Disclaimer: I do not own Monk or any of the characters, places, themes, etc. No copyright infringement intended.
Part of the 1000 Themes Challenge, Number 588
A/N: Yay, my first Monk fic! This one is just something that came to me. I was watching Monk the other night and was thinking about how he always used to see Trudy, and how he'd have that one pillow that he kept in a plastic bag because she used to lay on it.
"Doctor Bell," Monk said, entering the room right on time for his session. A smile was stretched across his face, and uncommon expression for the brilliant detective. "Doctor Bell, Trudy's alive."
"Trudy? Your wife?"
Monk nodded. "Can you believe it?"
"Adrian, have a seat," Dr. Bell said, motioning to the armchair opposite him. He knew that Trudy had been killed years and years ago, so her being alive was near impossible.
"No? And why is that?"
"Because Trudy's sitting there."
Dr. Bell nodded, realization dawning on him. "Adrian, Trudy isn't alive, you have to understand that. What you're seeing is a hallucination."
"Hallucination?" Monk asked, smile faltering.
"Yes. Your mind is making you see what you want to see. Here, I have just the thing for you." Dr. Bell stood, glad to see that Monk had accepted that Trudy wasn't really alive so easily. The detective had most likely already known, but was just trying to believe it himself.
"You don't see her sitting there?" Monk asked. He could see her, see her wavy blonde hair, her rosy cheeks, her good natured smile, her kind blue eyes…
"No, I don't. She's not there." Dr. Bell went over to a cabinet, opening it and taking out a small, white bottle. "Here, take a couple of these." He handed the bottle to Monk.
"No, I can't."
"Try them. They might just help you."
"No, really, I-I can't. I don't want all those chemicals in my body." He shuddered.
"Adrian, please," Dr. Bell said. "Don't you want to get better?"
For a moment, Monk was quiet. Then he said, "I'll try them."
"Good!" Bell opened the bottle, tapping a few pills out onto Monk's open hand. "Let me get a cup of water for you. I'll be right back."
Monk watched his therapist leave the room. He glanced over at Trudy, who was sitting innocently in the armchair.
"Adrian, you still haven't moved on," she said, smiling sadly.
"I can't. I won't."
"You said you would," Trudy reminded him gently.
"I said I would try, but I can't." Monk knelt down in front of the chair Trudy sat it, hand closing around the pills. He looked into her sweet, familiar eyes, the eyes he missed with all his heart. He laid his hand on top of hers. "I miss you too much."
"I miss you too. I don't want you to be sad, though. Try harder, for me."
They gazed into each others eyes for a moment, and time seemed to stand still. All Monk could see was her, all he could hear was her voice murmuring his name. His eyes began to well with tears at his heartache.
But then the spell was broken and Monk sighed, reluctantly tearing his eyes away from Trudy as Dr. Bell entered the room again, holding a plastic cup filled with water in one hand. Monk took it wordlessly.
He raised the pills to his mouth.
Did he really want to say goodbye to Trudy? Could he?"
He lowered his hand.
But all that having her around was doing was saddening him, reminding him of how he had failed to catch her murdered, had failed her. He wasn't getting anywhere by being haunted by these visions of her.
Monk raised the pills again, this time shoving them in his mouth and washing them down before he had time to change his mind. It was almost as if he could feel the chemicals working their magic, changing and healing him.
"Trudy," he breathed.
Seeing the expression on Monk's face, Dr. Bell smiled understandingly and left the man alone with his wife.
Monk pulled Trudy to her feet. She leaned against him, resting her head on his chest and listening to his steady heart beat. He buried his face in her beautiful blonde hair, savoring the moment, wishing he could stay with her until the end of time.
Trudy tilted her head to look up at him.
He reached down to press his lips gently to hers. Memories flashed through his mind.
Her, standing opposite him at the alter, the two of them laying on a grassy hill, laughing together, them stolling through the park arm in arm, her playfully splashing him with water at the ocean...
Trudy sighed against him and stepped out of his grasp, out of reach, before the kiss had a chance to deepen. When he reached out for her, she shook her head.
The edges of her form where beginning to blur; she was fading.
"No!" Monk cried.
Trudy just smiled at him, getting harder and harder to see. Monk grabbed at her in desperation, but all his fists closed around was air, empty, meaningless air.
"Goodbye, Adrian," Trudy whispered.
"No! Stay with me! Don't go!"
She reached for him too, lips parting as a wordless cry escaped her. Tears began to slide down her cheeks just before she disappeared from Monk's sight. He whirled around in a frantic circle, eyes searching for his one true love. But it was hopeless, she wasn't there.
Fighting the tears, Monk sank to his knees. "I love you, Trudy. Always." He buried his face in his hands, not wanted to accept the truth.
Trudy was gone, undeniably, heartbreakingly gone, and Monk was all alone against the world.