Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS.

Warning: some very light coarse language

Five Reasons why Tony should/shouldn't tell Ziva he loves her.


1. She's impatient. That has adverse effects.

Brightly-lit (dark would have been much more 'dramatic', but Tony is in the wrong place with terrible timing). Flushing toilets sound in the background (Tony would have preferred soppy music from some movie like 'Titanic'), and one man accidentally collides against the tight bathroom cubicles ("Seriously, people, why can't you make the toilets bigger? Bloody hell!"). Tony himself is emptying his bladder (no, he didn't really hang around the toilets all day), and as many do, he is thinking of deep and meaningful things. Such as Ziva.

And, hey presto, speak of the devil (angel in his opinion), Ziva strides in! He's beginning to get a bit scared, why does Ziva always find him in his deep and meaningful states? And he is a bit worried about her sanity, seriously, hanging around in men's bathrooms?


That's how all these things starts. He coughs, zips up his fly. She looks down. Looks up again.


"Ahem. Ziva..." he lets his thoughts hang. She nods, an encouragement for him to proceed. He clears his throat again.

"Ziva..." He's taking his time, and it's clearly wearing on her patience.

"Ziva..." She's frustrated. He clears his throat for the billionth time.

"Ziva..." Just say the damn words, DiNozzo! I love you!

He can't say anything more. Impatiently, she lunges towards him. He doesn't have time to clear his throat, before her lips land on his.

Ziva gives him the kiss he's been waiting for. What does he do?

He faints.

2. It means admitting that McGee was right all along.

'Deep Six: Rock Hollow' had recently hit the local bookstores, and the money was rolling in for a certain somebody. McGee had bought himself six new suits, and an awesome new tie. Tony was practically drooling with jealousy, but he dared not show it in front of McGee, whom Tony decided did not need another ego boost.

That wasn't the only issue with the book. McGee had made the relationship between 'Tony...*ahem* Tommy and Ziva...I mean, Lisa" reach a whole new level, including a very intimate scene in the men's bathroom (why is the men's bathroom such a hotspot?)

"MCGEEEEEEEEE!" Tony didn't need to ask who it was, and what McGee was getting screamed at for. Apparently Ziva had gone to a bookstore, and bought a certain book, and had reached the 'controversial' chapter.

It didn't help that she was a Mossad assassin. And she also had Abby on her side, because McGee had apparently made 'Amy' fall head over heels in love with 'McGregor'.

Tony found it a very amusing show, watching McGee die...*ahem*, he meant, being 'shouted at'. He sat down in his chair, with his hands behind his head, and whistled, before becoming lost in his own world.

Tony began to contemplate deep and meaningful issues. Such as Ziva. He wondered what it would be like if Ziva was as passionately in love with him as McGee thought. He contemplated. He thought. He decided.

He liked the idea.

And after another bout of thought, he decided that he liked Ziva too. Wait...he loved Ziva. It had been in his system for all those three years, and he never realised?

I love Ziva.

I love Ziva...

He had to tell her. Now or never. He had to get it out. It was consuming him like fire. Just scream it out.



Ziva stopped mid-abuse. McGee stopped mid-a-shaking. Gibbs stopped mid-a-rolling-his-eyes. The whole bullpen stopped mid-a-tapping.

Tony gulped.

"What did you say, Tony?" Ziva whispered.

"I love you Zi...vah," he replied breathlessly, "Ever since I saw you, you entranced me with your beautiful eyes, and I just couldn't let go. You're so amazing, you scare me, you enthral..."

Stop DiNozzo. You're killing your reputation!

Tony stopped.

Ziva stood there, just as breathlessly...

Before running to him and putting her arms around him in a most un-Ziva-like hug.

"I love you too Tony! I love you, I love you!" Ziva David only cried in soapy films. This incident counted as a soapy.

The beautiful moment was broken when McGee let out an unMcGee-like snicker.

"I guess I'm right, aren't I?" McGee trumpeted, "MUWHHHHAAAHAHAHAH!)

All heads swivelled to the smug man in the thousand dollar suit.

"Shut up, McSmuggoo," Tony trumpeted back. Damn it. He hated admitting that McGee was right all along.

Ziva provided a more practical response. Staplers are fantastic.


1. It means that Abby, who forgot/misplaced/ran out of lunch money, can get a good lunch. Mmm...sushi...

Abby looked around her lab frantically. Where was her lunch money? Usually she kept it in the third drawer of her lab desk, next to bottles of toxic chemicals, in a paper bag with a skull on it (der...Everything had to have skulls on it! Or love hearts..).

The paper bag was still there, but it was EMPTY!

"My lunch!" Abby touched her stomach gingerly, "I'm going to go hungry!"

Abby ran out of her lab and pressed the up button in the elevator.

"No lunch money!" she continued to muse about the dreadful incident, "And I really wanted to get a California sushi roll from the new sushi shop!"

She entered the bullpen, ready to announce her dilemma, when she saw what was happening in the bullpen which belonged to 'Special Agent Gibbs & co'.

Tony was standing in the middle of the bullpen, holding Ziva's hand. There was no one else in the bullpen; McGee and Gibbs were down at interrogation.

Abby sneaked closer, to listen in on the conversation.

"Ziva, I've been waiting so long to say this," Tony stated hesitantly.

"I love you, Ziva, you are my..."

Abby never knew that Tony was so...awkward at poetry. Especially love poetry. Comparing your girlfriend to a movie is kinda...strange. At least Ziva didn't really mind.

