AN: My first story, I hope you like it. The title is 'Sasuke's Kage' because of the meaning of 'Kage'. 'Kage' doesn't only mean 'shadow', it also means 'reflection' or 'outline'. This AU Sasuke only has the same 'outline', that is to say, the same body, but is completely different mentally, because he had parents who cared for him, not how powerful he was and whose main lesson in life was: enjoy life to the fullest. As a result of this, both Sasuke and Itachi developed a completely different attitude in which gaining power was trivial compared to having fun. The story starts at the beginning of the Team 10 vs Hidan and Kakazu arc. This is the revised chapter 1. I am not going to change this anymore, makes for a better mental health (for me in any case). Anything that is wrong here is, for as far as I am concerned, wrong for good. Except spelling. One can always- Even spelling.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, or any other character than K.U.
1. The Kage arrives
Sasuke opened his eyes, but could only make out fuzzy outlines. Something white ...an angel? Damn, he had died.
"Come on, get up!" the angel said to him in K.U.'s voice.
"Just leave me for now, I'll be fine in a minute or so." Sasuke closed his eyes. He wondered if you could get supercars in heaven. He asked the angel. Silence. The angel spoke again, but softer, as if to him/her self.
"Note to self: Be more careful with morphine." Sasuke opened his eyes in surprise. You got drugged when you entered heaven? Wow. He suddenly realised that he was lying in the escape pod and was wearing bandages on his head. He looked at K.U., who was sitting next to him on the bench, holding a small vial. The sleek infiltrator robot dumped the vial in an open medical kit before saying
"Sorry to interrupt your dreams, but I got something rather distressing to tell you. Might as well get it over with right now, cause we ain't going anywhere anytime soon. You want to hear the bright side before or after?" Sasuke thought about it for a second, then said:
"Just tell me if we completed the mission." Sasuke said. K.U. sighed, then continued:
"Okay, that means good news first: we completed the mission successfully and got away with our lives. Now the bad news: We are lost in another universe, with no way to get back. We're in orbit over a habitable planet, and I want to descend as soon as you're ready." Sasuke blinked. Another universe? Didn't that mean that they screwed up somewhere? They were supposed to stay in the same universe, weren't they? Then what the hell happened? It didn't help that his head was spinning like a jet-powered ferris wheel with elevator ambitions. Sasuke groaned. This needed time to sink in. Time and preferably alcohol.
"There is also one other thing you should probably know." K.U. said.
"We each have a new form."
Sasuke looked up at K.U.
"You don't seem so different." he said.
"Well, on the outside yes, but on the inside I've changed somewhat. Dunno how much though. Now you, on the other hand, have changed. A lot."
"You have a chick's body."
"WHAT?!" Sasuke shot up and checked himself over. He was still male.
"What the hell? Since when did you start lying to people?"
"Since it makes me feel good. Told you I'd changed." K.U. said deadpan. He continued, "Seriously though, you have been rejuvenated somehow. To about sixteen years old by the looks of it."
Two weeks later. K.U. looked at his partner. Sasuke was in the back getting stone drunk on the ships supply of medical alcohol. He'd finally announced that he was ready to see their new home, but he had posed one condition: he had to drink all of the ships alcohol before they landed. When K.U. had asked why, he had answered:
"If itsh a good (hic) planee it'll have booze, if its a bad one at leasht (hic) they can't shteal my drinksh." After which the boy had hiccuped and fallen asleep. K.U. had been unsure at first. He didn't want to make a bad impression on whomever they met. On the other hand, Sasuke was actually less prone to offend someone when drunk. In the end, Sasuke decided for him by starting to drink all the alcohol on board after his nap. K.U. looked back at the controls. The pods sensors were fried, but the planet below looked enough like a habitable one to take the risk. He finished his check-up and called back to Sasuke
"Almosh.*hiccup*" After five more minutes, Sasuke walked (sort of) into the cockpit with two cups in his hand. He handed one to K.U. and kept the other to himself.
"Lesh toasht" Without waiting for K.U. Sasuke drained his cup. K.U. looked at the cup. Sasuke saw him looking and said:
"Don't worry, thash (hic) engine oil. Ish good for you." K.U. analysed the drink, not trusting Sasuke could even find his own feet at the moment. It was indeed engine oil.
Naruto was tired. After dinner at Ichiraku's, he decided to train till he was tired and then go home. He was lying down in the field he had trained in, and was just watching the stars. He noticed one that was moving. He rubbed his tired eyes. He wasn't seeing things. It really was moving from side to side! Naruto had seen shooting stars before, and even one that had actually hit the ground, but never had he seen one change directions.
