24The Piper came awake groggily. All he knew was that his head hurt and there was something warm underneath him, soft yet firm. He snuggled into it, feeling it rise and fall almost in time with his own breathing. There was something so comforting about it...
"Piper? What are you doing?" the Piper opened his eyes. He was snuggled into Firefox's chest.
"Oh. I guess when the guards knocked us out for struggling-"
"Just get off."
"Yeah." the Piper hastily sat up and slid away from him. "My god, the dungeons here are filthy." As a struggling minstrel, he'd spent his share of time in both the Castle of Night and Ombra Castle's prison accomodations, and the Adderhead's lair was definitely the classier of the two.
"I don't think we'll be here long enough for me to form an opinion." Firefox muttered. "Sootbird said we'd be executed next week."
"What about our alliance with the Adderhead?"
"That's pretty much shot. We just need to concentrate of staying alive now."
The Piper was silent. Minerva...left alone to raise his child... "We have to get out of here." he whispered.
"No shit, sherlock." Firefox replied. The Piper was about to snap at him when the dungeon door creaked open ominously.
"Well, well...who have we here?" asked an equally ominous voice.
Minerva collapsed on the floor of Jocasta's room. They had sprinted there as soon as they could move, even Jocasta losing her cool a bit.
"Oh my god...oh my god..." she heard her voice as if someone else was speaking, not noticing the sensation in her throat that meant she was talking.
"Calm down." Jocasta crossed to the bedside table and pulled some cigarettes she had stolen from Firefox out of them. She lit one with a stolen match as she caught her breath.
"How? How can I calm down? The nice old woman who is going to be my mother-in-law, who has been so kind to me in the past few weeks, is a murderer! I-I ate her food! She could have poisoned me at any time!" Minerva exclaimed.
"She wouldn't, though. She has no reason to kill us. Which is why you need to keep being nice to her. Treat her like the woman you thought she was."
"What?!"
"Think about it! No one in town will believe us. Unless we wait for Ivo and Fabio to come back-I mean the Piper and Firefox-we will only be making ourselves her next target if we reveal what we know." she took a few more hurried drags. "She can't know we know."
Minerva slowly nodded. "Can I have a cigarette?"
"You don't want theses, they're tobacco. They'll make you more nervous. I'll get the fairyweed." They stayed in there the rest of the afternoon. Minerva eventually stopped coughing whenever she took a drag, and through the haze they could see the fear that lurked in each other behind the high. She wondered if Ivo was even alive. Then she wondered if there was any food around, because she was suddenly really hungry.
As the three figures came down the stair toward them, they saw it was the Laughing Prince and his son, Cosimo, with Violante in tow.
"Well, well, well, Firefox, it would seem you haven't been the chief fire-raiser for a month yet and you've already lost control of your gang, gone on a suicide mission to raid my daughter-in-law's bedroom, and landed yourself in the dungeons of Ombra Castle without hope of escape." the Laughing Prince's voice always sounded like he was jolly, even though at this moment he was deadly serious. "You are by far the worst fire-raiser I've ever heard of."
Feeling compelled to complete the reference, Firefox replied, "But you have heard of me!"
"Not cool." whispered the Piper next to him.
"In seven days, we will be making an example of you two. I will no longer tolerate fire-raising in my realm!"
"Oh, hey, when you get mad you jiggle like a big bowl of jelly!" the Piper laughed.
"That bowl of jelly wants to kill us!" hissed Firefox
"Isn't it funny, though?"
"Shut up!"
"There's only one thing that could possibly save you from death." the Laughing Prince said. "I need information about the Adderhead. Answer my questions and you shall go free."
"What do you need to know?" asked Firefox.
"First: Is his castle finer than mine?" Cosimo and Violante rolled their eyes as one. Perhaps they weren't such a bad match after all.
"It's way better. Silver all over, and much more taste in placement." the Piper said.
"Definitely. His taste is a refined, classy power as opposed to the gaudy type of thing you go in for." Firefox agreed.
"Hmm. Anyway, is his military technology more advanced?"
"Is his castle easily defended? Are there any weak spots, or entryways?" Cosimo asked suddenly.
"We don't know. We were only in the Castle of Night for a few minutes, and previous times we've been there we didn't exactly have the opportunity to go a-spying." Firefox protested.
"I figured. Which is why we're giving you a week to find out. Firefox, you will be let go so you can ride to the Castle of Night and probe around. The Piper, who I understand is the only fire-raiser on your side and therefore valuable to you, will stay here with me and play me some pretty tunes to pass the time until you get back. If you do not return with sufficient information in one week, I will chop off his head."
"Fine. I will go to the Castle of Night." Firefox said.
"Excellent. We'll get you your sword back, and the Piper will be as a guest in my court until you get back." the Laughing Prince gestured to the guards, and the Piper and Firefox were roughly dragged up the stairs after the trio of monarchs.
Minerva woke up the next afternoon with a headache. How long had she smoked yesterday? Jocasta was quicker to recover and wearily called, "Who is it?"
"Firefox!" she groaned and managed to drag herself to the door. Minerva, invigorated by the thought of seeing Ivo again, sprinted to the door and flung it open.
"Where's Ivo? was the first question out of the her mouth.
"Have you been smoking fairyweed?" Firefox waved his hand below his nose. "It's fine if you were, I just want some too."
"I have something really important to tell you." Minerva suddenly remembered.
"No time. Look, all you need to know is Ivo is imprisoned in Ombra Castle and I need to go to the Castle of Night to find out a bunch of stuff to tell the Laughing Prince in exchange for his life because if I don't at the end of the week he'll be executed. So I need to go. Bye! Just thought you'd want to know!" he turned and ran back to his waiting horse. Minerva blinked a few times and ran after him.
"Wait! He's going to be killed?!" she screamed.
"No! Only if I don't come back with answers to the Laughing Prince's questions! Which I admit isn't likely, but anyway! Don't worry!"
"DON'T WORRY?!" Minerva was livid.
"No, don't worry! I can handle it! Besides, you can't do anything, anyway! You're a chick!" Firefox started to ride away, but Minerva grabbed his horse's reins.
"What do you mean, because I'm a chick? Jocasta's a chick!"
"Well, she's cool. You're...just...kind of...a Relationship Sue."
"What?!"
"A Relationship Sue. You only exist to be in a relationship with Ivo. Frankly, it's pretty shoddy writing that results in a Relationship Sue, and that's definitely what's been happening here."
"You have some nerve!" Minerva exclaimed.
"Yup. It's called an actual personality trait, instead of just being a generic woman for female readers to project themselves onto to better imaging themselves as the Piper's lover."
"How dare you!"
"So long, Inkheart-Bella." Firefox rode off without another word, leaving Minerva shocked and speechless. Jocasta, who had finally made it out that far, walked up and leaned her head on her shoulder for support.
"So what happened?" she asked.
"We're going to Ombra Castle. Relationship Sue..." she muttered, stomping off to find some weapons.