I own nothing. BtVS is owned by Joss and Mutant Enemy. CSI: Miami is owned by Jerry Bruckheimer and whoever is affliated with him. The song used in this fic belongs to the group Bread.


This is the first story in my 'Not As It Seems' series. It is a crossover with CSI: Miami. And I suppose it would be considered Alternate Universe, as it only follows the canon of the Buffyverse up to "Becoming Pt. 2". And as far as the CSI: Miami, is only slightly mentioned in this particular story, but they will be in future stories...

Because I am wicked crazy about Speed! And I am so upset that he died (nooooo!)! I figured I'd write something about my newest, favorite obsession. The pairing is Buffy/Speed.

Also, this is written in Buffy's POV... Please review after reading, even if it's to tell me what I did wrong...

Everything I Own

And I would give everything I own

I'd give up my life, my heart, my home

I would give everything I own

Just to have you back again

Everything I Own- Bread


Buffy's POV:

He's dead. The love of my life is dead.

We may have been leading separate lives as of late, and I knew that his job could be dangerous, but I always assumed I'd die before he did. Hell, I did die before him…it just didn't stick.

Guess he should have had a bad ass Wicca on his team too, maybe then he'd still be alive.

You know, it's funny how everyone always assumes that Angel was the big love of my life… but he wasn't. Granted, Angel was special to the girl I used to be, but he wasn't the love of my life.

No, my love was completely human. He did however have many traits similar to three particular guys in my life, the Sunnydale years. He was tall, dark, and broody- like Angel; though he had Spike's sarcastic sense of humor, and a bit of Oz's trademark stoicism.


I met my love that summer after I sent Angel to hell. I'd gotten in touch with an old friend; so after a brief stint in L.A., I took off for Florida.

I was at a club- trying to forget my guilt and depression- that a friend of my friend could get us into for free- even though we weren't of age. And let's face it- in a town like Miami, where appearances can make or break you- it wasn't that hard to find guys to spring for the booze. It just goes to prove that most guys tend to think with their little brain when an attractive, scantily clad woman is dancing in a seductive fashion with another woman.

Needless to say, I was less than sober at the time, trying to drink away the guilt I was feeling over a particularly harsh dream of Angel when he sidled up to me. There was lots of dancing, a bit of small talk, and a lot of drinking. Then, next thing I know, I'm waking up in a stranger's bed, sans clothes. God, the need to freak out was so great that morning, but I didn't, because my instinct to beat a hasty retreat won out.

So, after carefully extricating myself from his embrace- and his bed- I went in search of my missing clothes, and found way more than I wanted to: like his identification, badge and his gun. Just my frigging luck to have a one night stand with a cop! So once I found my clothes, I did what anyone in my position would do…I got the hell out of there!

And you would think that would have been the end of it, wouldn't you?

Oh no, Murphy loved me too much for that! A few days later, when I was working at my crappy waitress job, who should stroll in for lunch but my drunken indiscretion, along with an attractive Latin guy, and an older attractive redhead, and of course they not only sat in my station, but "Angel Lite" remembered me from our liaison.

Can you say awkward much? I would rather have faced Angelus once more than deal with that, but the "Powers That Be" were getting their shits and giggles at my expense, as usual.

In spite of my best efforts to avoid it, he would come around to where I worked, trying to chat me up. I resisted at first, but he kept at it, until he wore down my resistance. Besides, I was lonely, and I figured there couldn't be any harm in it…

**End Memory**

Finding and telling Tim about Joseph had been hell. It was one of the few times I had ever seen (or heard) of him being truly angry. Not that I blamed him. I mean, to find out that he had been sleeping with a minor- and him being a cop and all- it was not a pleasant revelation. But, he ended up getting over it. The only people who knew about Joseph and I were his best friend Eric (the Latin Guy), and his boss Horatio (the redhead), and with Giles' support, I told Tim, Horatio, and Eric about being the Slayer. I didn't really want to, but I had to, for the day when my number was called for the long dirt nap. So that custody of Joseph would go to Tim.

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt, ya know? I got the usual disbelieving comments and I even got a few "You're insane" looks. However, after wrapping their heads around me bending a crowbar into a pretzel without breaking a sweat, they couldn't deny it completely. Though there had still been some skepticism.

Tim and I continued to talk and email, with Joseph and I making the occasional visit to Miami to see him or Tim coming to visit us in Sunnydale.

Our relationship blossomed and grew, despite the never-ending obstacles in our way. He asked me to marry him on my twentieth birthday, while he was visiting us, and of course I said yes. Regardless of how this romance came about, I had fallen in love with Tim big time, and I just couldn't see myself with anyone else.

We got married in a simple ceremony, with just my mom, Dawn, Giles, Eric, and Horatio as witnesses.

It wasn't the elaborate wedding that I had dreamed of as a young girl, but it didn't matter, because I had the man I wanted. And when I died, I knew that Joseph would be taken care of, so it set my fears and worries to rest.

If only I had known what Fate had in store for me in the coming months.

After I died to save Dawn, Giles went to the Council to petition to have Faith released from prison, so that she could guard the Hellmouth in my absence, which they agreed to.

Willow, Anya, Xander, and Tara resurrected me two months later. It was a bit difficult to readjust to life again, but not as difficult as you would have thought; because wherever I was while I was dead, I wasn't entirely happy. A big part of me was missing Joseph, Tim, Dawn, and Giles.

But, once I was resurrected, I wasn't entirely comfortable around the gang either though. I guess the spell had some after-effect that made me sensitive to their presence, so I spent quite a bit of time hanging out with Faith, until Giles could find a way to get Joseph, Dawn, me, and himself to Miami to see Tim…but because of the terrorist attacks on September 11, traveling to Miami was going to be difficult at best, an apocalypse-sized nightmare at worst.