"Oy! Captain Yamato! Look at that!" he shouted, pointing to the star
K.U. was pleased. The sweeping turns had slowed them down enough to deploy the slats. Going straight again, he flicked a switch, and metal plates extended out of the hull, decreasing their speed even more.
As Naruto watched, the star suddenly stopped moving. It was merely getting bigger. "SHIT!" Naruto shouted as he ran for cover. The star getting bigger meant that it was headed straight for him! He had to get out of here, fast! Naruto had seen the crater left by a star no bigger than his head. He didn't plan to hang around long enough to find out what size this one was.
K.U. searched for a landing site. He spotted a field that would do just fine. Looking over at Sasuke, he saw that miraculously the youngster had actually managed to buckle up. K.U. released the parachutes.
"Ready to check out our new home?" he asked.
"Shure, lesh (hic) do thish" Sasuke slurred.
Naruto glanced back, still running, and stopped. The star was now going so slow, he could see its outlines. He watched in amazement as the star got a silvery-grey colour. It was shaped like an arrowhead, with two small tubes protruding out on either side of the large tube in the middle. It had several blackened stains on it, as if it had been burned. As he watched, two large pieces of cloth unfolded, slowing the...thing down even more. Fascinated, but still a bit scared, he walked towards where the star was heading. As he walked he knew others would be rapidly closing in on his position. The star would have been visible to everyone within a hundred miles of course. As he watched, the star crashed into a tree, leaving a sad stump in its wake. It then 'landed' in Naruto's training field. Naruto nearly winced as the broad V-shape tore up the grass and ruined the field. 'Damn, I tried so hard to keep that field free of craters, and now its torn up!' He sighed. 'Guess life is playing her favourite little game of 'Up yours, Uzumaki Naruto' again'
The star had by now come to a complete standstill in the field. Curiously, Naruto walked to the edge of the crater.
"Careful, Naruto! We don't know what that thing is." Yamato warned, but Naruto wasn't listening. The star wasn't made of stone as he first thought, but rather some sort of steel. Naruto sensed a small group approaching. He could hear them shouting their names. He waited for them to appear. Soon several ninjas that Naruto guessed had been on guard that night came into view, team 8 among them. He waved to them.
"Over here guys. Look what I found!" Naruto shouted cheerfully. Suddenly, the star made a thumping noise, as if something had bumped into it. Everyone jumped to the rim of the crater and pulled out a kunai.
The landing went well, until K.U. tried to deploy the landing gear. The pod had taken a bad beating, from what he didn't know. The landing gear wouldn't deploy, so they had just crash landed in the field. K.U. was glad it was the only thing to go wrong during descent. Well, that and the fact that at the moment he was hanging from the floor, which had become the ceiling. Sasuke was beneath him in a crumpled heap, having removed his safety harness before checking which way was up. As he climbed down, he checked on Sasuke.
"You OK, meatbag? Told you to wait till you got your bearings."
K.U. sighed, or did something akin to sighing (its hard to tell if one doesn't breathe at all normally).
"Look, it wasn't my idea to get you stone drunk before taking an extremely bumpy ride!"
"Jush open tha damn door" He decided to leave Sasuke to pick himself up, and headed for the door.
Outside, the leaf ninja were slowly and cautiously approaching the star again. Aside from the thump, it had remained silent and still, with no indication of doing something anytime soon. Naruto was closest, not seeing anything threatening come out, and he was dying to know what made the noise earlier. Just then, it hissed loudly, and it moved. A lid at the back opened up, making a screeching sound, like metal grinding over metal. Naruto jumped back, trying to see where he was going and keep watching at the same time. Failing, he tripped and landed on his rear, just watching the star. The lid was protesting, but it finally opened completely. Naruto's eyes widened as he saw something moving inside the star! A pure white figure stood in the doorway. Long, birdlike legs supported a roughly humanoid body. Overlapping metallic plates formed the torso. Three short, narrow tubes stood on pedestals on either shoulder. The figure appeared to be wearing a cape. However, its most striking feature was its face, or rather lack thereof. It was completely oval, with a bulge protruding out where the mouth and nose should be. Two ridges followed the jawline to the bulge, and instead of eyes there was a flattened V-shaped visor with two blue orbs in it. It showed them its palms. With a booming, distorted voice, it said:
"Do not fear. I come in peace" Naruto didn't lower his weapon, but his gaze sought out the others. None of them had ever seen anything remotely like this before. Suddenly another voice shouted from inside of the star.
"K.U., shpeak normal, damn you (hic)." Naruto knew that voice from somewhere. The figure, apparently called Kay-Yu, turned and and shouted back in a normal voice
"Shut up. I handle diplomacy here, remember?"
"Whatever" came the slurred reply "I'm gonna go puke". The remark was followed by retching sounds. The one called Kay-Yu sweatdropped as he looked back at the leaf nin.
