid it didn't go exactly as we had planned, my lord."
"Please, my lord… We encountered some unforeseen circumstances, but it might not have been a complete loss in the end, I daresay."
"You'd better start explaining now, Lucius..."
"Yes, my lord. Let's see… Well, at first, everything was coming along just as we had expected. The entrance to the Hogwart's sewers was, unsurprisingly, completely lacking in protection. It looked like we would be able to carry out our surprise attack on the school after all, until all of a sudden we ran into an insurmountable obstacle."
"Did you, now?"
"The blueprints, my lord! You see… The blueprints of the sewers we had acquired turned out to be inaccurate."
"Oh, surely, Lucius, you could have found another way."
"Well, that's the thing, my lord… There were no paths that led to the Hogwarts. If we couldn't find our way, it must be due to one of the many ancient enchantments that protect the school. Of course, we didn't think of this at the time. All we managed to find out was that, not matter where we went, all the paths led to this one room with a really big… pipe."
"Yes, my lord… I can't think of another way to describe it. Just a really big, distinctly green pipe, large enough to walk through. Since we couldn't find any other way forward, we decided we might as well see what was on the other side."
"… And this is the part where things get strange, my lord. You see, while we did not actually manage to reach Hogwarts, we did in fact manage to reach a castle."
"A castle? A magical castle?"
"Well, that I cannot tell for sure, my lord… In fact, I'm not even sure where we were, since none of our charms could show us a specific location. But, here is where we managed to salvage our mission from being a complete loss."
"… Indeed? How so?"
"Well, first of all, the area surrounding the castle turned out to be littered with extremely rare potions ingredients. Namely, some pretty unusual mushrooms."
"Mushrooms everywhere, none of which any of us could recognize. There were some rather large ones, my lord, which unfortunately we couldn't bring back. However, initial analysis of the smaller ones we managed to bring back samples of revealed them to have some very unusual properties; oddly enough, some of the mushrooms even seemed to be capable of locomotion and speech."
"Hm… I admit that new potions ingredients to experiment could actually be very useful, but I still don't see how it makes up for you failing to reach Hogwarts."
"Well, my lord, that's not all! Eventually, we did get around to going into the castle."
"… Not very well protected, I assume?"
"No, my lord… In fact, the whole castle's security seemed to consist entirely of mushrooms. We explored the place for some time, and after a while we managed to come across a vast collection of gold coins, which we brought back to in hopes that it would replenish our quickly diminishing funds."
"Hm… I see. However, our financial problems are something that a quick bit of pillaging can always solve, as you very well know."
"Yes, my lord, we did bring back a LOT of coins, so hopefully that would at least help keep us from going through some minor inconveniences in the future. But brought back more than just gold, my lord… Scattered all over the castle, we also found these star-shaped magical objects of seemingly immense power. We are still not entirely sure of what they do, but, like any powerful magical artifact, we do sure your lordship will find some use for it. And, if that wasn't enough, we also encountered a girl in the castle, apparently of royal descent, so, naturally, we kidnapped her."
"Kidnapped her? Honestly, Lucius, that doesn't sound very wise."
"Well, yes, that might be true, but, since she seems to be royalty, we figured we could ask for a nice ransom for her, in case we are not feeling up to doing some pillaging. Besides, it was really no trouble to take her along; other than the occasional shout calling for some 'Mario' person, she took the entire kidnap situation quite in stride. Unusually so, I might say."
"… I see. Well, this is definitely not the results that I had in mind when I ordered you and the other Death Eaters to infiltrate and attack Hogwarts, but I admit I find this unexpected situation to be of some interest. This failed attack might yet bring us good fortune. At the very least, I find it commendable that you thought on your feet and you made the best of your mess. Not bad, Lucius, not bad."
"Thank you, my lord. (*phew*) If you don't mind me asking, my lord, how did the invincibility ritual go?"
"Great, Lucius, just great! This was quite an excellent ritual, truth be told, and I must say I really regret not learning about it earlier. Apparently, I am now invulnerable to pretty much anything, except stomping. However, I am not worried, Lucius; after all, who could ever jump that high?"
… Well, not really, but I am sure you can imagine what happens next, don't you? By the way, tiny omake:
"Oh, Lucius, before you go, I wanted you to look over the plans of proposed redesigns of our Headquarters. Tell me, what do you think of the lava pits? Isn't that just the thing that this place needs?"