While we would be gone, Faith and the others were going to stay and watch over the Hellmouth.

Finally with the Council's help, we were able to use the Council owned private jet to head to Miami.

While we were in Miami, Tim found out about my most recent death. He was not happy about it. I think it was safe to say that 'not happy' had been an understatement of epic proportions, in fact. Makes me wonder how the others were able to avoid telling Tim the truth for the two months I was dead.

But after a long talk and many apologies later, he calmed down somewhat, though he was still very hurt by the entire thing- and his distrust of the Scoobies was planted in that moment.

During that conversation, Tim, Giles and I had a talk about the future, and it was agreed that Joseph, Dawn, and I would stay in Miami for an indeterminate amount of time, since Faith and the Scoobies were baby-sitting the Hellmouth. But if necessary, come apocalypse season, I would head back to Sunnydale to help out.

I can't deny that I was relieved that I didn't have to go back. Not only that, but I wouldn't have to worry as much about demons or vamps targeting Dawn or Joseph in order to get to me. And that I could be near Tim…that was a major plus in my book. I tended to miss him too much when we were apart, and it would be a good indicator how well we'd do going the domesticity route.

As with all good things in my life as the Slayer, I should have known that the peace and happiness would be short-lived…

During that time in Miami, I had gotten Dawn enrolled into a very good high school, where she excelled in her studies, taking an interest in science, history, and languages. I was even contemplating going back to university myself. Joseph adored his daddy; and what made things even more perfect, was that Dawn adored Tim and he adored her as well, which made my life easier.

Tim's and my marriage was going good. That feeling of pure contentment I had been missing since I was fifteen, I felt that whenever I fell asleep in Tim's embrace.

Christmas that year was different. With some convincing, I managed to get Tim to agree to have dinner at our house. Timmy's CSI family joined us; and Faith, Giles, and the Scoobies came to Miami for the holidays. It was a loud, crowded, and wonderful time. I had never been as happy as I was then, which in and of itself must have been an omen.

I got the call about the recent averted apocalypse from Faith in late April. I just couldn't believe what it was: Willow.

She'd gotten addicted to magic after Tara broke up with her. But after giving up the magic, she was working on gaining Tara's trust again, when an accident happened. Tara got shot, and thinking that she was dead, Willow went off the deep end. She went after the men responsible- after sucking up all the Black Magic she could- intent on wreaking bloody vengeance. She tortured and killed one of the guys, but luckily Giles showed up with a weakened, but still alive Tara, who begged and pleaded with Willow not to continue on her destructive path. And somehow, Tara got through to that little spark of humanity still left in Willow.

They ended up going to England with Giles to get Willow help with a coven that Giles knew of.

I started to have the dreams about girls being chased and murdered not long after the Willow incident. They were not pleasant, and I woke Tim up on many occasions because of them. I knew they were important, and I just couldn't figure out why, but there was always a warning attached, "From beneath you, it devours".

I found out that I wasn't the only one having those dreams. Faith had been having similar dreams too. So after discussing it with Faith, I decided to head to Sunnydale.

Turns out, that the First was trying to gain a foothold into our reality, by eliminating the Slayer line completely, first with the potential slayers, and then with Faith, and then me. My resurrection was just the thing to give the First the way to do it. Basically, if I hadn't been brought back, the First couldn't have had all those young girls killed, nor had one of It's lackeys blow up the Watcher's Council.

We just barely managed to win that war. But it cost us the lives of Anya, Spike, and many of the Potentials-turned-Slayers.

I spent a lot of time after that traveling, helping to gather up the newly activated Slayers, and with the rebuilding of a new Watcher's Council- which would be renamed the International Defender's Council (or IDC for short).

Tara and Willow (along with the Devon Coven) created a way for the IDC Board members to get to and from places quickly- it was dubbed the Red Witch Express. So, even though I was gone for days at a time, I could get back to my family swiftly as well, thanks to Tara and Willow's ingenious version of a portkey.

It was difficult being away from them, but it was a necessary evil. Dawn and Tim understood, but Joseph? Not so much.

I didn't realize that my baby boy had a deep fear of me leaving him again, like when I died.

He was only two when it happened, I didn't think he'd remember any of it, but he did. So, I decided then and there, that if my business with the IDC wasn't life-threatening, I would take him with me, and Tim agreed to it as well.

Although the absences were frequent, the reunions with Tim were always special, and I'm talking mind-blowing special. So, even though I didn't like being away, I always loved coming home.

I was away on business when I got the horrific news. I personally got a call from Horatio to tell me that my beloved mate was dead. They'd been investigating a case involving a missing boy. When they were following up on a lead, Timmy's gun failed him, and the moment…the moment he took his eyes off of the baddie, he got shot. All because he didn't keep his gun well maintained and clean. I warned him about that too. I may not have liked guns, but even I knew that it would fail if it wasn't properly maintained.

He died right in the jewelry store. At least H was with him. He didn't die alone. **breaks down, sobbing** Oh God! How am I supposed to go on without him?! What do I tell Joseph? How can I look my baby boy in his eyes, and tell him that his daddy isn't going to be coming home, ever?

I never got to tell Timmy the news: That we were going to be parents again in another six months. He'll never get the chance to meet our newest child when he or she is born. He won't be there to watch them grow up…

I can't do it... I don't want to live without Tim in my life. I need him to still be here. I need him to be the rock I lean on when my life gets to be too much. The one I shared all my triumphs and disappointments with, and vice versa. We were supposed to grow old together and die with our children, and grandchildren surrounding us… This isn't happening! I refuse to let this happen! I have to find a way to change this!

To Be Continued?