Finally they finished, and began the grand finale (ie: kissy time), causing Abby to jump up and squeal in excitement.

"Abby?" Ziva turned around, surprised, to see the forensic scientist. Tony went as red as the long stemmed rose lying idly on his desk.

Abby winked, before turning to the whole bullpen.

"EVERYONE!" she boomed in her large voice. At once, everyone turned around, in rapt attention.


Two hours later, Abby was sitting having a California sushi roll and a Caf-Pow!, while Tony and Ziva were off somewhere...

2. Love's contagious. It has a flow-on effect. And it makes for really good gossip.

Tony and Ziva were walking along a path in the office, towards the interrogation rooms, when Greg stopped them.

"Hey guys, have you heard about Gibbs and the Director?" he hissed, looking around to make sure nobody, especially Gibbs and the Director, heard of this new gossip surrounding them.

"Gibbs and the Director?" Tony's eyes went wide. That meant he was going to win cash! And lots of it!

Greg nodded.

"Apparently Houston, you know, the Probie in Sherman's team, caught them in 'the act'. I feel kinda sorry for the kiddo," Greg hissed, lowering his voice even more. He looked at his wristwatch, and gave a little jolt.

"Sorry guys, gotta run," he dashed off down the hallway.

Tony and Ziva continued down the path, before Tony pulled Ziva into a remote corner of the office, away from prying eyes and prying ears.

"Ziva," he began, "I have something to tell you."

Ziva looked sceptical, before covering her mouth.

"No, you didn't!" She gasped.

Tony smiled, thank goodness she felt the same way! Before he could say those famous words, Ziva spoke.

"You stole my favourite notepad! That's why I haven't been able to find it in weeks...I'm going to kill you!"

Okay, not exactly that, Ziva.


"You better give it to me before I castrate you!" her face was furious. Why was it always castration? Tony deflated slightly, and let her ramble on about the ways she could castrate him, not all of them pretty.

Finally, he had enough.

"...carve with a teaspoon..."

"Ziva, I love you."

She stopped.

Long silence.

"...take all that back," Ziva whispered.

Tony deflated even more. She didn't love him. She wanted him to take it all back.

"Sorry for wasting your time Ziva..." He turned, but she caught his shoulder, and turned him to face her.

"I take all that back about castrating you," Ziva whispered.

Tony's breath caught in his throat.

"I love you too, Tony. And we need your manhood for later..."

*Four hours later*

McGee and Abby were walking down to Abby's lab, when Greg stopped them.

"Hey guys, have you heard about the Director and Gibbs?" he hissed. Abby rolled her eyes.

"That was old news, Greggs," she sighed, "It's gone around the building a gazillion times, now."

She was about to pull McGee away, when Greg spoke up.

"Have you heard about Tony and Ziva?"

Abby stopped. McGee stumbled.


"Yeah, Carson, another Probie in Shingle's team, heard them declaring their love. That's not old, is it?" He looked so smug.

Abby and McGee shook their heads, dumbfounded.

"Anyway, gotta go, people! Muse on that!" Greg disappeared down the hallway.

McGee and Abby walked down the hall in silence, before McGee pulled Abby into a secluded corner...

3. Tony can steal Ziva' stuff without repercussions.

For the third time of the week, Tony itched to get his grubby hands onto something on Ziva's desk. This time, it was her scrumptious, dark-chocolate-with-coconut-sprinkles brownie.

Ziva had left the tantalising treat on her desk, and when she left for the potty, she had reminded DiNozzo and McGee about the dire consequences of even touching her brownie, let alone consuming it.

It involved several paperclips and a lost manhood, and McGee and DiNozzo gulped and didn't press for more details. Ziva smiled sweetly, before leaving the bullpen.

"Damn her," Tony put his head in his hands, trying to stop his mouth drooling (McGee had already started, his thoughts not on how to hack into the FBI, but on how to 'hack' into Ziva's desk to get the brownie without suffering).

The smell of the brownie wafted around the bullpen, and DiNozzo groaned, trying to very hard not to think about how the brownie would taste... Lost manhood, DiNozzo, mark my words...

DiNozzo looked up, to see McGee hovering over the brownie, his eyes glazed with adoration. Definitely not because of the FBI. Tony shuddered at the thought of McGee treating Slacks like that.

DiNozzo immediately got up, and rushed over to the brownie. If he couldn't have it, McGee couldn't have it. And if McGee could get it, DiNozzo would get it first.

The two gazed at one another over the brownie.

"I'm senior field agent."

"I need the energy to hack into the FBI."

Both tried to stare each other down, but Tony was too quick for Tim. He swiped the brownie off the desk, and retreated to enjoy his prize.

He may have been faster than Tim, but Ziva was faster.

"Stop right there, Tony."

Tony gulped. Lost manhood...

Time seem to pass so slowly. DiNozzo's mind whirled, trying to think of a way out of the dilemma he had dug himself...

Ziva was reaching for the paperclip...

And suddenly, the words he had tried to press down so hard over the last few years, the emotions that he had tried to push aside, bubbled up...

"I love you, Ziva."

Ziva stopped, shocked. Tim had his big mouth hanging open. Tony clutched onto the brownie even tighter.


Tony lifted the desired brownie to his lips, and ate it, relishing in the smooth, chocolaty taste that ran all over his tongue.

Ziva watched the chocolate brownie be devoured and made no move, until Tony had finished it. Then, she drew him in, for a kiss. McGee cringed, suddenly regaining sanity.

Definitely worth it.


Should Tony tell Ziva he loves her?

3 to 2.



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