K.U. was silently cursing Sasuke for ruining his little show. Oh well, it wasn't that unexpected. He continued his speech in a normal voice now:
"Ahem. Please excuse my partner, he's too drunk to stand now."
"No, I'm not!" Sasuke protested loudly between retches. K.U. turned to Sasuke
"Will you shut up, please!? I'm trying to make a good impression here. In case you forgot: we're stuck here remember?" He turned back to the locals.
"I meant what I said earlier. We don't mean any harm, but I'm afraid we cannot leave." He pointed to he pod. "This isn't going anywhere anymore. My partner and I are more than willing to do any work you have for us in return for letting us stay." He looked at Sasuke again.
"That is, if he's sobered up again. I wouldn't trust him enough to find the floor at the moment.". K.U. looked at the locals, trying to gauge their reaction. Sasuke was finally making his way to the front of the pod. The initial effect of the alcohol was wearing off, and he could fall asleep any second now. Sasuke stumbled out into view, and the faces of the locals suddenly changed. K.U. had no idea what was going on, but he knew that Sasuke's appearance had probably marked their death sentence. Sasuke was to drunk to notice the hostility in the air, or misinterpreted it. Whatever the case, he waved cheerfully, nearly falling over.
"Hey guysh, I'm (hic) Uchiha Sasuke." He squinted as he saw some familiar faces.
"Naruto? Zat you?" He walked to where Naruto was still sitting and fell down next to him. "Sho I'm not alone (hic) in zish univershe. Wheresh the resh? Oh hey Shino." Sasuke nodded at Shino.
"Long zime no shee (hic) howsh ya doin? I'd like tar give drinksh all (hic) round, but I drank everyzing we had. Unlesh you brought shome?" he asked, looking at them questioningly. It finally dawned on his drunken mind that nobody had given him a hearty welcome hug, or said hello, or, for that matter, anything at all. They just stood there, watching him with expressions of disbelief, confusion or downright hate.
"Wasshup, shomethim on ma fashe?" Sasuke asked in drunken confusion. After a pause, Naruto finally answered, with hate in his voice.
"Sasuke...You...Bastard...YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR WHAT YOU DID!" Sasuke looked even more confused.
"Whashit shomezing I said?"
"DON'T F*** WITH ME YOU BASTARD!" Naruto shouted as he jumped up and prepared to slam down on Sasuke. Sasuke just gave him a disgusted look.
"F*** wiz you? Yuck! I'm a boy too! Beshidesh (hic) don't you have girlfriend?" He looked round and spotted Hinata.
"There she izz (Hiccup)" Sasuke tried to get up, accidentally side stepping Naruto's punch. The resulting blast of air made him trip, knocking him of his feet. K.U. decided that enough was enough. Whatever the Sasuke of this universe had done, it made everyone present want to kill him on sight.
"EY! vot ze f*." Sasuke's rant was cut short as he was punched in the face by Naruto. Naruto tried to follow up with more attacks, but the flurry of kicks and punches was blocked by K.U.
"Please, calm down! I don't know what Sasuke has done in this universe, just believe me when I say its not the same guy lying here!" K.U. said as he continued to block the barrage of attacks. Naruto paused and snarled
"Why should I believe you?" K.U. stopped in a position focused on defence. "I don't have any other evidence than my word." K.U. said, glancing from left to right, trying to keep an eye on everyone at the same time. If they all decided to attack him, he would be hard pressed to keep Sasuke alive and escape at the same time. The fact that he couldn't kill anyone didn't help either.
"You'll just have to believe me. If we wanted to attack, wouldn't we have done so already? And why would I allow him to get drunk if we had evil intentions?" K.U. nodded to Sasuke, who was knocked unconscious because of Naruto's punch and the alcohol. Naruto backed down, still clenching his fists.
"Alright. But don't try anything funny" Naruto turned to Yamato. "Orders?"
Yamato shook his head, finally breaking the spell everyone was under. Confusion was everywhere.
"No, can't be."
"Who is that then?"
Yamato sighed. It just couldn't be easy, could it?
"Okay, calm down. I'm not completely sure myself what's going on, but it would appear we have two prisoners to take back. Okay, Kiba, take the Sasuke-lookalike. Naruto, Shino, you're with Kay-Yu. Hinata, use your Byakugan to make sure they're not going to try anything. Line formation to the hospital." Yamato turned to the other guards. "One of you, go warn the Hokage. The rest, back to your stations."
He turned and signalled the others to follow, leaving the remaining guards to draw straws. Later, the unlucky man who had drawn the shortest straw could be seen flying out of the hokage tower, while a very pissed Tsunade went to see the new prisoners.
Please note that this chapter is part of a rewriting I'm doing on this story, so don't tell me the continuity is off. I know.